Pizzaguy's Corner

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shlin28

I will join Capo because its awsome + I was one of the only two townie survivors! :smash:

REVENGE!!!

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What happens to your revenge if you get mafia? :smash:

Then I will make war on my fellow mafia familes, until only the town and my family is left standing.

Then I'll let the survivors go into exile, just like what those evil mafioso forced me to do.

If you do invite people to mafia games, make sure you check the Mafia Players Database located HERE first. It's rude to invite people who have requested no invites.

:bow:

(Note for myself)


Updated list of players. Don't forget to sign up for invitations to Ignoramus' Astorix game, as well as Capo de Tutti Capi III.
(See previous pages)
You miss out on these games, and you'll be mad at yourself! :laugh4:

Concessions, Part Four:

Watch this....

These are my Concessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say I came up with more things to tell you today
These are my Concessions
They fooled Pizzaguy the last three times
Silly me... now I gotta give you part Four of my Concessions

First I screwed up in Scourge of Ephesus
Then I blew it in YLC's Whispers...
But that's not all, yes I recall
Soiree, now I'll give you part Four of my Concessions

Now this gonna be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Gonna tell you all the ways I really screwed up good
Like remember when I told you that I thought it was Curio?
Curio???
That was dumb, he was only trying to help
And I ran for Chief of Police
That was silly because I ended up voting for Reenk
And by the way, it turns out the Godfather wasn't shlin!
I killed Lord Winter accidentally, and we all thought that he was scum.

Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up with a SkyNet report the next day
These are my Concessions
Godfather slipped on by several times
Silly me
I guess I gotta give you part Four of my Concessions

I made myself crazy trying to accuse Reenk
And none of you really thought it was Reenk
Don't know why, but you and I should agree
That belongs in part Four of my Concessions

Townies forgive me I'm still trying to figure out
How the Godfather gave me the runaround
Oh and sometimes in private
My fellow townies would tell me that I was posting too much and maybe I should tone it down;
Tone it down!
Sasaki probably thinks that I'm a jerk, TevashSzat too
I cannot quite explain how I became so unglued
And when I'm analyzing I fantasize I'm a hero...
I'm so sorry townies... I really blew it!

These are my Concessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up with more shames that I'd like to convey
These are my Concessions
They slipped on by, so many times
Silly me
I guess they really fooled me
Here's my Concessions:

I voted myself to break the tie in round five
That was dumb, it was better to be alive
Whoops, my bad...
But you'll be madder at me when I finish part Four of my Concessions:

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this. But you remember how I had basically written off a bunch of people as being townies in my first analysis? *sigh* I was being lazy and I didn't want to go through the people with a lot of posts. What was I thinking? I mean I completely let people off the hook for no reason. What's the point of doing an analysis and not analyzing everyone? I am an idiot. Sorry.

These are my Concessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say, I came up with more reasons you should ban me from games.
These are my Concessions
They slipped on by, so many times
Silly me
I guess I gotta give you part Four of my Concessions

Once I came up with that theory that Seamus was the vig.
And very shortly the vigilante died (D'oh!)
Anyway I shouldn't say anything about Ares
Until I give you part Five of my Concessions.

I mean, I'm just getting started. This mea culpa could go on for days and days. I haven't even gotten halfway down the list! None of you probably even want to talk to me again... what's the point? I am dumb sometimes.



Just kidding, amigos! :clown:

instead of wasting space in my precious PM box, I'll just tell you here that I want an invite for Capo.

Neato! That's 11 so far... thanks woad&fangs!

I was looking around in TWC and noticed...

You have some "hidden" games... Hmm.. Whats that hidden games I smell??
Another Golden Rule like games? :beam:

Stop wallowing in self pity, your the only one who cares! Now get back to your amusing dodgy analyzing once more and do not shut up, because An ATPG without massive stupid analyzing and with silence is NOTHING! So do get over it, it is just a game and we love you all the same :love: :laugh4:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 777Ares777

Stop wallowing in self pity, your the only one who cares! Now get back to your amusing dodgy analyzing once more and do not shut up, because An ATPG without massive stupid analyzing and with silence is NOTHING! So do get over it, it is just a game and we love you all the same :love: :laugh4:

---

What he said. Except that part which says "An ATPG without massive stupid analyzing and with silence is NOTHING!!"

WRONG Ares. An ATPG without massive stupid analyzing and with silence is a ATPG with out ATP. A guy! Must you take away the pizza along with his soul?

But pretty much.. If its not over, then you have to come back to us

Yeah, it's not really self pity so much as a humorous mea culpa for your entertainments.

:bow:

Need more players in Capo III. :whip:

Everyone get on the bandwagon, NOW!!!

Content Module 012: The True* Story of Godfather, Episode III

Revenge of the Mafia?

*Wrote this on a lark, when I thought Andres or Reenk was the Godfather. Dramatization of course. None of the events here actually occurred. Any resemblance to the facts would be frankly, hilarious.*

But I wouldn't count on it...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

WAR! The Gameroom is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless droid leader, Sasaki Kojiro. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish mafia founder, GeneralHankerchief, has swept into the Gameroom and allowed Askthepizzaguy, self-proclaimed leader of the Townie Council, to play Godfather Part III, in spite of his annoying verbosity. As Vincenzo's Mafia attempts to terrorize the besieged Town and WIFOM their valuable hostage, two Town Defenders, Chaotix27 and YLC, lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Pizza.



[The two Jedi land aboard General Kojiro's ship]

YLC:
I sense Lord Winter is a scumbag

Chaotix27:
I sense Ichigo is a scumbag.

YLC:
What if we are both wrong? Maybe it's Sasaki or something.




[Flashback to the election]

Askthepizzaguy:
If I may, boudica, the Chief of Police has little real power. Andres is mired by baseless accusations of baby-eating and corruption. The tax-and-spend Democrats are in charge now. Our only other option would be to submit a plea to elect: Reenk Roink.

boudica:
But I think you'd make a great Chief of Police. I've been your strongest supporter!

[Fast Forward]



Askthepizzaguy:
I hope you trust me, YLC.

YLC:
Of course.

Askthepizzaguy:
I need your help, sir.

YLC:
What do you mean?

Askthepizzaguy:
I'm depending on you... to be the WIFOM bait for the mafia scum.
YLC, I am appointing you to be my personal representative on the Townie Council.

YLC:
Me? A Townie? I'm overwhelmed sir. But the Council elects its own members, they will never accept this.

Askthepizzaguy:
I think they will. They need you... more than you know.




---Later---




777Ares777:
Allow this WIFOM lightly, the Town Council does not. Disturbing is this move by YLC.

YLC:
I understand.

shlin28
You are on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master.

YLC:
What? How can you do this? This is outrageous. It's unfair. How can you be on the council, and not be a Master?

shlin28.
Take a seat, YLC.

YLC:
Forgive me, master.

777Ares777:
Lurking at the bottom of the post count, the Godfather is. The non-contributing players, you must lynch.



---later---




Chaotix27:
YLC did not take to our suspicions of him with much enthusiasm.

shlin28:
It's very dangerous, him and Askthepizzaguy together. I don't think YLC is a townie. I don't trust them.

Chaotix27:
With all due respect, master, are they not suicidal? Are they not trying to destroy the Godfather and bring balance to the Town?

shlin28:
So the WIFOM says.

777Ares777:
A WIFOM, that misinterpreted, could have been.

Chaotix27:
They will not let us down. They never have.
Actually on second thought, YLC must die, and next round we can get back to lynching mafiosi.





---Later---



YLC:
You wanted to speak to me, pizzaguy?

Askthepizzaguy:
Yes, come closer YLC I have distressing news. SkyNet intelligence reports have discovered that the lynchee for this round, Sigurd, was a townie all along, even though he was lurking in the Utapau system.

YLC:
Curses and Drat! We need to catch the Godfather and end this war.

Askthepizzaguy:
I would worry about the collective wisdom of the Town if they didn't listen to your analysis of the situation. You're the best choice, by far. You questioned Lord Winter very early on.
Hmm. Sit down.

[turns to the Lurking Senators]

Askthepizzaguy:
Leave us.

[Taka and Ignoramus exit, YLC sits]

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC, you know I am not able to rely on the Townie Council. If they haven't lynched you yet, they soon will.

YLC:
I am not sure I understand.

Askthepizzaguy:
You must sense what I have come to suspect. The townies just want to lynch one of the top two vote getters. They're planning to betray me.

YLC:
I don't think that...

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC... Search your feelings. You know, don't you?

YLC:
I know they don't trust you.

Askthepizzaguy:
Hmmm.... Or SkyNet. Or evidence. Or analysis, for that matter.

YLC:
I have to admit, my trust in them has been shaken.

Askthepizzaguy:
Why? ...They wanted to lynch you for voting yourself, didn't they?
They wanted to lynch you for WIFOM, didn't they?

YLC:
I don't uh... I don't know what to say.

Askthepizzaguy:
Remember back to your early teachings. All who play Mafia become paranoid. Even the townies.

YLC:
The Townies use their voting power for good.

Askthepizzaguy:
Good is a point of view, YLC. The mafia and the town are similar in almost every way; including their desire to destroy their enemies.

YLC:
The Mafia rely on confusion and emotion for their strength. They think selfishly, only about survival.

Askthepizzaguy:
And the Townies don't?

YLC:
The Townies are selfless. They only care about catching mafia.

Askthepizzaguy:
.....
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Chicago Soiree Disaster?

YLC:
Yes. Boy, you really dropped the ball on that one!
:laugh4:

Askthepizzaguy:
I thought so. It's not a story I enjoy repeating. It's a scum legend.
Darth Sigurd was a Dark Lord of the Scum, so powerful and so wise, he could even use lurking to influence the Townie-chlorians to lynch themselves.

YLC:
He could actually save mafia from being lynched?

Askthepizzaguy:
The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... un-Townie.

YLC:
What happened to him?

Askthepizzaguy:
He became so quiet... the only thing he was afraid of was... the Wrath of Khaan. Which, eventually, of course he tried to avoid. Fortunately, he taught his apprentice boudica everything he knew, and eventually, they both killed all the townies in their sleep. It's ironic. Pizzaguy considered everyone else in the game to be potential scum... but not the lurkers.

