Hypothetically, you are __________ with your partner.
Compatible - yes.
Comfortable - yes.
Trusting - yes.
Financially invested - yes.
Emotionally invested - yes.
Sexually attracted - no.
Do you stay or go?
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Hypothetically, you are __________ with your partner.
Compatible - yes.
Comfortable - yes.
Trusting - yes.
Financially invested - yes.
Emotionally invested - yes.
Sexually attracted - no.
Do you stay or go?
Do you feel like going or do you feel like staying? Isn't that the simple determining factor. Don't we just usually make these thing out to be more complicated than they really are?
You are the only person with the answer for your question.
except for the financial investment, that's the description of a friend...not a mate....go.Quote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger
get a lover!
The key question is "was it there before"Quote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger
If it's gone, then it can come back, if it was never there then you're wasting your time.
If it has just gone walk about I would think it would be worth talking about it with said partner.
How can you even say for sure you are not sexually attracted if you haven't even tried out nipple clamps in the bedroom?Quote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger
Who says that hasn't happened?Quote:
Originally Posted by a completely inoffensive name
My home videos....errr, I mean, intuition.Quote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger
Have you....you know....had her massage the "male g-spot" if you know what I mean?
dude, sex is the easy part.
Just remember what first attracted you to that person, do not force the intercourse. Sex will happen
You check off boxes most young couples are 5-10 years away from checking off
Of course, if you feel the spark can not be reconciled, leave. But you asking the question makes me feel otherwise
I think it depends on the sexual attraction to begin with, why it was lost, and what can be done to bring it back, and/or if the parties are willing to do it.
Is it physical, or an emotional thing?
If this can be solved by some time on the treadmill then it is honestly best to be forthcoming but tactful. If it is the result of a personality change it is much more complicated. For example, I lost interest in a woman once when I found out that she listened to Rush.
Give me her phone number and I'll spare you the dilemma.
There is far more to a partner than just sexual attraction. If that last point is so critical to you constantly, then are you really ready to settle down?
Sex comes and goes, but having that intimate deep loving relationship with some one cannot be replaced. I had so many of your other choices being "No" 's, that I would gladly swap them for some one I didn't find sexually attractive. To make it move easier to answer, I will simply put it this way.
Do you love them?
If answer is yes, stay. If answer is no, go.
What's with the 'she' he said partner
If you are not sexually attracted to your partner, you probably need to end the relationship. Sex is an incredibly important part of any long-term relationship, and few things cause more problems than when partners do not fulfill each others' sexual needs. At best, one person ends up very sexually frustrated, and at worst it results in outright resentment and extramarital affairs. The only reason to remain in a relationship with someone you are not sexually attracted to is (1) they are not sexually attracted to you either and (2) sexuality is truly unimportant to both of you. If both of these criteria are met, it is theoretically possible to remain in a fulfilling relationship. However, this is extremely rare and tends to only happen when people have low sexual interest for biological reasons (such as age or disability). In addition, #2 is extremely hard to determine, because it is a difficult topic to have an honest conversation about. In any case, do not remain in the relationship unless you are willing to sit the other person down and tell them that you are not sexually attracted to them. If you are unwilling to have this conversation, regardless of the reason, you need to end it.
Pj I thought you were asexual or used gun barrels.... My world is changing far too much around me
Sexual frustration can lead to a lot of problems in an otherwise good relationship. I'm not saying that it may not work out but speaking from experience, it's something that can poison the entire relationship.
What do you do?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QYqLcGtZuY
May I ask a more personal question? You said you are emotionally and financially invested, are you children invested too? That would be quite a critical factor that cannot be ignored.
Attraction can come in waves, sometimes you might think that you'll never be attracted to the same person ever again but then they might do something that triggers a response (both emotionally and literally...) and you might find them sexually attractive once more. I wouldn't imagine ending a relationship just because you're no longer sexually attracted to your partner (or vice versa) is necessary, especially since you're heavily invested together in other aspects. You can always discuss the 'fading' attraction and try and trigger some extra romance or spice into your routine, this might trigger a re-attraction feeling.
im 99% sure panzer doesnt have children though i would let him answer that.Quote:
Originally Posted by stratigos vasilios
a very good point though. staying together for the kids is in my opinion quite noble. unless your spouse is abusive obviously.
