Shortest AAR ever.

[Cbvani]

This is why I love these guys. Even though, technically, I lost.
Battle: 1 TAB 9 chevrons gold weapon and armor vs 20 Celtic Levy Spearmen, no upgrades, on the grassy plain.

[desert]

So now we know that 1000 Thorakitai Agematos Basilikon can slay 30000 Celtic levy spearmen if they obtain armor made in the forges of Hephaestus and Ipods that loop "The Battle" by Hans Zimmer.

[Maion Maroneios]

So now we know that 1000 Thorakitai Agematos Basilikon can slay 30000 (correction) Celtic levy spearmen if they obtain armor made in the forges of Hephaestus and Ipods that loop "The Battle" by Hans Zimmer.

Maion

P.S.: It's 20.000, not 30 btw

[desert]

According to my calculations, after the healing it would probably be more like 25000:1000 kill-to-death ratio, but your method is also valid.

PS: I just got the image of a lone Thorakites singing "dun, duh-duh-dun, duh-duh-dun, duh-duh, duh-dun!" as he shield-bashes and stabs the Celts around him.

[Tyrfingr]

Ha, that's nothing! Remember that 300 spartans stood up against half a million persians!!!!

[Olaf Blackeyes]

Ha, that's nothing! Remember that 300 spartans stood up against half a million persians!!!!

ok that was in a mountain pass, urs was on a grassy plain BIG diiference
BTW QFT with the ipods

[Intranetusa]

ok that was in a mountain pass, urs was on a grassy plain BIG diiference
BTW QFT with the ipods

And don't forget it was actually 300 Spartans + 300 Thebans + 700 Thespians + 4000 other Greeks against a Persian army of no more than 250,000 composed mostly of poorly trained militia archers.

[Maion Maroneios]

Nay, that was one million Persians!

Maion

[The Persian Cataphract]

*sound of a buckshot most likely splattering a brain*

[Aemilius Paulus]

*sound of a buckshot most likely splattering a brain*

Same here. Down with 300! It should be banned at the EB forums!!

[Maion Maroneios]

I know, along with LS and Alexander too :-P

Maion

[desert]

Yeah! Let's round up 451 copies of 300 and burn them all!

Just kidding, btw.

[A Terribly Harmful Name]

Wait, I bet you can't resist the sight of 300 Thorakitai Agematos Basilikon wearing LS, fighting and triumphing for king Alexander against billions of Persians in the grassy flatland! Long live the immortal demigods of Sparta!

:P

Edit: Oh and they also ride burning pigs during battle.

[desert]

Wait, I bet you can't resist the sight of 300 Thorakitai Agematos Basilikon wearing LS, fighting and triumphing for king Alexander against billions of Persians in the grassy flatland! Long live the immortal demigods of Sparta!

They all stand in a line, press the bottoms of their palms together, pull their shoulders back, and start chanting, "Ka...me...ha...me..."

[Aemilius Paulus]

I know, along with LS and Alexander too :-P

Maion

Well, LS did exist, exist, you know. Just *pretends to be a snotty EB historian* "outside of the EB timeframe". Seriously, I don't see why so many people here make such a big deal of it. I mean, to me, it looks "cooler" than the standard, everyday and mundane Lorica Hamata. Perhaps it is because so many noobs come to these forums to ask about and because the Roman soldiers are always portrayed wearing it in popular media, whereas it was only in the middle days of Empire when the Romans used it.

Alexander was a pretty bad, but its depiction of the soldiers and warfare of that time in general was actually the most accurate (save for that scene where arrows slaughtered the phalanx) that I have ever seen and probably will see in my life from a Hollywood movie.

300, on the other hand was so inaccurate that the only thing that the producers got right was that at the Battle of Thermopylae Spartans and Persians were present. However, it is worth mentioning even the forces present at the battle, as depicted by the recent movie, were inaccurate. The stand of 300 Spartans was just the final part of the battle and that numerous Greek polises (plural spelling?) were present in the main battle as well. Not to mention that the Thespians stood along with the Spartans during the last stand. I found the negative to extreme portrayal of the Persians distasteful as well. The Persians actually had better reasons for starting the war, as it was the Greeks who aided the rebelling Ionian colonies in Asia Minor prior to the Greko-Persian wars.

[Aemilius Paulus]

Yeah! Let's round up 451 copies of 300 and burn them all!

Just kidding, btw.

Why 451? Just random number?

Oh and they also ride burning pigs during battle.

Hey! That is actually historically accurate! Sure, they weren't used very often, but they were still used!

Much better than Arcani and the pre-Ptolemaic Egyptians anyway. Oh and by the way, Screeching Women are actually pretty accurate. The Germanic tribes were always followed by their women. The women would be right behind them, encouraging them and when the warriors routed, the women would taunt them, usually stopping the rout.