YLC:
Is it possible to learn this power?

Askthepizzaguy:
Not from a Townie.





---Later---



Askthepizzaguy:
It's upsetting to me to see that the Townie council doesn't seem to fully appreciate your talents. Don't you wonder why they won't make you a Master?

YLC:
I wish I knew. More and more I get the feeling that I'm being excluded from the council. I know there are things about the Force that they're not telling me.

Askthepizzaguy:
They don't trust you, YLC. They see your future... they know your power will be too strong to control. You must break through the fog of lies the town has created around you.
Let me help you to know the subtleties of the Force.

YLC:
How do you know the ways of the Force?

Askthepizzaguy:
My mentor taught me everything about the Force... even the nature of the Dark Side.

YLC:
You know the dark side?

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC, if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic narrow view of the townies. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader you must embrace... a larger view of the Force. Be careful of the Town, YLC. Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any townie. Learn to use the Dark Side of the force, and you will be able to save yourself... from certain death.

YLC:
What did you say?

Askthepizzaguy:
Use my knowledge, I beg you...

YLC: [pulls out his blue lightsaber]
You're the Zombie Lord!

Askthepizzaguy:
I know what's been troubling you... Listen to me. Don't continue to be a pawn of the Townie Council! Ever since I've known you, you've been searching for a life greater than that of an ordinary townie. A life of signifigance; of conscience.
...
Are you going to shut me up?

YLC:
I would certainly like to.

Askthepizzaguy:
I know you would... I can feel your anger. It gives you focus... makes you stronger.

YLC:
I am going to turn you over to the townie council.

Askthepizzaguy:
Yes, of course, you should. But you're not sure of their intentions, are you?

YLC:
I will quickly discover the truth behind this!

Askthepizzaguy:
You have great wisdom, YLC. Know the power of the Dark Side. The power to save Gameroom.





---Later---




YLC:
Master shlin28, I must talk to you.

shlin28:
YLC, we just received word that the Nudicyclist has vigilante'd General Kojiro.
We are on the way to make sure Askthepizzaguy will restore peace and quiet back to the Town.

YLC:
He won't shut his big fat mouth. I've just learned a terrible truth.
...I think Askthepizzaguy is a Zombie Lord.

shlin28:
A Zombie Lord?

YLC:
Yes, the one we've been looking for.

shlin28:
How do you know this?

YLC:
He knows the ways of the Mafia. He's been trained to use the Dark Side.

shlin28:
Are you sure?

YLC:
Absolutely.

shlin28:
Then our most annoying townie won't shut up. Our worst fears have been realized. We must move quickly if the town is to survive.

YLC:
Master, Pizzaguy is very talkative. You'll need these earplugs if you're going to arrest him.

shlin28:
For your own good, stay out of this affair. I sense a great deal of confusion in you, YLC. You have much WIFOM that clouds your judgment.

YLC:
Lynch me, master.

shlin28:
NO. If what you're saying is true, then you are too suicidal to be the Godfather. But for now, I'm still going to point the Finger of Suspicion on you. Wait in the council chambers until we return.

YLC:
Wow. You still think I'm mafia? Seriously? I'm sooooo outta here. Good luck solving this one on your own, town.

:clown:


---Later---


Askthepizzaguy:
Police Chief shlin28! I take it the Godfather has been destroyed, then.
I must say you're here sooner than expected...

shlin28:
In the name of the Townie Council of the Gameroom, you are under arrest, Pizzaguy.

Askthepizzaguy:
Are you lynching me, Master Shlin?

shlin28:
The Town will decide your fate.

Askthepizzaguy:
I am the Town!

shlin28:
Not yet.

Askthepizzaguy:
It's treason, then...

[Draws his Red Lightsaber, Kills Lord Winter; accuses TevashSzat, Reenk Roink, and shlin28 of being scumbags]




[One awesome lightsaber battle later...]




shlin28:
You are under arrest, Zombie Lord.

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC, I told you it would come to this. I was right. The townies are lynching randomly!

shlin28:
The oppression of the overanalytical zealots will never return. You have lost.

Askthepizzaguy:
No....
NO.... NO.... YOU WILL DIE!!!!!

[Askthepizzaguy unleashes Force Lightning on shlin28]

Askthepizzaguy:
He's a traitor!!!

shlin28:
He is the traitor!!!

Askthepizzaguy:
I have the power to save the town you love! You must CHOOSE!!!

shlin28:
Don't listen to him, town! I'm not the Godfather! I'm an innocent townie who doesn't want to die!

Askthepizzaguy:
I can't argue any longer... I can't... I'm... I'm.... too dead.
Townies! Help me! Help me!
I.... can't argue any longer.

shlin28:
Let's ignore Pizzaguy once and for all!
His SkyNet is bogus!

YLC:
You can't... You must be put on trial.

shlin28:
I have control of all the lynch devices. I'm too important to be put on trial.

YLC:
It's not the townie way. You must respond to questioning!

Askthepizzaguy:
Please, don't!

YLC:
I need him!

Askthepizzaguy:
Please don't!

[YLC slices off shlin28's wrist]

shlin28:
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

[Askthepizzaguy unleashes Force Lightning against shlin28. The brilliant blue lightning which eminated from Pizzaguy's fingers caused the keyboard to... type things.]

Askthepizzaguy:
POWER!!!!!! WALL OF TEXT POWER!!!!!!!

[shlin28 never expected the Spanish Inquisition. He is electrocuted and dropped a half a mile to his death.]

YLC:
What have I done?

Askthepizzaguy:
You're fulfilling your destiny, YLC. Become my apprentice. Learn to use the dark side of the force.

YLC:
I will do whatever you ask; Just be sure to join the sequel to the Whispers in the Night mafia game.

Askthepizzaguy:
Of course. And be sure to sign up for invites to Capo de Tutti Capi III by following the link in my signature.

YLC:
Just help me save the town from mafia.

Askthepizzaguy:
To use SkyNet... is a power only one has achieved but if we work together, I am sure you will discover the secrets.

YLC:
I pledge myself to your teachings.

Askthepizzaguy:
Good. Goooooooood.
[raspy breathing]

The Force is STRONG with you. A powerful Townie you will become. Henceforth, you shall be known as.... Darth.... pevergreen.

pevergreen:
W00T!!! I get to be part of the game at last!!!



---Later---




777Ares777:
I hear a new apprentice you have, Askthepizzaguy. Or should I call you Darth Sidious?

Askthepizzaguy:
Master Ares! Your survived....

777Ares777:
Surprised?

Askthepizzaguy:
Yeah, kinda, actually. You're usually lynched by now.

777Ares777:
I know. But I've been busy doing... townie things. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Askthepizzaguy:
Now you will experience the full power of the Dark Side.
[ATPG blasts Ares against the wall with Force Lightning. Meanwhile, Chaotix27 and YLC battle each other with lightsabers over the lava pits of Mustafar]

Askthepizzaguy:
I have waited a long time for this moment... my little... green... friend...
[Ares gets up off of the floor.]

Askthepizzaguy:
At last the mafia are no more!

777Ares777:
I'm a TOWNIE, dangit!!!
[Ares uses Force Push to toss Pizzaguy on his pepperoni-covered noggin.]

777Ares777:
At an end your blabbering is. And not soon enough it was.[Pizzaguy tries to escape...]

777Ares777:
If so powerful you are.... why leave?
[Ares pulls out his green lightsaber.]

Askthepizzaguy:
You will not stop me. YLC will become more powerful than either of us.
[Pizzaguy pulls out his red lightsaber.]

777Ares777:
Faith in your new apprentice, misplaced may be. As is your faith in Dark Side of the Force.
[Ares and Pizzaguy engage in the coolest lightsaber battle EVAR!!!]


meanwhile...

Chaotix27 and YLC have blue lightsabers at one another's throats. Chaotix flips YLC over, but YLC gets up and kicks him in the face. There was a lot of truly awesome stuff. I wish you could see this. It's a shame you can't... I'll just have to describe it to you. WOW!!! Did you see that? That was unbelievable. They use that force pushy thingy on one another and they both get slammed into a wall. Oops, there goes that thing which protects the platforms from the molten rocks below. Better hope they don't continue their fight over the lava..... OH LOOK!!! THEY ARE TOTALLY BATTLING OVER THE LAVA!!! I did NOT see that coming. YLC tries a desperate WIFOM-assisted flip over his opponent, who slices his arguments to pieces because they were un-townie. YLC feels the burning agony of the frustration that his suicidal behavior isn't compelling evidence that he's not the Godfather, and no one is listening. The good person known as YLC suicided that day... but the one known as Darth pevergreen lives on.

meanwhile...

777Ares777 and Askthepizzaguy duel on top of the Chancellor's hoverpod in the Townie Senate. Askthepizzaguy uses Force Lift to toss several arguments at Ares, who dodges several verbal accusations and hurls a few of them right back. Askthepizzaguy blasts Ares' green lightsaber out of his hands with Force Lightning, and Ares begins to absorb the dark energy flowing from Pizzaguy's big blabbering mouth, summoning one final blast which knocks them both down from the floating Hoverpod. Pizzaguy refused to shut up, and so Ares decided to simply ignore him.


777Ares777:
That's all right, Askthepizzaguy. pevergreen still has some of YLC's innocence in him.... and he's going to betray you someday. Until then, into exile I must go, to train pevergreen's son Mark Hamil how to be a Jedi, but apparently, not how to act.

[Ares leaves the townie chambers, and is promptly murdered to discredit Askthepizzaguy]

____________________________



[Many years later... Reenk Roink is battling Lord Vader aboard the Death Star]

Vader:
You cannot hide forever Reenk. Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Your feelings betray you. Your thoughts for them are strong. Especially for.... Quintus. So... you are voting for Quintus. Your vote for him has now betrayed him too. Chaotix27 was wise to hide him from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the dark side, then perhaps Quintus will.

Reenk Roink:
NOOOO!!!!!!!
[Reenk unleashes his blue light saber and begins battling Lord Vader, who carries a red lightsaber]

[Reenk votes for Andres]

Vader:
Arrgghhh!!!

Askthepizzaguy:
Heh heh heh heh heh heh.... Good!
Your hate has made you powerful. Now...
Fulfill your destiny, and leave your vote on Andres, and take your townie place at MY side.

Reenk Roink:
Never. I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You've failed, Pizzaguy. I am a Jedi... like the Godfather before me.
[Reenk Roink unvotes Lord Vader]

Askthepizzaguy:
So be it.... Jedi.


_____________


Askthepizzaguy:
If you will not be turned.... you will be destroyed!!!
[Askthepizzaguy unleashes force lightning on Reenk Roink, who screams in agony. It's really quite annoying to be questioned this way.]

Askthepizzaguy:
Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand.
[Lord Vader gets up]

Askthepizzaguy:
Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side.
[Askthepizzaguy fires more lightning against Reenk]

Askthepizzaguy:
You have paid the price for your lack of vision.

Reenk Roink:
Godfather... Please!
Help me!!!!
Ahhh!!!

Askthepizzaguy:
Now, young Reenk Roink... you will die!

[Askthepizzaguy unleashes force lightning on Reenk Roink, and it's clear Reenk's attempts at deception aren't working. Askthepizzaguy knows that Lord Andres is the Godfather, but cannot do anything about it]

Lord Andres picks up Askthepizzaguy and tosses him towards the core of the Death Star.

Askthepizzaguy:
AAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________


Andres:
Reenk.... help me take this mask off...

Reenk Roink:
But you'll die.

Andres:
Nothing can stop that now. Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes.

[Reenk unmasks Andres as the Godfather]

Andres:
Now, go... my son. Leave me...

Reenk Roink:
No. You're coming with me. I won't leave you here, I've got to save you.

Andres:
You already have, Reenk. He was right. He was right about me. Tell Askthepizzaguy... he was right.

[Andres lights a cigar, and stops pretending to be hurt.]

Andres:
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! And for your excellent uh.... service.... Reenk Roink, you are now a Made Man. You've proven beyond any doubt your uh... true loyalties. Beer, cookies, and women for everyone that survived!

[Andres looks around]

Andres:
Ok, just us then... heh heh heh...



(And of course, it turns out that I was almost completely wrong about who the mafia were!) :laugh4:

THE END

The Godfather, Episode III


Created by Silver Rusher
Adaptation by GeneralHankerchief
Directed by Stephen_Spielburg187


Cast:


Anakin Skywalker- YLC
Obi-Wan Kenobi- Chaotix27
Count Dooku- Seamus Fermanagh
Darth Sidious- Askthepizzaguy
Master Yoda- 777Ares777
General Grievous- Sasaki Kojiro
Mace Windu- shlin28
Darth Maul- seireikhaan
Senator Amidala- boudica
Young Darth Vader- pevergreen
Viceroy Gunray- Beey187
Ki-Adi-Mundi- Psychonaut
Bail Organa- Quintus.JC
Boba Fett- TevashSzat
Jabba the Hutt- White_Eyes:D
Chewbacca- Gaius Scribonius Curio
Commander Cody- TinCow
Sebulba- Sigurd
Han Solo- glyphz
Watto- CountArach
Qui-gon Jinn- Ichigo
Jar-Jar Binks- Tratorix
Loyalist Lurker #1- Taka
Loyalist Lurker #2- Ignoramus
C-3P0- LittleGrizzly
R2-D2- Jolt
Jango Fett- Lord Winter
Luke Skywalker- Reenk Roink
Lord Vader- Andres

Extras:

"It's" man (Monty Python's Flying Circus)- Ituralde
Kenny McCormack (South Park)- Myrddraal







See you in the Godfather, Episode IV: A New Hope.

LOL, you must get bored often :laugh4:

Whada:daisy:, I'm R2D2?? ¬_¬'

:laugh4:

This is the most awsomest thing I have ever read!

Everyone is who they are for a reason, or at least from my perspective.

Jolt and LittleGrizzly's feud made them OBVIOUS candidates to be R2D2 and C-3PO.

And yes, I get very, very bored, very often. Sorry Tratorix about making you Jar Jar... but you bailed on us when you died, so you get the Jar Jar award.

:clown:

If anyone wants to know why certain people are who they are... or at least, a frail bit of comedic reasoning why, just ask.

Why am I the most awsome Jedi ever? (Mace Windu :yes:)

Star wars refrences FTW!!!

Funny stuff ATPG!

And jolt don't complain too much, i think you got the better end of that deal out of the two of us, im a skinny little droid with a feminine voice... R2D2 is at least useful.... and kinda cute sounding...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shlin28

Why am I the most awsome Jedi ever? (Mace Windu :yes:)

---

Because you were the most awesome Chief of Police ever, and you called for my head.

And then I tried to get you lynched and succeeded. Seemed only fitting that it would make you Windu and me the Sidious guy.

Although Reenk's performance as Chief of Police is right up there too. Wanax is awesome.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LittleGrizzly

Star wars refrences FTW!!!

Funny stuff ATPG!

And jolt don't complain too much, i think you got the better end of that deal out of the two of us, im a skinny little droid with a feminine voice... R2D2 is at least useful.... and kinda cute sounding...

---

I...CAN'T....TALK, for :daisy: sake! All I can do is this and whirl my head!

Viceroy Gunrey!! Woot!

I get to be killed!:elephant:

Chewbacca? :laugh4:

I bow to your obviously superior reasoning in making a 65kg long distance runner (and no I'm not kidding I really am that skinny) into an absolute beast....

Sorry, Beefster... I was running out of people to choose from, and you mentioned you were from Japan, and for whatever reason, George Lucas seemed to imagine those Trade Federation types as having almost a Japanese or Asian kind of accent.

I do want you to know, I resisted the idea for a while, as it seemed to simplistic and stereotypical. But, I knew you wouldn't take offense, and he does have a nice villainous speaking role, so, it's not a bad choice at all.

I was kind of winging it for a few people. Like, Gaius... I needed to give him a good guy role, and not many were left. So, I hope he likes Chewbacca. I like Chewbacca.

EDIT: Wow... I must be psychic. I was talking about my reasons (or lack thereof) for making Gaius chewbacca, and guess who shows up to post?

:laugh4:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

Sorry, Beefster... I was running out of people to choose from, and you mentioned you were from Japan, and for whatever reason, George Lucas seemed to imagine those Trade Federation types as having almost a Japanese or Asian kind of accent.

I do want you to know, I resisted the idea for a while, as it seemed to simplistic and stereotypical. But, I knew you wouldn't take offense, and he does have a nice villainous speaking role, so, it's not a bad choice at all.

I was kind of winging it for a few people. Like, Gaius... I needed to give him a good guy role, and not many were left. So, I hope he likes Chewbacca. I like Chewbacca.

EDIT: Wow... I must be psychic. I was talking about my reasons (or lack thereof) for making Gaius chewbacca, and guess who shows up to post?

:laugh4:

---

Well trade federation rocks my socks.

Love their style of military.. And army of robots which is actually killable unlike the terminator ones.

Well that worked well. And I do like it, if only for the sheer irony....

My response to Beefy, Tevash, and White_Eyes' quicktopic:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

QUOTE: QUICKTOPIC


Beefy, post 8 of the quicktopic:
As for the kill choices, ill go for the lurkers for the time being. Killing active good analyzer will confirm them innocent. Especially keep away from ATPG. He should be lynchable

Beefy, post 31:
Seeing as I got ATPGs sympathies..Ill start playing seriously

Tevash, post 44:
I will throw hints in my writeup regardling, LittleGrizzly Chaotix and ATPG.
Lets see how the town will react to White_eyes's and my writeups the next day.

Beefy, 72:
ATPG contacted me. Apparently im cleared innocent by skynet :P

WhiteEyes, 73:
I am sorry Tevash....my analysis of our write-up's combined with Pizza guys "Skynet" are going to get you lynched I am afraid....well....I guess Reenk might get lynched either way....Beefy how should Tevash respond?...I doubt after that write-up that implicates everyone else well work to clear him....hmmmmm.....Tevash, stay calm and try and respond with a clear response...like, "I always use this playstyle"....or "I didn't jump on the YLC bandwagon" give clear but helpful reasons in the analysis of your write-up....you need to get off everyone's scanner's....Beefy....you need to help somehow....or we can go on with one kill....or see if town lynch's Reenk....which is, sadly unlikely....I have seen Reenk talk his way out of worse.....he may even fake reveal..

Beefy, 97:
Firstly
@ White_eyes
I'm not surprised of you being pissed at me. I didn't explain my intention and that is clearly my fault.

@ both of you
Like GH pointed out, when I voted for Tevash, ATPG was way ahead of the vote. People switching vote to Tevash was beyond my estimation and I apologize for that.

Honestly, lynching ATPG could be potentially dangerous. If we lynch him off and we start off killing two people.. Or even one. That will prove him innocent. Then Tevash will get lynched.
If we do the opposite. Lynch Tevash off. Then still have our one kill. That will prove Tevash innocent. And discredit ATPG. and those who agreed to him.
Personally I think option 2 is better. But if you don't think so, then tell me. This is your game and I'm willing to follow you guys decision even if that means Ill be in bad position

106:
Actually don't do it yet. By the looks of it, ATPG seems to be pretty solidly innocent. If we do that write up today, it suggests that ATPG was a grunt which nobody will buy
I think we should keep till someone other then Tevash gets lynched.

108:
My alignment right now are sympathetic to ATPG, mutual trust relation with taka (until final 10) and trading opinion with Gaius. If I betray ATPG, I will end up on the chopping board

119:
To survive the upcoming 8 lynches, we have to stay on the good books of ATPG to avoid the lynch. Sure he may not be almighty right but least he can convince most of the peoples.[/QUOTE]

You guys may have overestimated me in the beginning, but your cool play did make me look like a fool by the end. I'm just glad I made your lives ever so miserable for the first half, and scored first blood against the mafia.

My death now has meaning and purpose.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

My response to Beefy, Tevash, and White_Eyes' quicktopic:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

QUOTE: QUICKTOPIC


Beefy, post 8 of the quicktopic:
As for the kill choices, ill go for the lurkers for the time being. Killing active good analyzer will confirm them innocent. Especially keep away from ATPG. He should be lynchable

Beefy, post 31:
Seeing as I got ATPGs sympathies..Ill start playing seriously

Tevash, post 44:
I will throw hints in my writeup regardling, LittleGrizzly Chaotix and ATPG.
Lets see how the town will react to White_eyes's and my writeups the next day.

