Casey the Casse: a (humorous) Casse AAR

[Hooahguy]

Author’s foreword- after many months away from EB, I have decided to come back, and of course, do another AAR. For those who read my last AAR, with the Getai, know that I like to put a humorous twist in my tales. Of course, not all of it is funny, for my humor is quite selective, and, I will admit, not always funny to the average reader. For this AAR, I tried to implement many aspects of British life like teatime and crumpets and other stereotypes, but none of my jokes are meant to offend. So in advance, I'm sorry if I offend any of my British friends. And because this isn’t a serious AAR, I did use the add money cheat. Sorry, for those who take offense.
In addition, in my last AAR, there was an excessive amount of forced humor, much of it not funny at all. Hell, I don’t even know if this AAR is funny for you, or if it will be a big, bloody flop. so this time not every picture will have a "joke" in it, in order to get better jokes in the mix. Well, I hope you enjoy this AAR, and comments are always encouraged!
(If you have ideas for jokes PM them to me, ill be glad to take them, I know nil about British culture save from what I learn from the Monty Python movies.)
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Chapter 1- the start of an adventure
Hello, my name is Casey. Casey the Casse, as my friends call me. Yes, I am a man, and my name is Casey. My sadistic father did that to me. At least he didn't call me “Sue.” And yes, I do get plenty of suitors who think I am a woman. In any case, I am a member of the general’s bodyguard. The reason? About two years ago, my father was digging on our land, and we found this massive gold mine. Literally. Within the hour the government was there, complete with riot troops and horseradish (the natural tear gas) to hold back the masses, including us. My father resisted, naturally, but the government made him a deal. He would get two out of every one thousand pieces of gold that came out of there. In return, he would send me, his only son, to the military, in service of the King. Logically, my father agreed, and I was sent into the chariot service. And here I am today, serving the King on a bloody piece of wood with wheels.


Anyhow, recently our tribe elders got together and decided to expand. Our small settlement of Camulosadae, soon to be renamed to the far less complicated “London,” was too small for our big name.
But first, there was this problem. Some other tribe leader was ousted from his tribe, took his followers with him, and began pillaging the southern area of Briton. So out leaders decided to do something about this. We sent an assassin to kill him.
But he couldn’t even get close. Apparently, teatime is a private event.


We then sent a rich diplomat, in order to get him to our side. We succeeded. In fact, all we needed to do was replenish his supply of crumpets!
For the price of a few half-stale crumpets, we earned ourselves an army!


We marched north to Ratae, a rich settlement with a port. But we neglected to do any reconnaissance beforehand, which was a bloody mistake on our part.
As a result, we were jumped by the garrison and a reinforcing army.

authors note: this was my first real battle in EB since i stopped playing over a year ago. as a result, i forgot many of the tactics needed for EB battles, such as not keeping cavalry in melee for too long. as a result, i paid for it dearly.

It was a cold, winter day, with a fresh blanket of snow on the ground.
We put our inexperienced forces in a line, with the strongest men in the center. Casticos, our general we bought for some crumpets, decided to hang back, relaying commands via hand signals. When we pointed out that our forces may not see the hand signals, Casticos replied, “So let them buy some bloody spectacles!”
Soon our center, being impetuous, rushed forward to meet the enemy center.


Seeing that 2,000 men were against a mere 500, Casticos made the hand signal for the heavier troops to reinforce the center.
But because no one could see his signals, and not wanting to hurt his feelings, we secretly sent a runner to tell the troops to advance.


With their help, the center was in good hands.


But we had a problem. The left flank, guarded by some “naked” spearmen (their Johnsons couldn’t handle the cold), was under heavy attack. We couldn’t see how much longer they could hold against three enemy units, including a unit of surprisingly elegant chariots. And when I say “elegant”, I mean elegant: they had freaking pillows and an open bar in their chariots!


