City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

[rebelscum]

My pet hate at the moment is the city gate system.
Wether I march units through in an orderly fashion, or rush skirmishers through, something in the design turns even crack units into a mob of screaming idiots. Chariots seem to be the worst offenders (General screaming: 'Are you in or are you out, make your damn mind up'). What is it about the fact that one unit seems to bog down on the gate, other more mobile units decide to push through worstening the chaos. Then there are those few guys who decide that the gate is not the best way to get into the city and scrabble at the walls like demented rabbits trying to tunnel through (Skirmisher one: I have a phobia about gates. Skirmisher 2: Wow, me too.).
My stategy with small towns is a simple one. Move up the ram to batter the gates while archers turn the defenders into mush. Once the defenders have moved away/archers ammo is depleted, send skirmishers in to lead the defenders in a merry dance of death. The proud spearmen march confidently through the gate in normal formation, then reform phalanx and push down the street backed by any remaining missile troops. You would think that simple enough that even a commander with the 'couldn't command his way out of a paper bag' trait would be able to accomplish.
But no.
Some of the remaining defenders decide to rout through the skirmishers on their way back to the square, ignoring the fact that if they went the other way round, they probably wouldn't die (well not just yet anyways). The skirmishers try to rush back out of the gates (skirmishing as they do) whilst the spearmen are entering (Spearmen: *bump*, excuse me!, do you mind!, sorry!, excuse me!, hey stop shoving at the back!, whats the hold up!, would you mind awfully taking that spear out of my groin).
The archers you had remaining in reserve decide that the single remaining gate defender is a good target for a volley of arrows, (General to archer captain: I just thought I'd given you the order to ceasefire, maybe it just took you a whole minute for the message to travel from your ears to your butt, where your brain is located). The defenders suddenly have a change of heart (erm, I thought you said these guys were good, lets get them, cheeaaargeee ). Half the spearmen have their backs turned with question marks above their heads ( he said turn right at the gate, no I'm sure he said left, I thought it was forward two blocks .. then rest, is that the enemy general charging with 200 cavalry, oh sheee). The General is frantically trying to stop the archers releasing another volley of arrows into the mass of spearmen as the cavalry hit ( Tell them ceasefire means stop firing! ... what do you mean they don't speak Egyptian?) .
The Elephants decide that this is a good time to run amok and begin to play football with the onager crew (Half time score: Elephants 10, onagers 0). The scythe chariots get fed up waiting to get through and pass the time drag racing through your columns of crack infantry.
The General weeps into his helmet.
(this was a compilation of events brought to you by RTW - The return of the pants)

[eadingas]

I only use gate attack as decoy attack. Always try to break the walls to the left and right of the gate - with rams on palisades or with saps/siege engines on walls - and then attack through the gaps with elite troops, while sending all the cannon fodder at the gate where it binds the defenders. Then it's just a matter of sandwiching the enemy from both sides.
I noticed Elephants often run amok right after entering through the gate. Wonder what's the deal with that.

[rebelscum]

Maybe elephants don't like boiling oil on their backs. I know I don't. Or it could be an elephant form of claustrophobia.
Your multi-entrance approach sounds good. I notice the AI waits several turns and builds multiple rams. I just haven't got the patience sometimes, especially when the enemy has a large stack approaching from the north. I would rather be in the city drinking tea when they get here, rather than face a bunch of starving defenders, pissed off from a year of sitting in a rat infested town 'and' an army of crack troops.
Another thing, in MTW you could surround a city, with RTW you can only place on 3 sides. This gives any re-enforcing troops a great avenue to stroll in through the back door if you aren't quick enough.
On a similar note, I assume sieging a city causes devastation and squalor within (it does when I am seig-ed). Is this enough to make the city rebel?, and if so would the defenders suddenly be popped out into the open arms of my army.

