Dating a Japanese Girl

[Vladimir]

Yes I know I'm asking for dating advice from a gaming forum full of pubescent males who've had naught but the scent of a woman. So I'd like to appeal specifically to the older members, and it can't hurt. I'm thinking of something along the lines of Sinian's "Line 'em up and knock 'em down" thread (maybe that was backroom ).

In a week or so I'll be having dinner (sushi, of course) with a beautiful Japanese grad student (yes, as in from Japan). It has been a while and I usually default to Mr. Niceguy as I try to be a generous host and make the woman feel comfortable. However this approach doesn't exactly get the egg roll in the duck sauce if you know what I mean.

What kind of information do you need from me on this girl, and what kind of experience/knowledge does anyone here have of Japanese girls (and I don't men teh pr0n!)?

Hopefully this thread will eventually be placed in the backroom, once it progresses.

please.

[Proletariat]

Did she choose sushi? If not, maybe you wanna pick a cuisine she's not already an expert on. Other than that, I don't know enough about dating Japanese chicks to contribute. Where's soly when you need him?

Good luck, Vlad!

[Caius]

Good luck.

I can't even date a girl from my city, so I give you luck. That's all I've got for you.

[Zim]

My brief relationship with a girl from Japan ended badly, partly because I suffered from niceguy-itis, I think.

Not sure I can offer much advice. I wouldn't reccommend changing your behavior too much, unless you'd want to change it even aside from trying to make a good impression. Any permanant characteristics (like your niceness) are likely to come out eventually anyway, best for her to figure out if she likes you know than get to like a you that doesn't reeally exist.

That said, it's easy to make mistakes in the name of being nice or a good host. I ruined things with that girl by coming on too strongly, and way overdoing my first Valentine's Gift for her. I can only imagine how creepy it seemed.

Then again, I overdid my first Valentine's Day gift to the next girl I dated as well, and now we're married!

[LeftEyeNine]

There should be a great difference between a native and traditional Japanese and another one with Japanese origins.

Being Mr. Niceguy would definitely somehow fail at the second kind. However it will fail at all girls if you only be Mr. Niceguy. My advice on women is "make an impact, no matter how. Don't push it along the lines of rudeness though. But don't avoid having fun of her if need be"

I think this is mostly about a girl than being Japanese. But as long as I've seen here and there, the native and traditional ones would count you out if you behave like a college "gazelle hunter".

As long as she likes you, she'd even like it two of you shopping from a greengrocery's. But going to some place which would provide you with ideas to open chats would serve you well, rather than debating the size of the cucumbers.

Good luck.

P.S. Learn some basic Japanese. It wouldn't hurt at all.

[Vladimir]

There should be a great difference between a native and traditional Japanese and another one with Japanese origins.

Being Mr. Niceguy would definitely somehow fail at the second kind. However it will fail at all girls if you only be Mr. Niceguy. My advice on women is "make an impact, no matter how. Don't push it along the lines of rudeness though. But don't avoid having fun of her if need be"

I think this is mostly about a girl than being Japanese. But as long as I've seen here and there, the native and traditional ones would count you out if you behave like a college "gazelle hunter".

As long as she likes you, she'd even like it two of you shopping from a greengrocery's. But going to some place which would provide you with ideas to open chats would serve you well, rather than debating the size of the cucumbers.

Good luck.

P.S. Learn some basic Japanese. It wouldn't hurt at all.

I knew I'd see you here!

I, ah, may have made an impact when we first met. I think I made her a little nervous, hopefully in a good way.

I guess I'll have to learn more than "wassabi" and "no-dachi."

Did she choose sushi? If not, maybe you wanna pick a cuisine she's not already an expert on. Other than that, I don't know enough about dating Japanese chicks to contribute. Where's soly when you need him?

Good luck, Vlad!

Yes, thank you (and everyone else!). The hypothetical second date would be much different, something like Spanish tapas, third maybe something really Japanese. Thank you for your contribution, and being the first poster. However, I'm not quite in Soly's league yet .

[SwordsMaster]

Man, women are women, even if they are japanese. And men are men, in the same way, before i get jumped on by some overzealous PC watchers. So even thought their cultural backgrounds are different, they "work" in the same way. So whatever makes them tick in Greece will be valid in Laos, at a gut level. That is all that matters anyway. If she's attracted to you at a gut level, everything else is polish.

[Mouzafphaerre]

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Dating a Japanese Girl

You lucky ! I'm envious jealous!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Joke! Good kuck mate!

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[Sigurd]

I think Pindar has a japaneese wife and I think he used to live in Japan. If he was still around he could give you advice.
I can only advice those who dates Scandinavians.

