Dear Pizzaguy (Bad news today) and forum board

[Budwise]

Urggg, I know this will be moved and I wish it wouldn't because this is the only board that I have grown to know people at. My girlfriend cheated on me and I had to move out, I feel horrible right now but I did see this comming for some time and I still have to work with her on my primary job. I am sorry, I just had to vent.

I am not sure yet if she is even worth being a friend anymore and it sucks more that when I am with a girl, I shove everyone else out of the way for her and I don't have any real good friends right now.



(Pic deleted. A complaint was registered that the girl in the picture was having her private life disccused in detail and was not able to defend herself - Beirut)

[YAKOBU]

Hi Budwise

May I offer my deepest sympathy. I'm not the most optimistic of people but do believe everything happens for a reason. You were too good for her and something better will come along soon.

In my experience I would have been better cutting contact with all ex-girlfriends as trying to be friends caused far more heartache.

I hope M2TW helps you through this difficult time.

[Slug For A Butt]

Sorry to hear that Budwise. You seem quite a sensitive guy and I'm not sure that keeping in contact as friends is going to do you a favour really, at least in the short term.
Hell, I'm no phsycologist. Just my two penneth, and my regards.

[joe4iz]

Sorry for your problems Budwise, but it is probably for the best. Better that she and you part ways now than when you really needed her. Truthfully, she sounded to me like she used you, either intentionally or unintentionally.
Good luck, there are plenty of women out there looking for a good guy.

God Speed and Good luck

[sapi]

Sorry to hear that, Budwise

You're right, however, in suggesting that this will be moved; it's frontroom material. I'll keep the redirect bumped for a few days

[HoreTore]

A word of advice: go easy on the alcohol. It feels good and can be a good comfort, but moderation is in order... It's quite easy to become an addict in such times... If things are a pain, sure down a bottle of scotch. But let it be with one time, don't do it again.

I fortunately stayed clear of alcohol(well, I didn't get addicted to it), but my nicotine addiction is due to a broken heart in the past...

[Shahed]

I'm sorry for your loss mate.

That's too bad bro but remember women are an ABUNDANT commodity. There are many more out there for you, more than you can imagine. So many in fact that you cannot fall in love with all of them in a lifetime.

Stay clear of any substances, do not abuse yourself. Hit the gym, spend time alone and clear everything negative from your mind. Process and end the relationship inside yourself. Do something symbolic like get rid of all her pictures, and anything else you have from her.

It may be worth it to remain friends but if you could not trust her, don't expect anything from her.

Most importantly learn all you can from the experience. Tell us more, what happened etc. Feel free to let it all out, that's best. Talk to those who care about you. Ofc we are all here and you can post anything to us in complete confidence. Build your support group and be with people tha you can feel comfortable with.

Be good to yourself, and treat yourself right. Keep yourself busy building yourself and your life, but remember that you HAVE to spend time alone in solitude to correctly process the breakup otherwise it will always be there like a scar in your emotions. Release it and do anything and everything you have to do to build forward. You cannot change the past but you can change the future.

Heal yourself, rearm and MARCH ONWARD.

[Andres]

Sorry to hear that Bud.

From my personal experience, breaking all contact is the best you can do. No phone calls, no chat on the internet and if you see her, just ignore her completely, don't talk to her.

It usually takes three months without any contact whatsoever and the first few weeks will suck big time, but believe me, it's the best you can do.

Afterwards, you will be a much stronger person.

And as Sinan said: the gym is much better then alcohol or cigarettes. Build some muscles while you are trying to get over this, it'll come in handy once you are ready to go hunting again

[Budwise]

Yes, all that no contact stuff makes a lot of sence but unfortunately I have to work with her. At work yesterday she told me how he just came over and how they were talking and then admited later she had sex for the third time after that.

I couldn't hear the question but she was talking to the, well lets just say, dirtiest girl at work and she said "VERY GOOD" in a emphasis and the other person then said as she was leaving on how jealous she was.

Shes all nice to me trying to offer me sex for forgiveness and still being friends but like you all said I shouldn't and probably won't do. SHe was crying the night before on how stupid she was for doing this and how she regrets it and I know how women fall hard for a guy who makes sex with them. I think she does feel bad in a way but I am not really sure.

