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Thread: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

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    Default Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    In Japan 500 years ago,
    a young man began his journey from Kyoto.

    Little did he know,
    the brutality of the outside world;

    Much will he grow,
    to cast Iga Ninja's darkest shadow.

    His name was thousand miles,
    Chisato.




    Hello,

    This is my fourth story/AAR with the ORG. My inspiration comes from writing an almost RPG story from the eye of a single character, while making harmless parody of a certain famous religious group. I will try to make appropriate English adaptations to cater to the international readers and add some exclusive content.
    Welcome suggestions and comments.

    Clan: Hattori
    Version: V1.1 5445 (Chapter 1-11), 5520 (Chapter 12-)
    Difficulty: Legendary
    Length: Domination
    MODS: None
    DLC: Hattori, Ikko-Ikki, Sengoku Jidai units, Blood Pack

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    One. Journey of Thousand Miles

    About five hundreds years ago, Japan was deeply divided by its warring clans. Yet one place was relatively sheltered from the devastation - the imperial palace in Kyoto. The emperor of Japan was still respected by all clans, possibly because he did not possess any actual power.

    Chisato, literally "thousand miles/kilometers" was a 20-year-old young man who had just passed his exam to become a restroom manager(janitor/servant) in the imperial palace. It was a decent and stable job, and he surely studied hard for it. However, like many young man, he dreamed of doing something great, something to make his ancestors proud. In spring 1545, his fate will be forever changed...

    Emperor: "ARGH!~~ OOMPH!~~"
    Chisato: "Your majesty, do you have constipation again? :Please let me help you dig it out!"
    Emperor: "Thank you, Chisato. But I think I will handle this myself in the future, so that people don't the wrong idea. Actually it is not constipation this time."
    Chisato: "What is it? Can I help?"
    Emperor: "You have always been so nice, and since you are not one of the Ashikaga, why not?... The Ashikaga Shogunate has been increasingly impolite recently. They often just throw me documents to sign without asking my opinion. I am just a stamp to them! How could they do this to me?!"
    Chisato: "(Haven't the Shogunate been doing this for hundreds of years?) Cursed Ashikaga rats!"
    Emperor: "It will be great if we find a replacement of the Shogun. But I have little knowledge of the outside world... I don't know who can be trusted."
    Chisato: "Your majesty, how about I take a look of the outside world for you? I will find a suitable replacement of the Shogun!"
    Emperor: "This is a good idea. Let's just say your great grandma suddenly died and you need to take a long leave..."

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    The journey of Thousand Miles (Chisato) began. He travelled to quite a few towns in the Kinki area (surrounding Kyoto), but everywhere he went, people instantly recognized that he was with the imperial palace. Chisato did not gather a lot of useful information if people had to be careful about what they speak to him...

    (The Province of Iga, Spring 1545)

    Chisato: "Sigh, I am just not good at this... How can I face the emperor's high hope on me? "
    Momochi Sandayu (33 years old): "Come! Come! Today is the grand opening of the the Iga Ninjutsu school! Hey young man, interested in Ninjutsu?"
    Chisato: "Sir, could you tell me what Ninjutsu is about?"
    Sandayu: "Ninjutsu is the skills of endurance. Iga Ninjutsu is especiall good because we are truly good at endurance. Graduates of the Iga Ninjutsu school will become a certified Ninja and receive a guaranteed life-long career with the Hattori clan! However long your life is."
    Chisato: "Hm, I have never heard of Ninja. People who specialize at endurance... sound like self-torture artists to me. Could you tell me what a Ninja does exactly?"
    Sandayu: "Business secret! It is the most exciting career one can ever imagine. There is nothing about self-torture that's for sure. In fact quite the opposite. I have spoken too much."
    Chisato: "I just want to learn about the clans in Japan. I am not into torturing or being tortured."
    Sandayu: " Ninjutsu is not like that! Hey, you are from the Kyoto palace, right? How about I give you a special royal discount? Free tuition! And I pay you 50 koku and you become my student, how's that, huh?"
    Chisato: "NOOO~ How come everybody knows I am from Kyoto?! "
    Sandayu: "Ha! First, you speak standard Japanese. Regular folks all carry their regional accents. Second, you walk with your bum shaking left and right. In other parts of Japan only prostitute girls do that, but in Kyoto this is normal for men. Third, the chrysanthemum flowers printed on your robe is the royal seal, and regular people will get their head chopped off if they wear it. Fourth, you have some black tooth. Dying teeth is a common practice only in the palace. Fifth, you are too polite but you are not crazy. Six, you still wear that red dot right in the middle of your forehead. That's just too obvious..."
    Chisato: "I forgot to wipe it off... Wow! This is impressive! If I study Iga Ninjutsu, will I become as observant as you? Will I be able to collect very useful information about clans?"
    Sandayu: "Collecting information is Ninja's specialty! But it just a desert compared to the main entry, which is murder and arson. "
    Chisato: "You are very good at joking, too!"
    Sandayu: "...yeah, anyway, Congratulations, you are a member of Iga Ninjutsu!"