[Husar]

My personal opinion is that when you are Mr. Niceguy and don't want to be Mr. Niceguy(which I actually think is a bad idea, but if you really want...) then you have to change yourself, not act on some sort of recipe that isn't really you because then I'd always suspect something you're not prepared for to happen and that's when you fail because you're missing a recipe for that situation.

Thus wishing you good luck might actually be appropriate here.

[Peasant Phill]

I fully agree with proletariat. Surprise her, possibly by chosing something that she didn't know was so great (doesn't have to be a cuisine). That wow-effect is just the thing you need to get her in the right mood for a great date.

[Husar]

Or she was right and she'll hate it.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Oh wait, I should support that...

Anyway, I might suggest Italian, always tastes good.

[RoadKill]

What kind of information do you need from me on this girl, and what kind of experience/knowledge does anyone here have of Japanese girls (and I don't men teh pr0n!)?

After saying that I can't help you.

[drone]

Describe, in detail, your latest STW campaign, complete with a tabletop demonstration (using forks, chopsticks, saltshakers, etc.) of your latest victory. That ought to blow her away!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Sorry, can't help you, I've only dated boring Euro-descended women.

[Shahed]

....appeal specifically to the older members, and it can't hurt. I'm thinking of something along the lines of Sinian's "Line 'em up and knock 'em down" thread (maybe that was backroom ).

....What kind of information do you need from me on this girl, and what kind of experience/knowledge does anyone here have of Japanese girls (and I don't men teh pr0n!)?

Hopefully this thread will eventually be placed in the backroom, once it progresses.

please.

Backroom isn't really a place for dating or seduction advice. I posted my thread there because of (so called) 'mature' content. (link: https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=96723)

I dated a Japanese woman a while back. It was very easy, I just played the man and led every step of the way. She was an auditor, came in on her first day to the office, caught her giving the out of the corner of the eye look, looked back. Waited for her to settle in. Got up, looked at her, gestured to the kitchen with my eyes, and walked to the kitchen. She followed, started talking, asked if she'd like a Sangria after work, agreed, went to this nice Spanish place, told her stories about Pakistan (mainly), kept her listening and she talked some, but I held 90% of the conversation, ended the drink early after some tapas, went to my place coz I wanted to show her "some pictures of Pakistan". Got her feeling comfortable on the rug, pulled out some pics, got close, started touching, arm around real gentle, she said she's getting confused, I said so am I, I don't understand why and I don't understand what's happening (ofc I did understand why & what was happening, just had to tell her that I felt like she did and I wanted to say it in her language: womanese), kissed and ... no resistance. Was seeing her for about 3 months, this was back when I really made no effort to understand women. Looking back I would say the 90:10 rule was not a great idea BUT it did work, she just took it all in and accepted my dominance because of it. I did ask her what she likes etc (classical music), so I took her to some Beethoven etc, she loved it. She said she likes Thai... took her to the best Thai restaurant in town, loved it. ALWAYS a surprise I only told her how to dress and what time I will pick her up, NOTHING else. Later on when she wanted to reciprocate I let her decide where to go etc, but not in the beginning.

From her I could say GENERALLY they like to be asked questions about Japan, they are very happy that you are interested in their culture. You should be respectful but not supplicating. You ARE going to be dating her culture because she will act Japanese, so ofc you will be dating her culture, through her. You will score points if you are interested in her culture, she will also see you as relationship material and be more easily inclined to sleep with you. It might be banal to assume that she wants to go for sushi. She's an exchange student, so she will want homestyle warm Japanese meals to remind her of home, but at the same time she will probably be open to discover many new things, including men. It's definetly a plus to know something of her culture, language etc that you can recount, show you know stuff without showing off. Say you butt looks fat in that in Japanese. If she has any sense of humor she'll crack up, if she's a serious nun-ish type then she might take it seriously.

IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT KIND OF PERSON SHE IS, that determines what she will enjoy as a date. You'll need to tell us as much as possible if you want specific advice. If she's a good girl (wears nun undies, white bras, always dresses & behaves proper) she will react differently than is she's a bad girl (bright pink lipstick, loads of eye shadow, real tight mini shorts, tanks with a skimpy leather jacket with fur on the neck).

Personally I wouldn't sweat it, i.e think about it too much, that will just make you nervous.

Mr. Nice Guy, well be mr. gentleman AT THE RIGHT TIME. I've never yet once had a negative response from a woman on being gentlemanly with her AT THE RIGHT TIME i.e at the moment when she wants that. But don't do it all the time. I totally agree that even a negative reaction is far far better than indifference from a woman. Negative is delicate, you don't want her to think you are a total buttwipe, you want her to be attracted to you.