Yeah absolutely, a friend of mines parents split up as soon as he finished high school exams. Unfortunately he was a bit blindsided and it hit him like a ton of bricks, but supposedly they'd be semi-split for a year with the agreement to tell him after the stressful exams so he could keep focused.
Why is PJ so late with updates on his personal life, it's very rude to keep people waiting on facts about your intimacy with a woman.
He never said a 'woman'... not that it matters :clown:
Oh just for my reasoned and mature opinion. I'm 20 so
A. I'm sexually attracted to the
Vast majority of the female population.
B. if im not sexually attracted to something I probably won't even be with them I don't even know what those other words you Used in the op mean.
On a more serious note I got out of a pretty long term relationship in October. The sexual attraction was definitely dimming for her and my Level of attraction was dimming as well. I wanted sex obviously but it wasn't like WOW to be with her anymore which I think made me more lazy In bed. So try to recapture it but I don't know how. If there are things you
Haven't tried in bed yet try them.... I was cursed by having done most of what interested me already. Meh for the best she s a crazy *** *****
It's like pizza, a bad pizza is better than no pizza
I have been with the same girl for over two years now. I abhor sex as a way of enjoying myself, I have sex because it makes me feel closer to my girl and it feels good in the process.
Call me a traditionalist but whatevs. I like reading and thinking alone than sex with others.
I'm probably reading to much into this.Quote:
Originally Posted by a completely inoffensive name
:on_sweat:
Too much ASOIAF?Quote:
Originally Posted by Peasant Phill
No, more in the since of: A dirty mind is a joy forever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Visorslash
Oh we've seen ACIN's reading list in that contest. I don't think he reads what you think he reads.Quote:
Originally Posted by Peasant Phill
That is if you think he reads what I think you're thinking he reads.
I wasn't even thinking of reading anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by rajpoot
@Peasant Phill
Reading and.....stuff that eventually renders you incapable of reading.
Edit:
Did you know there's an Org member with a nick 'Peasant'?
Nope, didn't know that. There's red peasant though.Quote:
Originally Posted by rajpoot
No kids, thankfully. And yes, I should not have started a thread with so little time to post in it at the moment.
But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?
You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.
Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.
Keep him for his better qualities and cheat for fun
Pj, mate I'm sure everyone feels like that at certain points in time. I've been with the missus since I was pretty young, but sometimes I do feel not as attracted to her as when I first met her (and I'm sure she feels the same towards me every now and then). Might just come and go in waves?
whats with the him? :O he never said he or him :OQuote:
Originally Posted by Fragony
but ye whats the point of being together if you cant be honest right?
That happened on accident I must say, but I don't think our Panzer is interested in girls it's just a feeling I getQuote:
Originally Posted by The Stranger
Time to spread some wisdom gained through my own mistakes and misfortune:Quote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger
I've been in a 12 year relationship until just over a year ago. Bought a house together. Even tried for a kid at one point. But it was NOT a good relationship. We were good friends. We hade our injokes and we really had a lot of fun. BUT it appeared that she wasn't sexually attracted to me, perhaps from the very beginning. She just had sex with me out of a sort feeling of obligation towards me. I can tell you I walked around pretty frustrated at times and we had a big fight about it every so often.
At the end of the relationship I just didn't cared at all for her. She almost disgusted me fysically (she put on a lot of weight since the beginning) and we basically had our own lives most of the time. I never argued anymore, it just didn't matter to me. She mercifully ended the relationsghip. I don't think I would have done it even if (looking back) I really had nothing with her except a share past.
At the moment I'm together with someone else. The relationship is totally different and I have and had feelings I never had before. It's so much better than what I ever had. And I would've never experienced it if I had stayed my former girlfriend.
You may say that there are far more important things in your relationship than sex but I'm sure you can admit that it's still a significant part. That part fester if you leave you leave it at that. Either you or him/her will grow frustrated and it may eat away at what may be a almost perfect relationship on other fronts. SO please talk about it with him/her. Do it tactfully but directly. But don't leave it alone.
Better now than in 10 years when you have 1 bank account and 2 kids.Quote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger
If you think this is beyond reconciliation, end it now. Do not drag it out becuase of some abstract sense of personal honor
Delete your facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up.
