News of the Weird

Jeremy Clarkson stung after bank prank. Idiot.

Originally Posted by Geoffrey S

Jeremy Clarkson stung after bank prank. Idiot.

"The bank cannot find out who did this because of the Data Protection Act and they cannot stop it from happening again.

Mexican boy tries to stick at home

A Mexican boy glued his hand to his bed because he did not want to go back to school after the Christmas break. "The holidays were such fun," Diego Palacios, 10, who lives outside Monterrey, told Reforma newspaper.

His mother Sandra found him watching television with his hand stuck to the bedstead. "I don't know why he did it," she said. "He is a good boy." Police and paramedics eventually managed to free him unharmed, and he was only a few hours late for school.

Diego had got up early to fetch some industrial-strength glue from the kitchen. His mother spent two hours trying to free him with nail-polish remover before calling for expert help. Diego watched cartoons while paramedics dissolved the glue with a spray.

Something there for everyone in that one

Good thing he wasn't a chronic masturbater.

http://www.jihadwatch.org/dhimmiwatc...ves/019492.php

NEW YORK (MNA) – An academic delegation of Columbia University professors and deans of faculties plans to visit Tehran to officially apologize to Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad.

dhimmi's

A guy cuts off own hand, cooks it in microwave. Then he doesn't eat it, which makes it seem kinda incomplete.

Man cuts off, microwaves his own hand

HAYDEN, Idaho - A man who believed he bore the "mark of the beast" used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then he cooked it in the microwave and called 911, authorities said.

The man, in his mid-20s, was calm when Kootenai County sheriff's deputies arrived Saturday in this northern Idaho town. He was in protective custody in the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center.

"It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."

It was not immediately clear whether the man has a history of mental illness. Hospital spokeswoman Lisa Johnson would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand, citing patient confidentiality.

The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury."

The book of Matthew also contains the passage: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

Wolfinger said he didn't know which hand was amputated.

You would too.

Originally Posted by Lemur

A guy cuts off own hand, cooks it in microwave.

Women love a man who's handy in the kitchen.

Possibly old news for the US orgahs? Baby primary.

Originally Posted by Geoffrey S

Possibly old news for the US orgahs? Baby primary.

Judging by the candidates' faces, I'd say Hillary got the stinky diaper.

So what's your wife doing afterhours?

Originally Posted by FactionHeir

So what's your wife doing afterhours?

Two men face trial after wheeling their dead friend down a Manhattan street in an alleged attempt to cash his Social Security cheque.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7181246.stm

If you live in Germany, you may want to invest in shotguns and zombie survival kits, because the dead are not rotting:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

GERMANY'S TIRED GRAVEYARDS
When Bodies No Longer Decay

By Frank Thadeusz

Strange as it may seem, the dead have quit rotting in German cemeteries -- they are turning into wax-like corpses. Will the use of burial chambers solve the problem? Or is extensive soil reconditioning the only viable alternative?

Cemeteries are supposed to be the quietest places on earth. But that notion may soon have to be laid to rest: Exhumation experts are currently conducting large-scale digging operations in German graveyards, belying the very concept of eternal peace.

Corpses are no longer decaying in many German cemeteries. Instead, the deceased become waxen, an uncanny process that has become so rampant it can no longer be ignored.

Well, at least we can all look forward to better-looking zombies. That's a comfort.

Elsewhere in Germany, how would you feel about being fired because you don't smoke?

Boss fires staff for not smoking

BERLIN - The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.

The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J., told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions.

Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on January 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke.

"I can't be bothered with trouble-makers," Thomas was quoted saying. "We're on the phone all the time and it's just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It's time for revenge. I'm only going to hire smokers from now on."

The end is nigh for the Church of England!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

LONDON (AFP) - Eyebrows were raised in the House of Commons on Thursday when a motion calling for the Church of England to be disestablished was listed with the number 666, symbol of the AntiChrist.

"This number is supposed to be the mark of the Devil. It looks as though God or the Devil have been moving in mysterious ways," said Bob Russell, a Liberal Democrat MP among those proposing the motion for debate.

"What is even stranger is that this motion was tabled last night when MPs were debating blasphemy," he added.

The motion calls for an end to the formal link between Church and State in England -- embodied in the monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, who is both head of state and head of the Church of England.

The number 666 is referred to in the Book of Revelations in the Bible: "Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast for it is the number of a man; and his number is six hundred, three score and six."

