News of the Weird

[miotas]

Well, at least the bride wouldn't have to worry about losing weight for the wedding

[Marshal Murat]

Bride:Mom, I just had the worst wedding ever!
Mother: Why is that honey?
Bride: We went up in this plane in zero-gravity and all, and we had the ceremony, and it was absolutely horrible!
Mother:That sounds absolutely romantic.
Bride:Not when I found out I have the gravitational pull of a small moon!
Mother:That's not a moon, that's the Death Star!

[Lemur]

Llama v. child. Llama wins.

[Viking]

Giant sperm

A human sperm would have to be over 17 meters long in order to measure up against one group of modern ostracods, whose sperm are up to ten times as big as the animals themselves. Roughly 34,000 of the 50 micron-long human sperm would have to line up to match the body length of a man (of 1,70m).

also known..

A human sperm would have to be 40 meters long in order to measure up against Drosophila bifurca, for example: the males of this fruit-fly are only a few millimeters in size, but produce giant sperm around six centimeters long.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0618144002.htm

[naut]

Publicity and Exposure; Similar, yet Different

AFL Tasmania and Clarence Football club are investigating the incident involving Clarence reserves player Tim Orchard.

Orchard was filmed exposing his penis in the background as senior player Ben Setchell was being interviewed live on ABC TV in the changerooms after Clarence's win over South Launceston at Bellerive Oval on Saturday.

[Banquo's Ghost]

AFL Tasmania and Clarence Football club are investigating the incident involving Clarence reserves player Tim Orchard.

It's important that they tackle this.

[CountArach]

It's important that they tackle this.

I'm sure they've got a firm hold and that they are on the ball.

[FactionHeir]

Woman meets cow

[Louis VI the Fat]

I'm sure they've got a firm hold and that they are on the ball.

I'm not so sure. When the fly-half is down, the scrotum-half is always exposed.


Bah, there must be a great pun in there, but I can't quite nail it.

[Pannonian]

I'm not so sure. When the fly-half is down, the scrotum-half is always exposed.


Bah, there must be a great pun in there, but I can't quite nail it.

My favourite rugby pun was about John Hopoate.

"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger".

[Pannonian]

You obviously unerestimate the severity of the situation. It is wonderful we have wild bobcats again and wild wolves are expected to cross borders next year. Wonderful.

BUT THESE THINGS. DEAR GOD GET IT OF ME

DEAR GOD, GET IT OUT OF ME.

[Viking]

A few days old now.

Norwegian girl dragged 4 km under car, survives

OSLO (Reuters) - A 13-year-old Norwegian girl is in hospital with serious injuries after a bizarre road accident in which she was dragged 4 km under a car before being discovered, still conscious, and rescued, police said on Friday.

The girl was probably first hit by a truck, then run over by passenger car which followed it, getting stuck underneath.

"She has serious injuries but is stable," an official from the Oslo hospital to which she was taken told Reuters.

http://in.reuters.com/article/entert...40453720090619

[Crazed Rabbit]

Pacific Northwest News:
First, the classiness;

A teenage girl who balked at paying for a set of inch-long, pumpkin-orange fake fingernails in a dispute at a Mount Vernon nail salon said a nail technician grabbed her and tried to pry the nails off. The 48-year-old technician told the Skagit Valley Herald that the dispute was strictly verbal.

The technician said she and the customer argued over the design on the girl's nails and the girl tried to leave without paying.

Once a police officer arrived, the 13-year-old girl and her mother agreed to pay $10. The technician said the nails and her labor were worth about $30.

In BC, the naked man from the silver van strikes!

A customer at a Wendy's Restaurant in Langley, B.C., filed a complaint with local police this weekend after a naked man made off with her French fries at the drive-through window.

The woman was waiting for her food in the drive-through window around 9:30 p.m. Saturday night when a nude thief ran between the car and the window and stole her food, according to Cst. Holly Marks of the Langley RCMP.

The man then jumped into a silver van and sped away.

CR

[Conqueror]

"Would you like some fries with your stripper?"

[Banquo's Ghost]

Possibly the unkindest cut of all.

[Vladimir]

Shhh! They're listening.

[InsaneApache]

Now this is really weird. Banquos ghost reads the Daily Mail.

[Louis VI the Fat]

The French national rugby team is touring New Zealand!


In-between the games, three French Rugby players got attacked, one beaten into hospital by....two New Zealand girls.





http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/n...-player-attack

[naut]

Watch this Space...

[Crazed Rabbit]

A Russian woman, described variously as 'hot' and 'good looking' drugged and raped ten (or more!) men:

A YOUNG Russian woman, a devoted collector of horror films and spiders, is on trial for sedating and raping 10 men.
The police were shocked that 32-year-old Valeria K., a quiet good-looking woman from the city of Tambov, was the mysterious rapist who abused 10 local men after poisoning them with clonidine, Life.ru reports.

CR

[Lemur]

More from Mother Russia: A sporting cruise, with the most deadly prey ...

Luxury yachts offer pirate hunting cruises

Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast. Wealthy punters pay £3,500 per day to patrol the most dangerous waters in the world hoping to be attacked by raiders.

When attacked, they retaliate with grenade launchers, machine guns and rocket launchers, reports Austrian business paper Wirtschaftsblatt.

Passengers, who can pay an extra £5 a day for an AK-47 machine gun and £7 for 100 rounds of ammo, are also protected by a squad of ex special forces troops.

The yachts travel from Djibouti in Somalia to Mombasa in Kenya.

The ships deliberately cruise close to the coast at a speed of just five nautical miles in an attempt to attract the interest of pirates.

"They are worse than the pirates," said Russian yachtsman Vladimir Mironov. "At least the pirates have the decency to take hostages, these people are just paying to commit murder," he continued.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Huh. Like Death Wish on boats. And involving rich Russians.

CR

[Husar]

That's completely nuts...

[Beskar]

In-between the games, three French Rugby players got attacked, one beaten into hospital by....two New Zealand girls.

Reminds me of that "French Military Victories" I'm lucky, google quip.

[Alexander the Pretty Good]

Huh. Like Death Wish on boats. And involving rich Russians.

CR

I would pay money to watch it.

[Fragony]

So as it turns out grain circles in Tasmania are caused by stoned kanguroes

that can't be right but that is what it says.

[CountArach]

So as it turns out grain circles in Tasmania are caused by stoned kanguroes

that can't be right but that is what it says.

Most people down here blame the drop bears.

[Crazed Rabbit]

The terrorists in Ohio are using pickled mangoes - does their inhumanity know no bounds?

COLUMBUS, Ohio – An Ohio airport summoned a bomb squad to detonate a suspicious item that turned out to be pickled mangoes. X-ray equipment used by federal security screeners in Columbus could not detect what was inside a sealed canister in luggage being inspected around 7 p.m. Tuesday.

The container was labeled "baby food," but authorities say security personnel became suspicious when the woman who owned the suitcase claimed the canister held pickles.

A fire department bomb squad removed the item from the airport and detonated it, discovering the mangoes.

CR

[Lemur]

Woman agrees to sex for box of potato chips, gets arrested (so what happens if you buy her dinner and drinks and take her to a show?)



JUNE 24--Meet Lahoma Sue Smith. The Oklahoma woman, 36, copped a plea last week to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. According to the below Oklahoma City Police Department report, john Faron Johnson told cops that he informed Smith that he did not have any money, but that she "agreed to give him a 'blow job' meaning oral sex, for a box of chips." Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30.

[Vladimir]

All that and a bag of chips?