We sent in a unit of militia cavalry, but they didn't help much. After a few minutes of fighting and some bribery with alcohol, the unit of cavalry fled. I knew there was a reason for the open bar!

Soon, the left flank collapsed.


The right flank of the enemy army was free to romp around our rear area, and my unit had to dodge the enemy, because we didn't have insurance on the chariots.
A couple of our units were able to leave the main fight in the center and fall back to help with the fight in the rear, but they weren't enough.


But not long after, a lucky shot took out the enemy general. At the same time, the enemy who were fighting in the center began to flee. As a result, we were able to send a few of the heavier units to assist in the rear.


Not long after, the entire enemy army broke rank and fled.


Not long after, we took the town with no bloodshed, enslaved the enemy village leaders and fighters, and then established a constitutional monarchy.

After things were settled, in the spring of 271, our army could go two ways:
To the south, to the lightly defended Ictis, where there was not as much farmland but it would cost us fewer men, or we could go west, to Ynys-Mon, where it was fertile, yet heavily defended. There are rumors that there’s a giant who is seven feet tall and can shoot lightning out of his arse and guards Scotland from any invaders, which would be us. We are all afraid of this giant, but my friend says it's all just a myth. But still, it's enough to strongly consider waiting to raise a stronger army before we try to take Ynys-Mon.

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 2- Ictis
The king decided to move Casticos and his army, which was refitted with many heavier troops, towards Ictis.


But before we arrived at Ictis, our diplomats tried bribing the city to surrender, but it didn't work and we had to lay siege to the town.


A year passed before the enemy decided to sally forth. They had no hope.


We hung back in the woods while the main army advanced.


The enemy army, badly depleted due to starvation, began to file sullenly out of the town.


Our skirmishers harassed them while they formed up.


Soon our forces met in a titanic struggle as the enemy put everything they had in order to stop us.


They did not succeed.


We soon captured the main gate, with little price for us, but the path to it was paved with the bodies of the enemy,


The enemy withdrew to the town center, and our men stormed it.


The enemy was soon surrounded in the town square and they fought to the last man, preferring death to surrender.



Ictis was ours. We now looked northwest, to Scotland and the land of the lightning-farting giant and to the far north, where we hear there are ferocious whales that repel all invaders. Once again, my friend disagrees, saying that it's just a spelling error, but I don’t believe him.
I wish my King was satisfied with the land we have now, but he says that it's our destiny to own all of the British Isles. Why he wants it all, I have no idea, but if he wants it, I suppose it's my duty to obey.

[Salahedin]

not bad : made me smile. Oh, and I'm in a bad day ya know...

[Hooahguy]

as i continue to learn about british culture ill (hopefully) be able to think of better jokes to put in. worse comes to worse ill just drop the humour part of the AAR.
stay tuned.

[Brennus]

If you have any questions about Iron Age Britain I will be happy to help ya, i study it almost everyday at uni. By the way where is "the land of Metal"?

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 3- Land of the Lightning-Farting Giants
I got another two suitors today. They came up to my door, expecting a well-formed woman, but to their great disappointment, a man showed up. I bet you my father is still laughing.
In any case, the King, the most exalted Barae, has ordered Casticos back to London, because he was showing signs of disloyalty and we needed to win him back in London. In the meantime, the King himself would take over the operation to take Ynys-Mon.
We expected that we would follow Casticos back to London, but we were wrong. I, among twenty hand picked soldiers from Casticos’s bodyguard, joined the King’s bodyguard.
His bodyguard is much different from ours. He fights on foot, like a true king. According to him, chariots are for babies (to tell you the truth, I couldn’t agree more) and he was currently phasing them out from all bodyguard units, as well as the army as a whole.
The new bodyguards were well-trained infantry, called Calawre. Over the next six months, we were re-trained not to be charioteers, but to be sword masters. And I was enjoying it thoroughly. Plus we got life insurance! Not to mention a health care bundle that came at the King’s expense. God, I love unions.

