Bullying

[Karo]

We went last year to London with school, and me and a two friends and the guy where sleeping in one room in bed and breakfast place and there was a girl there that was calling him a girl pants and when we were back in belgium he started telling things about me that weren't true and all behind my back so I started bullieing him.

[InsaneApache]

Stop it. Stop it now. It's not good for you and even less for the bullyee.

Why do you bother so much about what people say about you? If you have the sort of self-respect that's based on you and not on what you do/wear/hang out with, then you'd feel no need to act in such a way.

I feel like Marjorie Proops.

[Karo]

I'm not bullied at school and I don't bullie people my self except that one case. But I hate when people talk about me behind my back, I don't talk behind their backs so I expect him to show the same respect for me.

[Warmaster Horus]

You don't want to be bullied and he doesn't want to be bullied either - if there's one right thing to do, it's to forget the whole thing.

Actually, if you're bent on revenge of sorts, do the same thing: talk behind his back.

[Lorenzo_H]

Bullies look for nothing other than weaknesses. They don't care who they bully, provided they don't damage themselves in the process.

So they look for people who are fearful or are weak.

If the bullying is physical, like the above posters have said, you need to fight back. Give the guy one good hit in the face. He will punish you for it most likely, but he won't ever do it again. Having said that, don't be eager. Let him make the first act of violence, then give it to him. Don't stop, get the adrenaline flowing; knock him down, keep you're fists, knees and legs thrashing until he a) runs away b) surrenders or c) stops moving completely. It's the basic concept of self defense. One particular move I am a big fan of is such that you can crush his windpipe in about 10 seconds. He will hopefully survive with an ambulance, but he will never forget it his whole life.

There is one chap in particular who wants a piece of me. He doesn't like me, and he thinks I am weak. I can taste that he wants a fight; he can sense I don't want one. He will soon find out that the 6'3" 14 stone creature I am isn't purely for looks. I intend to hospitalise him.

[caravel]

I was taught by my father simply: "don't talk, just break his nose". This had always worked for me during my school days, but won't work for everyone - especially in this day and age.

Generally if you happen to be smaller, weaker, timid, not into the latest fashion or in any way different, then you can become a target. In the UK bullying is still a massive problem in schools and has been exacerbated by the current PC mad society we live in. No longer can the teacher take a stick to the little bastard responsible - nowadays a teacher can lose their job on the strength of a false accusation. There has been a few bullying related suicides most notably by girls, over the last few years. In many cases the victims are bullied via messages sent to their mobile phones - and physical attacks on the victims are often filmed using these same devices. Victims are even targeted near or even inside their own homes - it doesn't always stop at the school gates.

It is a big problem but it is only indicative of a much wider problem with society as a whole.

[Andres]

When I was a little kid, I got bullied regularly at school.

Until I hit one of them right in the face. And a couple of days later, I hit another one right in the face.

I never got bullied again.

Like the other posters said: you have to stand up for yourself one way or the other.

As for the talking behind your back: get used to it It happens all the time and it doesn't get better when people grow older. On the contrary. Besides, rest assured: one day, without realising it, you'll be doing it yourself. It's in our nature and thus it is inevitable.

[ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88]

Bullies look for nothing other than weaknesses. They don't care who they bully, provided they don't damage themselves in the process.

So they look for people who are fearful or are weak.

If the bullying is physical, like the above posters have said, you need to fight back. Give the guy one good hit in the face. He will punish you for it most likely, but he won't ever do it again. Having said that, don't be eager. Let him make the first act of violence, then give it to him. Don't stop, get the adrenaline flowing; knock him down, keep you're fists, knees and legs thrashing until he a) runs away b) surrenders or c) stops moving completely. It's the basic concept of self defense. One particular move I am a big fan of is such that you can crush his windpipe in about 10 seconds. He will hopefully survive with an ambulance, but he will never forget it his whole life.

There is one chap in particular who wants a piece of me. He doesn't like me, and he thinks I am weak. I can taste that he wants a fight; he can sense I don't want one. He will soon find out that the 6'3" 14 stone creature I am isn't purely for looks. I intend to hospitalise him.

Yeah, that might get him suspunded longer then you for bullying you, but when he comes back to school, depending how screw up he is, he might come in with a certain thing in his hands that has 3 letters and um... You get my point.

But yea, you fight that chap. I always got into a fight with this boy who was stonger then me, in 8th grade, but you think I cared? I was taller then him, but he was a football player, so he was stonger, but my gym teacher broke us up.

[Beirut]

Well, The Frontroom is growing a pair in this thread, isn't it? But let us please restrain our enthusiams.

(Yes, "enthusiasms". A la DeNiro's Capone.)

For what it's worth, I told my 11 year-old daughter if any boy ever touches you without permission, you have my permission to close your fist and pound him straight in the face. I guaranteed her my fullest support in the face of any and all school authorities. Or anyone else for that matter.

No way am I raising a girl who will allow herself to be bullied by an insecure man.

[Moros]

We went last year to London with school, and me and a two friends and the guy where sleeping in one room in bed and breakfast place and there was a girl there that was calling him a girl pants and when we were back in belgium he started telling things about me that weren't true and all behind my back so I started bullieing him.

You're from Belgium? Where are you from I'm from Bilzen, Limburg. Currently studying in Leuven though...

Anyway On Topic:
I've always been one of the smallest if not the smallest from my class. Never got any bullying. But I think that was because I was quite "social", as Extroverted as can be. That and when I was young (junior) I was the kid who'd take any challenge for money or... My favourite was do or dare. I alway chose dare. I can't even remember one time I didn't do what I was told. So though some of the girls thought I might be err...disgusting, I was usually befreinded with nearly all the boys of my age. Never been bullied, I did stand up for some guys or grils I knew though. I was the smallest kid, but I was quite a violent kid too. Can't imagine ever losing a fight... and I did fight quite a lot. (I even kinda liked fighting, I remember that when I was about 12-11 years old a freind of mine got attacked by whole class of kids 2 years younger, neve knew why, jumped in and well the best 10 minutes of that year really...)

To my embarresement I must acknowledge that I however have bullied a kid, though. Being quite young isn't an excuse and the fact that it was a bit the parents fault isn't an excuse either. Kinda embarreses me. The boy had some psychological problems had Asperger and probably quite a lot more (He really should have gone to a specialized school). He was even more aggressive than me. And I think it was his agressiveness, what really caused him to be bullied. (He was the kind of kid who throw rocks/sand/... to you if had lost a game of tag,...)

I think that there are a few criteria upon which bullies decide who to bully:

1) a difference, something that seperates the boy(s)/girl(s) from the others. Not that different from what a lot of political leaders did in the past. How can you better take a good position in a community, or get the community following you than when you have a common enemy. Just like Alexander Chose the Persians, like Bismarck chose the French, like Bush chose...

If the bully feels insecure,... This will be a/the major factor

2) Easy Target. Someone who doesn' have many freinds, influence or ... Is a weak target and can easily be bullied. Bullying a single little is much easier than a group of Hell's Angels I've heard.

3) Past experiences. If the kids have bad experiences with each other they are more likely tio bully each other. (see above, cause in that example the kid had thrown rocks to my head. I beat him up the day after. And if that happens once it doesn't take as much for the second time.

4) Self confidence. A big factor too. Someone with little or no self confidence, won't stand up easily, usually isn't verry social. And usually doesn't give a too good first impression.

5) Strength. if a knight has to kill someone, anybody really, he'll rather kill a peasant than a king's guard. Unless he wants t achieve much prestige. Sometimes te strongest get attacked because of this. It is rare though. Thus mostly the weak get chosen

6) Appearance. Not only different people but also, ugly people get chosen rather rapidly. Can't recall any 'good looking' people get bullied. Except if he/she was the only one in a buch of damn bad looking $$$$$$'s.
People rather like being seen hanging around with the popular. Also those tend to be difficult to bully around as they have self confidence a lot of freinds and not much to make jokes about.

7) Joke material. If you can make a lot of jokes about someone. He's an easy target. It tends to get boring and it ain't easy, if it ain't fun for others to bully someone, as you'll lack support. Bullies need to have an audience or a support base. You'll rarely see bullies bullying on their own.

8)Money. If you have not much, you can't follow everyone else when it comes to fashion, movies, Games,... As such you can't always talk along. Or become different. Also jokes are easy. Thus again an easy target.

However the opposite can also be true. Though rich kids tend to be popular, this is far from always the case. Some can be rich, but might have ream severe parents, and get a bit dorky. (the one who have to wear silly costumes, need to learn to lay five instruments,...) The kid doesn't have many freinds, usually ain't the strongest, but has quite a bit of POCKET MONEY... I think you can think of the result yourself.

9) Sports. Those who are good at sports tend to be popular. It's like the prettyness of girls.



I think that's most of it...

How to not get bullied? HAve freinds. Make freinds. Good ones. Don't overly react nor ignore them. If they try to make fun of you, out funny them. If they to out strengthen you out smart them. And if they outsmart you, well they should be able to as they remain bullys. Which implies and proves them not being smart. Standing up? Yes that can work, not always. Some like a challenge or some like awaiting you with all their freinds. "Outnormalling" them and keeping your 'cool', is also a possibility, bullies can't be the ones who are more different. They can't as bullying the person who stands for 'the community' - they need to prove themselves to, or want be part of - will weaken their position and won't give them the confidence and securities they need. Another option is to out bully them, but this can be dangerous and bring things to a whole new level. You really need to know who you're up against and even more difficult have a realistic image of yourself, if you want to outbully the bully.

[Lorenzo_H]

I would like to comment on the following excerpts from an excellent post indeed.

6) Appearance. Not only different people but also, ugly people get chosen rather rapidly. Can't recall any 'good looking' people get bullied. Except if he/she was the only one in a buch of damn bad looking $$$$$$'s.
People rather like being seen hanging around with the popular. Also those tend to be difficult to bully around as they have self confidence a lot of freinds and not much to make jokes about.

