News of the Weird

[Lemur]

File this under "Ewwwwwwww ...."

David Duchovny [...] has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction.

The 48-year-old actor said he did so voluntarily, in a statement released Thursday by his lawyer, Stanton Stein. He added: "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."

Just ... ewwww.

[Crazed Rabbit]

The Michigan Fair: Educational as well as fun!

Also, candy designing: clearly not for everyone.

CR

[Lemur]

Rabbit. Dude. You cannot post that link and not include the graphic.

[PBI]

Australia suffering "man drought"

[CountArach]

How could I have forgotten to post that!?

Its good news for me though...

[Banquo's Ghost]

Nut loses nut but not nuts.

[KukriKhan]

Director Dr Daud Abdul Rahim said doctors got the nut off at around 11pm on Friday.

Just in time for him to bolt out for 'last call'.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Nut loses nut but not nuts.

Sheesh, how stupid can you be?

Anybody with half a brain knows this doesn't work. Incredible.

But then, I'm scientific about this sort of stuff. So I know that the only device that does work is my X4labs enlargement device. I've only been using it for three weeks and already I think I'm noticing progress!!!

[Ronin]

Sheesh, how stupid can you be?

Anybody with half a brain knows this doesn't work. Incredible.

But then, I'm scientific about this sort of stuff. So I know that the only device that does work is my X4labs enlargement device. I've only been using it for three weeks and already I think I'm noticing progress!!!

I think the guy must have been rejected on a firearm check and had to find something else to compensate.

[Lemur]

I know that the only device that does work is my X4labs enlargement device.

Mommy, I'm scared:

We are the first company to design and offer Comfort Strap Technology, which allows the patient to wear the device for longer periods of time, thus letting you achieve faster results. This 1 inch strap covers more surface area compared to similar devices which use a inch "noose" to hold your member securely in place.

Our Premium Models also include a special 3-in-1 Hybrid Support Piece that allows the user to switch between the Comfort Strap, Customizable Loop Fastener and the Silicone Noose. This gives you the option to choose which of the three various methods of fixation is the most comfortable for you.

[Gregoshi]

Nut loses nut but not nuts.

Oh, where is Nurse Ratched when you need her?

[Gregoshi]

It is not a Johnson & Johnson product??!

[Gregoshi]

Oh, where is Nurse Ratched when you need her?

Hello? Is dis mic on? I know you are out dere, I can hear you breathing... Let's try dis again:

So Banquo's Ghost says to me, he says "Nut loses nut but not nuts!"

Den I says, "Hey! Where is Nurse Ratched when you need her?! Bada boom!"



Come on people! I'm dyin' here. You know, Nurse Ratched from the movie One Flew Over the Cockoo's Nest...about a bunch of crazy people - you know, "nuts". And Ratched, sounds like ratchet, as ratchet wrench...oh nevermind.

Hey! Look! Juggling!

[CountArach]

Wow! That was a great joke Greg!

*Brings the house down with applause*

[Gregoshi]

Thank you CA! Thank you! I'll be here all week - and please don't take that as a threat...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Thanks for the help CA. Here's the money I promised you. Don't spend it all in one post. Bada boom!

[Conqueror]

This is almost too crazy even for News of the Weird: Islamic Scholars Battle Man With 86 Wives

There was, however, a twist few weeks ago when the press beamed their searchlight on him, his lifestyle, his wives and children. He was so delighted to give information to the press not knowing that it was the beginning of his trouble. The barrage of reports attracted Islamic leaders, royal fathers, government and security services to the lifestyle of this man who was now seen as a threat or stain to Islam and society.

Baba Bello who reportedly claimed to be very versed in the Holy Qur'an was quoted as saying that he stopped reading the Qur'an as far back as 1972 when he claimed to have been mysteriously hit by a strange wind which made him to have a face to face encounter with Allah which invariably exposed him beyond the scope of reading the holy book.

Masaba had in media interviews boasted that no woman, no matter how beautiful, educated, exposed or old could escape him once he made up his mind to marry her. "All I need to do is just to show my affection and she automatically becomes my wife."

[Viking]

Nut loses nut but not nuts.

Both hospital authorities and the state Fire and Rescue Department were involved in attempts to remove the nut.

This is the second case in the past week involving objects stuck on penises.

On Aug 25, firemen were summoned to the Universiti Malaya Medical Centre in Kuala Lumpur to cut a steel ring from a patient?s penis after numerous attempts by doctors failed to dislodge it.

It is believed the patient, in his 20s, had slipped the ring onto his penis to increase his sexual prowess.

ROTFL

Well, at least we there's always the fire brigade to help you with this sort of trouble

[ShadesPanther]

Elephant kicks Heroin addiction

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

An Asian elephant that became addicted to heroin after being fed bananas spiked with the drug is to return home after undergoing a detox programme.

The four-year-old animal, called Xiguang, received methadone injections for a year at five times the human dosage, state media said.

It was illegally captured by traders in 2005 in south-west China.

When police arrested the traders and freed the elephant, it was found to be suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

The elephant's eyes kept streaming and he made continuous trumpeting noises, the Beijing News newspaper's website reported.

It is thought that the traders fed the elephant bananas laced with heroin to capture and control it.

Xiguang was sent to a wild animal protection centre on Hainan island in south-west China for rehab, the official Xinhua new agency said

He is expected to arrive at a wildlife park in Kunming, capital of Yunnan province, on Saturday.

The Asian elephant is an endangered species, with only 25,600-32,750 left in the wild, according to the WWF conservation group.

