What to do when attraction runs dry...

[Peasant Phill]

Oh we've seen ACIN's reading list in that contest. I don't think he reads what you think he reads.
That is if you think he reads what I think you're thinking he reads.

I wasn't even thinking of reading anymore.

[rajpoot]

@Peasant Phill

Reading and.....stuff that eventually renders you incapable of reading.

Edit:

Did you know there's an Org member with a nick 'Peasant'?

[Peasant Phill]

Did you know there's an Org member with a nick 'Peasant'?

Nope, didn't know that. There's red peasant though.

[PanzerJaeger]

No kids, thankfully. And yes, I should not have started a thread with so little time to post in it at the moment.

But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?

You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.

Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.

[Fragony]

Keep him for his better qualities and cheat for fun

[stratigos vasilios]

Pj, mate I'm sure everyone feels like that at certain points in time. I've been with the missus since I was pretty young, but sometimes I do feel not as attracted to her as when I first met her (and I'm sure she feels the same towards me every now and then). Might just come and go in waves?

[The Stranger]

Keep him for his better qualities and cheat for fun

whats with the him? :O he never said he or him :O


but ye whats the point of being together if you cant be honest right?

[Fragony]

whats with the him? :O he never said he or him :O


but ye whats the point of being together if you cant be honest right?

That happened on accident I must say, but I don't think our Panzer is interested in girls it's just a feeling I get

[Peasant Phill]

But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?

You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.

Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.

Time to spread some wisdom gained through my own mistakes and misfortune:

I've been in a 12 year relationship until just over a year ago. Bought a house together. Even tried for a kid at one point. But it was NOT a good relationship. We were good friends. We hade our injokes and we really had a lot of fun. BUT it appeared that she wasn't sexually attracted to me, perhaps from the very beginning. She just had sex with me out of a sort feeling of obligation towards me. I can tell you I walked around pretty frustrated at times and we had a big fight about it every so often.

At the end of the relationship I just didn't cared at all for her. She almost disgusted me fysically (she put on a lot of weight since the beginning) and we basically had our own lives most of the time. I never argued anymore, it just didn't matter to me. She mercifully ended the relationsghip. I don't think I would have done it even if (looking back) I really had nothing with her except a share past.

At the moment I'm together with someone else. The relationship is totally different and I have and had feelings I never had before. It's so much better than what I ever had. And I would've never experienced it if I had stayed my former girlfriend.

You may say that there are far more important things in your relationship than sex but I'm sure you can admit that it's still a significant part. That part fester if you leave you leave it at that. Either you or him/her will grow frustrated and it may eat away at what may be a almost perfect relationship on other fronts. SO please talk about it with him/her. Do it tactfully but directly. But don't leave it alone.

[Strike For The South]

No kids, thankfully. And yes, I should not have started a thread with so little time to post in it at the moment.

But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?

You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.

Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.

Better now than in 10 years when you have 1 bank account and 2 kids.

If you think this is beyond reconciliation, end it now. Do not drag it out becuase of some abstract sense of personal honor

[a completely inoffensive name]

Delete your facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up.

[Prussian to the Iron]

Delete your facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up.

Ah, the wise words of ACIN repeated again. I have that quote on my facebook, with you credited.

I believe we ALL know I'm no relationship expert...but for me, though a functional relationship comes first, sex is very important. In fact it's usually the primary thing that I do. And I can have some leeway, but in the end, not being attracted to someone just isn't fair for either of you; for them, they may have caused it, but it still isn't fair to be just accepted rather than embraced as a partner. For you, obviously it's not fair to be stuck with someone you aren't attracted to and feel required to carry on. The way I see it, if it doesn't come back or if they continue to get larger and your attraction to them falls lower, it won't ever recover to what it once was, and ultimately won't work out in the long run. Better to end it now and start looking for someone who can satisfy your needs than drag it out with this person.

[The Stranger]

lol... your post is so hilarious! the tact :D

[Vuk]

Become a little less comfortable with each other, and work to be a little more sexually attracted to each other.

[Kadagar_AV]

I just had a "funny" thing happen to me...

I was engaged with this girl, smoking hot one I might add. Very warm and loving in bed, very... giving...

We are now split up, main reason being the sex.

I am sure 99% of men would be overly eager to have her in bed, for me it was more like a "meh". She got tired of me constantly preferring to watch the game or spank Diablo for the umpteenth time....

She caught me once surfing porn after she had invited me to bed.


I liked her in every other way, but the sex life... and it ended with her dissing me... So I just upped my game.