[eadingas]

As for elephants: I noticed them getting wild even if there are no defenders on the walls anymore. Even if the gate tower is ruined by onager fire. It wouldn't be weird otherwise. And the amok doesn't last very long... just enough to ruin your chances of getting into the city in an orderly fashion :)
The spy sitting in a city is supposed to open the gates for you if you're lucky... but somehow, it never happened to me, even if I had 50% chance of it happen. I don't even know how it looks like when he does that...
One thing I found very annoying about sieging: if you auto-resolve the siege, the buildings inside get randomly damaged. Even if you're not carrying any siege weapons, and even if it's farms and roads that get damaged. That is a damn bug if I've ever seen one!

[R'as al Ghul]

The spy sitting in a city is supposed to open the gates for you if you're lucky... but somehow, it never happened to me, even if I had 50% chance of it happen. I don't even know how it looks like when he does that...

It even happens when it's only a 35 or 40 % chance. It may not work on the first turn, though. Visually it's indicated by an open gate (middle right), displayed on the pre-battle screen where you decide which siege-gear you're building. Sometimes the gates only get opened on the second turn, i.e. you have already build rams etc. and decide to attack, only to discover that now the gates are open. On the battle-map you'll see that all four gates are cracked and you can march right in. The huge advantage is that the AI will try to defend all 4 gates.
@rebelscum,
I had a lot of fun reading your post. I've been there. Others already mentioned it, you need to build more than one ram. For wooden walls I ususally build 3 rams. One for the gate, the other two on the right and left side of the gate. For larger walls I like sap points, towers and ladders. Rams are cheap and if you bring enough troops (10+ units), they should be able to build 3 in 1 turn.

R'as

[rebelscum]

*Reads from The Zen guide to RTW Generalship*
Elephants also continue to run amok if they have run amok during a previous battle and you haven't had the heart to put them down with your generals special ability, kill elephants running amok (soon to be included generals special ability: kill that bloody bloke on the scythe chariot who decimates my armies for no apparent reason). So correct deployment of amok elephants must be considered before the battle. Next to crack infantry is a no-no, behind you is definitely out , behind enemy lines would be good but sadly not an option, loading them into onagers and flinging them over the walls at the enemy would be ace (*legionary shades eyes to the sun* Hey Spurius, is it my imagination or does that large dark blob flying towards us look curiously like an amok elephant? *mad elephant trumpets in the air*, by the breasts of Juno your right Lentulus, it does look curiously like an amok eleph .. *splat*).
Elephants are expensive, if you cannot train them and were awarded them/merced them they are priceless), so having to 'put them down' is a bit harsh, a severe telling off and a cut in peanut rations would suffice.

[eadingas]

Hmmm I'm beginning to think a Monty Python Mod would be a good idea... with siege towers in the shape of giant rabbit, and onager missiles looking remarkably like cows...

[rebelscum]

Run away! Run away!

[SpencerH]

My pet hate at the moment is the city gate system.
....... The General weeps into his helmet.
(this was a compilation of events brought to you by RTW - The return of the pants)

Very funny :LOL: The only problem is that its all too true. I never assault gates, I always knock down the walls with onagers or sap them.

[drone]

Posted by eadingas:
Hmmm I'm beginning to think a Monty Python Mod would be a good idea... with siege towers in the shape of giant rabbit, and onager missiles looking remarkably like cows...

Don't forget to replace the background music/opening speech with insults in an outrageous French accent!

Definitely open multiple holes, not too far apart so that you can support both going through the walls. The AI will move units as you enter, sometimes not exactly in a tactically sound manner, but you don't want to have one "beachhead" overrun/crushed. Whichever one the AI goes after, use the other hole to come in behind them.

I think if you set the unit formation to be long/thin, they get through the breaches easier, as long as you stagger the units so they don't show up all at the same time. If they all go at once (especially with horses and other pushy types) it gets pretty messy. Anybody know for sure the best entry formation?

[Mikeus Caesar]

Hmmm I'm beginning to think a Monty Python Mod would be a good idea... with siege towers in the shape of giant rabbit, and onager missiles looking remarkably like cows...

Hehe......give some generals the special ability of making one of their gods feet squash the enemy.....or get the special highland kamikaze squad to attack them.

