English?

I suppose this is an extension of the whole "what is to be English?" thing, but with a personal spin to it.

I am by blood part-Margyar, German, Lorrainer (I do not know what they are now), French and Scots.
I spent the first twelve years of my life in England, attending very English private and religious schools.
But me and my next brother are the only two in the family who can claim to be English by citizenship (or subjectship).
I have never paid taxes in England, but I do here in NZ. I am in effect an second generationer of an ethnic minority who doesn't even live in the U.K anymore. Can I call myself English?
I have been told quite a few times that "yeah you're from 'ere but you aint proper English mate".
Not just from the usual loutish lads from the pub, but people I would consider freinds.
So, am I actually English? Can I claim a connection with people like Churchill, Nelson, Henry V, Newton?
Also, what do you real English people consider it is to be really English?

You are what you make yourself.

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Originally Posted by Strike For The South

You are what you make yourself.

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Agreed. Maybe its just because I'm a typical American mutt, but I frankly view bloodlines as almost entirely pointless to track.

Makes you a part-Margyar, German, Lorrainer who lived 12 years in England :yes: No I wouldn't call you english.

Your pointless worring about what it means to be English makes you very English, so don't worry, keep worrying.

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

Your pointless worring about what it means to be English makes you very English, so don't worry, keep worrying.

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Oh dear, you mean its a permamnent feature?
Can I just send myself into Microsoft to get it fixed?

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Originally Posted by Bopa the Magyar

Oh dear, you mean its a permamnent feature?
Can I just send myself into Microsoft to get it fixed?

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Sure, just don't exepct to be returned this century - or, indeed, 'fixed'!

Quid

You live here and want to stay here in the future? Great, you're now my countryman. :yes:

If when asked the question "what Nationality are you? you respond "English" (and truly mean it), you're English. IMO we're not defined by religion, ethnicity or where your ancestors came from.

~:smoking:

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Originally Posted by HoreTore

You live here and want to stay here in the future? Great, you're now my countryman. :yes:

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Indeed, I also consider myself an Orgah!:balloon2::balloon2::balloon2:

Why on Earth would you wish to be English? :inquisitive: A man without a country, parliament, decent footy team and just about the only 'race' left on the planet that it's generally accepted to be racist to.

Anyway, I found out my great-great grandad was a Scot. Hoots mon! :laugh4:

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Originally Posted by InsaneApache

Why on Earth would you wish to be English? :inquisitive: A man without a country, parliament, decent footy team and just about the only 'race' left on the planet that it's generally accepted to be racist to.

Anyway, I found out my great-great grandad was a Scot. Hoots mon! :laugh4:

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Oh it just sounds sooo fun!

But being honest and very wet here (oh dear, please none of yee ol fullas puns or anything of the sort:yes:), I always get a tingly feeling when someone talks about England, oh how wet and grey it is, how depressing and oh so very rude people are. Its that great feeling of being the true bad asses of the planet, y'know, terrorists can go bugger off, we did the real bad mutha things, like Coronation street:shame:.

Speaking as an Englishman (TM) (I NEVER call myself "British"...) I hold the view that if you're born here and live here and know how to spell "colour", then you're English. I don't distinguish on your ethnicity - you can be English if your parents were Indian, Jamaican, French, whatever. Anyone claiming to be "indigenous" here always gets laughed at by me... would that be indigenous Saxon, indigenous Norman, indigenous Celt, etc etc. To be English is to be a mongrel, pure and simple :yes:

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Originally Posted by macsen rufus

Speaking as an Englishman (TM) (I NEVER call myself "British"...) I hold the view that if you're born here and live here and know how to spell "colour", then you're English. I don't distinguish on your ethnicity - you can be English if your parents were Indian, Jamaican, French, whatever. Anyone claiming to be "indigenous" here always gets laughed at by me... would that be indigenous Saxon, indigenous Norman, indigenous Celt, etc etc. To be English is to be a mongrel, pure and simple :yes:

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I truly thank you for that one!:2thumbsup:

To be English is to have won the lottery of life. The English gentleman is the pinnacle of evolution.