Beefy, 72:
ATPG contacted me. Apparently im cleared innocent by skynet :P

WhiteEyes, 73:
I am sorry Tevash....my analysis of our write-up's combined with Pizza guys "Skynet" are going to get you lynched I am afraid....well....I guess Reenk might get lynched either way....Beefy how should Tevash respond?...I doubt after that write-up that implicates everyone else well work to clear him....hmmmmm.....Tevash, stay calm and try and respond with a clear response...like, "I always use this playstyle"....or "I didn't jump on the YLC bandwagon" give clear but helpful reasons in the analysis of your write-up....you need to get off everyone's scanner's....Beefy....you need to help somehow....or we can go on with one kill....or see if town lynch's Reenk....which is, sadly unlikely....I have seen Reenk talk his way out of worse.....he may even fake reveal..

Beefy, 97:
Firstly
@ White_eyes
I'm not surprised of you being pissed at me. I didn't explain my intention and that is clearly my fault.

@ both of you
Like GH pointed out, when I voted for Tevash, ATPG was way ahead of the vote. People switching vote to Tevash was beyond my estimation and I apologize for that.

Honestly, lynching ATPG could be potentially dangerous. If we lynch him off and we start off killing two people.. Or even one. That will prove him innocent. Then Tevash will get lynched.
If we do the opposite. Lynch Tevash off. Then still have our one kill. That will prove Tevash innocent. And discredit ATPG. and those who agreed to him.
Personally I think option 2 is better. But if you don't think so, then tell me. This is your game and I'm willing to follow you guys decision even if that means Ill be in bad position

106:
Actually don't do it yet. By the looks of it, ATPG seems to be pretty solidly innocent. If we do that write up today, it suggests that ATPG was a grunt which nobody will buy
I think we should keep till someone other then Tevash gets lynched.

108:
My alignment right now are sympathetic to ATPG, mutual trust relation with taka (until final 10) and trading opinion with Gaius. If I betray ATPG, I will end up on the chopping board

119:
To survive the upcoming 8 lynches, we have to stay on the good books of ATPG to avoid the lynch. Sure he may not be almighty right but least he can convince most of the peoples.

---

You guys may have overestimated me in the beginning, but your cool play did make me look like a fool by the end. I'm just glad I made your lives ever so miserable for the first half, and scored first blood against the mafia.

My death now has meaning and purpose.[/QUOTE]

Whether you like it or not, you were in the center of the game the whole time.

If we went on the wrong foot with the no.1 poster, we would've been in trouble:sweatdrop:

Ah, but you failed to fool Sasaki.

Seriously, a game with Sasaki as a townie and me as a townie, and Andres and TinCow and... SO MANY good players as a townie... I don't envy you your task. That was CRAZY hard, and you nearly did it.

Legendary mafia team, you were.

And Seamus if I may add.

He was the first one to get near me.

pever was the first one to have a definite doubt against me but I can never fool pever :sweatdrop:

Godfather 3 <----Yeah, it was AWESOME.....:2thumbsup: when GH gave me and Tevash our role PM's ....he thought we wouldn't last three rounds.....:sweatdrop: it's hard to imagine that me and Beefy made it to the end.....because White_eyes=Suicidal Scapegoat with Beefy=Innocent but always gets lynched townie....

I chalk it up to hardly anyone knowing my 'true writing style'.....it always can change....I may not be able to forge like Reenk can...:no: but I can modify and make WIFOM like there is no tomorrow....:clown:

BTW, Darth Maul=Tevash.....Beefy=Lord Vader....and I should be...Count Doouka? I mean Beefy did throw Tevash and me under the bus.....sort of:shrug:

Edit: and I am keeping my SIG ATPG.....it was your fault that there was more information produced then in most Mafia games....:grin:

If it makes more sense; the Sith in my writeup story were the good guys, and the jedi were either REALLY good townies or bad guys.

But I didn't know about you and Beefy being scum, so you both got bad guy roles by a delicious accident which makes more sense in retrospect.

And TinCow was in there as Cmmdr Cody because he's the guy who Sidious contacts to execute order 66, which starts wiping out the Jedi (from my perspective, evil).



And Seamus, and indeed, most of the town, especially past turn 6, was AWESOME.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by White_Eyes' signature

TinCow-I think this game might be a record for most information produced without anything useful coming out of it. -On the Mafia game; Godfather 3

---

Quote:

---

Edit: and I am keeping my SIG ATPG.....it was your fault that there was more information produced then in most Mafia games...

---

Re: White_Eyes signature:

I STRONGLY disagree. My finding on TevashSzat cannot be ignored or overlooked as legitimate information that could have helped town IMMENSELY. That was legitimate information that was useful, and beefy's and your reaction to the entire proceeding helped the town finger you as scumbags, even if I failed to do so. I'm only claiming my small bit of "finder's" credit on Tevash, town still had to do the lynch, and they caught the rest of you with me kicking and screaming due to your excellent mafia play which fooled me good.

But you have to give me credit; the information that came out on Tevash was my doing. He had been mentioned as a suspect by a couple people, but he was NO ONE's priority target except mine, and he was the first scumbag to fall, thus forcing the mafia to maintain 1 kill per round for the remainder.

I admit I was annoying, off-base, and any number of negatives, but I can say cooly and without a swelled head, nailing Tevash was the single most important thing that happened in the first half of the game for town. That's a fair assessment, and I won't brag, but it was important, please give me credit on that, and I will gleefully shut up about it.

:smash:

I claim only 1/3, but no one can argue that I didn't earn that very important 1. Fair?

As Andres has suggested, this isn't a competition, nor is it about "length" of certain things, but I do deserve some credit for the information I did provide. I think that's not overstating things, no?

You guys did awesome by the way. Truly epic game, and nearly, the most epic win by Beefy and WhiteEyes and TevashSzat ever.

:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4: well....Tevash bailed(I wonder why:rolleyes:)....and he didn't send in his one write-up....I think he may never come back to the ORG....:shame:

Edit:well maybe three write-up chances he missed......:shrug: and I am keeping my SIG....It was SO much fun to have town so cofused out of there minds, that they went on post counts....:grin:

I sincerely hope he comes back. You may be too hard on him, he hasn't been on since then. Maybe he lost net access for a while and its not his fault.

Benefit of the doubt, White_eyes. It saved yours and Beefy's butt for most of the game, don't skimp on it for Tevash. Let him come back and welcome him back when he does, because he did the best he could in my opinion. That was the best anyone can do under those circumstances. :bow:

As much as I would like to think the best....I have seen him on a few times.....but he just stares at the guild index for five minutes and then logs off....:no:

TevashSzat
Last Activity: 02-22-2009 21:56

That was 9 days ago. :smash:

I think he deserves some slack. You can always ask him (nicely) what happened when he gets back.
Deal?

:bow:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

TevashSzat
Last Activity: 02-22-2009 21:56

That was 9 days ago. :smash:

I think he deserves some slack. You can always ask him (nicely) what happened when he gets back.
Deal?

:bow:

---

I won't even do that. I'll just welcome him back :yes:
Tevash did a great job. He gets his quarter of my cake:2thumbsup:

Yeah, me too. I don't even care what it was (well, I care... didn't mean it that way) I just want him back.

I like everyone on my friends list and don't want to see them go.

About Capo.. I still don't get how the God Father system in Capo works.

Sorry, Beefy you'll have to ask Seamus Fermanagh about the specifics of his game.

I only know I want to be in the game itself.

Is a game with 120(!) people...comprehendable (Meaning, everyone's posts)?

I think 80% if it is PM's and Quick topic.....:smash: lots of back stabbing.....:juggle2:

In the early stages, people will just be voting in the thread. Too many people for a discussion.

Quote:

---

About Capo.. I still don't get how the God Father system in Capo works.

---

The Godfather is basically just a mafia member who when investigated is always innocent (unless he kills), and is immune from night kills because of his "Luca" (bodyguard)

:bow:

Darth Maul? :inquisitive:


Also, you can consider my "joined" for Capo III, Pizzaguy. Not that you recruited me, of course. I just don't want any more spam. :tongue2:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by seireikhaan

Darth Maul? :inquisitive:


Also, you can consider my "joined" for Capo III, Pizzaguy. Not that you recruited me, of course. I just don't want any more spam. :tongue2:

---

Darth Maul = Seireikhaan:

1. In my version story, the Sith were the good guys.
2. You died very early on. Like, Episode I early on. :yes:
3. You're a badass. Darth maul is a badass.
4. You have similar hairstyles. You have short hair, he is bald and has horns. Close enough. :laugh4:

I am accepting signups for the Total War Center forums Askthepizzaguy-hosted small game located here.

If you have already looked over the current games hosted in our gameroom, you'll notice most of them are in-play or signups are about to close. Therefore, I think it is fair I can start recruiting more players again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shlin28

The Godfather is basically just a mafia member who when investigated is always innocent (unless he kills), and is immune from night kills because of his "Luca" (bodyguard)

:bow:

---

How does escape and stuff work? I saw some Dons lynched and some escaping

Some Dons escaped being lynched? I don't remember any Dons escaping lynchings. :sweatdrop:

I think Dons can be lynched like everyone else.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shlin28

Some Dons escaped being lynched? I don't remember any Dons escaping lynchings. :sweatdrop:

I think Dons can be lynched like everyone else.

---

Ah I realised escaping was done in Capo I not II.

It just reminded me of two additional questions which I should ask Seamus instead but..

What happens to his man when their Don die?

And how does one get selected as a new Don?

I believe the remaining mafia members can decide who gets to be the next don :bow:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shlin28

I believe the remaining mafia members can decide who gets to be the next don :bow:

---

Ah I see. Thanks heaps Shlin :2thumbsup:

Given how infrequently people visit my user page, I'm reposting the content here where it might actually amuse someone.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

"Besides, what good is peace and prosperity when we can build a glorious new future on the broken bodies and charred corpses of the vanquished?"