[rebelscum]

The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

My fave bit.

[trumpets]
PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
PILATE: Hail.
CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: What, sir?
PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: Ah.
[whump]
BRIAN: Aagh!
PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
CENTURION: Has what, sir?
PILATE: Spiwit.
CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
BRIAN: To what, sir?
PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
[slap]
BRIAN: Aaah!
CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
PILATE: What?
CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
BRIAN: Aah!
[whump]
PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
PILATE: A Woman?
BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Aaah! Eh.
PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: ...Dickus?
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
'Biggus'...
GUARD #3: [chuckle]
PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
GUARDS: [laughing]
PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
Blow your noses and seize him!

[lt1956]

Thats why they call those snake paths.

Anytime you siege you want atleast 3 times the number of the enemy. Second you want mutiple Breaches. without them you will loose more men and the enemy can bottleneck you.

I found it you have a mod or fix the hardy heat bugs and then played as they would back then in tactics you will do well. If you play like an RTS and just build and rush you will lose men and possible get AI path issue which will result in maybe you losing a possible overwelming win.

Lt

[TheDuck]

The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

My fave bit.

[trumpets]
PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
PILATE: Hail.
CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: What, sir?
PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: Ah.
[whump]
BRIAN: Aagh!
PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
CENTURION: Has what, sir?
PILATE: Spiwit.
CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
BRIAN: To what, sir?
PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
[slap]
BRIAN: Aaah!
CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
PILATE: What?
CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
BRIAN: Aah!
[whump]
PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
PILATE: A Woman?
BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Aaah! Eh.
PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: ...Dickus?
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
'Biggus'...
GUARD #3: [chuckle]
PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
GUARDS: [laughing]
PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
Blow your noses and seize him!

You, sir, have a great sense of humor. Some of the most hilarious stuff I've read on any forum, at any time.

And yes, the Life of Brian is just classic stuff. My personal preference is the whole 'What have the Romans ever done for us?' sequence. Riotous.

[rebelscum]

What have the romans ever done for us?. Sounds like a good title for my next post

[eadingas]

What indeed...

[Red Harvest]

Elephants also continue to run amok if they have run amok during a previous battle and you haven't had the heart to put them down with the generals special ability, kill elephants running amok (soon to be included generals special ability: kill that bloody guy on the sythe chariot who decimates your armies for no apparent reason). So correct deployment of amock elephants must be considered before the battle. Next to crack infantry is a no-no, behind your general is definately out :(, behind enemy lines would be good but sadly not an option, loading them into onagers and flinging them over the walls at the enemy would be ace (Hey Spurius, is it my imagination or does that large shape flying towards us look curiously like an amok elephant, *mad elephant trumpets in the air*, by the breasts of juno your right Lentulus, it does look curiously like an amok eleph .. *splat*). Elephants are expensive (if you can't build them and were awarded them/merced them they are priceless), so having to 'put them down' is a bit harsh, a severe telling off and a cut in peanut rations would suffice.

Man, that was funny. I'm in tears. I particularly like the "by the breasts of Juno" reference.

[Mikeus Caesar]

The posts in this topic are hilarious....especially the first one.

'it does look curiously like an amok eleph .. *splat*'

[rebelscum]

Getting into city gates is no longer my pet hate.
This has been replaced by another annoying thing, this time so much to the human players benefit.
Playing Egypt on Huge/VH/VH, I have now got used to being sieged by the Seleucids. They seem to round up every able spearman they can find and attack my large town Damascus. As soon as they siege I sally, but I stay in my town, and group all non missile troops in the middle. I place my archers stategicly around the place, bowmen, chariots and bedouin archers. Now if the AI had any semblance of a brain, it would think twice before attacking (Lt. Erm General sir, if we go near the walls without any seige equipment or countermeasures against the archers, we are going to get our arses shot off. Gen: Never mind that, I have a cunning plan.)
But more often than not, the opposing general moves all his troops towards the town. On occasion they have just stood out of range looking aggressive. All I then do is send some skirmishers out a side gate, which usually gets their interest. Lo and behold the spearmen march straight up to the fence and stand there. I sit back and listen to the sweet music of arrows wishing over the fence. The slow moving pikemen are soon cut to pieces. Even when a unit is down to its last few men, it never budges. This saddens me so much to think that such a great game is spoilt by such a silly AI.
(Lt: So what was your cunning plan general? Gen: Oh why don't you sod off!)
1232 - 0 was the last score. I'm glad to see in the enemys next stack they actually have some archers.