    Hattori Yasunaga (daimyo of the Hattori clan, 33 years old): "Momochi, how's today's progress? Did you find any talent?"
    Sandayu: "My lord, I got my first student signed up! This is Chisato!"
    Chisato: "Very nice to meet you, my lord!"
    Yasunaga: "Wow, a young man from Kyoto! Welcome to Iga!"
    Chisato: " I will work hard to learn Iga Ninjutsu from master Momochi!"
    Sandayu: "Actually, Iga Ninjutsu is all about learning from practice. So... you are ready to take on your first assignment!"
    Chisato: "But I haven't learned anything yet! "
    Sandayu: "No worries, you will learn along the way. We will give you appropriate assignments and lessons. You will be perfectly safe."
    Hattori Masanari (son of Yasunaga, 4 years old): "But how come the big brother we sent to Ise did not return?"
    Chisato: "Huh?"
    Yasunaga: "Ah... don't listen to kid's crazy talk. Masanari, go play with your mother."
    Sandayu: "Chisato, your assignment is go to Yamato, and find out how much army the Tsutsui clan has. Once you get there, stay there and a messager to get in contact with you."
    Chisato: "Er... can I see my room and office first?"
    Sandayu: "You are a ninja! A person who endures! Truly good at endurance! The world is your room! Go now! "
    Chisato: "But... everybody can tell I am from Kyoto!"
    Sandayu: "Ops, I forgot about that. on_sweat: You should wear this ... Iga Ninja's all-black uniform. Very good taste, right?"
    Chisato: "But this makes me even more stand out from the crowd..."
    Sandayu: "Who says you will stand in a crowd? You are a bloody Ninja! You walk in the woods and sleep on people's roof!"
    Chisato: "This is so different from what I imagined... "

    Note: Many of us heard about "Hattori Hanzo". There was even one in the movie Kill Bill. Hanzo is a name that is passed down through the Hattori clan; every Hattori clan lord is a Hattori Hanzo. The most famous Hanzo is Masanari (who is only a little child at this point).

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    (Province of Yamato, Tsutsui Clan)

    Chisato: "After 20+ mosquito bites, finally I am here at Yamato..."
    Ishikawa Goemon (10 years old): "Psss... Iga Ninja Chisato? Come here!"
    Chisato: "What's wrong, little boy?"
    Goemon: "Don't call me that. I am employed by the Iga Ninjutsu, just like you."
    Chisato: "So you are my contact?"
    Goemon: "Exactly. From now on, I am the middle-man between you and the HQ."
    Chisato: "Why use a middle man?"
    Goemon: "You must be that naive dude from Kyoto. This way they can easily deny any involvement and knowledge of your missions."
    Chisato: "What?! So they are not going to try to rescue me if I fail?"
    Goemon: "Actually, they only deny involvement when you succeed. If you fail, you will be tortured and reveal everything anyway. Just like the last guy they sent to Ise, he told every thing after taking just 50 beat-ups. "
    Chisato: " I can't believe they do not arrange ransoms..."
    Goemon: "Ha. The things ninja break often cost more than 1000 koku. It is hardly worth it. It only costs 500 koku to hire a new Ninja."
    Chisato: "500? I only got paid 50 koku..."
    Goemon: "Hey! I have to eat, too. But where does the other 440 koku go? Did Momochi take them all?!"
    Chisato: "Hm... anyway, my assignment is to figure out how much army the Tsutsui clan has in Yamato."
    Goemon: "This is easy. You just stand in town square and count the number of soldiers when they patrol by. After several days you will have see them all."
    Chisato: "But that's very tiring..."
    Goemon: "You are a person who endures! A Ninja! Just do it!"