I, although not really hurt anymore but just feeling betrayed and angry for being used/lied too/nagged at/told everything I did was wrong, feel that I need the truth would help me which she has not been kind in giving me.

-----------------

There is also a girl who I posted about a while ago that I really like but just to weeks earlier my now ex-gf decided to tell her whole family how crazy I was and now they lost interest in me completely. I am also interested with a girl from Vietnam that I posted about before named Naw but I would need my ex-gf's help in getting her and that would be very very hard. I summited a picture for your viewing

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

In that one, shes the one next to my exgirlfriend.

The girl in Vietnam I barely knew but when my exgirlfriend was having her fortune read to her, I was watching on how she was playing with the flowers and I knew from this weird feeling, that she and not the girl on my girlfriends "OTHER SIDE, the girl that I was supposed to help" come to America and end up being my wife for real. The truth is is that that really saddened me at the time but the more I think about it, the more I really would like to help her, I just wish I didn't need Liens help to do so.

-----------------

As a whole, I am planning on going over there again to her house again today but I told her about it in advance to see what will happen and will probably talk for an hour or four. The part that hurt is that I cried for the first time since I was eight years old on the phone the night earlier and she cried too and when I came over in the morning, he was there. SHe said on the phone that she was going to cut him out and cut me out and make a quick choice but she failed to do so and she then made me feel bad by taking his side 100% saying we have been done for a long time and so on. I then gave him a tape recorded conversation between her and I that she said that she still loved me and can't pick but I don't know how that went over. He would have to be dumb to stay but I bet he won't stay long with her, shes just too hard to be around.

------------------

In conclusion, I am just one of the few guys who believes in manogamy in a relationship and wants to mate for life. I don't want to share my woman nor have her share me. I was planning on forgiving her this one time but now I told her that she would have to sit down in front of us both and pick in front of us by friday and she balks at the idea and says she needs time/more thinking/more time with him/ect. I explained that this isn't picking something out at a grocery store and she doesn't have the option of time, today will decide if I give a crap or not.

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I guess what hurts the most is that I saved her from losing her home helping for free on the second job, helping her with the devorce, helping her here and there and she used to help me with a lot of stuff too. SHe used to be the best friend I ever had and now she mostly ignored me toward the end at work and now at homelife too. I just feel so betrayed, if she told me instead of me just finding out on my own, I would have been okay with it but she lied so many times.

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I know that this isn't the real Lien that I used to know, but with all the stress from the devorce and work and this and that, she can't really be with me without feeling aweful. I mean she still feels bad for her exhusband for attacking me and going to prison, she still is angry at the fact that we argue too much. She hates the fact that I don't "Impress" her friends like I used to and come of crazy sometimes according to her. But she is talking to me and does call me instead of the other way around. Honestly, I think she finally chose to get off the pot rather than ____. However, I do know that this guy will hurt her and she will learn a valuable lesson but I won't be a second best guy anymore. If she doesn't pick me I am done being her boyfriend when this guy leaves her. I hate to say this but I am intolerant to a certain culture even knowing I have tried hard to accept them, I just can't and this guy is one of them so it hurts just that much more that he discrased my girlfriend this way to me. I do regret what I did to her house as I moved out and kinda, sorta, not really regret telling almost everyone that she cheated on me and with what kind of a person and all her asian friends dislike that "certain" culture even more than I do. God, what a mess.

[Odin]

My opinion is not going to be very concillitory so if your looking for a slap on the back and "it will be okay" you should read this.

Your a nice guy Budwise, you deserve better then what you got, yet you have proclaimed you saw it coming, and you seem to still be considering a relationship with this person.

A guy like you should have no problem finding a faithful woman, your considerate, generous and friendly. You are also apart of the problem. Your falling deeper into the hole of this drama and you can see it happening, you must gather yourself, harden if need be and determine whats best for you.

Sometimes in life you must put yourself before others, even if it isnt your nature. You are not helping this female evolve as a person. Forgiveness is devine, but in my opinion is overrated.