[Lemur]

Alistair Cooke, the Masterpiece Theatre host, was chopped up and sold for parts.

The brothers allowed at least 244 corpses to be carved up without families' permission and without medical tests, prosecutors said. Skin, bones, tendons and other parts -- some of them diseased -- were then sold around the country for dental implants, knee and hip replacements, and other procedures.

Some bodies were only torsos by the time the hacking was done, said Assistant District Attorney Evangelia Manos. [...]

Mastromarino's company, New Jersey-based Biomedical Tissue Services, took bodies from funeral homes in New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Among the corpses plundered was that of veteran BBC broadcaster and "Masterpiece Theatre" host Alistair Cooke.

[Louis VI the Fat]

That's a coincidence. I jut finished watching Alistair Cooke's 'America' on DVD two days ago. Brilliant series. God bless the BBC. The series is 35 years old and it still beats anything that's on tv right now.

Come on people! I'm dyin' here. You know, Nurse Ratched from the movie One Flew Over the Cockoo's Nest...about a bunch of crazy people - you know, "nuts". And Ratched, sounds like ratchet, as ratchet wrench...oh nevermind.

Hey! Look! Juggling!

Don't quit the juggling job and
It took me forever to figure it out. It took me forever, after the explanation, I mean. But I think I got it at last.

At least, I think I do...

[Kralizec]

Don't want your secret lover to go on a vacation with her "real" spouse?

A telephone threat saying a Dutch holiday flight would be hijacked turned out to be a hoax call by a jealous lover, Dutch news agency ANP reported on Friday.

The plane operated by Dutch budget airline Transavia was due to leave Rotterdam for Bodrum in Turkey on Tuesday but was evacuated after emergency services received a phone call saying it would be hijacked.

The Dutch public prosecutor said on Friday there were no indications that the plane was at real risk, and it was now treating the case as a hoax.

A 31-year-old man held for questioning was released on Friday, but a man and a woman are still being held on suspicion of supplying false information, the prosecutor said on its website.

ANP quoted the lawyer of the released man as saying the hoax call arose out of a love triangle consisting of his client and another man and woman.

[KukriKhan]

Elephant kicks Heroin addiction

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

An Asian elephant that became addicted to heroin after being fed bananas spiked with the drug is to return home after undergoing a detox programme.

The four-year-old animal, called Xiguang, received methadone injections for a year at five times the human dosage, state media said.

It was illegally captured by traders in 2005 in south-west China.

When police arrested the traders and freed the elephant, it was found to be suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

The elephant's eyes kept streaming and he made continuous trumpeting noises, the Beijing News newspaper's website reported.

It is thought that the traders fed the elephant bananas laced with heroin to capture and control it.

Xiguang was sent to a wild animal protection centre on Hainan island in south-west China for rehab, the official Xinhua new agency said

He is expected to arrive at a wildlife park in Kunming, capital of Yunnan province, on Saturday.

The Asian elephant is an endangered species, with only 25,600-32,750 left in the wild, according to the WWF conservation group.

If human junkies 'ignore the elephant in the room', what do elephant junkies 'ignore'?

[drone]

If human junkies 'ignore the elephant in the room', what do elephant junkies 'ignore'?

The monkeys on their backs?

[Viking]

From a link accompanying the article:

Flashback: World’s First ‘No-Scar’ Surgery Done Via The Vagina

AFP: Doctors in eastern France said Thursday they had carried out the world's first "no-scar" surgery, using hi-tech instruments to remove the gallbladder of a 30-year-old patient via her vagina. The operation breaks new ground in minimally invasive surgery, a technique designed to boost post-operative recovery and avoid the emotional impact of scars. Images and soundbites.

Who'd guess, here's more

Appendix Removed Through Vagina: U.S. First

On March 26, 2008, surgeons at UC San Diego Medical Center removed an inflamed appendix through a patient's vagina, a first in the United States. Following the 50-minute procedure, the patient, Diana Schlamadinger, reported only minor discomfort. Removal of diseased organs through the body's natural openings offers patients a rapid recovery, minimal pain, and no scarring. Key to these surgical clinical trials is collaboration with medical device companies to develop new minimally-invasive tools.

[Lemur]

You said you want a duck stamp? Oh baby, I've got your duck stamp right here -- you wanna touch it?

People calling a federal phone number to order duck stamps are instead greeted by a phone-sex line, due to a printing error the government says would be too expensive to correct.

The carrier card for the duck stamp transposes two numbers, so instead of listing 1-800-782-6724, it lists 1-800-872-6724. The first number spells out 1-800-STAMP24, while the second number spells out 1-800-TRAMP24.

People calling that second number are welcomed by "Intimate Connections" and enticed by a husky female voice to "talk only to the girls that turn you on," for $1.99 a minute.

[Gregoshi]

People calling a federal phone number to order duck stamps are instead greeted by a phone-sex line...

Oh boy. Wait 'til the callers get the bill...

"No operator, I said 'duck' with a 'd'..."

"Lady, who licks stamps anymore?" <click>

[Crazed Rabbit]

The dead have come back to life:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2681...ght-years.html

Or, a tale of keystone kops.

CR

[Csargo]

I'm not sure if this is just pure stupidity or something more sinister.

[Husar]

I'm not sure if this is just pure stupidity or something more sinister.

It's pretty sinister when the government is taking away freedom like that.

[Lemur]

Tornadoes. Not a big deal, right? We get them all the time in the Midwest. But how about tornadoes in Siberia? Don't believe me? Here's the video.