After we got a stronger army together, we marched towards Ynys-Mon. I think the people there couldn’t be more scared of us. I began to doubt the rumors of giants with lightning coming out of their arses.


The siege lasted for five long seasons.
During the siege, one of our diplomats got to the Iberian tribes, and secured an alliance with them.


But it wasnt until afterwards that we realized that making this alliance would cause problems later on during our conquest of Iberia.

Finally, the famished garrison of Ynys-Mon sallied out.


What our King feared most was a crushing attack by the Druids, who were the most feared soldiers in the British Isles to date. The enemy had two bands of them, but so did we, so we weren't so afraid.
The enemy Druids attacked our right flank first.


While our right flank was involved in heavy combat, some weaker troops attacked our left flank. We took care of them easily.


We watched from a hill in the distance. I asked King Barae why we didn't join in the fight. “If any of you men die, not only will I have to pay for your funeral and your life insurance for your family, it will raise the health care rates for the rest of the group” was his answer.
How touching.


We pushed forward, massacring all in our wake. Seeing his men falling, the enemy general rushed out to assist his men. It was a fool’s mistake. He fell just as quickly as the rest of them.


The remainder of his bodyguard decided to stay and try to save the gate. But it was hopeless for them.


We slowly pushed them back from the gate.


They sent in more troops in an attempt to hold us back.


But they caved in eventually, and fell back towards the town center.
King Barae began replacing the exhausted troops who had just captured the main gate with fresh troops in the rear. Needless to say, everyone was happy.


Fresh troops charged the town center, facing very feeble opposition.


Not long after, we took the town.


After the battle, the view of the front gate was, at minimum, repulsive due to the number of dead men clogging the area.


What was surprising is that even though we were facing tougher opponents, we lost fewer men in this battle than we did in the last. In fact, we only lost 179 men this battle, compared to the 194 men we lost at Ictis, and the 612 men we lost at Ratae.


It wasn’t a change of tactics, because we used the same general tactics as we have in past battles.
Probably that good ol’ British luck doing its part.
In my opinion, I think it was the relief that there weren't any giants to fight. That relief caused us to be more confident, and as a result, take fewer casualties.

We renamed Ynys-Mon as Baraeville, in honor of our king. He wasn’t very flattered, strangely enough.

King Barae informed us that we would head north, starting next season (fall 265), to take the northern part of our island. At first, many people were scared because the whales lived there, but then we were comforted with the fact that so far, all rumors we have ever heard have been false.

[Hannibal Khan the Great]

Haha, I just finished reading the book "And Then There Were None". Very Nice. But be careful about editing city names. I heard it can screw up the script.

[Hooahguy]

yea, i know about the problem. im almost positive the only effect changing city names does is to make it so you cant win unless you change it back. but dont worry when i fulfil the win conditions ill just change it back to their normal state for a turn, get the win banner, then change it back to my custom names.

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 4- The Midlands

After our resounding victory in Scotland, we looked north. King Barae wanted us to head north immediately, but his aides disagreed, saying that we should scout out the Midlands, or we risk another surprise attack like the one we suffered at Ratae.
So we sent a spy. I think Diviciacos was his name. But before he finished his mission, he was killed. We sent another one. He was killed as well. We sent a total of twelve spies, and all were killed.


Finally, the thirteenth one made it in by tunneling under the walls into the chieftain’s hut, getting the unit roster. But halfway back through the tunnel, a large cow heard walked over where the tunnel was, causing a cave-in. Whoever said the number thirteen was unlucky was certainly correct. After that unfortunate episode, the King decided to ignore his advisors’ advice and invade without knowing the garrison strength.


After another five seasons of grueling siege warfare, the famished enemy garrison sallied out.


The King had the genius idea of adding many more slingers to the army. These slingers caused many enemy deaths even before our blades touched them.

*if you read my other AAR, the one about the Getai, you would know that Kyros was a recurring character in my story. I thought I’d bring him back for this AAR due to his colorful personality.