Not only do I look for a warm intellectual gorgeous vegetarian superb skier BABE, she now has to be bisexual too.. Great

EDIT:

I guess my points are:

1. For every hot chick there is a guy tired of banging her.
2. Sex obviously is important, and don't be surprised if she is the one walking out on you if this continues.

[Andres]

Hypothetically, you are __________ with your partner.

Compatible - yes.
Comfortable - yes.
Trusting - yes.
Financially invested - yes.
Emotionally invested - yes.
Sexually attracted - no.

Do you stay or go?

Don't delude yourself. Sex is a fundamental part of your relationship. Like every other part of your relationship, it's something you can work on. It's important that you know what the problem is: are you bored with your current sex life, because, well, it's boring and always the same or are you really not physically attracted to your partner anymore (or perhaps you never really were?).

Talk. Say what you like. Be very open about it. In a good relationship, you don't have to tell each other everything, but it's very important that you have the feeling that, if need be, you can tell each other everything. Experiment. Can be simple things, like sex in candlelight and with relaxing music in the background. Or you can do very naughty things. And don't take the experiments too serious. Even if whatever you try doesn't turn you on, you'll have a few good laughs. Learn to know each others' body; say what you want, be prepared to give what your partner wants. If you can't do that or you really don't feel like doing that with your current partner, the relationship won't be long term and you'll break up eventually. You'll both become frustrated and it will have effects on all other aspects of your relationship sooner or later.

[Voigtkampf]

Ah, kids... The damn youth is wasted on you schmucks.

Here is a bit of wisdom, short and to the point, also something you will not listen to.

Every relationship is based on three pillars: financial stability, friendship and sex.

One of those areas can be lacking somewhat and others can compensate, but if any of them is lacking severely (or more of them), it doesn't spell good for your relationship.

Also, you can't delete your Facebook. Once you are in, you are in forever.

Sex is the segment that will go away soonest. The attraction, the stronger it is in the beginning, will dilute itself sooner. You know, the brighter you burn and all that jazz. Been around the block few times, trust me. It takes hard work to keep it alive. It goes from passionate, fulfilling sex that lasts for hours to a 5 minute missionary once a month.

Solutions? Keep your sex life alive, work on it. And that is an art in and on itself.

[SwordsMaster]

I just had a "funny" thing happen to me...

I was engaged with this girl, smoking hot one I might add. Very warm and loving in bed, very... giving...

We are now split up, main reason being the sex.

I am sure 99% of men would be overly eager to have her in bed, for me it was more like a "meh". She got tired of me constantly preferring to watch the game or spank Diablo for the umpteenth time....

She caught me once surfing porn after she had invited me to bed.


I liked her in every other way, but the sex life... and it ended with her dissing me... So I just upped my game.

Not only do I look for a warm intellectual gorgeous vegetarian superb skier BABE, she now has to be bisexual too.. Great

EDIT:

I guess my points are:

1. For every hot chick there is a guy tired of banging her.
2. Sex obviously is important, and don't be surprised if she is the one walking out on you if this continues.

Not to make fun of breakups, this is awesome.
You forgot that she must make a delicious turkish coffee, and eggs benedict. Throw in an expert cocktail mixer.

Agree with 1 and 2.

[Kadagar_AV]

Not to make fun of breakups, this is awesome.
You forgot that she must make a delicious turkish coffee, and eggs benedict. Throw in an expert cocktail mixer.

Agree with 1 and 2.

I was more fretting over what I lost, but cheers for the sympathy.

[SwordsMaster]

I was more fretting over what I lost, but cheers for the sympathy.

I know what you mean. In a similar situation myself now, similarly stuck about what to do. Have not decided - other aspects of the relationship are great, and there has been no other relationship with anyone I could trust in the same fashion. But sex is sex, and I can't help being built to want to have it. Going on a trip together soon, will probably clarify things once the routine day-to-day is behind us for a few days. Che sera sera.

[Fragony]

It's so easy, if you don't enjoy kissing with someone there is no good sex

[Strike For The South]

It's so easy, if you don't enjoy kissing with someone there is no good sex

incorrect. We have great sex.

[Fragony]

incorrect. We have great sex.

Well most of the time

[a completely inoffensive name]

I think the real problem is that PJ says he is not a ten, but has not provided pics of his abs to prove said statement.

In order to give good advice I am to need to see shirtless pics, from all angles. If I think I could bat for the other team, then obviously the issue isn't attractiveness on PJ's side.

[PanzerJaeger]

Only shirtless? That would be shortchanging some of my best features.


Thanks all for the advice. It is very much appreciated.

[Centurion1]

Only shirtless? That would be shortchanging some of my best features.


Thanks all for the advice. It is very much appreciated.

I always suspected you had nice hammies