A fresh start is what you need my friend, its her loss from what I know of you here (your a very nice guy), make the cut and move on.

[Budwise]

It was a little harder than that, I stayed for a while just because she would have lost her house without my help and now that this guy is in her life, shes planning on losing her house which will break my promise to her daughter who hates me as well as her brothers and sisters for saving my life by pushing her dad out of the way when he had to butcher knife and I was unarmed and didn't see the knife comming. I believe I am just too nice and forgiving and her friends turned her into something she wasn't or unsuppressed what she is now.

As far as that girl in Vietnam, I really like who she is inside and she wouldn't pull this kind of crap to me. Also, its been my life's dream of taking a girl who has NOTHING and helping her as well as myself have a better life. I did that with Lien and it backfired, I hope it doesn't happen again. Like I said before, when I met Lien, her husband and her fought all the time as well and he used to abuse her constantly. When I told her that she was beautiful it went to her head and now she uses it for granted.

[Budwise]

A fresh start is what you need my friend, its her loss from what I know of you here (your a very nice guy), make the cut and move on.

The funny thing is, I am socially acceptible. Unlike a lot of computer people I actually try to enjoy life but money restrictions has made me cut back a lot on that. Their is a girl at work that really does like me and I did ask her out for a future date and she said yes. Shes overweight but no previous boyfriends or any baggage of any type so thats a plus. I told her I wanted to be friends first but wanted more later due to not wanting to hurt her due to rebound or this Lien crap sorts out. I am living proof after loosing a hundred pounds that weight is easy to lose, an exhusband (Lien again) or a new fling is not.

[Odin]

The funny thing is, I am socially acceptible. Unlike a lot of computer people I actually try to enjoy life but money restrictions has made me cut back a lot on that. Their is a girl at work that really does like me and I did ask her out for a future date and she said yes. Shes overweight but no previous boyfriends or any baggage of any type so thats a plus. I told her I wanted to be friends first but wanted more later due to not wanting to hurt her due to rebound or this Lien crap sorts out. I am living proof after loosing a hundred pounds that weight is easy to lose, an exhusband (Lien again) or a new fling is not.

Your response is again centered around someone else your persuing. Not only that your trying to add value to her with the no previous boyfriends etc.

What i would like to see is a post about what makes Budwise happy, what is he doing for himself, excluding females from the equation.

[Budwise]

Good question because its 6:41 am and I only slept for two hours. The truth is computer gaming helped for a while but not so much anymore. Thats been my problem is that I wrap myself up around a girl and start to like what she likes. For instance, I am really into the cambodian dancing and music but I won't enjoy going without someone whos cambodian.

Its sad, I can't really answer that. I am just the type of person who works hard to build a family/future and believes in working together to achieve that.

[Odin]

Good luck Budwise

[Per Ole]

Hm... Sucks to hear this matey :S

Been through something like this myself once (not this bad though, just almost) and it compleatly broke me down for almost a year.

The thing that got me to get over her was to cut off *all* contact with her. Was kinda hard, cous she wouldn't leave me alone and I had to say some stuff that really hurt her, but sometimes you have to think about yourself first, and it was the only way for me to get over her.

Don't drink alcohol, don't go after a new girl yet.

Another thing that's important. Friends *always* comes first when you have a girlfriend. However unlikely it will seem that you two will break up, friends you have forever (I know this thing myself, as I never though me and my ex would break up).

You'll get through it matey. Just clear all contact, and if she works the same place as you (I go to the same school as my ex), you can try to do what me and my ex do, just ignore eachother.

I'm also like you, quite sensitive, don't like to hurt people and very forgiving (even forgave my ex kissing some other dude while she was drunk), but you just have to bite your teeth together and push all that aside for now, only thing that worked for me.

[Beirut]

Best of luck there buddy. Just don't question your self worth. It's intact. Unlike some other people's.

[Budwise]

Hm... Sucks to hear this matey :S

Been through something like this myself once (not this bad though, just almost) and it compleatly broke me down for almost a year.