It wasn’t long until both armies were embroiled in a hard fight.


Just like before, the enemy chieftain ran with his bodyguard into the thick of the conflict. He was soon dead.


We were able to trap most of the enemy garrison outside the walls where they were easily killed, but about a quarter of them made it back inside. Since we had no siege equipment, we opted to wait outside until someone opened the gate for us. Waiting was harder for some than for others.


But eventually they did, and we poured in.


The few defenders at the gate beat a hasty retreat towards the town center.


The few defenders made a last stand, but it was futile.


Fatal casualties were at an all-time low- 152 men dead.


But we suffered many more—over 150—non-fatal casualties. Most of them were from friendly fire from the slingers. If it wasn’t for our amazing medicinal druids, we would have lost many, many, more men.
This battle made Barae reform the way we used slingers. From now on, slingers would be on the flanks (with a unit behind them to give them security), where they could sling all they wanted and cause minimal friendly fire casualties.

In a few days will be the 10-year anniversary of when King Barae launched us on our great crusade to conquer the British Isles- and beyond. Ten years later, we have all of the Southlands and most of the Midlands.


All that remains of mainland Briton is the wild, wild Northlands— and the Whales.

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 5- An Heir problem. And the Whales

We marched into Caledonia fully expecting a massive armed resistance by the whales. Instead, we were actually welcomed by the Caledonians. Also, I must point out that there are no whales. Apparently, the area is called “Wales,” not “Whales.” Silly me, to think that there were whales all the way in peaceful Caledonia!
They were so kind to us that King Barae actually let them rule themselves, though they would have to pledge allegiance and pay taxes.
They agreed, and their client ruler was a man named Balyn.


After the client ruler was settled in, King Barae took us home.


When we got home, Barae got the surname “Bren.” This means “High King” in our language, only given to a king when he would rule all of Briton (not including Ireland).

Now that Bren Barae was now in his late thirties, he had to look for an heir to his throne. The Bren did not have to do this just yet, but he wanted to get it over with, as well as take the heir with him on his eventual conquest of Ireland.
Bren Barae had two sons and two daughters. Mowg and Massorias were the sons; Andoran and Ishi were the daughters (both were very beautiful). Both of the daughters were married to good men.
Bren Barae had a difficult decision to make. Neither of his sons were intelligent, but were decent leaders of men. But the two sons-in-laws were brilliant in both mind and leadership, but a bit lazy.
In the end, he named as his heir the husband of Ishi, Cynan.


Almost immediately after the decision, Massorias and Mowg demanded why neither of they were chosen. After all, they were his actual sons.
Mowg spoke first.
“Father, many years ago when you first became King, you sat us down on your lap and told us one day we would be kings.”
Bren Barae replied:
“So? Times have changed; I decided to pick someone else.”
Then Massorias spoke.
“We are true Casse!”
“You two really haven’t done your homework, haven’t you? Cynan is also a true Casse. In fact, his father and I went to school together.”
Mowg spoke up again.
“But I am a well established leader!”
“Oh please— only of the London gangs.”
“Still, a leader all the same. And what does Cynan spend his time doing? Leading? No! He sits at home, studying history and law!”
“Thank you for making my point, Mowg. He is well educated. You two, on the other hand, are just bloody idiots. Did you really think that sabotaging the soap maker’s hut would do anything useful? Now then, I will address you each personally, starting with you, Mowg.


Let’s look at your traits. You are dull in mind, and while you are charismatic, you have a weak spirit. You like fighting, but that’s pretty much it. And you have a freaking witch following you around!”
“How dare you! She’s a nice lady!”
“You are nothing like me, so tell me, why should I choose you as an heir to my throne? Now then, on to you, Massorias.”


