Dishwasher 7, Don Corleone 8... or What Fun I had today *%^!@&

**Don Corleone** · 09-04-2007, 01:26

Just in case anybody's looking for a good laugh....

CRIKEY!!! It is now 7:30PM (at least it was when I started writing). I am shocked, but not embarrassed to admit that exactly 11 hours ago, I began the process of removing my old dishwasher and installing a new one I got for free (really nice Bosch model, actually).

So, how can Don Corleone be such an incompetent boob? And why was he mucking with a dishwasher all day on a Monday, instead of at work? Well, in the US, today is "Labor Day". Being an ardent Republican through and through, Don Corleone's daddy raised the Don saying "We're the ____ family, we put the Labor back into Labor Day". Translation... I can't take the day as a holiday. Through decades of forced labor, I have been conditioned to seek out a project and slug through it all day (see also the Friday after Thanksgiving and the day before Christmas). So, while all the good Union folks are off having barbecues, drinking beers, and dreaming of a Socialist paradise, we ___'s are off doing what we do... home improvement projects.

So, now the 'why did it take 11 hours?'. I mean, even a nincompoop that doesn't know what they're doing should be able to pull this project off in 3 or 4 hours, right? Wrong. Let me just give you the birdseye view on how things went (and the keyword is WRONG, all the way around).

First, I get up at 7:30, I walk the dogs, I drink some coffee and munch breakfast. Ready to go at 8:30, thinking I should be done by lunch. Little do I know.... So I head to the kitchen with my tools. I open the door to the old dishwasher.... Holy Crap! Mrs. Corleone had company come unexpectedly over the weekend, so all the dirty dishes from the sink found their way into the dishwasher. Had to be emptied and washed.

Then, I clean out under the sink. Only a bottle has turned upside down and half the boxes are glued to the floor. So, I start peeling them up, cleaning them off, and finally, I'm ready to attack the waste line from the dishwasher. So I grab a bucket and pull it off. The only thing that went right today. I then lean down to shut off the angle-stop for the hot water feed to the dishwasher. Well, like everything in this house, the former owner had some creative ideas on the angle-stops and bought some cheapos that corroded to the point of being frozen fast. No kidding. So its down to the basement to trace the hot water line, shut off the main run, and drain it. And draining hot water is sooooo much fun. Anyway, back under the sink, I remove the hot water feed for the dishwasher. Get a little scalded but nothing too bad.

I'm starting to suspect today is not my day, but little do I know.... Well, we get the hot water feed set into a basin in case of any emergencies. I remove the two mounting screws for the dishwasher and slide it out.... a little... then no more. Another tug, still nothing. A really good hard yank, then another, then another. Nothing. It will slide left, right, up and down, but it will not come out any further. After about 1/2 an hour, when I paused for my oncoming coronary, it dawned on me what was happening... dishwashers get hard wired in, and the jackass that had installed this one hadn't left enough leader... NO KIDDING, HE BUILT THE CABINETS AROUND THE DISHWASHER!!!

Oy vey. So I climb back under the sink and look at the hole in the cabinet for the waste line. No where near big enough to even see (from behind the drain pipe) let alone reach into. So, out comes the great American toy, the DeWalt SawzAll!!! Dagger blade for construction debris at the ready, I start carving. And it bites right into the side of the old dishwasher, which makes the saw almost rip my arm out of the socket and smacks my head right into the sink. Argh. A little more patiently, I approach the problem again and finally carve a hole big enough I can reach through. I reach through with a pair of dykes and cut the hardwired power line. Voila! The dishwasher is free!

So I climb out from under the sink, covered in wet sawdust. I start trying to clear it out of my eyes. Mrs. Corleone calls from the bathroom, asking if she can wash her hands. I've only shut off the hot water, so I tell her "Dont' use the hot water, but okay". She turns the cold on... and a full head of pressure pushes cold water out the end of the dishwasher hot water feed line! Gallons of water pour under the sink and out onto the kitchen floor. Shouting from the other room, I finally get Mrs. Corleone to shut the water off and begin the arduous process of mopping up around the kitchen and under the sink. Unsure of what caused cold water to come out, under pressure, from the hot water feed line I have disconnected, the Don declares the Corleone household a water free zone until the dishwasher is reconnected!

So I bring my handtruck up from the garage and strap the dishwasher to it. Furious and vengeful, I kick it. OW! Bad toe! So I kick it again, this time with the sole of my foot (mule style). I wheel the old one out to the end of the road and I wheel the new one up to the kitchen. I connect the wires and hook up the waste line. I get myself ready to head out to the hardware store (20 minutes away) and pick up lunch and the supplies I'll need for the new hot water feed line. I come home, eat lunch, go to apply the hot water supply line, and guess what? It's the wrong size. So we get ready for trip #2. This time, Mrs. Corleone and Jillian decide to tag along, to start planning for the next project, painting and wallpapering the dining room. Mind you, without the baby, each trip is one hour, round trip. With the baby, well you can imagine... We finally get home, I hook the hot water line up and I flip the circuit breaker to restore power.

Nothing. I thought Mrs. Corleone was kidding at first, but sadly, no she wasn't. So I spent an hour climbing under floor joists, through cobwebs, trying to find the power supply line. Can't find it. Finally, after about an hour of trying to figure out where the power is, it dawns on me... when the guy who owned the house before me redid his kitchen, he made every circuit load its own run. The dishwasher power didn't get shut off when I killed the circuit breaker, it got shut off when I cut through the line with the dykes!!! So finally, Mrs. Corleone and I test through all the circuits, find the appropriate one, we throw it, and finally! A working dishwasher. I finish cleaning up, I put all the junk back under the sink, I put my tools away and mark the clock, it's 7:30 PM.... 11 hours later, the Don has finally won.

**Sasaki Kojiro** · 09-04-2007, 02:04

the next project, painting and wallpapering the dining room

I'm sure this will be a simple task...you can probably finish it by lunch if you start at 9 or so

**Gregoshi** · 09-04-2007, 04:00

Don, that sounds like a typical Gregoshi home improvement project. I feel your pain and frustration even though it makes a great story.

**Hepcat** · 09-04-2007, 06:09

At least you got it done, and one day isn't that bad a time either. It took 3 days for my dad to put the new insulation into my walls, and about 4 weeks before he put the boarding up. That was 2 months ago, I'm not going to ask for wallpaper or the shelves to be put back or anything else, it just isn't worth it. So my room looks like some kind of detention cell.

**Csargo** · 09-04-2007, 06:19

Sounds familiar

**Sigurd** · 09-04-2007, 07:54

Good story Don...

**spmetla** · 09-04-2007, 08:25

Good story, I have to say I commend your patience with things going wrong. When something goes really wrong like your power and piping issues I tend to start swearing and walk away from a project just so I won't kill what I'm trying to fix.

**InsaneApache** · 09-04-2007, 10:27

It reminds me of Pete Smith Specialties.

**drone** · 09-04-2007, 16:12

It amazes me how unpredictable some things are in "home improvement". The things I've come across in my home just leave me shaking my head sometimes. At least you got to break out the reciprocating saw! Best. Tool. Ever.