---

_________________________________________________

Turkish Jihad

Lyrics by Askthepizzaguy
Based on Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard

All you faithless infidels can follow along here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVxiHC9AJQw

Great Imam, stop and pray
Declare a holy war, Hey Hey!

Sultan Jalal, ghazis come and hear my call
I'm recruiting muslim archers to man the walls
Lookin' like a champ, with my Turcomans
Demolishing Romans, and taking their land... their land... hey!

Constantinople put up quite a little fight
Horse archers, Sipahis go all night
Sometime, anytime, turn up the heat
Great Imam would you please Jihad me, yeah... yeah

C'mon, take your curved sword, follow Jalal
On a Jihad... Praise Allah!

Declare your Jihad on me
Ooh, in the name of Allah!
Declare your Jihad on me
C'mon, slash me up
Declare your Jihad on me
Go kill infidels

I'm hot, smell like feet
Burning up from the desert heat yeah

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Listen! Swordsmen, spearmen, javelins go!
Crazy fundamentalist jihadis know
Mujahideen holy men, with a lot of soul
Sweet dream, infidels, lethal blow

Lethal blow, lethal blow

You gotta kill a few, convert a few
Behead a few more
Armies of Allah come knocking on their door
Sometime, anytime, it would be neat
If the Papal States bowed at our feet, yeah, yeah

Pray a little more

Take a Qu'ran, open it up
Recite a few verses, praise Allah

Point your prayer rug towards Mecca
Ooh, in the name of Allah
Pray on your knees towards Mecca
C'mon, Muhammadean
Fight a Jihad for me
Oh, I can't get enough

It's hot, like the fires of hell
Sticky with the blood of infidels, yeah

[guitar solo]

You got the Balkans, I killed the Greeks
Then we conquered Sicily
I took Venice, Poland, and Hungary
Beat the Russians, and the Danes, and the Swedes

Do you drink coffee? The Arabs do!

Go on a jihad, shake things up
Kill the faithless, infidel

Declare your Jihad on me
Ooh, convert Milan
Declare your Jihad on me
Now Portugal is gone
Declare your Jihad on me
Even Spain went down
Declare your Jihad on me
Oh, in the name of Allah
Declare your Jihad on me
London, Paris,
Declare your Jihad on me
Edinburgh!
Declare your Jihad on me
Say your prayers, infidel

__________________________________________

Blitzmaster

Lyrics by Askthepizzaguy
Based on Master of Puppets by Metallica

Play the song while reading the new lyrics!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z-hEyVQDRA

___________________________________


End of your campaign, crumbling away
I’m your master of obstruction
Ten thousand men with spears, spreading hate and fear
Leading to your great destruction
Trust me, you will see
War is all I need
I’m dedicated to
how I'm killing you

I’m recruiting faster
I’m your Blitzmaster
Bringer of disaster
I’m your Blitzmaster
Master
Master of blitzing, I’m killing your kings
Bringing to life my nightmarish dreams
Capturing cities and pillaging things
Torturing subjects, until they all scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, and I’ll make you bleed
Master
Master

I‘m conquering my way, forever I'll betray
The AI won't see it coming
Can’t trust them you see, they always betrayed me
Because diplomacy is broken
Turn around and you will see
An invasion from the sea
But what will they do?
They only blockade you

Diplomacy disaster
Go kill those bastards
Betray them faster
Burn them to ashes
Ashes
Master of Blitzing invading your lands
Dismembering subjects to the last man
Smashing your gates with battering rams
with millions of troops under my command
Master
Master
It's too late for you, you're severely outmanned
Master
Master

Master, Master, Where's the revenge that you've been after
Master, Master, everyone has died
After, After, Twenty three blood soaked turns
Laughter, Laughter, laughing at your cries

Slaying every Pope, and Rome went up in smoke
Butchering without a reason
Firing trebuchets, another town was razed
I massacred everyone in Berlin
I won't occupy
But I will make you die
I will run you through
Now I rule you too

Start kneeling faster
obey your Master
your life ends faster
care of Blitzmaster
Master
Master of Venice, Spain and Milan
Sultan of Moors and Killer of Khans
England and Scotland call me their King
Even the Aztecs are worshipping me
Master
Master
The Death God demands I sacrifice thee.
Master
Master

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHAAAAHHHAA!!!!

_____________________________________________

OverKnight
The theme song by Askthepizzaguy

Based on Hold the Line by Toto
Click link to listen along...

I’m loving the way that you rule me
I’m loving the way that you make me obey
I’m loving the way that you've been conquering Turks
I’m loving the way that you’ll rule till you die
I’m loving the way that you look and the way you torture your subjects

OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh

I’m loving the way that you whip me, lord
I’m loving the way that you put me on trial
I’m loving the way that your men rack me
I’m loving the way that you’ll never set me free
I’m loving the way that you’ll draw and quarter me too

OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh

I’m loving the way that you flog me
I’m loving the way that you brand me with an iron
I’m loving the way the stocks humiliate me
I’m loving the way that this stake is burning me
I’m loving the way that I’m forced to work in your mines

OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
Basileos of the Empire!

OverKnight, I love how you set me on fire
I love how you, how you cuff me in irons
OverKnight, you’re the one I admire
Beat me until I expire
Whip me until I expire
Feed me to your pet lion

Oh, oh, oh…..

______________________________________________________

Hooked on Phonicsmonkey
The theme song by Askthepizzaguy

Based on The Game by Motorhead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQzsK4FAnx0
click link to follow along
____________________________

It's time to learn to read….
Time to learn to read!

Hoohooheheh….
Hahahaha.

It's all about the Monkey, the one who’s Caliph
All about the Hajj and if you can take it
All about Salat and if you can pray it
It's all about piety and who's got the most of it

I am the Caliph, they call me Phonicsmonkey
I rule all Islam, and if you read funky
I own a Qu’ran, and I know I can teach you
How to read Holy Texts, until you can preach it.

Turn towards Mecca, pray on your rug
Slay the infidels and never be outdone.
I uphold Sharia law, and I make the rules
I can call a jihad and slay me some fools.

I teach Monkey Phonics and I’m a Caliph
I can play the cymbals and teach your ABC’s
But don't you forget to pray five times a day
Cause I am the Caliph and I demand that you pray!

It's time to learn to read….
Hahahaha!
Time to learn to read!

It's all about Crusades, and how you fight them
It's all about Jihad, and if Allah wills it
It's all about alms, and if you can pay it
It's all about my reign, and who's going to Mecca

I am the Caliph, you don't wanna betray me
I am in control, and I demand you obey me
I am an Ayatollah, just picture Khomeini
You read “Allahu Akbar!”, so have some Kushari.

Praise His name
Allah will proclaim
virgins in your name
If you die in vain!

Hahahaha!!!

Time to praise Allah’s name…

It's time to praise His name...
Allahu Akbar!
It's time to praise His name…
Hahahaha!!!
It's time to praise His name…
Allahu Akbar!

It's time to learn to read, from Phonicsmonkey
It's time to learn about the alphabetic principle
It's time to learn about vowels, consonants and dipthongs
It's time to learn diction, grammar, and spelling

I am the Monkey, to teach you phonics
How to read out loud, and practice public speaking
I am a master of words, language and literacy
I can work to improve your Arabic fluency

Praise His name
Allah will proclaim
virgins in your name
If you die in vain!

Hahahaha!!!

It's time to praise His name
It's time to praise His name
I think I've gone insane...

_______________________________

Another ode to our distinguished Moderator

Don't Fear the Lemur
The theme song by Askthepizzaguy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5rW-YvYmUE
The Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult


All the primates have come
The lemuriformes have gone
Orgahs don't fear the Lemur
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are
Come on orgahs...don't fear the Lemur
Young wannabe Caesars...don't fear the Lemur
Old software geezers...don't fear the Lemur
Class: Mammalia!

La-lalalala…. La-lalalala

Phylum: Chordata
Kingdom: Animalia
Order: Primates
Suborder: Strepsirrhini
40,000 baby Lemurs everyday......Like Romeo and Juliet
40,000 baby Lemurs everyday......they breed like rabbits
Another 40,000 coming everyday......We can be like they are
Come on orgahs... don't fear the Lemur
D+D Geeks... don't fear the Lemur
World of Warcraft Freaks... don't fear the Lemur
They’re prosimians!

La-lalalala…. La-lalalala

Lemur is a nocturnal one
He’s here when the sun has gone
Came here last night from the trees
And it was clear that he wanted to eat
A variety of fruits, flowers and leaves
As well as insects, spiders, and small vertebrates
If you think that he’ll eat you... baby don't be afraid
Lemurs are tiny... and they’re mostly herbivores
They’d never eat you... and they’re endangered
They live in matriarchal societies... let’s become like they are
They can swing from the trees... let’s become like they are
Come on baby...don't fear the Lemur

________________________________


Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake
The Theme Song by Askthepizzaguy

An Ode to our distinguished Moderator...
To the tune of "Eternal flame" by the Bangles
http://www.petalia.org/Songs/eternalflame.htm
(Click link to follow along)




Cashews and Milk
Would really hit the spot, darlin'
Do you hear my tummy rumblin'
Do you understand
Why he's got that name?
Am I only dreaming
Or Is this Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake?

Swiss Man
Lives in a swiss Castle, darlin'
Mr. Peanut for President
You should vote for him
Why's his name so strange?
Am I only dreaming
Or is this Sith|R| (Sith) AntiWarmanCake?

Say his name
Doesnt roll off the tongue.
With a mace so painful
Then you come and smash in my brain
I think I've lost all feeling, owwwwwww.

Say his name
Doesnt roll off the tongue.
With a mace so painful
Then you come and smash in my brain
I think I've lost all feeling, owwwwwww.

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
Do you understand
Do you feel my pain
Am I only dreaming
Or Is this Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake?

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
What's with all those eights?
Have you gone insane???
I'm profusely bleeding!!!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake!!!!!

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
Do you understand
Do you feel my pain
Am I only dreaming
Or Is this Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake?