“Massorias, you are the last person I would want leading this kingdom. Granted, you do make a decent mayor of Baraeville, but you have major faults. You are lazy, you take bribes, and I question your loyalty to me. You have a witch following you around as well. Not to mention, you are an exceptionally poor commander. In short, not a good choice. Cynan was the best choice I had, and if someone better comes along, I will make this lucky fellow my heir instead of Cynan, trust me on this.
My sons, both of you should know that I love both of you, but I only want the best for this kingdom.”
“We’re not even a true kingdom. We’re a Constitutional Monarchy.”
“Oh shut up Mowg, you know what our father is talking about,” snapped Massorias.
“Now both of you leave, I need to begin preparations for the invasion of Ireland.”

And thus ended the debate over who would be the next Bren of the Casse.

Bren Barae returned to his army in the Midlands. What he found greatly disappointed him. Half of his slingers (not Kyros don’t worry) had deserted, as well as the fighting Druids and some of the Southland warriors.
Our Bren demanded the reason from the officers.
“Sir, most of them are terrified of the Irish. They have heard stories of the Irish, of how they cannot be subjugated, and how they hide in the trees, kidnapping Britons and eating their brains. We tried our hardest, Sir, to make them stay, but it was hopeless, they are that petrified.”
“And the Druids?”
“Well, they just don’t want to lose their drug provider, who refuses to step foot into Ireland.”
“Crud, this is going to be harder than I thought. Get a recruiting team into Caledonia; see if some of them are willing to follow us into Ireland, I'm going to try to raise some moral amongst our men.”

As Bren Barae walked amongst his men, calming nerves and speaking only words of encouragement, I couldn’t help but think of what lies in the wild realm of Ireland.

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 6- Into Ireland and a Fatal Mistake

Just as we got into Ireland, Cynan took sick. We had to go back to get some medicine for him. We went back to Ireland. He got sick again. We went back. Again. Finally, we decided to go even if Cynan was sick or not.
Bren Brae had some serious doubts about him. Some serious negative traits had surfaced since the time he made Cynan the heir.


Among the negative traits, the troops under his command had serious doubts to his leadership abilities.
The Bren talked with his heir.
“Son, you need to show your men that you are a true warrior. That means not being afraid to get in the thick of it, and to help out your men.”
“Yes my Bren, I will not let you down!”

We got to Emain-Macha, the fortress of the Goidilic tribe, who held a command of the northern part of Ireland. Cynan was sick again for a while, but there was a window of time where he was feeling better, and, according to him, he could fight. So instead of waiting the siege out, Bren Barae assaulted the town.


Our slingers began the battle by raining stones onto the enemy heavy infantry.


The two rams got to the walls, and made a breach.


The enemy only got to one of the holes we made, which enabled reinforcements to easily flow through the other.


Our medium troops flowed into the breaches.


We sent some men to the right side of the fortress to flank the enemy, but they were halted by some enemy troops, as well as some Caledonians who fled to this fortress when we took over their homeland the year before.


But the main fight on the left side was struggling a bit. They weren't making much headway.


To make things worse, the enemy general and his bodyguard joined the fight.


To help them, we sent an available unit of medium infantry to take an available ram and to break open the main gate.


They did, and they flowed into the fortress.


While that was going on, Cynan and his bodyguard joined the fight. Seeing that the main fight was soon to be over, he took his bodyguard and charged the center of the town, which was heavily defended.
The reason for this incredibly dumb and irrational move? He wanted to prove to everyone and to Bren Barae that he was a capable warrior. I bet that this made even Massorias feel smart. Not even that idiot would do such a stupid thing.


Surprisingly, the man did well. He took down more than a handful of enemy soldiers.


But our Bren saw that it may be too late, and sent help for him.


But it was too late.



Just then, the reinforcements arrived.


In a rage, Barae sent his entire wrath against the enemy.


Soon, the fortress was ours, but at a cost of 228 men, including Cynan, who the Druids could not save.


Bren Brae, in his sadness, renamed the town “Cynan,” then sent back word to London of the loss. He also named his other son-in-law, Gwen, as the new heir.