This is just one date, so don't get too hung up on it. In fact go out tomorrow and get another date for the next night. Yóu'll see how quickly this one will lose it's important. Women do this all the time, they always have options. So go get another date is defintely a good priority. Take the pressure off yourself by having another option, you can see clearer.

Asians will GENERALLY test you i.e they will throw crap at you to see if you're really worth it. If you fail i.e you react to their tests they will dump you, or use you then dump you. They will do this with the frequency of East Europeans. they will contest you. Japanese I've seen are reasonably docile compared to other Asians in this regard, but they will test you as well. For example she will drop something behind her and then get up bend over to pick it up, if she catches you gawking, you failed. She wil try to work you up into a rage, if you get angry, you fail. At times however, you WANT TO FAIL the test because AT THAT TIME you want to get an emotive response from her. e.g she's doing a strip tease for you and she bends over and waves the beaver around, now you want to be looking because otherwise she'll feel she's not doing a good job. A recent test I got was a girl who acted offended because I said I was getting bored and I'm going to get the bill, that hit her so hard she started acting really offended. I didn't apologise just said the joke was lost in translation and started talking about music from Madagascar (LOL!), she attentively followed and was impressed that I did not supplicate and bend over to get spanked. Anyway watch out for those tests. If she doesn't test you she's either not interested OR she's already yours for the taking.

You'll need to give a personality profile and/or more specific questions for more specific answers.

(lLanguage - Beirut))

Ooops ! Sorry Beirut.

[RoadKill]

Asians will GENERALLY test you i.e they will throw crap at you to see if you're really worth it. If you fail i.e you react to their tests they will dump you, or use you then dump you. They will do this with the frequency of East Europeans. they will contest you. Japanese I've seen are reasonably docile compared to other Asians in this regard, but they will test you as well. For example she will drop something behind her and then get up bend over to pick it up, if she catches you gawking, you failed. She wil try to work you up into a rage, if you get angry, you fail. At times however, you WANT TO FAIL the test because AT THAT TIME you want to get an emotive response from her. e.g she's doing a strip tease for you and she bends over and waves the beaver around, now you want to be looking because otherwise she'll feel she's not doing a good job. A recent test I got was a girl who acted offended because I said I was getting bored and I'm going to get the bill, that hit her so hard she started acting really offended. I didn't apologise just said the joke was lost in translation and started talking about music from Madagascar (LOL!), she attentively followed and was impressed that I did not supplicate and bend over to get spanked. Anyway watch out for those tests. If she doesn't test you she's either not interested OR she's already yours for the taking.

You'll need to give a personality profile and/or more specific questions for more specific answers.

Thats actually true, for some asians (I'm asian as well so). Espicially with Japanese and Korean women. (Not being sterotypical) I believe it's because of how strict asian parents are. They do all these "tests" to see if they should even bother with you. Just like sinan said. Don't go being a pervert (Unless she is a slut, then yes you have permission to eye hump her). Remeber she'll think lowly of you if you go gawking at her all the time. Act cool, make them want you. Don't make yourself want her. But don't go so far as to ignore her.

(Edit quoted text - Beirut)

[Shahed]

All women do it to some degree, subconciously. They all do it to make sure they are attracting a suitable mate. I don't want to go into alpha male and all that but essentially that is what it is. If you can't take her crap how can she expect you to protect her from the crap of the world. Asians, and East Europeans often do it well into the relationship. Some women do it very conciously.

Projecting and being, it's preferable to BE the man rather than project it.

I should also say perhaps the best objective is just a kiss or a make out session at the end of the date. Best not to expect too much but once the session is done suggest something else, another date (be prepared beforehand) while she is in the moment and enjoying it she'll accept and it will get her thinking that you ARE the man, you're stable. Ofc if the make out session gets wild then forget the rest and just carry on.

[Tachikaze]

I have dated a number of Japanese women and have been in two deep relationships with Japanese, one came within one month of marriage, the other has been a marriage since 2004.

Both went from holding hands to waking up in the morning together in one 12 hour period, though I had known each of them to varying degrees before.

I have found with most women (of the cultures I know) that they either like you early or they don't. You can't do a lot to alter it, short of deception or shooting yourself down. There is something to the chemistry cliche that is true and women might sense it first.

It seems that much of the time, Japanese women don't like someone who is overly nice, but shows interest in them. There are many who seem to prefer silent, tough guys who say little and have a lot of mystery about them. I'm not interested in that type of woman.

While Japanese women are indeed different from US women, it's really hard to type them all. I teach English and have met thousands, here and in Japan. They come in a huge variety.

But I have one tiny piece of advice. Leave at least a touch of mystery. Don't open up your whole life to her for quite a while. In fact, let her ask about you; you ask about her (i.e. major listener).