I have seen one particular "good looking" guy get bullied. This is because he didn't live up to the expectations. People expected him to be a really cool character to go along with the looks, but he wasn't. He was a slightly insecure personality, and so he became a target.

Bullies need to have an audience or a support base. You'll rarely see
bullies bullying on their own.

Never has a comment been more true!

8)Money. If you have not much, you can't follow everyone else when it comes to fashion, movies, Games,... As such you can't always talk along. Or become different. Also jokes are easy. Thus again an easy target. However the opposite can also be true. Though rich kids tend to be popular, this is far from always the case. Some can be rich, but might have ream severe parents, and get a bit dorky. (the one who have to wear silly costumes, need to learn to lay five instruments,...) The kid doesn't have many freinds, usually ain't the strongest, but has quite a bit of POCKET MONEY... I think you can think of the result yourself.

I go to an Independant School, and so we have quite a few richies around. It doesn't make a big difference to us...

[Beefy187]

I was writing a massive long post but I sound too much like a religious bloke. So I decided to make it simple by making it more philosophical.

Imagine your self playing a game of chess. Your just enjoying the chess game with your friend. Soon as you start fighting back the bullies your fighting a game against him. He got more pieces then you. You cant win. Best way is just simply dont let him sit on the chair. Show them they cant play because your just better then the bullies. You dont have to be bloody magnificant at sports or get like 100 girlfriends in one go. Just stick to your philosophy and just show them your simply better then them morally.

Ignore them if they start spitting dirty words at you. Dont let him play your game.

I know this isnt the best way to solve the problem. But youll feel excellent in long run.

By the way I used to be a bully. It was fun back then to watch the reaction of the poor lad getting bullied. I guess I was able to enjoy bullying because I was in my country. Then I moved to other peoples country and look who the minority are. Me. Your just simply greater then them because you got wider view of the world. You know how lonely people feel. You know how pathetic it is to be in the "cool" group where you can be betrayed anytime. Find a real friend who you can trust. Pity the poor bully for his/her lack of honour and the blindness.

In my country you get taught to keep your self esteem low belive it or not. Im naturally arrogant but I try force my self to belive that "I suck, I smell, I got no life." But I always try to learn from passed mistakes and improve my self somehow. Prevents me from bullying somebody (Im too busy about improving my self) and im slowly gaining respect by doing that (Never been bullied by people other then my family members. Im pretty proud of that)

Right I know half of that didnt make sense.Eng is not my languege yet. And I didnt mean to be soo deep or write a new bible or something. So sorry if my post bothered anyone.

[Moros]

Never can something be to deep. Never.

While I'm not English either, I think most people get more than just the idea behind your post. I know I did. Just one question though, where are you from, if I may be so free to ask?

[pevergreen]

Just one question though, where are you from, if I may be so free to ask?

Beefy is from Tokyo, Japan.

[Samurai Waki]

I was a bully throughout Grade School, I'm not sure if I enjoyed it. But I often played the role of "muscle" for the snickering pack of Spoiled Brats I thought were my friends (god, I didn't want to be on the other side). So I just played the role, I mean a lot of times I really did feel bad about punching some poor kid in the stomach, or smacking him across the head with my backpack. Then I switched schools my 6th year, and I was on the opposite side of the fence. I was the new kid, fresh meat. I got name called a lot, but nobody really seemed interested in actually taking it too the next level, until one stupid slob of a Kid really wanted to take it up a notch by drilling me in the arm with a mechanical pencil. I pretty much snapped at that point. I ended up taking his arm within an 8th of inch to the belt sander and nearly had his hand up to the wrist sanded off in Shop Class. Shut him up. The next kid was a real scrapper, tough as nails, he decided it would be funny to throw a basketball at the back of my head in Recess, Man that one really hurt. I ended up sending the poor kid to the hospital when I had the odd chance (and I took it) to Smash his face into the side of our Concrete sided school. Of Course I was expelled. But within a week I was back, and to exact my revenge on the Teacher who caught me, I sneakily made an Ice Ball from snow and permafrost on the ground, pelted her in the back of the head and knocked her nearly unconscious. She never saw it coming, nor did anyone else, thats how well I had timed it, like a Green Beret. She wasn't there the next day, or the next, or the next. Found out about a year late she had quit right after that. Man, that stung my already guilt ridden mind. Near the end of the year, I had built a reputation that I wasn't going to play coward to anyone, and that if you mess with the bull you'll get the horns. I had actually made pretty good friends with the Kid that I got in the face with the concrete wall, and I wasn't bothered throughout the rest of Middle School.

In Highschool I ended up moving again my first year, and into a private school. Everybody had better things to do than bully each other around (keep in mind these were the daughters/sons of really wealthy people) So it went rather smoothly, either that or I had a pretty good relation with both sides of the field, I'm still not entirely sure. I wasn't ever an outcast by either side, but I wasn't exactly "included". Still was an angry person for quite awhile thereafter. I had pretty much calmed down entirely after I turned eighteen and saw some of the world.