To tell you the truth, after talking to my grandfather and realising that even he has become scared of how I was acting lately. I have decided to just cut her off completely. What she wanted was to end peacefully without hurting me and she did it the wrong way, she should have told me the truth.

I went to her house early to pick up my digital camera and although his car wasn't there I wasn't allowed in the house and (we slept in different rooms and I slept in the part on the other side of the garage) I was taken to my room and we talked for a few minutes as she was trying to hurry me out the door. Anything I wanted in my old refrigerator, my spare blankets that were hers and not mine as well as the stand she used for HER tv she gave to me, no questions asked. I realised then on the way home that she had him in the house and picked him up last night like she used to do me to sneak me in the house and not let her kids know I slept over.

We have been pretty much done for a year now but going through the motions. She said she was on her period again, third in a month and a half, but she still wanted to have sex once in a while if I asked her.

All in all, I am happy for her but I just wish she was honest, I think I will lose my job for what I did yesterday though but I am mostly hurt because she couldn't be honest with me.

[El Diablo]

Sorry to hear the news Budwise. A break up is never a nice time.

However as most of the board has said a full break is probably the best way and if that involves you looking for a new job as well then so be it.
A smart guy like yourself should be okay. Just use this as a kickstart on yourlife. Be positive about what you can put behind you and what will (in the future) make you a stronger/better person.
Pick the old chin up off the floor buddy, dust of your clothes and get back into life. Just move on pal. It looks like pain and anguish is all the you were ever going get from her.

She will realise her mistake, it might take a week a moth or a year but she will know that she messed up. That is now HER luggage. Your job is to get someone WORTHY OF YOU not someone who you think you are worthy of.

There is a difference there. A significant one.

Good luck pal - it take guts to be this open on a message board even with "virtual anonmity".

ED

[HoreTore]

All in all, I am happy for her but I just wish she was honest, I think I will lose my job for what I did yesterday though but I am mostly hurt because she couldn't be honest with me.

Why would you lose your job?

[naut]

Man that sucks. I feel for you. Best of luck.

[Budwise]

Weird question.

She claims that her boyfriend and her think that me having sex with her still isn't a big deal because I was with her first, I really don't miss living with her that much and the idea makes the breakup seem easier as long as I came first after the shower due to him cheating with her for a while and if he had something I would have it now too, any comments? My opinion is that this a-hole knew I was with her and slept with her anyways, payback is a bitch.

I asked her to leave him and she said never but I asked if I could help with that girl in Vietnam and she said I have a 1% chance if I change to, in her words, not be so crazy. I acted a little irrational I admit to prevent her in becoming what we called a "slut person" - her words and she became one anyways. And shes mad about me dirtying up her best drycleaned Cambodian dresses, killing her garden, and making a huge mess in my old room when I FOUND OUT SHES BEEN CHEATING WHEN I SAW HER WITH THE GUY.

She says that their is 100% NO CHANCE of fixing our problem and we are done forever. She says she wants to still be my friend but if this guy dies, she still won't be with me. That hurt. THe times have been hard, I admit but now that shes about to lose the house because I am not there to work the second job and she had to quit and TIMES ARE GETTING BETTER, she leaves me for this a-hole.

She tells me she loves him and he loves her but its only been a month. I will find out tomorrow for sure because if we do have sex and she still says it after she gets there a few times, we will see - thats when she usually loved me the most.

I could really use the feedback this time, I thought I was over her today but when I found out she felt bad because that a-hole didn't contact her all day long, I got back to crying on the phone again at 2:30am.

[Budwise]

Why would you lose your job?

Because I have been completely insane lately and I told this one girl that her husband was having an affair with my boss and how I am sick of cheaters. THey really are having an affair but I got reemed badly and called a lier several times.

Oh, I got a "Last Chance" agreement. Basically, if I so much as screw up this way again, I am fired.

[Budwise]

I'm sorry for your loss mate.

That's too bad bro but remember women are an ABUNDANT commodity. There are many more out there for you, more than you can imagine. So many in fact that you cannot fall in love with all of them in a lifetime.

True, but I am kinda sick of white girls (I am white, I can say that) and only Cambodian Women excite me. I only want an Asian and they are in short supply at work.

