Police Chief Clancy Wiggum is investigating the grisly murder of the entire Simspon family. Well, the immediate family, anyway. Not counting the pets, or the non-canon characters, or the extended family, or the one-shot characters. But, you know, the main dudes. And besides, most of the pets have already been killed off by the show's writers. In an interesting sidenote, during the writer's strike....
GET ON WITH IT!!!!
...Right. So anyways, Wiggum is investigating the grisly murders of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie.
"Ok boys, search the entire residence for evidence of pizza, pastrami, hot dogs, or any member of the pastry family. And if there's beer in the fridge, I want it on my desk by sunrise."
Officer Lou:
"Okay chief. But you may want to take note that all of the victims appear to have been killed by pies to the face."
Wiggum:
"That's some good work, Lou. I am kind of hungry for dessert. What kind of pies are they?"
Lou:
"Three are banana creme pies, one is custard, and the final one is a cherry pie."
Wiggum:
"Awww... they didn't have any blueberry pies? I'm kind of hungry for blueberry."
Lou:
"I'd also like to point out, chief, that cherry pies are never thrown at people's faces for comic effect, because the cherries are usually baked inside the pie crust, whereas custard and banana creme pies are mostly pie filling, and therefore messier."
Wiggum:
"Okay, Lou, you've done some good work, but we aren't concerned with attention to detail. We're police officers, not mystery writers. The audience is going to get bored if you drone on and on about the kind of pies the victims were killed with. Certainly these details aren't clues which will be used later on to determine the killer."
Lou:
"Right, chief."
Wiggum:
"Now give me the custard pie and call it a night, Lou."
Lou:
"Don't you want me to collect and document the pies as murder evidence?"
Wiggum has already easten most of the custard pie;
"No, that's some good work Lou. Allow me to finish collecting the evidence myself. And have a pizza delivered, it's going to be a long night."
Lou:
"Sir, no pizza place is open at 4:30AM"
Wiggum:
"That's it, Lou, I'm demoting you back down to lieutenant."
Lou:
"I am already a lieutenant, chief."
Wiggum:
"That's some good work Lou. Less paperwork that way."
Mini Simpsons Mafia (Game Thread) [Concluded]
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"My IQ test came back. Thankfully it was negative" 
Originally Posted by Quintus.JC
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