    Note: Goemon is a very famous Iga ninja/thief from the period, stealing from the rich and help the poor like Robinhood. He was finally caught in 1594 and got cooked alive in a big wok. I played video games featuring him as the main character.

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    Chisato: "After standing 7 days in the market square, I have become familiar with of each Yamato soldier's face! I can count there are one unit of Bow Ashigaru and two units of Yari Ashigaru!"
    Goemon: "Not bad. But I would simply steal their paylist and figure that out. Anyway, you have a new mission now! Burn down the Tsutsui castle!"
    Chisato: "What?! Didn't they say my mission is completely safe? "
    Goemon: "You don't have to literally burn it down to ashes. Breaking the lock of their front gate will work. This way they will be busy repairing the lock and temporarily forget about hiring new units... somehow. Let me help you!"
    Chisato: "OK..."

    ***

    Goemon: "OK the guards have past! Go Go!"
    Chisato: "What if innocents get hurt if I break their front gate?"
    Goemon: "How can that happen? You are a Ninja! You don't care about innocents! "
    Chisato: "I can't! Breaking other's property is wrong!"
    Goemon: "Ok, ok, I promise you nobody is going to get hurt. Well even if they do get hurt, they will grow back in the next season. And the gate will be repaired. There is no hard feelings."
    Chisato: "Ops, the gate caught my torch's fire!"
    Goemon: "Run!~~"



    Goemon: "Ha! Look at the dark smoke rising from Tsutsui castle. Good job."
    Chisato: "I wanted to do something to benefit all Japan... But look at me now, I am an arsonist, a criminal! How do I face the emperor and my parents?"
    Goemon: "Well, my goal of life is to become the greatest thief of Japan, so I can steal from the richest rats and redistribute their fortune to the poor."
    Chisato: "That's a great goal! But you are still a thief."
    Goemon: "...Yeah and we do not murder people like ninjas do. So you can do something to make the ninjas proud, too!"
    Chisato: "All right, I will use my torch to burn down all the incompetent clans of Japan to help end the meaningless Sengoku Jidai! This will honor the emperor and my parents!"
    Goemon: "That's a positive thought. I will reflect your goals to the management so they assign you more appropriate tasks to increase your productivity."
    Chisato: "Thank you!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    Chisato: "There is something that I am not sure I should ask... why do sabotage Tsutsui castle?"
    Goemon: "Clan strategies are shared on a need-to-know basis. You are a ninja. You do not need to know."
    Chisato: "You are a messenger. So you do not have the need to know, either?"
    Goemon: "You do no need to know whether I have the need to know."
    Chisato: " I am an official agent in the family!"
    Goemon: "Hm... yeah you deserve some reward for your hard work. Well, if you ever get caught, would you swear that you will not reveal anything?"
    Chisato: "I swear in Buddha's name!"



    Goemon: "Ok. The secret is we Hattori clan plans to attack Kyushu."
    Chisato: " What? Not taking the Kinki area first?"
    Goemon: "Probably fine for Oda's cheap Ashigaru, but Hattori clan's soldiers are too expensive to support wars on so many fronts. It is better to get to the edge of Japan first and work our way to the east."
    Chisato: "So we do not attack any clan east of Iga?"
    Goemon: "Precisely. We will establish trade with every clan to our east, for example, the Ashikaga Shogunate, and hopefully sell military access to them."
    Chisato: "No attack on Ashikaga? How do I face the emperor? "
    Goemon: "Not now. But eventually we will. When we are powerful enough to face the rest of Japan all united together."
    Chisato: "I see..."