[Budwise]

Hm... Sucks to hear this matey :S

Been through something like this myself once (not this bad though, just almost) and it compleatly broke me down for almost a year.

Damnedest thing though, I am almost completely over her as long as I don't see her laughing or loving this new guy. I don't miss living with her, going out with her or anything other than our talking and the sex and the new arrangment I get that. I feel really weird sharing but I think this guy will faze out and who knows, I also love her neice from what I know of her and I hope this will let me help her come over if I stay close to Lien. Plus, I kinda want him to be annoyed with it later and hurt as bad as I do. Sounds completely FUBAR but hey, the only other single girl interested at this time is 240 lbs and kinda dumb, also white. (I AM ALSO WHITE, I CAN SAY THAT.)

[Budwise]

She will realise her mistake, it might take a week a moth or a year but she will know that she messed up. That is now HER luggage. Your job is to get someone WORTHY OF YOU not someone who you think you are worthy of.

There is a difference there. A significant one.

Good luck pal - it take guts to be this open on a message board even with "virtual anonmity".

ED

I know she feels bad, I can see it in her face but she think she loves this new guy. Wait for things to get tough and then lets see. The question is why the hell do I want her back for? I was miserable in the house, I wanted to leave for a while, I just stayed because it was a great house and I enjoyed talking to her.

I think she will really miss the good things that I did when the time comes up and either leaves the jerk or lets me help with Nga (girl in Vietnam). Stupid name though, if shes my wife we will have to change that too.

[Budwise]

1. Don't drink alcohol, don't go after a new girl yet.
   
2. You'll get through it matey. Just clear all contact, and if she works the same place as you (I go to the same school as my ex), you can try to do what me and my ex do, just ignore eachother.
   
3. I'm also like you, quite sensitive, don't like to hurt people and very forgiving (even forgave my ex kissing some other dude while she was drunk), but you just have to bite your teeth together and push all that aside for now, only thing that worked for me

.

1. First, my dad was a severe alcoholic so I won't drink to get drunk for anything.
   
2. Second, I don't want to ignore her and not be around her, shes still my best friend and I value that. I am just hurt because the love isn't there anymore and I hurt because I don't want to lose our friendship either.
   
3. Third, I know.

[Budwise]

There is also a girl who I posted about a while ago that I really like but just to weeks earlier my now ex-gf decided to tell her whole family how crazy I was and now they lost interest in me completely.

Additional Information. My girlfriend to add to this showed pictures of the damage that I did when I found out she was cheating, WTF did she do that for. DOesn't she know that if I went out with someone new I could get over her easier.

SHes trying to force me to go out with "The Fat Girl" at work and I am just screaming no on that one.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Dear Budwise

Only you could pull me out of retirement!

I've never been cheated on, but I can tell you that I have been lied to. My very first girlfriend lied to me about why we werent spending time together. She said she was grounded by her parents but then I saw her out with her friends.

Turns out she was losing interest in me, but didn't have the balls to tell me.

Well of course I had to break it off then and there, and it came as a shock to me because we seemed like we were having fun, and NOW I find out she'd been lying to me, and THEN I had to do the "honors" of breaking it off.

But my bad experiences with women don't end there.

Would it surprise you to know that I have asked out many women, and ALWAYS gotten a "no" answer? And I could handle that... but check out how those "no" answers really sucked.

First time, I asked out a co-worker I really got along with and I was friends with. She drove me home one evening... I asked her out... she said... "uh, lets be friends, we're friends, right?"

The next day she declared to the whole work crew that she was a lesbian. Yes, apparently being asked out by me was enough to convince her that she needed the world to know that she didn't like men. Fair enough.

Next time I ask out a girl, she kind of laughs and walks away. A week later, I find out she didn't think I was serious, and went "thanks, but no".

You didn't have to keep me hanging for a week, you
I'm so glad you think my attempts at romance are a joke.

Next girl I ask out, I send her flowers anonymously. I tell her she's the most wonderful girl I've met, and she brightens everyone's day. I don't work with her again for three days, so I feel that when I get back, I can pull her aside, tell her I sent the flowers, and ask her if she wants to spend some time together outside of work.

