You can't upload a custom avatar. The best you can do is upload a url avatar from the preselected list; it's under "edit your details" at the bottom.

To see the url avatars, go to "edit options" and check the "display url avatars" box; it's under thread display options.

Changing your title is a little simpler: just go to "edit your details," and go to "custom user title."

Oh, yeah, and be sure to select "save changes" at the bottom of the page every time you want to change something.

@the story: coming along well. It looks as though you-know-who has finally made his reappearance.