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Goemon: "For now, we can sell military access to both the Ashikaga Shogunate (5 turns in spring, 10 turns in summer, and 20 turns in autumn) and the Asai clan in Omi. That's a lot of koku for us to recruit Ashigaru and feed them."
    Chisato: "Are we going to attack every province one by one until we reach Kyushu?"
    Goemon: "That's too slow. We will load all available armies on a ship and take northern Kyushu as soon as possible."
    Chisato: "But we do not own a port yet!"
    Goemon: "That's right, we need to take a port first. The port in Settsu, more specifically. We will take Yamato, then Kii, then Kawachi, then Settsu."
    Chisato: "That means we will challenge the alliance of Tsutsui and Hatakeyama. They have four provinces; we only have one... "
    Goemon: "I did not say it will be easy. We have to outsmart them. Yet we have one important weapon - ninja a.k.a. you. Each time you sabotage a castle under recruitment, you reduce their stregnth by one to two units of Ashigaru."
    Chisato: "Didn't realize I am this important! Wait... how do you know about this?"
    Goemon: "You do not have the need to know."
    Chisato: "..."

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    (Summer 1545)

    Goemon: "Chisato, guess what, the HQ gave you a new mission!"
    Chisato: "What's the new mission?"
    Goemon: "Sabotage Tsutsui castle."
    Chisato: " That's the same as last season's mission..."
    Goemon: "That's not the correct attitude of a professional! You should be resistant to repetition!"
    Chisato: "You are right! I will treat every sabotage with passion!"
    Goemon: "Yes! Call up your arsonist spirit!"



    Chisato: "The familiar black smoke rises from Tsutsui castle... Again I broke someone else's property. I am worthless..."
    Goemon: "Cheer up! Look at it this way - in 16th century, the forestry industry in Japan is fully environmentally sustainable. So all you did was to create a new contract for the handyman to repair the door and thus increases the GDP figure of Japan. Isn't it nice? "
    Chisato: "What are you talking about? You are a 10 year old!"
    Goemon: "... By the way, congratulations! You are now a level-2 ninja of Iga! The HQ just mailed you the certificate for you to sew it inside your Ninja suit."
    Chisato: "What kind of previlege do I have as a level-2 Ninja? Access more secret information? "
    Goemon: "Not just this - you can hire a retainer yourself!"
    Chisato: "Nice! What kind of choices I have?"
    Goemon: "You can either choose a bag of clothes of a regular town man, or... ME! I am good at remembering roads, so once you and I join an army, we can help them march further."
    Chisato: "The first option is silly... Let me hire you, then!"
    Goemon: "Good. I am your official retainer! 10 koku, please."
    Chisato:

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    (Autumn 1545)



    Goemon: "Chisato, did you hear the news?"
    Chisato: "Yeah, Tsutsui clan decided not to build a Sake Den in Yamato and many are disappointed."
    Goemon: "Blah! Hattori declared war on Tsutsui! Hatakeyama declared war on Hattori!"

    Note: It is better to declare war in the fall, so Hattori will have 3 units of Bow Ashigaru instead of just 1, making the castle assault a lot easier.

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    (Autumn 1545)



    Yasunaga (daimyo): "Ha, the Tsutsui clan was caught by surprise! Start the assault!"
    Sandayu: "Chisato, come and watch us take the castle!"
    Chisato: "What an honor to be an observer!"
    Sandayu: "No, actually we need more people to carry water. Come!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Chisato: "My lord, the Tsutsui Bow Ashigaru is defending the wall! What should we do?"
    Yasunaga: "There are four walls in the castle, but only one is manned by Bow unit..."
    Sandayu: "Let's shoot them from behind!"
    Chisato: "Won't they simply turn around and shoot us?"
    Sandaru: "Er... strangely, they won't."