[A Terribly Harmful Name]

I wonder how would the unit card of TAB riding burning pigs, wearing LS and screaming Spartaaa would look like. Maybe someone could try doing it.

[desert]

AP - Hint: *coughRayBradburycough*

And I'm pretty sure German women couldn't massacre legionaries with giant axes.

[Maion Maroneios]

Well, actually 300 wasn't based on the historical event, rather than a comic which in turn was inspired by it. Let us not forget that, folks. Not backing their idiocy in portraying the Persians as they did and such, just stating the facts.

Maion

[Aemilius Paulus]

AP - Hint: *coughRayBradburycough*

And I'm pretty sure German women couldn't massacre legionaries with giant axes.

What do you mean by Ray Bradbury?

Also, am not really sure if they actually fought in battles, although isolated cases are very likely, given the ferocity of the Germanic tribes. It may also be possible that the women pursued fleeing enemies, however that is just my guess. I seriously doubt the women actually did that. Still, the morale-raising chanting/singing/screeching/cheerleading special ability that the Screeching Women had in RTW was very much accurate.

@ Maion Maroneios: Well, then both the comics and the movie is INACCURATE! THIS IS EB FORUM!!! *kicks the movie and the comics 300 into a deep, dark well*!

Sorry, couldn't help but using the 300 catchphrase against itself.

[desert]

Too many syllables, man. THIS IS EB would probably be fine.

And have you ever heard of Fahrenheit 451?

[Aemilius Paulus]

Too many syllables, man. THIS IS EB would probably be fine.

And have you ever heard of Fahrenheit 451?

1: You say "EB FORUM" very fast to compensate for the extra syllables.

2: Ooohhh, III geeett iiittt! I must be really slow! Yes, I have read both Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles in addition to a collection of his short stories. I am a sci-fi/historical fiction fan myself. Along with Jules Verne (my favorite!) and Isaac Asimov, he is a must-read classic. BTW, what's your favorite author?

[Maion Maroneios]

According to my calculations, after the healing it would probably be more like 25000:1000 kill-to-death ratio, but your method is also valid.

Well, your calculations where wrong. We call it the "simple method of three" here in Greece:
1 unit of Thorakites killed -----> 20 units of Celts
1000 units of Thorakites will kill ------> x Celts
Then you get: 1*x=20*1000<=>x=20.000 units of Celts
Unless of course you meant real numbers, which would mean that I'm here doing unneeded math

Maion

[Tyrfingr]

Just to make sure, you all know what I was only joking about the 300 spartans right?

[Hax]

Yeah, we do. Still, 300 is something of..well..erm...


Gah.

[Celtic_Punk]

You know waht, you guys are waaay too hard on that movie. Its pretty bad ass, you get to see spartans kick ass. Which is not very often in movies. Yes it was PISS POOR in terms of historical accuracy, and if any of you remember, I walked out on troy (and grilled the guy who sold me the ticket so hard he gave me my 8 bucks back, which has never happened before or since) but honestly, it was not meant to be historically accurate... I mean c'mon, look at the freaking snitch for god sake! he was some sort of monster. It was quite metaphorical. There is something in this world called poetic license, granted they went pretty far with said license but they kept close to the general story(hell they even admitted it wasn't only 300 Spartan), and made a story that even Leonidas might have been proud of.

tell me you didnt walk out of that theatre and had the urge to slay some persians...

nice killing ratio btw

[Tyrfingr]

Yeah, we do. Still, 300 is something of..well..erm...

the most awesome movie EVAR? ;)

[Aemilius Paulus]

My problem with 300 was not so much its historical inaccuracy: I mean, when was a Hollywood movie supposed to accurate, especially one that was based on comics, not the actual event. My main problem with it is that it features nothing but endless swordfights, blood and gore. There is really no real plot, no real dialogue or anything after the first 20 minutes of the movie. It is the epitome of empty American movie. Watch another ten of those movies and you'll turn into a mindless, violent zombie.

[Gleemonex]

Oh, it's nice to cut loose with the occasional mindless action flick now and again. 300 was quite good for that.

Just think of the harm they could have done if they'd made it about as realistic as Braveheart, say. People [1] would walk around thinking Persians really were power-hungry lecherous deformed Arabs and that Sparta was fighting for freedom.

Anyways, to return (briefly perhaps) on-topic, what methods does everyone here use to take out TABs?

-Glee

-------------------------
[1] I mean normal people, not drooling jingoistic idiots who are going to think poisonous thoughts anyways.

[A Terribly Harmful Name]

A plain old cavalry charge from behind, of course.