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
What's with all those eights?
Have you gone insane???
I'm profusely bleeding!!!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake!!!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Graal

Lyrics by Askthepizzaguy
Based on You Shook me All Night Long by AC/DC

Click the link to follow along
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bomv...eature=related
______________________________

He conquered all with Spain
With Egypt he's insane
He's the best damn Roman that I've ever seen
He took some ballistae
Took on the British Isles
Knockin' down the walls with those Venetian guys
Took on the world with Rome
Europe's where he's home
I told him to conquer, but he was already done

'Cause the walls started shaking
The gates were breaking
Our spears were quaking
And he was taking my fortress

He's the Knight of Graal

Hey you,
it's the Knight of Graal

Working double time
towards the finish line
He was the bloodthirsty kind, and my walls were undermined
He didn't stop or pause
had just one cause
Made mincemeat out of me, and came back for more
Had to burn my town
straight into the ground
Now I'm enslaved again, as well as all my men

'Cause the walls were shaking
The earth was quaking
My wounds were aching
And the line was breaking to you,

He's the Knight of Graal

Yeah you, The Knight of Graal
Knocked me out.
Said you, dreaded Knight of Graal
Walls were shaking cause of you,
dreaded Knight of Graal
Yeah you... Stop killing me already!

The exploding cannon fire was a bit much. The walls are made of wood, for crying out loud.

You really overkill things...
Knight of Graal

You really stomped my defenders
Knight of Graal

You horses really trampled me
Knight of Graal

_____________________________________________

Are you feeling tired? Stressed out? Sluggish? Getting a little flabby around the midsection? Are the peasants not fleeing in abject terror like they used to?

Well Look No Further, because the Org has a new fitness regimen sure to shed excess flab, tone your body, and spread chaos and destruction throughout your lands! It's called SwordsMaster, a revolutionary new system designed to help you lose weight and get in shape.

Here's how SwordsMaster works. First, he arrives on the borders of your nation with a horde of the most deadly and vicious Timurids ever to walk the face of the Earth, and unilaterally declares war on you by sacking of one of your cities. He smashes the gates of your capital with armoured frickin elephants with frickin cannons on their frickin heads, demolishes the walls of your cities, rapes your subjects, pillages their homes, burns your buildings to the ground, and exterminates your citizens. Already, you should be building up a bit of a sweat.

Second, he storms the inner keep of your citadel, with heavily armoured, gold-chevron infantry easily dispatching your bodyguards, smashing your valuables, pouring oil onto the prisoners in your dungeon and setting them ablaze, and slashing the throats of your humble servants, slaves, and family members. At this point, your heart should be really pounding, and your cardiovascular system will really begin to feel the workout.

Next, as you use the rope ladder you have hidden in your bedchamber, you will climb quickly out of your window and slide 12 stories down to the ground below, in order to escape from the wrath of SwordsMaster. You might feel out of breath, but keep moving, as your life depends upon it.

Next, you are to dodge arrows being fired upon you from all directions, as the vast armoured archer divisions notice your attempt to escape and converge on your position. This should really work your glutes, thighs, and quadriceps, and you should start to feel a burning sensation in your muscles, possibly because a searing hot flaming arrow just impaled you in the leg.

Bleeding profusely, you hop as quick as you can towards your trusted steed, and hoist yourself onto the back of your magnificent war horse. Now, make that little pony gallop as fast as you can towards the smashed gatehouse and flee for your life as SwordsMaster sends his elite cavalry divisions to slaughter you. Meanwhile, SwordsMaster will begin the execution of your loyal subjects, and any captured soldiers will be tied up and simply dumped into open graves and buried alive. The mere thought of this fate happening to you will compel you to continue running away from SwordsMaster, and will allow you to stick to this workout regimen even when your body is tired, exhausted, and suffering from severe blood loss and third degree burns all over your skin.

However, the Timurid cavalry manage to catch up to your steed, and with their mighty swords they hack the legs of the poor creature, sending you flying from your mount, landing on your neck and shoulders. Your erstwhile steed's broken legs cause him to collapse on top of your prone body after struggling to stay on his feet for several steps, crushing one of your legs and your sword-bearing hand. By now, you must surely realize that your sluggishness and laziness have not paid off, and you vow that if you should survive to see the sun rise again, you will never allow yourself to become chunky again.

After being captured and tortured by the Timurids and then placed in a dungeon, you are slowly starved for weeks and weeks, only being given gruel every third day, and muddy water to drink. Then, you are bound in chains, sold into slavery, and forced to work in the Iron mines in the remote mountains of Mongolia. For twenty years your body will undergo the most excruciating and backbreaking labor, and you will face not only the wrath of your captors, but also the bitterness and resentment of your former subjects, who spit in your face and mockingly call you "my leige".

Rest assured, the SwordsMaster program is a proven technique to get you to lose weight and stay in shape. We are so convinced this system will work for you, we are offering a 90 day limited money-back guarantee.

*good luck trying to collect that money when you are bound and gagged. The only thing more scary than SwordsMaster is our legal department.

Operators are standing by. If you order today, you will receive a complimentary collector's edition commemorative white flag of surrender, soaked with the blood of the innocent who foolishly agreed to become our prisoners.

The number to dial is 1-800-ENSLAVE. That's 1-800-ENSLAVE.

CALL NOW!!!


Preface:

Quote:

---

The honourable delegate from the Sultanate of Rum stands and sings the Caliph's praises.

Yes, let there be no more threats of war! In the name of Allah the Most Merciful and all that is Holy, we should set our differences aside.

The Sultanate of Rum is hereby prepared to mediate all our differences with the Eastern Romans. In fact, I have personally decided* to disband two great armies and send the foolish generals to drown in some nameless sea.

As for the rest of us, we are content to sit at home and practice our needlepoint. I've already quilted a great banner of peace, knitted the Romans some very nice little mittens to keep their hands warm while they slaughter us, and sewn together some very nice ladies' unmentionables to wear while I am out on the battlefield not killing things. We shall be known as a nation of arts and crafts, flag burning, and herb smoking. And furthermore, we have established many ineffectual left-wing reformist movements, such as the People's Front of Turkey, the Turkish People's Front, and the Popular Front of Turkey. I will personally see to it that all the evil weapons of the Turkish Sultanate will be thrown into a great big bonfire and we will all merrily sing

Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
O Allah, kumbaya

______________________
Just then the honourable delegate's assistant drags him off of the floor, saying that the honourable delegate has just had a bit too much Rum.

---

The drunken rantings of the Sultan of Rum:

Even though alcohol is expressly forbidden in Islam, after my humble ambassador was poisoned by the treacherous Roman dogs he began acting rather strangely and quite amusingly. And so, for my own personal experience, I tested this forbidden spirit that the westerners so enjoy. What follows are the drunken ravings of a teetotaller on his very first bender:

7pm-

"I have recently negotiated with the Seljuk Turks about possibly dividing the lands between us, and they seem most interested in the deal. I have also contacted the Abbasid Caliphate regarding our mutual borders, and the Kingdom of Jerusalem as well. Since diplomacy is going quite well, I have decided to be more ambitious in my territorial claims.

I began conversations with the Mongolians regarding possible partitioning of Yakutsk. Although this is some several thousand miles away, we feel that the Turks may one day expand into the vast northern steppes, and so therefore we must begin peace negotiations with our future neighbors. I've also contacted the Scots regarding the status of Ireland, as we hope to one day make this a Turkish province. We are prepared to offer a lump sum of 12 shekkels and a piece of dryer lint, or 37 annual payments of hair from the Sultan's beard and nether regions dipped in candle wax to preserve thier illustrious beauty.

I've begun a space program with the hopes of launching Turks onto the face of the moon, that we might begin staking our claims there. Several ambassadors have been dispatched to negotiate with the Martians, however we have not perfected the technology required to launch them high enough, and the bloody splatters all over the Sultan's palace signify the failures of our current catapult technology. For some reason it is difficult to find volunteers to undertake this mission to talk with the Martian delegation. It might have been a good idea to outfit the ambassadors with some kind of cushioned helmet before propelling them into the air, but these are minor details only. The important thing is persistance."

8pm-

"I'm feeling disoriented, but for some reason I'm also very relaxed. My harem is becoming more attractive by the minute, even though it is difficult to tell who is really underneath the burkhas. At this point, I admit I might even be pleasantly surprised if I should find one of the palace guards posing as a female. What am I saying? I totally did not just say that. Enough of this nonsense... I need another drink.

I've begun plans for the invasion of Poland. As soon as I can locate Poland on a map, I will send my troops there immediately. This time, however, I plan to strap the troops onto the backs of their elephants, because few of the soldiers survived in their previous location of swinging from the elephant's mighty genitals. This seemed to spook the creatures. The elephants were pretty shaken up, too.

I've had a look at my empire's finances, and the treasury is almost bare from the recent expenditures; the space program, and the invasion of Poland with Ghazis swinging from elephant testicles... The window cleaners are also quite demanding with their budget, as they claim that Windex does not remove entrails and blood stains from the stone surface of palace walls. I say it's nothing a little elbow grease won't cure."

9pm-

"The window cleaners are most upset that I have ordered my guards to take sledgehammers to their elbows in order to extract the valuable grease. I'm starting to think they are nothing but a bunch of whiny, elbow-loving complainy-pants. Did you ever notice that sometimes there are little things floating around your head, and when you try to look at them, they keep moving just to the edge of your field of vision? I suspect these are ghosts of the dead threatening to raise a mighty army of souls against this great Sultanate. I have assembled the finest minds on all of Anatolia to combat these mischievious spirits."

10pm-

"The meeting with my council of advisers did not go as well as I would have liked. I was surprised by another floating spirit in the middle of the meeting, and took out my great sword and began slashing at it. Although I may have inadvertently killed all my advisers, I'd say the meeting was a success, as before they perished one of them said that I might have had something in my eye. I'm not sure what this means, because I tried to scare the spirits out of my eyes by rubbing salt into them, and now I'm having difficulty seeing. It also stings like bloody hell.

On a more positive note, I've managed to solve our budget crisis. Instead of paying the window cleaners, I have hired assassins to dispatch them. This plan is most ingenious. Surely this will resolve my money problems. Plus, once our catapult is complete, we will finally be able to mine for gold on the surface of the moon. I'm uncertain how we are going to ship it back, but as the old saying goes, we will cross that bridge before we build it.