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Sandayu: "This is a good angle! Fire!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Chisato: "Many arrows struck the lantern pole... many Tsutsui soldiers are spared!"
    Sandayu: "Let's move them to another spot!"
    Chisato: "How do we move them?"
    Sandayu: "We will move, and they will follow us!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Sandayu: "No poles, no obstacles, and they have regrouped to form crowd together again. Fire!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    Sandayu: "All of Tsutsui's Bow Ashigaru is killed! Let's shoot the rest of them!"
    Yasunaga: "Let's inspire the soldiers together!... what's the slogan?"
    Sandayu: "Iga Ninjutsu is Good!"



    Soldier 1: "I chanted Iga Ninjutsu is Good, and my kidney stone is flushed out!"
    Soldier 2: "I chanted Iga Ninjutsu is Good, and my incompetence has disappeared! I now have a baby boy!"
    Soldier 3: "I chanted Iga Ninjutsu is Good, and my wife has disappeared! I live happily ever after!"
    Hattori Soldiers: "Iga Ninjutsu is Good! Fire!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Sandayu: "I chant Iga Ninjutsu is Good, and the enemy shows their bums to me! Fire!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Yasunaga: "I chanted Iga Ninjutsu is Good, and we run out of arrows..."
    Sandayu: "There are only 30+ Hattori soldiers left in the castle. Time to storm!"
    Yasunaga: "Yari Ashigaru in spear wall formation! Burn down the gate! Go!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Chisato: "Look, a Tsutsui ashigaru gracefully died on top of the sea of Hattori soldiers."
    Goemon: "That's probably because he died on a slope..."

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Yasunaga: "Time to charge in! Bodyguards, get off your steed and come with me!"
    Chisato: "Watch out, the Tsutsui daimyo is coming!"
    Yasunaga: "Let's fight!"
    Bodyguard A: "Don't leave me!~~"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Tsutusi Junsho (daimyo): "Come, let's fight!"
    Yasunaga: "Why did I get off the horse... "

    Note: Normally it is OK to just let Yari Ashigaru to handle the rest, but I wanted to take a screenshot of the Hattori daimyo in action.

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Tsutusi Junsho (daimyo): "NOO~~ how could I lose to that cue ball..."
    Yasunaga: "It is good to bring bodyguards... Good! We have taken the Tsutsui castle! Take a good rest and we will hold a meeting tomorrow morning!"
    Sandayu: "Chisato, you are invited to the meeting! Don't forget to arrrive 10 minutes early at 4:50 AM!"
    Chisato: "What an honor!"

    End of Chapter 1

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)

    Chapter 2. One step more



    Chisato: "So Goemon, can you tell me more about Ninja?"
    Goemon: "There are three types of Ninja. The Upper Ninja are like master Momochi, who makes strategic decisions. He is the leader of Iga ninja, which operates under the Hattori clan."
    Chisato: "Why do we Iga ninja listen to the Hattori clan?"
    Goemon: "Becasuse they pay us nicely... we get 1 year paternity leave! The other clans only give 6 weeks."
    Chisato: "Why would a 10-year old care about paternity leave... so how does the Hattori clan get their money?"
    Goemon: "Samurai Clans are the actual rulers of the lands. The incomes mainly come from tax and trade. But from time to time we get extra incomes. For example, now we have Yamato, we can sell military access to the Kitabatake clan."
    Chisato: "Nice!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    (Kawachi province)

    Chisato: "Goemon, I heard town folks chatting about a Hatakeyama army gathering here in Kawachi."
    Goemon: "Can you verify it?"
    Chisato: "Let me climb a watch tower and see... yeah, I can see their banners. They are here!"
    Geomon: " Good eyes! Let me report this to the HQ!"

    *** a few days later ***

    Goemon: "Hum, the HQ thinks Hattori's power is too weak to take on Hatakeyama. But Hatekaya has 3 provinces here; Hattori only has 2. If we can reverse the situation, we will have an upper hand as time goes on."
    Chisato: "So what do I do?"
    Goemon: "Lord Yasunaga is leading an army to attack Kii, the richest Hatakeyama province. It must be relatively defenceless. But he requires your guidance or the army can't reach there within this season."
    Chisato: "I am on it! But I have never been to Kii myself..."
    Goemon: "You are a ninja! Just use your superior vision to scout the road!"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Chisato: "My lord, just keep going west on this road, you will reach the Kii castle."
    Hattori Yasunaga: "Good job, Chisato! The castle is in sight! Only the regular maintainance crew is in side. Attack!"