Turns out, she loved the flowers. And some creep at work took credit for sending them. So she went out with him that night, SLEPT WITH HIM, and he used her and left her. She was so crushed that she QUIT HER JOB.

I never saw her again.

My friends, women are the greatest mystery to me. I will never have the panache to make relationships easily. All of the women in my life have either been responses to personal ads, or women who have asked ME out (few that they are).

So Budwise, I don't know what to tell you buddy. When it comes to love, and women, your heart gets exposed, you go out on a limb, and it friggin breaks almost every single time.

It sucks royally if you really got close to the person. However, my friend, look at life this way: If you died tomorrow, would you have regret all those days and nights you spent with this woman? Were there happy times? Were there passionate times? Were there romantic times? Did you laugh together? Did you feel appreciated?

In spite of the way things ended up, you did find with this woman at least temporary happiness, and in this world, that is not so easy to find. There are many guys out there, like myself, who have trouble even finding temporary, isolated patches of happiness. Some guys are so awkward and unfortunate looking that they never find happiness. So treasure every moment.

Even though my first girlfriend lied to me, and I had to do the fun job of breaking up because she was too chicken to do it... I still treasured the moments. Our first date, all the hugs, the kisses on the cheek, the evening we lay out under the stars in front of her high school...

Life sucks sometimes. But if you can pick up little pieces of joy in this world of pain, and wipe them off, and put them in your memory and treasure them, then things arent so bad.

Even if the mother of your children divorces you after 10 good years and 5 bad years of marriage.... you got 10 good years, my friend. And children.

That's better than the average these days. Cherish what you can get, remember the good times, try your best to make it last, but sometimes it is out of your hands and you can't make "forever" happen.

You will get over this woman and find another one, provided you dont start trying to hide the pain with alcohol, drugs, or any other kind of addiction, like food.

Cry it out, drown it in one bottle of scotch, like the man above said. Then pick up the pieces and move on. dont rush things, just let them heal.

Lean on your friends, and family. They can help you fill a void.

And think about finding a new job because of your situation, unless it pays well and you think its worth saving. Try not to get involved in other people's affairs (literally) because they aren't going to thank you afterward for pointing it out to them.

You can always fill that void with something constructive rather than destructive or addictive. Try doing an excercise regimen every other day or so, or take up a new hobby which can help you meet more people. Whatever tickles your fancy.

That's all I got. I can't make the hurt go away, and I don't advise just forgetting about her, because you can't. All I can say is remember the good times, and use them as an inspiration to heal, get back to where you need to be, and find yourself the true woman you're meant to be with.

Bounce back positively from this, and you will be better for it. Let it eat you alive, and it will only bring you more misery.

Best of luck, budwise.

And to the rest of the Forum crew... thanks for the memories folks. I am glad so many of you enjoyed my blitz runs.

You posted your real photo Budwise... and out of respect for you and this forum... here is my never-before-seen REAL askthepizzaguy photo.

The name is Daniel Albert.

[Shahed]

Hey Daniel ! What do you mean ? you sound like you're going somewhere ?

About women & mystery, NO mystery at all. Women are no freaking mystery. You have to work on understanding their motovations and understanding them. he mistake most guys make is that they don't really understand that women are different from us.

I made the effort after my last breakup for some months, and in the months that followed after that I slept with more women than I ever did in my lifetime. Such are the rewards of making the effort.

I'm in a new city right now and I cannot even decide which woman to go out with. The Indian hostess ? The Pakistani banker ? The Uzbek leathergoods salesgirl ? The Australian HR manager ? The Nepalese receptionist ? The Russian hotel trainee or the four Dutch ones ? The Phillipino optician ? The Croat dentist ? and who else... ahh the Ukrainian student ? The Indonesian barGirl, and my favorite! The Chinese Dutyfree salesgirl !!! Decision made !! I'm calling her!

This is a good starting point: www.venusianarts.com/forum I hope it helps you guys like it helped me, I hope it betters you and through you betters the women you meet.

Mount UP ! WE RIDE !!!!!