I'm feeling a little dizzy and confused. Hopefully after smoking some hashish, I will be most lucid."

11pm-

"The assassins are back, and have joined me in smoking the hashish. They keep demanding payment for some sort of mission. I have no idea what they are talking about. Meanwhile, have you ever just like... looked at your feet? I mean... what are they for, anyway? I don't think anyone really knows... but I am sure they are planning something fiendish. I must remember to assemble my council of advisers to talk about this new threat."

12pm-

barely legible scribblings:

"I totally mest this babe down by the shisha bar. She's hawt. I'm planning on takings her back to my palace and then I'm totally gonna do it with her! But first, I gotta aks this very important question: WHO DRANK ALL THE RUM? I paid bigs money for that booze. Someone better fess up because I get drunk when I'm mad. You wounded like me when I was drink. Does anyone else here have a dungeon? I mean seriously, I'm the friggin Sultan of... of... something and I have a friggin actual dungeon I can torture people in. So... don't... anyone dare mesk with me. I'm totally dangerous and spooky. Wooo wooo... I'm a ghost man... omg that's so funny I sounded just like a ghost. What was I talking about again? And this time, DONT INTERRUPT ME WHEN YOU'RE TALKING! I can't stand that.

My hands are so colorful. Did you ever wonder where your hands came from?"

13pm-

"This sundial is totally tripping man. I brought it inside to see what time it was and it doesn't make any sense. Everytime I try to read it by candle, the time is like... jumping around all over the place. Especially when there is a draft. And by the way I just figured out how to make the day longer. It's so simple I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner... I just put a number 13 next to the 12 on the sundial. It's totally 13pm right now.

OMG I just hurled all over one of my slaves. That's the funniest s--- I've ever seen.

oOk I'm gonna do it with this babe from the shisha bar. Be back in five minutes."

9am-

"Ohhhh... Allah be merciful... where am I? My head hurts so much. I just ordered my slaves to fetch me a doctor. I woke up next to this large woman with a face that feels like sandpaper. I also noticed that I now have a tattoo on my chest that says "Property of Achmed Abdul Muhammed Mehmed Raul Hakeem Jaleel Rashim Ahmad Muhammad Jabar Tabriz al-Islam al-Musharraf dar Tabriz, the brutally well-endowed". I have no idea what that means. I've been told that the Seljuk turks are advancing on the capital. Why does it hurt to sit down? I need another drink..."

10am-

"I've been captured by the elbow-loving Seljuk Turks and placed in a dungeon with Achmed. Apparently we got married in a hotel and casino in Byzantium, although I cannot recall those events. Achmed looks a lot more menacing without all the makeup, and I fear he will harm me. Fortunately I still have a bit of a buzz going and I don't think the execution will be very painful. Perhaps Allah was wise to forbid the drinking of alcohol, as it has ruined both me and my entire Sultanate."

The lichen touches you! You kill the lichen. n - a tin. Open the tin? You succeed in opening the tin. This smells like newts. Eat it? Blecch! Rotten food! The room spins and goes dark. You regain consciousness. The straw golem attacks! You die...

You have been executed by the Seljuk Turks. Would you like to have your possessions identified? Y/N






_______________________

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

PS- I know that it's supposed to be 12am. But the man was drunk, so shaddup.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

From the balcony of his impressive fortress of doom, the man in shadows gazed upon the masses below. They raised their new champion upon their shoulders and showered the Prince with flowers and confetti. They cheered as their chosen leader promised to bring hope and justice to the kingdom. The man in the shadows watched with a solemn glare upon his face, beneath the hardened exterior of his gilded armour. Not a word was uttered from the man in the shadows... but if the jubilant crowd could see what was lurking beneath the armour plated mask, they would all be silent.

The evil creature behind the mask was the very same who brought death and destruction to entire continents. His dark armies would rise from nothingness and spread terror and death wherever they went. Even those who pleaded their surrender would receive no mercy from the minions of darkness. All who dared mention his name would be put to a swift death, but the most terrifying aspect of all was the manner in which they died; in ways more gruesome than can be described in the limited form of words.

Through all this, the continent remained firmly in the grip of this dark lord. But for now, the few left unenslaved have chosen a hero to challenge the lord. He could easily crush this new Prince, but it seems that the council of elders, who swore a blood oath of allegiance to the dark lord, have betrayed him and thrown their support behind the Prince.

Even now, in the stronghold of Bern, the dark master could sense the daggers approaching. He knew their methods, for he himself had hired these assassins. Perhaps they did not know with whom they were dealing. With a sudden swift movement, he turned and let loose the knife he had concealed within his cloak. The rattle of death was the only sound that escaped the lips of the assassin, whose body crumpled to the ground in disgrace.

From the opposing direction; the whistle of an arrow piercing through the air. But too late, as the man in the golden mask had already swung his sword, slicing the thin projectile in half. As the assassin readied another, the dark warlord had already traversed the distance of the room and grasped his attacker by the throat, and with one powerful motion lifted him up and impaled the man through the stomach with his blade. His victim writhed in pain and watched in horror as the dark lord swung back his head. The cloak fell to the floor, along with the golden mask, revealing for the first time the brutally scarred face of the evil tyrant, who bared his teeth and bit down ferociously on the assassin's neck and face, tearing his flesh apart as his dying body become numb from the pain.

The assassin gasped in horror, but he could not speak as his throat was already torn apart. His broken body was tossed down from the balcony towards the crowd below, and landed in a crumpled heap in front of the Prince himself.

The procession immediately halted, and the horrifed rabble turned to their new champion to see what he would do.

But FactionHeir turned to the crowd and spoke:

"The dark reign of Askthepizzaguy has come to an end! Even now, the Forum Administrators are storming his fortress, and taking back the lands that are rightfully ours! He will trouble the Org no more!!!"

But it was at that moment that a bone-chilling cackle erupted from a man on horseback who had just escaped through the main gate. The rider tossed something in the direction of the Prince... it was the disembodied head of Grog, the former Blitzmaster.

"You're next, FactionHeir... you're next!" Called the man on horseback.

FactionHeir knew that this was far from over. But for now, the dark overlord had been forced from his home, and the Prince was crowned the Best Citadel Contributor of 2007. And for now, he had the support of the people, who cheered his name. "Long Live FactionHeir! Long Live FactionHeir!" the crowd chanted.

A hew, hopeful day has dawned. For now, the Org seemed safe. But could FactionHeir guarantee that Pizzaguy would not return for the 2008 Org awards? Perhaps not.

As the sun set on this dark and forbidding Citadel, the horseman galloped further into the forests of central Europe, to rally his troops and prepare for his inevitable assault. There would be never be peace in the Org so long as that warlord remained alive.

ATPG will return...

---

=======================================

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 00Jebus

A messanger arrives with an arrow still stuck in his midriff, he runs to the Khwarezm ambassador...

---

Good Merciful Allah!

WHY HASN'T ANYONE GOTTEN THIS MAN A DOCTOR??? HE IS BLEEDING ALL OVER THE CALIPH'S PALACE! HE'S CLEARLY DYING AND NO ONE HAS UTTERED A WORD!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!! THE HUMANITY!!! YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED FOR NOT EVEN TRYING TO HELP THIS MAN!! CALIPH, OH PLEASE HELP THIS MAN! WHERE IS THE DOCTOR??? HE HAS INTESTINES POKING THROUGH HIS ABDOMEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! HELP! HELP!!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THIS MAN!!! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES THAT THIS MAN IS DYING??? SOMEONE CALL IX,I,I!!!! HE'S LOSING CONSCIOUSNESS!!! I THINK HE'S BEEN MORTALLY WOUNDED!!! THE ARROW HAS PIERCED HIS LIVER, AND HE'S BLEEDING PROFUSELY!! HE IS GETTING COLD TO THE TOUCH!!!

Is that... is that his spleen?

MERCIFUL ALLAH HIS SPLEEN IS SHOWING!! THIS MAN IS LOSING HIS SPLEEN!!! SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN'S SPLEEN IT IS DYING!!! HE'S GOING TO DIE RIGHT HERE IN THE CALIPH'S PALACE!!

The Turk gives mouth-to-spleen resuscitation

THE SPLEEN IS DEAD!!! HIS SPLEEN HAS DIED, AND NOW THERE IS NO HOPE OF SAVING THIS POOR, DYING MAN!!!

turning to the Khwarezmid man

You're going to be all right. Don't you worry. Everything will be just fine. We can fix this small wound in a jiffy. By the way, did you see the gladiator match between Samson the Strangler and Cyrus the Syrian Assassin?

turning back to the assembly

HE'S ABOUT TO DIE!!! HE'S GOING TO DIE YOU HEARTLESS MONSTERS!!! WHY WON'T YOU HELP HIM??? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH, THIS MAN IS NEAR DEATH!!! HE HAS NO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL WHATSOEVER, NONE!!!! HE'S PRACTICALLY DEAD ALREADY!!!!

I CAN'T FEEL A PULSE!!!!

the Turk's aide has arrived with a medicine kit. He immediately begins open heart surgery on the dying Kwarezmid man.

WHY AM I OPERATING ON HIS HEART??? IT'S HIS SPLEEN WHICH I'VE TORN FROM HIS GAPING WOUND WHICH REQUIRES MEDICAL ATTENTION!!!

No matter, he's as good as dead anyways... maybe I could try something risky and ill-advised to attempt to save his life... first, I need about 150 feet of his intestines...

begins slashing up the intestines and begins to fashion bandages out of them

Now if I can just slide the spleen back into place and tie it around his heart which I've just cut open needlessly... and if I can saw off his leg...

begins sawing through bone

and take the meat from his leg and fashion new abdominal muscles... and take my large butcher knife which I carry with me for no apparent reason and hack off the skin and apply it to the huge opening in his chest... and wrap the intestines around the whole thing like a large bandage...

THERE! Good as new.

The Khwarezmid man is alive! HE'S ALIVE!!! I'VE SINGLE HANDEDLY SAVED THIS MAN'S LIFE!!! HE'S BREATHING!!! HE'S BREATHING!!! HE'S REGAINING CONSCIOUSNESS!!! HE'S GETTING BETTER!!! Wait...

.....

