Offspring

[rvg]

Deep down, you don't need to feel the same connection to them that you do to their sibling. But on the surface, you need to treat them like you do.

Tact is one thing. There's little need to fake a bond that isn't there. Those kids aren't stupid, they can spot insincerity.

[Rhyfelwyr]

I think it is impossible to know if there is a difference unless you have raised both biological and adopted kids. Who knows, there may well be foster parents that love their kids as if they were their own. Although I would think you would have to raise them from pretty young to have a proper parent-child relationship.

And although your feelings are normal Kadagar, you should try to include those kids even if they are not blood, things have probably been hard enough on them already. Even if you don't feel it, you owe it to them to try.

oh and inb4 irony of me giving advice on anything to do with human interaction...

[spankythehippo]

Nature Versus Nurture. Nurture wins.

I grew up in an Asian family. I don't hold the same views, and couldn't care less about the lineage of my offspring (although I highly doubt I will have any). Of course, my parents want me to settle down, and have a family of my own. What they don't say, but imply, is "Spanky, get a Japanese wife".

If I ever get married, which I also highly doubt, the race of my potential significant other is irrelevant. If I like her, then it doesn't matter where she's from.

[rvg]

Something like 90+% of people marry into the same racial, ethnic, religious and social group they were born into.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

The "if I like her" is far more likely if you come from the same ethnic and social group - because you will have more in common.

[spankythehippo]

The "if I like her" is far more likely if you come from the same ethnic and social group - because you will have more in common.

I'm a hairy Japanese guy with long hair and a beard that listens to death metal. How much more un-Asian can you get?

In my case, the same social group is a more viable factor than same ethnic group. I cannot say the same for the majority of other people, though.

[rvg]

I'm a hairy Japanese guy with long hair and a beard that listens to death metal. How much more un-Asian can you get?

In my case, the same social group is a more viable factor than same ethnic group. I cannot say the same for the majority of other people, though.

Just don't bring home a Chinese or a Korean girl...

[Papewaio]

Something like 90+% of people marry into the same racial, ethnic, religious and social group they were born into.

In Australia 80% of Indian women marry an Indian man, whilst only 10% of American women marry another American.

Chinese men are 91% likely to marry a Chinese woman.

Overall it hits around 40% mixed marriages.

[Kadagar_AV]

Thanks for the replies :)

SFTS, anecdotal evidence wasn't really what I was after here...

Tiaexz , You talk about how adoptees become part of the family, before going on how the other family members grew cold and distant to you... Wouldn't that strengthen my point?

Also, I don't get what you meant drawing the parallel of getting a pet... Most parents would take a bullet for their kid, how many would take a bullet for their dog, or cat?

PVC, My sister and her guy has been together 3 years, but I have only been around them for 2 years as I used to live in Austria. The two other kids my sisters BF brought from his past relationship are 9 and 13. They live with their mom every other week.

There is just no chance I can see them as my family.

Not only do we not have any genetic scraps in common, they have also been raised by non-family, and continue spending 50% of the time in another family.

So... my half-sister have two "plastic kids" (Swedish term, what is the correct english one?) every other week... I do feel it hard to see much (or any) of my familys nature OR nurture in them.

The fact that the boy is a whiny girlieboy of course doesn't help, I feel like bonking him on the head when I see him.

My sister has not adopted these kids, but in Sweden it's culturally accepted that their arrangement gives her equal status in society's eyes (Sweden, remember? Basically imagine famlily views drafted HoreTore).

Ajaxfetish, as someone mentioned, I think the kids can read insincerity. Also, when I take on a child and make it my family, it means I would do ANYTHING for this kid. I just... do... not... feel.... like doing that with these 2 others.

I'm not rude to the two other or anything, I help them and behave around them like I would with, say, the kids of a work mate that you like. I take interest in them, I can toss them a favour.... But I would not let their well being and education interfere too much with my life.

Rhyf, It's not like I exclude them. If I am at their place I treat them like I do any kids (generally go down on their mental level and have fun). I'm talking about the bigger things, like, taking my youngest kid skiing for a weekend and such. I don't mind having one kid along, 3 is a whole other deal... And if two of them are ill raised "strangers"... Then...

[rory_20_uk]

I want my own children.

My son's mother is not the same race as me. He is clearly my son. He is not the same colour but that is only one facet.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

I'm a hairy Japanese guy with long hair and a beard that listens to death metal. How much more un-Asian can you get?

In my case, the same social group is a more viable factor than same ethnic group. I cannot say the same for the majority of other people, though.

Find a Japanese metal fan, guarantee you'll have a broader gambit of stuff in common with her than a white metal fan.

In Australia 80% of Indian women marry an Indian man, whilst only 10% of American women marry another American.

Chinese men are 91% likely to marry a Chinese woman.

Overall it hits around 40% mixed marriages.

10% of American women in Australia?

PVC, My sister and her guy has been together 3 years, but I have only been around them for 2 years as I used to live in Austria. The two other kids my sisters BF brought from his past relationship are 9 and 13. They live with their mom every other week.

There is just no chance I can see them as my family.

Not only do we not have any genetic scraps in common, they have also been raised by non-family, and continue spending 50% of the time in another family.

So... my half-sister have two "plastic kids" (Swedish term, what is the correct english one?) every other week... I do feel it hard to see much (or any) of my familys nature OR nurture in them.

The fact that the boy is a whiny girlieboy of course doesn't help, I feel like bonking him on the head when I see him.

My sister has not adopted these kids, but in Sweden it's culturally accepted that their arrangement gives her equal status in society's eyes (Sweden, remember? Basically imagine famlily views drafted HoreTore).

Ah - I get it. The boy's a whiny little bitch and you want to slap him into being a man, but you can't.

But also - she didn't marry this guy when she took on his kids? Did he marry the other woman?

Sounds dodgy to me.

[Beskar]

Tiaexz , You talk about how adoptees become part of the family, before going on how the other family members grew cold and distant to you... Wouldn't that strengthen my point?

No, it doesn't strengthen your point, it weakens it immensely. Because the fact that the child in this case (me) loved non-blood family members as much as my blood ones. It was only those who focused on that point who grew cold, but those close to me still retained their bonds.

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think it will be an issue, so you see it as an issue.

Also, since you now provided information, the children live with their mother. You can feel safe not seeing them as part of your family as they are not involved with your family. If the children were living with your sister, it is an entirely different point.

I did get along with my step-mothers family, but it was nice gestures and hellos. You don't need to go "out" of your way for them, but it might be nice to be at least pleasant towards them.

[ajaxfetish]

Ajaxfetish, as someone mentioned, I think the kids can read insincerity. Also, when I take on a child and make it my family, it means I would do ANYTHING for this kid. I just... do... not... feel.... like doing that with these 2 others.

I'm not rude to the two other or anything, I help them and behave around them like I would with, say, the kids of a work mate that you like. I take interest in them, I can toss them a favour.... But I would not let their well being and education interfere too much with my life.

I expressed myself poorly there. I don't mean you need to try to deceive them into thinking they mean as much to you. The idea is one of equal treatment. Think of employers, who are legally allowed to despise any class of people they like, but still may not discriminate against them in hiring or treatment on the job. The same kind of principle applies.

Ajax

[Ironside]

Tact is one thing. There's little need to fake a bond that isn't there. Those kids aren't stupid, they can spot insincerity.

True, but it's not that hard to treat other people's children decently. In this case, it's not to pedistal the favorite.