It was a bittersweet victory for us all.

[Drewski]

The repeating "Die Earth Die" joke, had me in stitches....dunno why but it did :) Love the comic captioning.

Oh and btw, Ynys Mons, is Angelsey and represents Wales; Caledonia is Scotland- you got them the wrong way around, but nevermind ;)

[Unintended BM]

Yeah, I was going to say, you mixed up Wales and Scotland.

[Titus Marcellus Scato]

Pretty impressive AAR from someone whose only knowledge of British history (and geography) comes from Monty Python and Braveheart..... ;)

[Hooahguy]

Yeah, I was going to say, you mixed up Wales and Scotland.

oh crud.

Pretty impressive AAR from someone whose only knowledge of British history (and geography) comes from Monty Python and Braveheart..... ;)

why thank you.

[Hooahguy]

After our men were rested and refitted, our army marched southwards to Ivernis, the fortress of southern Ireland.
The land is beautiful. Huge forests, flowing streams, great farmland, I cannot wait to take this place over. In fact, our Bren decided not to destroy any of the surrounding land on the way to Ivernis.
We started our battle quite reluctantly.


The battle started with a cavalry clash on the right flank. We won, easily. But because both sides had similar war paint, I’d imagine how it was easy for some to slip away.



But then some of the medium swordsmen rushed forward too early, and soon found themselves surrounded.


Our slingers gave them all the help they could, but by the time our men got there, the unit of medium swordsmen already took over 75% casualties.


But it wasn’t long before there were only a few enemy soldiers standing in our way.


Our Caledonians were a huge help as well.


But, as before, the enemy got inside and closed the gates before we could get in.
All we had to do was wait for someone to open it for us, it was that simple.
A flawed RTW system will do that.


As soon as they opened, we poured in.


We chased the few remnants of the enemy to the town square.


And under a lovely Irish sky, we defeated them, and secured Ireland.


Our men were so happy that our cavalry even did a victory lap around the town!


Casualties were heavy, surprisingly— we lost 285 men that battle, 27 of those were from friendly fire.


Most likely, this was caused by our slingers trying to help the surrounded unit, but by accident, we caused some deaths on our own side.

With the battle won, and Ireland secured, Bren Barae, who was by this time exhausted from the campaign, installed a client ruler over Ireland, and then took us home. The British Isles were ours.


When we got back, he was asked what he would do next.
He said nothing, merely pointing to a place on the map.
“Normandy?”

[Drewski]

Great laugh again Lugo is my new favourite.....keep it coming

[Hax]

Simply excellent.

[Thermal]

Started with a few funny moments, but it gets funnier as you progress, well done.

Well written, not to much to read but definitely enough.

[NikosMaximilian]

This thread is teh win!!1!

[jirisys]

This thread is teh win!!1!

A new meaning for FTW, now it means, that it's close to the winningness of this thread

Now we need a new meaning for FTL (for the lose)

Edit: I love this AAR, but could you please spoil the images? i hate to be pushed upwards when an image loads

~Jirisys (FTW!)

[Hooahguy]

because of a huge workload at school this week, including a paper i have to rewrite, a math test, and a science test, i doubt that i will be able to update before thursday.
i may be able to update friday.

[gamegeek2]

Just read the whole thing. Great stuff!

[Moosemanmoo]

Just read the whole thing. Great stuff!

ditto, me gusta mucho

[Hooahguy]

i reposted it in the TWC writers study for all you TWC-goers.

[Hooahguy]

i turned in my research paper today, i will update within 24 hours.

[Hooahguy]

After we arrived back in London, preparations for our invasion of Normandy began. We called it “Operation Underpeasant.” Bren Barae relied on using maps from our merchants, since he told us that he has never been to Normandy before, so he couldn’t make plans based on his observations of the land.

