News of the Weird

[InsaneApache]

Two teaching assistants at a school in Leeds were taken to hospital after eating cannabis in "hash cakes" given to them by a 15-year-old pupil.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/w...re/7654606.stm

A whole definition of 'high' school. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

[Lemur]

Man Shoots Himself in Arm After Being Denied Sex

Authorities say a Fort Myers man shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him. The Lee County Sheriff's Office reported that a 29-year-old man and his girlfriend returned home from a bar early Wednesday morning.

The girlfriend told deputies that her boyfriend wanted to get intimate, but she just wanted to go to sleep. When she refused, he became irate.

Authorities said the girlfriend went to a spare bedroom, and several minutes later she heard two gunshots. She told deputies her boyfriend came into her room and threatened her. He then stumbled into the kitchen before falling into the oven, knocking himself unconscious.

The man was treated for two gunshot wounds to the arm and was taken to jail.

[Fragony]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/w...re/7654606.stm

A whole definition of 'high' school. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

lol I pulled that one as well

[Gregoshi]

I don't want to flossiphise, but that'll be one sore, sore cavity. Hell, the flight would have been nervy too, no doubt the passengers would have had to brace themselves. I'm very glad the crew was drilled in this sort of thing.

Brilliant!

[naut]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/w...re/7654606.stm

A whole definition of 'high' school. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

I hope the school takes a strong line of action.

[Banquo's Ghost]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/w...re/7654606.stm

A whole definition of 'high' school. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

I hope the school takes a strong line of action.

I imagine they will find who grassed on her and weed them out.

[naut]

I imagine they will find who grassed on her and weed them out.

I'm not so sure, they'll probably make a complete hash of it.

[Lemur]

Finally a medical manufacturer has woken up to the market for artificial foreskins. About time!

The SenSlip range of artificial retractable foreskins is available in different sizes, to allow for variation between individuals. With ten sizes we want you to be fitted correctly right from the start. (See fitting chart)

-edit-

For Gregoshi, I'll just say that this is the tip of a growing market that I hope they can cover, if they're circumspect.

[Craterus]

I'm not so sure, they'll probably make a complete hash of it.

They should definitely attempt to keep tabs on them.

For Gregoshi, I'll just say that this is the tip of a growing market that I hope they can cover, if they're circumspect

It'll be important for them to stay a-head of their competitors.

[Lemur]

Georgia election turns out to be more than the usual smoke and mirrors. I guess it's more smoke and snakes.

The Georgia Bureau of Investigation confirmed Monday it is investigating allegations involving a Cobb County commissioner and voodoo.

A woman who practices voodoo in South Carolina claims commissioner Annette Kesting wanted her to put a curse on the opponent who defeated Kesting in August.

The voodoo priestess, George Ann Mills of Blythewood, S.C., filed a report with Cobb County police claiming Kesting's checks for the ceremony bounced.

Kesting was soundly defeated in mid-August, and according to the voodoo priestess she wanted challenger Woody Thompson to either develop cancer or be involved in a car wreck.

The woman claims Kesting gave her pictures of Thompson and wrote her $3,000 worth of checks, but those checks bounced.

The voodoo rituals were apparently never performed.

[Marshal Murat]

Mr. Gay eats meat.

[naut]

Mr. Gay eats meat.

Distasteful.

[Lemur]

You really have to be careful about saying "Eat me."

What is it with cops and tasers? Seems like they'll shoot anyone and anything for any reason whatsoever. I don't remember them being this trigger-happy when it was nightclubs and pistols.

Police taser sheep blocking traffic.

Motorist Mark Faulkes, 47, of Flint, said his 13-year-old daughter Amy was 'very distressed' when she witnessed the sheep being stunned on the A55 near Bodelwyddan.

He said: 'We came across a traffic jam and we saw there was a sheep in the road.

'Everyone had stopped their cars and a few people had got out and were trying to herd the sheep away from the carriageway.

'The police then arrived and they went towards the sheep but it moved away from them.

'Then one of the officers got out his Taser gun and fired it at the sheep. Then he carried it to the side of the carriageway.

'Amy was very distressed. I don't know if the sheep was alright. When we left, it was lying by the side of the road, shaking.

'I thought it was excessive to use a Taser on a defenceless sheep.

'It could have been directed away from the road without using such force and they didn't even try to herd it.'

Sheila Stewart, the owner of an animal rescue centre in nearby Padeswood said: 'I think the use of a stun gun is excessive.