  26. #26
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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Yasunaga: "There is no place for the defenders to hide! Bow Ashigaru, fire at will!"
    Chisato: "Hm... there is a house nearby. Why don't the defenders seek shelters inside the house?"

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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Goemon: "Very well done, Chisato! Even a small mission could make a great difference."
    Chisato: "Piece of cake! By the way, what was the long line up in front of the Kii castle this morning?"
    Goemon: "They were here for the interview."
    Chisato: "What interview?"
    Goemon: "Lord Yasunaga is hiring a retainer."
    Chisato: "Like I hired you?"
    Goemon: "Similar. But retainers for Daimyos are different, though. Finally a veteran captain got the job. He was pretty famous in his time... so now the Hattori clan not only fairs better on the battle field, but also looks better among its generals and people."

    Note: While there are multiple +1 Honor/Loyalty retainers, only some carries a low chance to have an additional +1 attack attribute.

  28. #28
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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Chisato: "Oh yeah, Goemon, last time you told me about the Upper Ninjas, the decision makers. What about the other two kinds of ninjas?"
    Goemon: "Standing in the middle of the tier are Middle Ninjas, field agents who perform away from the spotlight, just like you."
    Chisato: "How many of us are there?"
    Goemon: "I heard that a clan can have mostly 5 Middle Ninja. I am not sure what keeps them from hiring the sixth. Maybe too many Sake Den is bad for farmer's health?"
    Chisato: "Am I Master Momochi's first student?"
    Goemon: "He said that to everybody. But you are the first student who survived the first year..."
    Chisato:
    Goemon: "The Iga ninja clan is actively looking for new talents. I think they just hired a new guy named Sanetomo..."
    Chisato: "Named after Shogun Minamoto no Sanetomo? (note: the son of the first Kamarura Shogun Yorimoto, as seen in the DLC Rise of the Samurai)"
    Goemon: "Maybe or maybe not. There are many Kanji words for the same Japanese pronunciation anyway..."

  29. #29
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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Chisato: "Let me guess... the third class must be the lower Ninja, right?"
    Goemon: "Indeed. The Lower Ninja are soldiers who join battles. We won't see them in action until much later... for now, the HQ has a new mission for you!"
    Chisato: "What is it?"
    Goemon: "Lord Yasunaga is leading a surprise attack to Kawachi, and he needs you to create a distraction for the Hatakeyama army just outside the castle, so they cannot join the battle!"
    Chisato: "How do I do it?"
    Goemon: "How about mixing some... not exactly digestion-friendly herb exatract into their drinking water? So they will be busy looking for place to... "
    Chisato: "That's mean! Anything less harmful?... How about making dead knots on their shoe laces while they are asleep?"
    Goemon: "That will take forever..."

  30. #30
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    Default Re: Iga Ninjutsu is Good (Hattori: Legendary, Domination, V5445)



    Chisato: "OK, here is an idea that works fast and is clean. First, we buy some high-quality spears and bows from local weapon stores, and we rent several dunkey-pulled wagons. Then we approach the Hatakeyama army as weapon merchants. We show them our spears and bows and offer them as free samples. We then offer them to upgrade all their weapons within a week for a cheap fee. The spears and bows come with a life-time warranty. We require payment only at the delivery. The only condition is that they give us the weapons so we can upgrade for them!"
    Goemon: "What a fantastic scam! Nobody can resist free samples and life-time warranty! Plus they don't even have to pay first! Just the spears and bows, of course. All we need to do is to write a proposal to the HQ so they give us the budget to purchase the spears and bows..."

    *** a few days later ***

    Chisato: "Buhahaha, the Hatakeyama soldiers are happily waiting for their shiny new spears that will take a week to arrive. "
    Goemon: "I am signalling the HQ to attack Kawachi!"

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