Some promotions were made. My friend was made the logistics officer, and another man from the unit was made the scouting officer. And I was made the troop overseer. When I asked the Bren what that meant, he said that I was to spend time among the troops, and make sure things are going smoothly between them. I'm still not sure what that means, but it can't be that bad.

A few weeks into training, several of the unit commanders approached Bren Barae. I do not know what exactly was said, but all I know is that Bren Barae was grim at the end of it.
He told me that some of our units did not wish to join us into Normandy, and for some reason, the Bren allowed them to return home.
While Bren Barae took it well during the meeting, he went berserk afterwards.
“How dare they do that! I led them into battle, I gave them land, spoils of war, and yet they turn their backs on me when I need them most! Now where will I get the men to replace them?”
Then one of the rookie aides spoke up:
“Well, I know of one band of fighters that may be useful. They are called “Kluddoboro.”


“These men are excellent fighters. They are loyal, fierce, and love to go on adventures; did I tell you when they chased a deer into northern Scotland because ‘it seemed like fun’? These men are perfect for the job.”

Our Bren thought for a bit, and then replied, “Well, they seem like a good replacement for the Botroas. But I don’t want them chasing any deer, got it?”

“Yes sir, I will tell them. Also sir, there are some other units of spearmen who want to take part in the campaign as well. They are not professional soldiers, but are very loyal. But it seems like they want to go to Normandy in search of gold.”

“Well, let them join us. Their manpower couldn’t hurt. And if they find gold in Normandy, kudos to them, for I couldn’t find any.”

“Sir, so you have been to Normandy before?”

“Uhhhhhh….. so, do we have room for these new recruits?”

“Yes sir, we do have room.”

“Ok then, make sure these recruits can fight, then we will prepare to board.”

A month later, everything was ready. We gathered two armies for this campaign: one under the Bren, who was with the Heir and the other army was under his son Mowg. Both armies were in separate fleets. Our army boarded at London, the other at Ratae. We soon met up outside London harbor, and then began our journey across the channel.


But all of a sudden, a huge channel storm brewed up, and sent us far off course, but we were fortunate to lose no men to it. A day later, the storm subsided. When all was clear, we tried to get our bearings. We began to travel west, not knowing where we were. Even the Bren was confused. Soon we came upon some wreckage. And then more wreckage. Then a lifeboat with six men in it appeared among the debris. One of the men on our boat recognized one of the people on the lifeboat as one of his friends, who was in the other fleet.

We pulled the men into our boat, and then asked them what happened.

“Everything was going chirpily until that dammed storm came upon us. The storm tossed us around like twigs. We lost all our ships and men, only a few men remained, who boarded this lifeboat, about seven of us. Mowg was among us. But then he began talking about how not everyone could stay on the boat and how only the strongest could stay on if everyone was to survive. To tell you the truth, he was acting pretty crazy. He began pointing fingers at those who should be thrown overboard and left to die and that’s when a huge wave crashed into us and capsized us. When we succeeded in getting the boat turned over and got back in, Mowg was nowhere to be found. And then you found us, and here we are.”


Bren Barae was stunned. The other army had been completely destroyed by the storm. His son was dead, the fleet was far off course, and his plan was in ruins. At age 50, the Bren had never been devastated more in his life.
Nevertheless, he said that the plan must continue. It was a bold move, so we kept following the coast, expecting us to find Normandy, but after two weeks, we could not find it. Because we were very low on fish and chips, we decided to land at the next available place.
We found a place and landed. We began marching, unit we came to a little sign:
“WELCOME TO GALAECIA: HOME OF THE IBERIANS SINCE 272”

Bren Barae stared at it with disbelief, and then tentatively said:
“Holy mother of god, we are in Iberia.”



NOTE: in about a week an interview with Thermal and me about this AAR will be featured at the TWC. stay tuned, ill be sure to post the link.

[Hooahguy]

but could you please spoil the images? i hate to be pushed upwards when an image loads

sorry, if it wasnt so much work than maybe i would but because its incredibly time consuming to do so, considering the amount of images i have in my chapters, then my answer is no. i know, i hate it too when it takes a bit for it to load, but its a small price to pay.

[Hooahguy]

After we were had made camp, our Bren gave a short speech to the men about how we would survive in this land and how help is on its way. I must admit, it was pretty convincing, even for me, who knew the truth. It would be a while until help arrived.
Bren Barae confided in me that he was sure that after this disaster that Briton would never become a major sea power. “We Britons just aren’t meant to be on the sea.”

We marched for a bit along the coast. Soon we came to a small village called Tyde, owned by some tribe called the Lusotanan. Bren Barae said that the name sounded familiar. Maybe we had made a treaty with them a while ago? He couldn’t remember. We were starving, so we asked them for some food. They said no. We made a picket line, and what did they do? Still said no.
So we put them under siege.


And what did they do, those ungrateful Iberians? They brought another army to combat us! The nerve!


We arrayed in the field overlooking the town. As I walked among the men, as was my job to do so, I heard fearful talk about how we were going to all die. I quickly found the source: a recruit by the name of Yntyn. Apparently, when he signed up for this job he didn't actually expect to fight. As I walked over to him, a short swordsman named Cian ran over and promptly punched Yntyn in the face then yelled,
“You yellow-bellied bastard! Shut up before I slice your nose off!”
That kept Yntyn quiet for a bit.


Because Barae was getting old, he let Gwen take charge of the battle. Gwen put the skirmishers and slingers in the front, skirmisher cavalry on the flanks, and the main line fight behind the slingers. The idea was to have the slingers run behind the infantry when the enemy drew near.
But it didn't go as planned. The enemy drew nearer than expected, and caught Kryos’s unit of slingers before they could fall back. While Kyros and some others were able to fall back, many were trapped, and had to fight.
Their daggers were no match for the swords of the mercenary heavy infantry the Lusotanan had recruited for this battle.


Gwen, at Bren Barae’s advice, quickly sent a unit of axmen to help the surrounded slingers, but for many, it was too late.


On the other flank, the Caledonians were able to harass the enemy flank for quite a while before they were forced to fall back due to heavy infantry sent their way.


In the center, Lusotanan armored infantry attacked and opened a hole in the line. Out of desperation, Gwen sent our spearmen to plug the gap. It was almost certain death, but our men came through. Eventually.


Credit must be given to our light cavalry who rained spears on the enemy’s flank. If it wasn’t for them, the spearmen in the center would have surely broken.


Meanwhile, reinforcements from the city arrived. Our axmen made short work of them.


In the center, the enemy began to rout back to the town. Obviously, they were tired of being constantly harassed by our cavalry. Our Milnaht, eager for blood, chased after them.


Cian, taking charge of his unit while his unit commander was sick with the runs, chased after some other routers who fled towards the hills, not the town.


The rest of the Lusotanan army fled, and we killed as many as we could. Even Kyros and his men took part. They were still incensed over their misuse earlier in the battle.
The battle-and the town- was won.


Our casualties were heavy- 428 dead. Bren decided to get Gwen a tutor in tactics. He couldn’t afford to make any more mistakes in the field. In Iberia, no one wanted to join our ranks. We had to make do with what we had. We installed a client ruler in Tyde, recruited some mercenaries to guard the town, and then hung around for a bit to see what the Lusotanan would do. The future did not look promising. Scouts report that two major Lusotanan armies are only a three-week’s march away. Not only that, Lusotanan scouts, riding on extremely fast horses, are constantly probing us. So far, we’ve never been able to catch one, and it's beginning to worry many of us.

Word got back to London about the disaster, and a relief force was immediately assembled.
But it would be a long time until it arrived. Until then, we had to buckle down and prepare for the worst.
No one knows if we will survive the next few months.

[Cute Wolf]

Holy mother of God.... the Britons are invading Spain... not Normandy.... where's fransisco franco then

Excellent AAR Hooah!