"It is is incredible that a motion like this should have, by chance, acquired this significant number," said Russell.

Under the rules of the House of Commons the motion by backbenchers has little chance of actually being debated in parliament.

Lying to your boss about your holiday so the boss can pay for it is generally a bad idea. But definately don't go on an S&M Holiday

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

BERLIN (Reuters) - A man and a woman in Germany lost their jobs after pretending to be on a training course while taking an S&M sex holiday at their employer's expense.

"We've never had a case quite like this before," said a spokeswoman for a labour court in Dortmund on Thursday.

The pair who worked at a Dortmund retirement home said they had been at a further education seminar in eastern Germany, for which their employer duly paid.

But after a tip-off, the home found out the middle-aged couple had actually taken a holiday apartment used by devotees of sado-masochistic sex near the Dutch border.

When the couple denied they had skipped the seminar, their employers took them to court. The pair agreed to resign when it was found that the training course had never taken place.

MUHA Adje Melkert is at it again, socially democrating his way in the UN. Thank god you guys have critical media because if you are a member of the social democratic party (pvda) you have editorial immunity here.

http://undpwatch.blogspot.com/2008/0...upt-dutch.html

Fragony, that story seems more wyrd-ish than weird-ish.

Well this is the news of the extremily moving.

Dog digs up his dead cat buddy, moves it to it's whatsitcalled, licks him clean, and goes to sleep. Owners discover the burried cat next day.


That is so sad.

edit to add: Link to english version of the story.

An English tradition?

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,321991,00.html

Iraq is hell.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,321994,00.html

Worst. Contextual ad. Evar.

What the heck At least the keyword search is working.

Twins separated at birth meet and get married. Oops!

Twins separated at birth met and married

Fri Jan 11, 2008 3:50pm EST

LONDON - A couple discovered after they had married that they were twins who had been split up at birth and adopted by separate families, according to a member of Britain's House of Lords.

British peer David Alton recounted the story to parliament last month to support his argument that artificially conceived children should be told who their biological parents are.

Alton said he had heard the story of the separated twins from a High Court judge who had dealt with the case.

"This did not involve in vitro fertilization: It involved the normal birth of twins who were separated at birth and adopted by separate parents," said Alton, an independent member of the Lords. "They were never told that they were twins."

"They met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation," he said.

"I suspect that it will be a matter of litigation in the future if we do not make information of this kind available to children who have been donor-conceived," he said.

Alton could not immediately be reached for comment and no further information was available about the twins or where they were from.

"I think it's a very tragic story for the people involved," said Pam Hodgkins, head of a group that helps adults affected by adoption.

"It is a lesson that we need to learn and apply to the situation of donor-conceived children," she told Sky News.

"Whilst ... nowadays it would be most unusual for siblings to be separated ... the risk of secrecy affecting the lives of people born as a result of egg and sperm donation is exactly the same as the risks that have affected adopted people in the past," she said.

Who told them that they were twins ??

Fish y chips, doesn't get any more brittish then that

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/pol...cle3333852.ece

The tags, injected into the back of the arm with a hypodermic needle, consist of a toughened glass capsule holding a computer chip, a copper antenna and a "capacitor" that transmits data stored on the chip when prompted by an electromagnetic reader.

Add-in a mini-taser to fry the 'fish' when he ventures into proscribed areas...



Weren't there a few 70's sci-fi flicks with a shocking neck-ring thingee to keep human flocks under control?

edit: Lest I be misunderstood: I oppose this move.

The most amusing Photoshop I've seen in '08. Only one element in this picture from Georgia has been altered -- can you spot it? (It's like Where's Waldo for Half-Life 2 fans.)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cornwall/7179368.stm

Mr Potato Head makes octopus pal

A giant Pacific octopus living in a Cornish aquarium has formed an unlikely bond with a child's plastic toy.
Louis regularly plays with the Mr Potato Head figure which was given to him as part of an enrichment project at Newquay's Blue Reef Aquarium

"Louis is well known for his curiosity and intelligence," said Mr Slater.

"We've devised a series of puzzles, games and toys to ensure he's getting the mental stimulation he needs, but Mr Potato Head is definitely his favourite at the moment."

Yeah yeah yeah, look at the cute cephalopod, he's so adorable. Don't these people know what they are dealing with? Just wait til he jury rigs a .45 and an aqua lung (? air-o-gill?) out of bits of children's toys and shoots his way out to report back to his octosquid masters.