'It is not difficult to herd a sheep to the side of the road or through a gateway back into a field.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Remember that guy who's girlfriend spent two years sitting on a toilet before finally becoming stuck to it, and her boyfriend 'pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor count of mistreatment of a dependent adult'? That boyfriend just won the lottery.

Twice.

CR

[Louis VI the Fat]

Remember that guy who's girlfriend spent two years sitting on a toilet before finally becoming stuck to it, and her boyfriend 'pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor count of mistreatment of a dependent adult'? That boyfriend just won the lottery.

Twice.

CR

What!?

Gah! I went to school, I work, I'll have kids someday and then I'll die.
And this daisy has a life right out of a Hollywood movie.

It's just not fair!

[Crazed Rabbit]

He's probably got Irish ancestry too.

CR

[Lemur]

And this daisy has a life right out of a Hollywood movie.

It's just not fair!

In fairness, his total winnings are somewhere around $40k according to the article, so I don't think he'll be living off that for the rest of his life. But yeah, freaky. Truly, Crazed Rabbit has graced us with true-blue News of the Weird.

[InsaneApache]

He's probably got Irish ancestry too.

CR

[Gregoshi]

He's probably got Irish ancestry too.

CR

Now they will be after his Lucky Charms.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Now they will be after his Lucky Charms.

Beat me by that much.

[KarlXII]

http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61767415


Ah, the sweet sound of the justice system. It also seems he needed to go shoot the hoops and not enjoy the strings!

[Viking]

It's time for some crappy news:

Space Station Toilet Breaks Again

The master bathroom for three astronauts aboard the International Space Station is on the fritz again just days before a trio of new spaceflyers are due to launch toward the orbiting lab, NASA officials said Friday.

A temporary telemetry glitch also sent the space station into a so-called survival mode earlier this morning, changing the outpost's attitude and leading to system power downs for several hours. That issue was quickly tracked to an electronics box aboard the station, but the balky space toilet in the Russian Zvezda service module continues to plague astronauts and flight controllers.

"It failed late yesterday," NASA spokesperson John Ira Petty said of the Russian-built space commode in televised commentary from Mission Control in Houston. "Russian specialists are troubleshooting. The problem appears to be a [gas] separator issue."

[Lemur]

Australian sheep to be fitted with gas masks

Researchers will fit the masks over the sheep for a short time to obtain a reading from their breath so it can be established how much methane gas they are emitting.

'Operation Gas Mask' will soon swing into action following a report by Australian climate adviser Ross Garnaut who said sheep helped create greenhouse gases and it would be better if farmers turned to kangaroos as a source of meat.

[Rhyfelwyr]

That gas mask will offer no protection against the Communist ape warriors

[Crazed Rabbit]

Tim Mahoney, democratic congressman from Florida, has a sex/corruption scandal involving a woman he had an affair with and then gave a job on his staff.

Ho-hum, right?

Wrong! He was elected to fill the seat republican Mark Foley resigned in disgrace.

The affair between Mahoney and Allen began, according to the current and former staffers, in 2006 when Mahoney was campaigning for Congress against Foley, promising "a world that is safer, more moral."

That's your second sequel to a weird news item, hope you enjoy.

CR

[Lemur]

I am shocked and disappointed that Mahoney chose to follow up Mark Foley's harassment of underage male pages with a conventional affair with a grown woman. What a let-down. Doesn't this maroon understand the rules of comedy? You have to escalate. If you start with teens away from home under the care of the Congress, you need to move on to something worse. Maybe farm animals. But a dumpy looking middle aged lady? He definitely loses points for style.

Did we ever feature Rep. Foley in News of the Weird? I thought he made his star turn in Another Toe-Tappin' Republican ...

[Crazed Rabbit]

Well, if you hadn't started a thread just for him and the other assorted weirdos, Foley would've been in NoTW.

Definite agreement on the lack of style. Maybe Mahoney just meant a return to convention affair morals.

CR

[Ronin]

Tim Mahoney, democratic congressman from Florida, has a sex/corruption scandal involving a woman he had an affair with and then gave a job on his staff.

Ho-hum, right?

Wrong! He was elected to fill the seat republican Mark Foley resigned in disgrace.

That's your second sequel to a weird news item, hope you enjoy.

CR

again....democrat -> sex with a woman......see....more moral

[Lemur]

Eh, save it for the Election Thread. We have other Weird News to consider:

I'll just nip in ahead of Gregoshi and say that I hear this was near the resevoir, where he rear-ended a big rig before spilling his load.

[drone]

So we finally know where the rubber meets the road.