[TEP]

ROFLMAO

I'm going to look out for the name rebelscum when I look through these forums.
This thread is sooo funny. Thanks!

[eadingas]

Hehe......give some generals the special ability of making one of their gods feet squash the enemy.....or get the special highland kamikaze squad to attack them.

Could we have the slingers commander have a shout: 'Nobody gets to stone anyone until I blow this whistle!' ?

[rebelscum]

Maybe that would stop slingers standing in front of the closed gates trying to throw stones through it at the guys on the other side. (*pock pock pock* ,reload, *pock pock pock*. Keep it up lads, another million throws and we'll have these gates down)

[Vanya]

...Definitely open multiple holes...

GAH!

Vanya sez... Penetrating multiple holes is what the game is all about! Three per edifice/object has a nice, practical ring to it... One from the front, one from the rear and finish it off up high!



GAH!

[drone]

I have been quoted by Vanya, not really sure I can top this honor!

[Mikeus Caesar]

This thread has gone funny. Almost like the roman roads thread, which believe it or not did start off serious. Last time i checked, we were discussing the issue of whether or not the romans should have destroyed all life on earth through lead poisoning.

[TheDuck]

(Lt: So what was your cunning plan general? Gen: Oh why don't you sod off!)

ROFLMAO!

[V'ger]

Rebelscum,

Thank you for two of the most hilarious posts I've ever read in a gaming forum.

That scene in The Life of Brian is one of the funniest ever, IMO. Watching those two poor Roman guards inhaling their faces, trying SO hard not to laugh ...

Anyway, back on topic (HA!).

To set the stage, my usual approach to taking wooden walls is to drive up with at least 4 archer-types and use them to keep the defenders' heads down while my boys ram the gates and walls on either side open. (Depends on the layout. I never go through a gate that doesn't lead to the city center. I got tired of playing "Where in Antioch is Carmanus Sandiegotus?")

So, as Parthia I've been fighting the Selucids for 25 years or more and come to a city defended by about 600 men. I have my best siege general leading 2000 men. I have 3 Creatan Archers and 2 regular archers, 6 Spearbaras and my general's cav.

I set up, my spears make 2 breeches and bash the gate in. My archers keep their riffraff cav and foot away. I send in three spears inside the walls, line up the next three for follow-on through the breeches. Put my general ready to go through the gates and ...

ELEPHANTS! Aaaaaah! OK, OK. Don't panic. I yank my spears out ... I SAID I YANK my SPEARS OUT! ("What do you mean you've never seen elephants before and want to have a look?")

I YANK *tRumpET* my *squish* spears *trample, toss* out ("Funny, didn't know their feet were grey.") and set my archers to use flaming arrows.

YES! Victory! The elephants are running amok! YEAH! ("What did you say? They're running WHERE!?") RIGHT out the front gate. THRU 2 units of veteran Spearbaras, THRU my general's cav and then they start playing Archer Speedball.

Half of my archers were trampled by the time it was over. Heck, half my troops were dead. We took the city and closed all the gates and huddled together inside, just hoping the elephants would go away. Which they did after 20 minutes. (NO, I DON'T know why the timer didn't expire. I have NO idea.)

Hope this makes you feel a bit better.


Too much is never enough,
V'ger gone

[rebelscum]

~:YES! Victory! The elephants are running amok! YEAH! ("What did you say? They're running WHERE!?") RIGHT out the front gate. THRU 2 units of veteran Spearbaras, THRU my general's cav and then they start playing Archer Speedball.

