This I agree with the big power game if you want to call it is essentially a game of poker where no wants to cash in there chips.
Each side knows the other has cards that can win so they constantly check and raise each other.
The game depends on both sides understanding that neither side will react stupidly to the others raising of the stakes.
This however is the flaw in the game as it essentially becomes a game where you must decide the likely outcome of your action in the others mind.
The Russian still had a hand of cards but where eventually going to run out of chips which meant they either must call or fold. The entire Reagan era was essentially a spending spree of massive proportions the Soviets had only a few chips left so they had to fold and the wall came down.
The only problem with this type of game is not that people have nukes but that they must decide what the other thinks of their own actions the Cold War essentially settled into a rut it followed for years.
One point the missile shield is addressing is the problem with major proliferation and what the reduction of nuclear weapons has in this nuclear era. Put simply the less nuclear weapons there are in the equation of power between two states the more likely they are to be used in this post Cold War era.
In effect it didn't matter if it never worked as long as Iran thought it could.
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