It's a kind of greatness that we, everybody else, can only marvel at in jealous despair. :bow:

~~~~~

Let's use this thread to make an 'Are you English?' quiz! Together, we could come up with some great questions to test Englishness with. :balloon2:

1) Did you strip your estate of all natural vegetation and elevation, only to then plant vegetation and artificial hills that aim to make your garden look natural?
a) Don't be silly.
b) Of course. The English Garden makes perfect common sense.

2) Fags
a) yikes!
b) I puff them all the time.

2) What's yellow, smooth, and deadly? Shark-infested custard!
a) Huh?
b) :laugh4::laugh4:

Fosters or beer?

4) Queue jumping. Is it:
a) Mildly annoying.
b) Worth shedding blood over.

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Originally Posted by Bopa the Magyar

Fosters or beer?

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Ouch... took us pseudo-Brits down a notch...

Here's another one to add to your pommy quiz list:
Q. Do you suck at cricket?
a) Yes
b) Yes

No, no, no....you're all wrong.

Which do you prefer.

(a) Tea.

(b) Tea.

or

(c) Tea.

Tea with
(a) milk
(b) lemon
(c) depends


(yes guilty)

A simple test is to acquire a set of regulation sized goalposts, a blob of white paint, a football and a friend of a different nationality, preferably german. Set up the goals then 12 yards from the middle of the goal paint a white dot, place the football down and try to score past the keeper, if you fail miserably then you are a true englishman!

Similar tests include sports such as tennis....

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Originally Posted by LittleGrizzly

A simple test is to acquire a set of regulation sized goalposts, a blob of white paint, a football and a friend of a different nationality, preferably german. Set up the goals then 12 yards from the middle of the goal paint a white dot, place the football down and try to score past the keeper, if you fail miserably then you are a true englishman!

Similar tests include sports such as tennis....

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Actually, you're Dutch if you fail that test. We had a little show on our television at the last World Championships, called 'de Hollandse penalty'. Trying to fail to score a goal in several ways the dutch team did.

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Originally Posted by Strike For The South

You are what you make yourself.

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Hmmm, lets test this...

I'm the greatest texan to have ever lived...

Last I heard actions spoke louder than words, DD ~;p

And sorry Bopa, but being English and being a bad ass doesn't become intertwined in my mind.

I'd agree that it's more about what you do than whether your parent's parents lived there.

CR

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Originally Posted by Crazed Rabbit

Last I heard actions spoke louder than words, DD ~;p

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It doesn't involve sheep does it? I don't want to test my texas heritage too much.

Bopa , perhaps you are as English as Queen Victoria

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntdmf82nVfQ

Let's see if I have a good grasp of the mental perspective of an Englishman.


Wags
A) What a dog does with his tail
b) Wives and girlfriends

Reds
A) Commies
B) Scots

Tikka Masala
A) Indian
B) English

Frogs
A) yummie!
B) Bastards

Wilfred, Clive, Michael
A) first names
B) Owen

Actually, you're Dutch if you fail that test. We had a little show on our television at the last World Championships, called 'de Hollandse penalty'. Trying to fail to score a goal in several ways the dutch team did.

Maybe our teams should get together and have a penalty shootout sometime, Im sure England would still lose though.... its in our blood...

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Originally Posted by Crazed Rabbit

Last I heard actions spoke louder than words, DD ~;p

And sorry Bopa, but being English and being a bad ass doesn't become intertwined in my mind.

I'd agree that it's more about what you do than whether your parent's parents lived there.

CR

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Oh come on, the English have done loads of bad stuff, didn't you pay attention during Mel Gibson's series of historical documentaries?

@Tribes, I have yet to aquire a German husband...
Any suggestions?

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Originally Posted by macsen rufus

I hold the view that if you're born here and live here and know how to spell "colour", then you're English.

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I spell properly, but I wasn't born there and I don't live there. What does that make me? Canadian? ~;)

Only if you love the fresh pine smell of the forests, and the taste of real maple syrup will you ever be considered Canadian... eh, wait a second...?

Knowing how to spell "colour" means you aren't American, which is all you really need to know.

Anyway,

Your handlebar moustache:
a) Makes you look ridiculous.
b) is more important than your career.

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@Tribes, I have yet to aquire a German husband...
Any suggestions?

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Yes Move to Iran , tell them you think you like men they diagnose you as sick and give you an operation on the social health and say you are a woman , then you are now able to get a german husband .

You wouldn't want to be English anyway.

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To be English is to have won the lottery of life. The English gentleman is the pinnacle of evolution

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We've always known the French think this, (what else could have explained De Gaulle's chippyness?) but I must say, its jolly refreshing to see they can bring themselves to say it. :clown:

Another qu for your Am I English quiz:

Spotted Dick is?

a) More or less inevitable after two weeks on holiday in Faleriki
b) nice with custard

And a completely infallable test: if someone treads on your toe, do YOU apologise?

I elbow them. Then look innocent. :embarassed:

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Originally Posted by English assassin

And a completely infallable test: if someone treads on your toe, do YOU apologise?

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Oh my God - I am British.

This is like a mid life crisis. At 18.

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Originally Posted by CountArach

Oh my God - I am British.

This is like a mid life crisis. At 18.

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Oh dear, just go have another Fosters.

And a completely infallable test: if someone treads on your toe, do YOU apologise?

Of course! how unreasonable for my foot to have been in this persons way and given them an uneven walking surface

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Originally Posted by CountArach

Oh my God - I am British.

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No, this reaction is entirely English. A Scot, for example, would respond with a Glasgow kiss.

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Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat

2) Fags
a) yikes!
b) I puff them all the time.

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An understandable mistake for a foreigner, but the answers to this question do not indicate a gentleman but a person of trade.

The correct response for a gentleman is:

c) I used to have them, but now I have a butler

:bow:

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The correct response for a gentleman is:

c) I used to have them, but now I have a butler

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That could be taken several ways Banquo
When did you last have your butler and was it satisfying ?:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:

You're beginning to remind me of Flashman BQ. :laugh4:

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Originally Posted by Tribesman

That could be taken several ways Banquo
When did you last have your butler and was it satisfying ?:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:

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The double entendre was entirely intentional, old fruit. And there's only one way to take one's butler, but postillions are more flexible.

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Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost

The double entendre was entirely intentional, old fruit. And there's only one way to take one's butler, but postillions are more flexible.

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Everyone knows that poms only call people Old Bean. I question your Britishness!

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Originally Posted by CountArach

Everyone knows that poms only call people Old Bean. I question your Britishness!

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And I for one, sir, believe that you are mistaken...

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Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost

No, this reaction is entirely English. A Scot, for example, would respond with a Glasgow kiss.

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I can assure you that is not true. You would only get a Glasgow kiss if there was a pack of neds (chavs), since they always have to outnumber you at least 5 to 1. Plus most people (including me) say sorry. In fact both people in the incident would say sorry as a natural reaction.

I am very Scottish. All Scottish family tree, a teuchter parent so I roll my r's, with a part Northern Irish side of the family that originally came from Govan. I'm some sort of Calvinist stereotype. Even in my personality. I am dull, stoic, and manage to avoid having fun, and tell myself off when I do. And I support Rangers as well as my local team, in the Scottish tradition.