News of the Weird

[InsaneApache]

Blimey, just when I thought the UK couldn't get any pottier.....

"They came to arrest him in my house, they took him into a police van. They took him to Elizabeth Slinger [police station], put him in a cell, took his photographs, his fingerprints, then interviewed him. "And then they decided to charge him with common assault - with a sausage.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/m...er/6958826.stm

Now where did I put that slavska?

[Gregoshi]

Did the police put the boy in 'cuff links?

[Banquo's Ghost]

Three reprimands? Obviously a badly behaved brat - worst thing that could happen to him.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Here's one for you, Lemur, of a mother putting her child into terrible peril:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S8cNrIR5ac&NR

Sadly, I think that's completely real.

CR

[Lemur]

Well, it's from Texas, where throwing knives at your youngsters is normal and approved. I believe Strike for the South was subjected to daily hatchet-throwings until he was five. Par for the course.

[InsaneApache]

I think that's a splendid idea. It's up there with my theory that children should be herded into camps until they get to 25 years old.

A winner in any (parents) book.

[Don Corleone]

It is certainly one way of thinning epilepsy, Parkinson's and alcoholism out of the gene pool... you may be able to breed those traits along to one generation, but you're taking that generation out before they have had a chance to pass those maladies along any further.....


Dad... shouldn't you wait until your hands stop shaking??? Dad????

[InsaneApache]

Wait 'till you teenagers mate. Your hands will not just shake, but perspire, profusely.

[Gregoshi]

I'm sure those Gallagher girls wish things were a little duller around their house.

[InsaneApache]

"But the monkeys can tell the difference and they don't run away from us and point at our breasts. They just ignore us and continue to steal the crops."

In addition to stealing their crops, the monkeys also make sexually explicit gestures at the women, they claim.

This monkey scarer is armed with small rocks


"The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts. We are afraid that they will sexually harass us," said Mrs Njeri.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/6959209.stm

[Lemur]

Sounds like the villagers are going ape over the base, mammarian behavior of the monkeys. Maybe it's time for sexual harassment to gain a new mascot? Kids, don't be rude like Sexual Harassment Monkey ...

Now as embarrassed as I am about being duped, utterly duped by Bulletproof Baby, I found a real-life follow-up. Why send your kid to school without protection? If you love your children, surely you will buy the My Child Backpack:

Just in time for the new academic year, Massachusetts-based MJ Safety Solutions has unveiled My Child's Pack, described on the company's website as the first "full size, lightweight ballistic protection backpack that is affordable and practical."

The response has been overwhelming.

"We were pretty sure that parents would take to this," said co-founder, Mike Pelonzi, but the incredible demand for the product has caught everyone there off guard. Orders for the $175 US bags have been pouring in online and the one store in Pelonzi's hometown of Danvers, Mass. carrying the packs has been sold out since day one.

[Gregoshi]

Sorry Lemur, but Peasant Phill above (post #768) beat you to the punch: Bulletproof backpack

[Lemur]

Maybe I need to take a Weird News break, then. I can't seem to shoot straight lately ...

[Gregoshi]

Don't be so hard on yourself Lemur. You astound me how you find so many weird stories, not to mention the time it must take you to seek out such weirdness.

If you think you need a break, take it. I can relate. In the last few weeks I've found puns more difficult to come by - at least the better ones I'm willing to post*.


* scary thought, ain't it?

[drone]

We haven't had a genital mutilation item for a while, so here goes:
Russian woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict".

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

[Gregoshi]

We haven't had a genital mutilation item for a while, so here goes:
Russian woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis

Maybe it is time to give this thread a rest. drone, this is another duplicate. BG posted this story a couple fo days ago: lighting candles is not always romantic

[Crazed Rabbit]

Okay, time to step in and save the thread for a reposted story meltdown:
1)
Apparently, you can buy anything on Ebay:
http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drm...680344,00.html
Of course, it pays to be smart about it.

2)
Don't wear a longhorns shirt in Oklahoma:
http://newsok.com/article/3108932
Key Phrase:

Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn't let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.

3)
Teenagers get even stupider in Darwin, Australia:
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=287944

Reckless teenagers are leaping in front of moving cars on busy roads as part of a dangerous new stunt craze.

4)
A Canadian town is brought down financially by the squirrels:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servl...Story/National
Poisoning and trapping don't work too well.
Will they try the Ohio Program?
http://www.cleveland.com/sports/plai...240.xml&coll=2

5)
Witchcraft returns to Salem, in a very grand and dignified manner!
http://www.boston.com/news/local/mas...il_to_a_friend


That's all for now.

CR

[drone]

Maybe it is time to give this thread a rest. drone, this is another duplicate. BG posted this story a couple fo days ago: lighting candles is not always romantic

Dupe!

[Sasaki Kojiro]

CR...I'm afraid all of those have been posted before.

[Crazed Rabbit]

*is suspicious*

Have they, now? Care to post links to the originals?

CR

[lars573]

Venezuela to change time zone by 30 minutes.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

CARACAS (Reuters) - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has changed his country's name, redesigned its flag and rejigged its coat of arms in his drive for a socialist state.ADVERTISEMENT



Now the leftist reformer, highly popular for redistributing oil income, is seeking to move the country's time zone to offer a more equitable distribution of sunlight.

Venezuela in September will turn clocks back by 30 minutes as it switches time zones to boost the amount of natural light to residents, a government official said on Thursday.

Next month Venezuelan clocks will be set at Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) minus 4-1/2 hours, compared to the previous GMT minus four hours, Science and Technology Minister Hector Navarro told reporters at a news conference.

He said the measure sought "a more fair distribution of the sunrise," which would particularly help poor children who wake up before dawn to go to school.

"Very rigorous scientific studies have determined that ... the metabolic activity of living beings is synchronized with the sun's light," he said.

Navarro said the government is planning to announce additional measures to "make more effective use of time."

Venezuela, which under Chavez was officially changed to the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, adopted its current time zone in the 1960s

I love Chavez!


Shoplifter nabbed trying to exchange stolen shoes

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Israeli police arrested a woman who stole a pair of Crocs shoes when she returned to the store hours later to exchange them because they did not fit her son, a police spokesman said Friday.ADVERTISEMENT



"The store clerk identified her from security camera footage and called us," said Amos Shimoni, police spokesman in the northern town of Safed.

"Instead of exchanging the shoes for another pair, she exchanged them for a criminal record."

A real genius I tell you.

Atlanta considers banning baggy pants that show boxer shorts or thongs

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

ATLANTA (AP) - Baggy pants that show boxer shorts or thongs would be illegal under a proposed amendment to Atlanta's indecency laws. ADVERTISEMENT



The amendment, sponsored by city councilman C.T. Martin, states that sagging pants are an "epidemic" that is becoming a "major concern" around the country.

"Little children see it and want to adopt it, thinking it's the in thing," Martin said Wednesday. "I don't want young people thinking that half-dressing is the way to go. I want them to think about their future."

The proposed ordinance would also bar women from showing the strap of a thong beneath their pants. They would also be prohibited from wearing jogging bras in public or show a bra strap, said Debbie Seagraves, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Georgia.

The proposed ordinance states that "the indecent exposure of his or her undergarments" would be unlawful in a public place. It would go in the same portion of the city code that outlaws sex in public and the exposure or fondling of genitals.

The penalty would be a fine in an amount to be determined, Martin said.

But Seagraves said any legislation that creates a dress code would not survive a court challenge. She said the law could not be enforced in a nondiscriminatory way because it targets something that came out of the black youth culture.

"This is a racial profiling bill that promotes and establishes a framework for an additional type of racial profiling," Seagraves said.

Martin, who is black, said he plans to hold public hearings and vet the proposal through churches, civil rights groups and neighborhood organizations. The proposal will get its first public airing next Tuesday in the City Council's Public Safety Committee.

"The purpose of the paper is to generate some conversation to see if we can find a solution," Martin said. "It will be like all the discussions we've had around the value of the hip-hop culture. We know there are First Amendment issues ... and some will say I'm just trying to put young black men in jail, but it's going to be fines."

Makeda Johnson, an Atlanta mother of a 14-year-old girl, said she is glad Martin introduced the proposal. She does not want to see a law against clothing, but said she thinks teenagers are sending a message with a way of dressing that is based in jailhouse behavior.

Atlanta would not be the first city to take on sagging pants.

Earlier this year, the town council in Delcambre, La., passed an ordinance that carries a fine of up to $500 or six months in jail for exposing underwear in public. Several other municipalities and parish governments in Louisiana have enacted similar laws in recent months.

Probably already posted but, busy-body city councils are always good for a laugh. Like this one.

[HoreTore]

He said the measure sought "a more fair distribution of the sunrise," which would particularly help poor children who wake up before dawn to go to school.

"Very rigorous scientific studies have determined that ... the metabolic activity of living beings is synchronized with the sun's light," he said.

Navarro said the government is planning to announce additional measures to "make more effective use of time."

That's actually not wrong...

[InsaneApache]

CR...I'm afraid all of those have been posted before.

[edyzmedieval]

We have to say it, Chavez has much more style than most of the presidents in this world.

[Caius]

*is suspicious*

Have they, now? Care to post links to the originals?

CR

I will help Sasaki:

Here

[Lemur]

You astound me how you find so many weird stories, not to mention the time it must take you to seek out such weirdness.

I can assure you, I spend very little time on it. How is that possible? I cheat. I found RSS feeds for several news sites that harvest, among other things, weird news. So I can scan them very quickly, and decide if any of the titles seem thread-worthy.

One of my RSS feeds has the following stories currently, none of which come up to my low standards:

• Shoplifter nabbed trying to exchange stolen shoes
• Excuse me, I'd like to buy your B-52 (Almost posted this one, but decided against it when it turned out to be just a Russion billionaire, probably drunk, pulling out his checkbook at an airshow)
• Housewife hid $3 million in Forex gains
• Country to change timezone by 30 minutes (already posted)
• Man leaves dead mother in armchair for two years
• China nips and tucks transsexual TV
• Murdered man taken to morgue in taxi
• Fire damages controversial crematorium
• And the Peter Forgacs award goes to ...
• Man nabbed in severed-finger shrine protest

As you can see, it takes very little time to scan an RSS feed like this. Normally this system works well for me, but in the last week I've been hoodwinked twice, and (worse!) posted a dupe. This speaks to some sort of malaise of the soul. Maybe I took sacred lava away from a Hawaiian shrine. It's also possible that I have been possessed by demonic forces who wish to ruin my good name. Anybody's guess, really.

I'll keep scanning the feeds, and when a real humdinger comes along, I'll post again. And no, I won't tell you how to access my sources. A lemur needs to keep some homefield advantages. (Although anybody with an ounce of web savvy can reproduce my methods, now that I've described them.)

[InsaneApache]

Man leaves dead mother in armchair for two years

Now you can't leave that one hanging mate. Was his name Norman by any chance?

[Lemur]

Man Leaves Dead Mother in Armchair for Two Years

BERLIN - A German left his dead mother seated in her favorite armchair at their shared home for two years because he could not face organizing a funeral, police in the southern town of Fuerstenfeldbruck said Friday.

The woman died of natural causes in the chair in July 2005 at the age of 92, a police spokesman said. A doctor called to the scene at the time gave the son a death certificate but he did not register the death.

Neighbors recently alerted police about the corpse. The man told police he could not bear to move his mother and said he never again entered the room where she was seated. Police have started an investigation for violating German burial law.

-edit-

I think my judgment was correct, however. This really doesn't have that certain something that qualifies as threadworthy. Maybe if lobsters had been involved, or if he had kept the corpse in slightly more morbid conditions, or if the son was also a circus dwarf. Something. It goes without saying that a severed/burned/suctioned/electrified penis would have given this story an instant greenlight.

[InsaneApache]

I bet he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Thanks for that btw.

[edyzmedieval]

Excuse me, but that guy has serious mental problems. How could you possibly live with a corpse for 2 years?!!!