Ah, the wise words of ACIN repeated again. I have that quote on my facebook, with you credited.Quote:
Originally Posted by a completely inoffensive name
I believe we ALL know I'm no relationship expert...but for me, though a functional relationship comes first, sex is very important. In fact it's usually the primary thing that I do. And I can have some leeway, but in the end, not being attracted to someone just isn't fair for either of you; for them, they may have caused it, but it still isn't fair to be just accepted rather than embraced as a partner. For you, obviously it's not fair to be stuck with someone you aren't attracted to and feel required to carry on. The way I see it, if it doesn't come back or if they continue to get larger and your attraction to them falls lower, it won't ever recover to what it once was, and ultimately won't work out in the long run. Better to end it now and start looking for someone who can satisfy your needs than drag it out with this person.
lol... your post is so hilarious! the tact :D
Become a little less comfortable with each other, and work to be a little more sexually attracted to each other.
I just had a "funny" thing happen to me...
I was engaged with this girl, smoking hot one I might add. Very warm and loving in bed, very... giving...
We are now split up, main reason being the sex.
I am sure 99% of men would be overly eager to have her in bed, for me it was more like a "meh". She got tired of me constantly preferring to watch the game or spank Diablo for the umpteenth time....
She caught me once surfing porn after she had invited me to bed.
I liked her in every other way, but the sex life... and it ended with her dissing me... So I just upped my game.
Not only do I look for a warm intellectual gorgeous vegetarian superb skier BABE, she now has to be bisexual too.. Great :wall:
EDIT:
I guess my points are:
1. For every hot chick there is a guy tired of banging her.
2. Sex obviously is important, and don't be surprised if she is the one walking out on you if this continues.
Don't delude yourself. Sex is a fundamental part of your relationship. Like every other part of your relationship, it's something you can work on. It's important that you know what the problem is: are you bored with your current sex life, because, well, it's boring and always the same or are you really not physically attracted to your partner anymore (or perhaps you never really were?).Quote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger
Talk. Say what you like. Be very open about it. In a good relationship, you don't have to tell each other everything, but it's very important that you have the feeling that, if need be, you can tell each other everything. Experiment. Can be simple things, like sex in candlelight and with relaxing music in the background. Or you can do very naughty things. And don't take the experiments too serious. Even if whatever you try doesn't turn you on, you'll have a few good laughs. Learn to know each others' body; say what you want, be prepared to give what your partner wants. If you can't do that or you really don't feel like doing that with your current partner, the relationship won't be long term and you'll break up eventually. You'll both become frustrated and it will have effects on all other aspects of your relationship sooner or later.
Ah, kids... The damn youth is wasted on you schmucks.
Here is a bit of wisdom, short and to the point, also something you will not listen to.
Every relationship is based on three pillars: financial stability, friendship and sex.
One of those areas can be lacking somewhat and others can compensate, but if any of them is lacking severely (or more of them), it doesn't spell good for your relationship.
Also, you can't delete your Facebook. Once you are in, you are in forever.
Sex is the segment that will go away soonest. The attraction, the stronger it is in the beginning, will dilute itself sooner. You know, the brighter you burn and all that jazz. Been around the block few times, trust me. It takes hard work to keep it alive. It goes from passionate, fulfilling sex that lasts for hours to a 5 minute missionary once a month.
Solutions? Keep your sex life alive, work on it. And that is an art in and on itself.
Not to make fun of breakups, this is awesome.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV
You forgot that she must make a delicious turkish coffee, and eggs benedict. Throw in an expert cocktail mixer.
Agree with 1 and 2.
I was more fretting over what I lost, but cheers for the sympathy.Quote:
Originally Posted by SwordsMaster
I know what you mean. In a similar situation myself now, similarly stuck about what to do. Have not decided - other aspects of the relationship are great, and there has been no other relationship with anyone I could trust in the same fashion. But sex is sex, and I can't help being built to want to have it. Going on a trip together soon, will probably clarify things once the routine day-to-day is behind us for a few days. Che sera sera.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV
It's so easy, if you don't enjoy kissing with someone there is no good sex
incorrect. We have great sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fragony
Well most of the timeQuote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
I think the real problem is that PJ says he is not a ten, but has not provided pics of his abs to prove said statement.
In order to give good advice I am to need to see shirtless pics, from all angles. If I think I could bat for the other team, then obviously the issue isn't attractiveness on PJ's side.
Only shirtless? That would be shortchanging some of my best features. ~;)
Thanks all for the advice. It is very much appreciated.
I always suspected you had nice hammiesQuote:
Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger