'Twas the first night afterward, and Santa was still fuming
Even after dozens of shots that he'd been consuming
All through the night he'd heard Mrs. Claus whine
"Why don't you fix the garage, surely now's a good time?"
Well Santa Claus slept on the couch that same night
After he and Mrs. Claus had a rather large fight
There were broken bottles smashed all over the floor
Santa broke Christmas tree ornaments and called her a whore
She broke the television set and loudly replied
"Get in shape, you big whale, you're a continent wide!"
To which Santa said "See my butt? Pucker up and kiss 'er
And by the way, last week I slept with your sister!"
To which Mrs. Claus replied "Oh Santa, that's fine,
After all, last night I had my way with a whole chorus line.
But there's more, 'saint' Nick, you fat bearded creep,
with your favorite NFL team, I just happened to sleep
and when it was all done, they started to prance
and they performed their famous touchdown celebration dance.
You know, the one that they do when they score a goal?
Well you won't be scoring anytime soon, you nasty old troll!"
"Fine by me," Santa said, his face turning red,
"Even the goat knows how to give better affection."
Which doesn't quite rhyme, but you know what I meant.
Several warning points later, their fight was all done.
Both of them went to bed thinking that they had won,
But Santa Claus ponder'd, and he ponder'd some more,
his head filled with images of blood, guts, and gore.
He decided that the first reindeer that would die
wouldn't go easy, like with a bullet through the eye,
Oh no, Santa thought, something much more demonic
per'aps the execution should be a bit more ironic
What could serve a more fitting reminder
not to steal the dog food... perhaps a meat grinder
Yes, that would be the way; they would go in alive
And he'd grind and he'd grind, while they tried to survive
They'd go in hoof first, and it would take a while
He'd grind them with glee, a "ho ho" and a smile.
They'd scream as he'd grind, until they became meat
For Santa's dog Scrumptious: a sausage link treat!
And all the other reindeer would watch this in terror
Surely they would realize their rather grave error
And confess to breaking down Santa's garage door
Before they faced Santa's wrath like never before.
When he woke in the morning, he counted the votes,
Then he grabbed fat little Prancer while he was eating some oats
"Still hungry?" snorted Santa, and he held him by the ears,
and dragged him to the grinder, in front of his peers
Into the top of the grinding machine Prancer went.
There would be enough meat from his carcass 'till Lent!
The reindeer reacted naturally, with shock and surprise,
and white-knuckled terror as they witnessed Prancer's demise.
Over the sounds of the screams of bloodcurdling pain
Santa was laughing, he'd gone clearly insane.
When after this sadistic execution was complete
Santa whistled for Scrumptious "Here boy, come and eat!"
To add one more twist to Prancer's violent end,
All the other reindeer watched as the dog ate their friend.
As they began to vomit from this sickening sight,
Santa said "Merry Christmas, you vermin, I hope you sleep tight!"
The next day however, a few hours after dawn
Jolly Saint Nick saw that more kibble was gone
And again there were tracks leading back to the pen
So the reindeer would be forced to vote once again.
Alive: 6
Death is yonder
Captain Blackadder
Joooray
Centurion1 (Sub for 'otan)
Johnhughthom
Yaropolk
Dead: 1
Double A- Prancer
Okay folks, you have 24 hours to post and vote.
Re: The Night Santa Went Crazy
Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy
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