Half of my archers were trampled by the time it was over. Heck, half my troops were dead. We took the city and closed all the gates and huddled together inside, just hoping the elephants would go away. Which they did after 20 minutes. (NO, I DON'T know why the timer didn't expire. I have NO idea.)

*grins*
Maybe it would be a good idea to make a separate entrance/exit just for the elephants. Some sort of 'amok fallback plan' is definitely needed.

[V'ger]

Rebelscum,

Yes. All cities should have an "elephants only" entrance with its own path to and from the city square.

Elephants are rather binary, don't you think? I.e. you're either deliriously happy or completely paniced and terrified that they're there. And it isn't much of a factor whether they're yours or not, though having them does push it a bit towards happy.

I feel like a kid with a hot stove. I just can't help myself. I have to have elephants, even though I keep getting burned. I have the ridiculous hope that somehow I'll learn how to make candy.

I just had this wonderful little battle where I got some enemy spears turned away and sent my elephants crashing into their backsides twice. (Two separate units.) OH so much FUN.

Now, of course, I'll probably have some elephantine disaster where they trample my general and his hareem.

Speaking of gates, do you find your armies being completely buggered by cities with stone walls? Even with the best of luck (I won't say skill) I'm happy to have half my army emerge from the rubble. Many times I'm relieved just to have taken the city.

It's like there's this special secret command that all my troops hear "OK, now, you were ordered to the breech, please mill about outside for a bit then run the wrong way through the breech each time you're given an order. Oh and BTW, if you see any other guys in our army go by, TRIP them."

It's as if someone sprinkled extra retarded dust all over them. Not to mention it seems like the enemy fights with the strength of ten, helping to keep things pluged up.


Venting is good for the soul
V'ger gone

[rebelscum]

Haha, ok now I have moved along far enough to attack cites with stone walls. Forget gates, the siege tower is now the most annoying way to get into a city. (*CG booming voice* Your siege towers have reached the walls. Me: Oh crap, not again) What a kerfuffle, ok .. ok, on the first try I tried to get all and sundry up there, dogs, incendiary pigs, cavalry. After a while I managed to work out that the units who could actually climb a ladder must have no more than two legs. As well as that, trying to get more than one unit up at a time makes the operation a complete mess.
Spearman: Hey you, Mr. Pushinfront , what unit are you in?
Skirmisher: Erm .. 82nd light inf, why?
Spearman: Well this is the 45th heavy inf tower bud .. you want the tower two walls down where the fighting is!
Skirmisher: Can't I just use this one?
Spearman: No ... bugger off 'dead meat'.
Other things I have spotted. When part of unit has reached the battlements and is enganged in fighting, if they are killed off quickly, the rest of the said unit gets an acute attack of ladderitis, and you have to re-issue the attack command.
Spearman: We've taken a straw poll and we've decided were not going up there, no bloody way!
Centurion: You lot get up there now or I'll have your guts for garters!

Spearmen:
Do we have to take this crap?
Yeah, I left my nice farm in Masillia to go trapsing half way round the Roman empire, and for what, constant verbal abuse.
I agree its just not on.
Try some of this wine, its lovely.
Thank you very much, *sips* mmmm, it is nice.
Centurion: *slaps face with fingers spread*

I have also discovered that if you issue orders for a unit that is partly in the city, i.e on the battlements, to move further into the city, you sometimes find that they get extremely confused . In one case I had 50 men clinging to the side of the walls inside the city being hammered by cavalry. Some of the others were standing around at the bottom of the siege tower, one or two on the battlements, and a few stragglers were wandering round the walls outside the city (Stragler: dum de dum, wonder if they'll notice I've buggered off, now all I need is a handy bush to hide behind, bah someones pooped there, hmm maybe I'll try a rock)
So concluding, it should be one unit going up a seige tower at a time, reach battlements, fight till cleared, all of the unit are up, then run down tower stairs, form up and push for the middle.
I think.