[Vladimir]

I dated a Japanese woman a while back. It was very easy, I just played the man and led every step of the way....

LEARN from this man!

[Beefy187]

Im not sure if im the right guy (Still in high school and never dated) but im Japanese.

If your going to sushi bar then I suggest you master how to use chopsticks (Get the shape right and stuff. Try moving peanuts from one plate to another)

Learn all the other stuff from the girl but it will be messy if you cant use chopstick in the sushi shop.

Like other peoples said dont bother about how much wasabi you put in and stuff.. That might make a good laugh

[Peasant Phill]

Vladimir, how did the date go?

[LeftEyeNine]

*watches news of a hostage video tape in which an American in pretty bad shape is repeatedly mocked and beaten for his inability to say "Itadakimasu"*

[Vladimir]

Vladimir, how did the date go?

Sorry, THIS Saturday. I've been told lately that I intimidate people so we'll see. That chick who worked at the CK store looked really nice though, and there's this other one I met yesterday...

[ICantSpellDawg]

Girls of all persuasions like to experience new things on dates. If you meet a girl who doesn't like sushi, offer to take her out to sushi. If she likes you enough, she'll go, if she doesn't move on.

I dated a girl from Taiwan for over 2 years. She liked strong guys. Guys who did what they wanted to do. She loved to experience new things.

I broke up with her because she was crazy.

My new girlfriend said she didn't like sushi (means they haven't tried good sushi), so I said "great, lets go out to sushi". She loved the place and it went down in her history as the most "magical" first date she's had. 2 1/2 years later she still loves it when I show her new things.

Show her what you like - that usually leads to her experiencing something new.

If you like sushi that much, who cares, take her to a modern sushi place anyway. Never kow-tow to what a girl wants unless it is also what you want. Be funny, but be funny in the questions that you ask of her. Keep her talking.

That's all i've got.

[Papewaio]

Sorry I was in KL when this was posted. I am curious to how well the date went?

As for women you date them, not their family and not their culture. They are women first. Which ironically means that showing interest in their family and culture will get you brownie points, as will telling them you are dating them not their family or culture. Confused yet?

First rule, be yourself. It really isn't worth being someone else as the longer it goes on the worse it will get. That is not to say stay in your box, at some point you have to grow and become more. So it by dating you are being YOU then do so, but if you are just projecting something that you don't intend to be then you will only find pleasure and not happiness.

Second rule, they ain' that much different but appreciate those differences. Women are complex and simple. The simple part is they like new shiny things be it hand bags, shoes, haircuts, experiences and men who can give them those and be nice and shiny too. The complex bit is they often don't know what they want from day to day and even if they do know it changes. And even if they think they do know they want you to read their mind.

3rd rule Be a boyscout in at least one way 'Be prepared'. Plan, prepared and be prepared to change course. She (all people) want a leader who looks after them. Worst thing to respond to 'What do you want to do?' is shrug your shoulders and go 'What do you want?' (I do it, I'm married, and I still figuratively smack the side of my head going you schmuck when I say that). It shouldn't even get to that stage, you should have a plan (and a fallback) and have said it before she gets to the bored stage of asking 'What do you want to do?'.

4th Rule, don't be repetitive unless she specifically asks for it. In the long term think of what a boring life would be. Getting up everyday to go out the door to learn the same thing and do the same action again and again. Well that is work for a lot of people. Women what men to take them away from that as much as men what women to do so. So remove the repetitiveness, the only time going to the same place is really good is for nostalgic reasons ... and that takes a long time before it gets like that, the other reason to repeat something is convenience (which quickly translates to boredom).

Dating is exciting because it is new and shiny. So turn up for a date in a likewise manner, smart, comfortable and in control. Be the irresistible shiny object that the magpie wants to unwrap. And just remember you are that shiny gift and if she doesn't want to unwrap you, find the next one that does. Wealth is about having choices, give her plenty and if she declines go and chose from the wealth of options available.

[Vladimir]

I dated a girl from Taiwan for over 2 years. She liked strong guys. Guys who did what they wanted to do. She loved to experience new things.

I broke up with her because she was crazy.

I'm DOOMED!

[Shahed]

She's flaking already ?

[Vladimir]

Thanks everyone. Tonight went well. Was it worth ~$70? My penis says no, brain says probably not, and my wallet says ouch. Let's see what date two has to offer. This one will involve wine.

[Mouzafphaerre]

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"Wine is the elixir of playing crow in the hole." - Anonymous
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[Beefy187]

Thanks everyone. Tonight went well. Was it worth ~$70? My penis says no, brain says probably not, and my wallet says ouch. Let's see what date two has to offer. This one will involve wine.

So it didnt go to far?