No... He has died. Sorry, didn't mean to get your hopes up. Ah well. Life goes on I guess. You gotta take the good with the bad, no one ever said life was a box of roses. You win some, you lose some. Every cloud has a silver lining. Wise men say, only fools run an empire without luxuries.

DISPOSE OF THE CORPSE!!!

==============================================


FAMOUS QUOTES FROM ASKTHEPIZZAGUY:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

"I try to take a sledgehammer and smash my way across an entire continent in the most devastating way possible, demonstrating little regard for human suffering."

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

If you are a Western faction, and you find the horde intimidating, then go ahead and wimp out for a while. Let the Mongols come. Let the Timurids come. Let them sack city after city, and carve themselves a nice little Khanate from the Turkish, Russian, and Egyptian territory. Even let them push into Byzantium and Poland. Let them get drunk with celebratory wine and fat with meat from their victory feasts. Let them get spread out over half of the map, and let them grow complacent in their conquest. Let them disperse into the lands and thin out their ranks. Let them garrison cities that they have taken, and watch as their assaulting forces dwindle. Let them think they have won, and watch as they drop their guard. Now they have become a foolish, bloated empire, completely unprepared for a massive counterstrike. NOW STRIKE THEM! Charge full force through their lands, taking back each city one by one, demolishing what is left of their assault forces, and continue until every last one of these Mongrels are dead. Rinse and repeat for the Timurid scum.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

Yes, I agree with you about how focusing on economy and general traits feels more like the Sims and Simcity than a blood n guts medieval war game.
"Hey guys, this morning I finally got my third lieutenant general up to the level of decent administrator! Tomorrow, I am going for the gold...
ABOVE AVERAGE ADMINISTRATOR"!!!
cuts to dramatic prairie dog *dunn dunn dunnnnn!*
"Now instead of only collecting 1173 florins per turn, I get to collect 1245!"
*YAWN!* points crossbow at own head
Good-bye, cruelty-free world...

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

When the Scots go to war, it's in full-length pink ballroom gowns, or nothing else. There's nothing more intimidating than a man whose genitalia could be exposed to you at any moment due to strong winds.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

Factions like England on the other hand, are hated and despised and must be dealt with quickly. If you let them conquer Scotland, then their only options are to sit around for 300 turns with a thumb in thier arse, or attack France or Denmark (or Spain, I guess)... or go on some damn-fool crusade which will strand thier family members in hostile territory with no safe way back.

Trust England? I wouldn't!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Wait... I'm England in this game, aren't I?

:sweatdrop:

---

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

An inquisitor killed my 10 star 10 chivarly faction leader one time. He had to have had at least 6 piety as well. Needless to say, I reloaded.

Sometimes you just have to tell your computer that he's being a bad m'wittow kitty, and you have to say "no" and SMACK HIM ON THE HEAD and say "no Kitty this is my pot pie! No Kitty that's a bad kitty!"

And then you reload and say "That's a good m'wittow kitty. Now don't try burning my Saintly faction leader at the stake again, or else I will have to rip out your motherboard and smash it repeatedly with my authentic medieval war axe which I keep handy in case anyone ever challenges me to an axefight to the death."

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

The Turkish Sultanate wishes to announce that it is now called:

The Jolly Throatwarbler's Association of Amalgamated Spats, Key Lime Pie Eater's Anonymous, and the Society for the Prevention of Cruely to Dingleberries, Third House on the Left After the Bernie's Pizzeria and Tasty Food Emporium, Union of the Pickled Porpoise Street, West Winchestertonfieldville, The Shire of the Purple Rabbit with Rather Elongated Breasts and Sensitive Nipples, 3rd Lunar Colony of the Happy Starfish

...unless of course people stop renaming their factions. And we insist that the full name be used, even in casual conversation. No abbreviations allowed.

---

Enjoy more of me being me. This is much better than a user page. I'm working on more songs.


ANYONE HERE WANT A SONG DEDICATED TO THEM?

:yes:

Beefy187
based on American Idiot by Green Day
New lyrics by Askthepizzaguy






Don't wanna be made entirely out of Beef
Especially not when I am playing Mafia
And can you hear the sound of the lynch mob?
They're coming to lynch Beefy once again.

Welcome to Beefy's dillemma
They're always coming to kill ya
He's the town's most popular lynch target

With futile dreams of tomorrow
Beefy's life will always end in sorrow
For the town will always lynch you

Well maybe he'll come to America
And be part of a flame-broiled burger
Now everybody order the number three
The Triple Whopper with all the extra cheese

Welcome to Beefy's dillemma
They're always coming to kill ya
He's the town's most popular lynch target

With futile dreams of tomorrow
Beefy's life will always end in sorrow
For the town will always lynch you

Don't want to end up like Beefy187
For he's sure to end up in Beefy heaven
He's the ruler of all of Beefydom
Come on and sing right along with him

Welcome to Beefy's dillemma
They're always coming to kill ya
He's the town's most popular lynch target

With futile dreams of tomorrow
Beefy's life will always end in sorrow
For the town will always lynch you

An interesting name has been added to the list of potential players in Capo de Tutti Capi III.

Veterans will know who I am talking about... :mellow:

:smash: :smash: :smash: :smash: :smash:

KOMMODUS IS BACK!!!

MIDAS VS. Holmes! :clown:

Before there's an explosion in your pants, I must say there's nothing firm yet! :laugh2:

Kommodus is back!!???

WOOOOOO!!!:dizzy2:

..Who is Commodus? He is the guy Russel Crowe wtfpwned at the end of Gladiator? Will I do the role of Russel Crowe in Capo?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jolt

..Who is Commodus? He is the guy Russel Crowe wtfpwned at the end of Gladiator? Will I do the role of Russel Crowe in Capo?

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No he is the guy who completely alternates history by by beating the crap out of Russel Crowe with his bare hands. His that awesome :yes:

Kommodus is my long lost father...

~:mecry:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

:clown:

Read through ATPG story again, and luaghed a lot at Ares getting stuck as Yoda for the most part. However, I continue to disagree with the assertion that I am the whiny Anakin/ Cruel Darth Vader - I am a much more idealistic Sith ~;p

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

THE END

The Godfather, Episode III


Created by Silver Rusher
Adaptation by GeneralHankerchief
Directed by Stephen_Spielburg187


Cast:


Anakin Skywalker- YLC
Obi-Wan Kenobi- Chaotix27
Count Dooku- Seamus Fermanagh
Darth Sidious- Askthepizzaguy
Master Yoda- 777Ares777
General Grievous- Sasaki Kojiro
Mace Windu- shlin28
Darth Maul- seireikhaan
Senator Amidala- boudica
Young Darth Vader- pevergreen
Viceroy Gunray- Beey187
Ki-Adi-Mundi- Psychonaut
Bail Organa- Quintus.JC
Boba Fett- TevashSzat
Jabba the Hutt- White_Eyes:D
Chewbacca- Gaius Scribonius Curio
Commander Cody- TinCow
Sebulba- Sigurd
Han Solo- glyphz
Watto- CountArach
Qui-gon Jinn- Ichigo
Jar-Jar Binks- Tratorix
Loyalist Lurker #1- Taka
Loyalist Lurker #2- Ignoramus
C-3P0- LittleGrizzly
R2-D2- Jolt
Jango Fett- Lord Winter
Luke Skywalker- Reenk Roink
Lord Vader- Andres

Extras:

"It's" man (Monty Python's Flying Circus)- Ituralde
Kenny McCormack (South Park)- Myrddraal







See you in the Godfather, Episode IV: A New Hope.

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Might as well ask why I'm Han Solo. Very amusing read btw :laugh4::bow:

edit: Just realized this is only my first post here, when I've visited so many times before...

Well, a combination of factors. You weren't very talkative, and I was sure you were on our side. And I was running out of cool characters to give people to. If you were more in the forefront of the activity I would have given you an Episode III-appropriate character.

Besides, you're glyphz! If you're not Han Solo, I don't know who else is. Say hi to Chewbacca for me.

And why Yoda? :clown: Besides the fact I can actually successfully do a Yoda accent :cool:

because, Master Ares, you have much suspicion of the lurkers, indeed. In that game, you had a very special jedi Master role, being the vigilante, you were. And, you were one of the awesome, non-traitorous good guys.

Your line about the lurkers being suspect fit into the dialogue perfectly, plus near the end, myself (Sidious) and you (Yoda) have the awesomest showdown ever.

Please tell me that you did NOT waste your money on Empire, pizza...

I figured it was a big pile of feces long ago. Started the gunpowder-haters club. of course I didn't buy it. Why do you ask?

Just making sure that you are keeping your soul pure and untarnished as always. You did not disappoint.

Hugs and kisses,
:balloon2:

If your turning this TOTAL WAR forum into an Empire hate place I suggest you do it else where :stare: :laugh4:

Empire sucks, so did M2TW, it's been a sharp downhill slide/fall/train wreck since then. CA fanboyism belongs in the ETW subforum. This thraed is for the worship, glory, and approbation of all things Pizza. Your compliance is both mandatory and appreciated.

:bow:

:balloon2:

So...


How's the corner?

Pretty lonely at the moment. What's up with you, Yoyoma?

Making maps.

Diana Abnoba is looking for a signature line, and also quotes.

I wonder if you guys can help me come up with stuff for her.



Edit: Does this all fit on the page? My signature images?

:laugh4:hahahah:laugh4:.


My monitor went out around the same time as my graphics card.


I'm using my backup 15"... nothing fits on my screen.

Do you like the King of Hearts card? I think, given my suicidal performance in Chicago, Godfather, Prometheus, Settlement, Medieval Mafia, Jubal's Mafia, and now the Fight for Inishmore, I have earned a rep for being careless with my life. I think it resulted in more positives than negatives, too.

Anything to make sure that my play style isn't boring, quite frankly. Reenk Roink amazes me, and I wanted to be known for "pizzaish" behavior. Reenk is Reenk, Pizza is Pizza.

Digging it, man.



I'll see if I can help Diana with a sig. Just give me some background to work with.



Anyway, I'm out for the night. Later.

I have come to worship the pizza. I bow before thee. :bow:

You're always welcome here, Ichigo.

I hope you are feeling up to joining one of my games soon. :smash: