Casual sex is good, or is it?

[Andres]

The more complicated you make your life, the more chance of becoming unhappy.

Kadagar, I think one of the reasons you dislike women, is because you approach them as objects who exist solely to fulfill your sexual desires. As long as you don't change that approach, you won't find happiness in a relationship. The problem is not women, the problem is you.

And Kage: I've known two couples who tried the "you're free to sleep with somebody else"-approach: one ended in breaking up, the other one ended in a very painful divorce. That stuff just doesn't work and nobody will ever manage to convince me otherwise. People who do that and tell you that they have a healthy relationship are lying to you and themselves. My advice : either stop the madness and take a fresh start with "normal rules" for your relationship (your gf hates it as much as you do, so what's the point in keeping those "rules"), or, if too much damage has been done, quit the relationship and never do such a thing again.

As for me, I'm married and I consider loyalty and fidelity the most important things in a relationship. I cannot accept cheating and I strongly dislike people who cheat on their partner. As for the single guy/woman sleeping with a married woman/man, sorry, you get nadda, zero, nul sympathy from me. And I don't buy the petty "I'm not the one who's married/has a relationship, so I'm not the one doing anything wrong"-excuse. That's nonsense. You are knowingly cooperating in destroying a relationship or, even worse, a marriage. And the "but if it's not me, she'll take somebody else". You can at least be honorable for yourself. It's not because somebody else will lower himself to the lowest of levels, that you should do so as well. You have no apologies nor excuses. None, nada, zero.

I've seen too many broken marriages/relationships, both in my professional life as with people who are/were close to me. To be completely honest I detest people who cheat on their wife/husband or singles who happily cooperate, so I'll just refrain from further posting in this thread.

[ICantSpellDawg]

Water seeks its own level. You control your bouyancy.

Imagine if boy1 and girl build a sand castle together, then girl runs over to boy2 and they mutually decide that they will destroy the sandcastle that she and boy1 obviously built together.

Clearly girl is a sleezebag. What level of blame would you give boy2?

[Andres]

Water seeks its own level. You control your bouyancy.

Imagine if boy1 and girl build a sand castle together, then girl runs over to boy2 and they mutually decide that they will destroy the sandcastle that she and boy1 obviously built together.

Clearly girl is a sleezebag. What level of blame would you give boy2?

For his own five minutes of pleasure, he destroys the life of boy1.

Boy2 is extremely selfish and needs some re-education

[Louis VI the Fat]

Andres, evil orgahs are poking fun at you in the American election thread!!1!!


Well, me in fact. But I thought I'd mention it anyway.

[Koga No Goshi]

Koga, only reason I got an STD was cause it was a GF (we were only together for 3 weeks though, then I dumped her). So the moral of this story would be, if you want safe sex, avoid getting a girlfriend. With more temporary partners I always rubber up, with gilfriends I dont... Meaning the odds are probably higher of me getting a STD from a girlfriend than a one night stand... So your logic fails.

This sounds exactly like what you hear when an addict is justifying an addiction. "I only got the hangover because I stopped and didn't drink as much as usual. When I drink my usual amount everynight, I don't get sick."

P.S., the fact that out of hundreds of women you've slept with, one you're with for 3 weeks would qualify as a "relationship", should be a sign that something is wrong, Kad.

[InsaneApache]

If you love someone then it follows that you want to make them happy. If what makes them happy is sleeping around behind your back, then you can't really complain.

Or would you all just like to admit that love is completely self-serving?

(Just something I've been thinking about and thought I'd post it...)

Something tells me that love hasn't touched your heart. (yet)

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much censorship on these boards.

[Husar]

If you love someone then it follows that you want to make them happy. If what makes them happy is sleeping around behind your back, then you can't really complain.

Or would you all just like to admit that love is completely self-serving?

(Just something I've been thinking about and thought I'd post it...)

Now if we turn that around then your spouse would want to make you happy as well but her/his actions of sleeping around will make you very sad instead, if the person is not very self-serving her/himself then, why would she/he sleep around?

[ICantSpellDawg]

Tuffstuff, I agree STDs are a big weapon against infidelity. Thank god we have condoms to combat the STDs.

I never wear em and statistically the break often enough. I'm kind of masochistic when it comes to relationships. I'd take a deadly case of syphyllis to cath my gf or wife cheating on me. Then they'd regret it...

It is ethical insurance. You only live once - don't be afraid to use the big guns.

The sandcastle is an adequate analogy. No analogy is perfect, some are bad - but that one was pretty good.

Like I said - the best personal defense from infidelity is to never do it yourself. You'll always know that somebody doesn't do it. Then, when you get cheated on and people tell you to stay because it "happens all the time" - you'll know that not everybody is like that because you're not and you can drop them like the sweaty skid filled jockstrap they are.

If everyone did that there would be no problem.

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much censorship on these boards.

[PBI]

Poor Bloody Infantry, I guess we have to agree to disagree. I can not see how teh third part could be at blame in this scenario. Sure, it would be something different if it was someone in the social network, who really was out to bang someones wife. But this is like Vegas, "What happens in Vegas, stays in vegas".

I guess we will. I should qualify, if the guy is truly not aware the woman is married or in a relationship, he has done nothing wrong. Similarly if the husband and wife truly have an "understanding". But I got the impression from your OP that that is not always the case, apologies if I have misunderstood.

Perhaps I should explain where I am coming from, I am glad to be able to say I have never been cheated on myself, but I do come from a family which was almost torn apart by adultery when I was 13. As such I tend to have little patience with those who cheat or who help them do it. Please understand I bear you no malice personally, but you should know that the woman my dad screwed around with is one of the very few people on this planet I would say I truly hate. You should be aware that the husbands or children of the women you sleep with likely feel the same way about you.

Assuming we now understand one another correctly, it is perhaps best if I follow Andres' sensible example and butt out of this thread henceforth.

[Decker]

It's amazing how much damage hormones can cause isn't it? Look at some of the dating threads in the frontroom... it seems that getting laid is "cool." It seems that's what got you to where you are now doesn't it? It starts with succumbing to the pressure, and sure it may be good, but in the end... what are you getting out of it?

My question to you, is how hard are you willing to try to become that person you were before decided to lower your moral standards in regards to women? To respect and treat them not like an object, but a human being. As it seems you are so down on "love". You say you've only had 2 since then? Then why not start now. Swear it off for a month... and if you did it without struggling, then go for 2 and so on... If two people can live together for more than 50 years, through thick-n-thin, then surely it must exist. If you want it sooooooo badly, then the saying, "if I build it, they will come," fits you perfectly. You may have to quite the ski instructor gig to find it, sure you love it, but if it's destroying you (or in this case, yourself), then why continue down that path???

Ironically, constantly arguing about... "oh the guy isn't in the wrong it's the married women," or, "the guy and the women are both wrong and the husband is the victim," appear to be off topic here. It's about Kadagar_AV, and whether or not he (you) will decide to ask yourself the hard questions, make decisions, and act on them.

I do not support you or your arguments or what you have done. In fact, I wouldn't want to be around you... I could tolerate you(as I do with a few people I know) but I wouldn't associate myself with you if I could help it. I'm very much with Andres and Strike for the South on this one.

I'd rather you take what I said in and decide for yourself on what to do. If you wish to answer here be my guest. I'm no psychologist, but that is what I'd say to you if I knew you as a friend in RL. You seem to be old enough and mature enough to realize what you have done, become, left behind, and where you want to and don't want to go.

That's all I can say for now...

[Fragony]

I'm amazed at the double standards in reactions about this sort of thing sometimes. Anyone remember when Magic Johnson came forward and confessed to sleeping with hundreds of women? And the general public attitude about his actions? Certainly VERY few people felt any sympathy for him whatsoever in contracting HIV.

I really have no idea what the double standard is here. Everyone is responsible for their own behaviour. I am a bit suspicious of the moral outrage here. So she has a family. What's it to you. A healthy male doesn't turn down a goodlooking woman.

Andres, evil orgahs are poking fun at you in the American election thread!!1!!

The belgium tragedy. Nobody knows who you are except the dutch and the french, and they make fun of you.

[Husar]

That's a nice post Decker and I agree with it.

[JR-]

Is the list of flags in your sig the nationalities of all the snow bunnies you've hit?

playing the country game is the most intoxicating fun i have ever had in my life, 11 months of nailing chics of every nationality i came across.
kadagar is right, it is mostly about attitude and if you have it then you will not lack for talent.

my bedpost as such was an old map of the british empire, which over time had more and more of the worlds nations coloured in glorious pink.

then i met a lovely foreign girl and we have been together since, so no unhappy ending.

[edit] and yes, casual sex is awesome. [/edit]

[Major Robert Dump]

Condoms dont prevent HPV. Men can't be tested for HPV, and show no symptoms in most cases. While not all forms of HPV cause cervical cancer, 99.99% of cervical cancers are caused by HPV. There are lots of strands, a huge segment of the population is infected, and something like 4 or 5 of the strands are cancerous to women and have been linked to throat and testicular cancer in men. To further complicate things, the incubation period can be anywhere from 3 months to 10 years.

This is why infidelity scares me as a married man: the thought that I could bring home something and BAM my wife gets cervical cancer

That being said, I envy you actually. You've had more quality wool than entire companies of troops. I hope you took pictures. Not of the sex, mind you, but of the girls themselves, in a natural setting. Always take pictures of the beautiful girls, because when you are old and decrepit and you cant remember anymore, at least you'll still have the pictures.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Hey, MRD, good to see you back!

[Craterus]

Something tells me that love hasn't touched your heart. (yet)

I think it's best if I admit that I'm not wise enough to claim either way.

However, what is love if not the love of how that other person makes you feel? We are inherently selfish creatures after all.

If we were really concerned about the other person's happiness, cheating wouldn't be such a big deal.

[ICantSpellDawg]

I think it's best if I admit that I'm not wise enough to claim either way.

However, what is love if not the love of how that other person makes you feel? We are inherently selfish creatures after all.

If we were really concerned about the other person's happiness, cheating wouldn't be such a big deal.

Why not? couldn't you say the same thing only opposite? "If we were really concerned about the other person's happiness, people wouldn't cheat on their partner"

You are saying it is the person being cheated on who is being selfish? Hahaha
What is this? Take a common sense position and then twist it to be a clever absurdity day?

Cheating causes disease and breaks up relationships and trust. Having an open marriage is stupid but your choice to make, but cheating is something else. Engaging in risky and communicable behaviours while lying and endangering a directly interested party is the pinncle of selfishness.

Agreeing to an open marriage is a consented thing, yet rarely works - Cheating is lying and betrayal.

[Craterus]

Why not? couldn't you say the same thing only opposite? "If we were really concerned about the other person's happiness, people wouldn't cheat on their partner"

You are saying it is the person being cheated on who is being selfish? Hahaha
What is this? Take a common sense position and then twist it to be a clever absurdity day?

Cheating causes disease and breaks up relationships and trust. Having an open marriage is stupid but your choice to make, but cheating is something else. Engaging in risky and communicable behaviours while lying and endangering a directly interested party is the pinncle of selfishness.

Agreeing to an open marriage is a consented thing, yet rarely works - Cheating is lying and betrayal.

Then you admit that relationships have more to do with our own happiness than the other person?

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Then you admit that relationships have more to do with our own happiness than the other person?

Relationships have something to do with keeping both partners happy. If I cheated on my girlfriend, she would be angry (and I would be angry at myself and it conflicts with my sense of morals, but that's beside the point) and unhappy, and therefore I would never cheat on her. This is considering the other partner and keeping them happy, which is the point of a relationship.

[Koga No Goshi]

I really have no idea what the double standard is here. Everyone is responsible for their own behaviour. I am a bit suspicious of the moral outrage here. So she has a family. What's it to you. A healthy male doesn't turn down a goodlooking woman.

If there is absolutely no consequence for antisocial behavior then there is no potential to have to take any responsibility for it.

[ICantSpellDawg]

If there is absolutely no consequence for antisocial behavior then there is no potential to have to take any responsibility for it.

Hahaha you're starting to sound like one of us now.

I agree. Fortunately there both biological, social, emotional, material, and inter-personal consequences that clash with such actions. Some of which Kad seems to be dealing with at the moment, others that he might deal with during flare-ups.

[Koga No Goshi]

Hahaha you're starting to sound like one of us now.

I agree. Fortunately there both biological, social, emotional, material, and inter-personal consequences that clash with such actions. Some of which Kad seems to be dealing with at the moment, others that he might deal with during flare-ups.

As I said earlier, I believe in personal responsibility where it is actually appropriately applied. The notion that holding someone to personal responsibility is just a feature of the right comes from the fact that the right disagrees with the left not holding people accountable for things outside of their control, like natural disasters or diseases or abject poverty.

[ICantSpellDawg]

As I said earlier, I believe in personal responsibility where it is actually appropriately applied. The notion that holding someone to personal responsibility is just a feature of the right comes from the fact that the right disagrees with the left not holding people accountable for things outside of their control, like natural disasters or diseases or abject poverty.

Pregnancy isn't a natural disaster...

I'm glad to hear it. I know that some liberals have personal responsibility just like I know that some "conservatives" can't be trusted around the hen house or a neighbor's wallet.

I don't always vilify the left. I primarily vilify them on abortion - everything else is eminently negotiable and probably in need of another look occasionally.

[Koga No Goshi]

Pregnancy isn't a natural disaster...

I'm glad to hear it. I know that some liberals have personal responsibility just like I know that some "conservatives" can't be trusted around the hen house or a neighbor's wallet.

I don't always vilify the left. I primarily vilify them on abortion - everything else is eminently negotiable and probably in need of another look occasionally.

Responsibility's become one of those buzzwords like activist judging... typically all it means when people throw around personal responsibility is a dispute between "I don't think someone deserves sympathy" and "I think someone deserves sympathy."

I pay taxes and bills and credit card statements, I've never declared bankruptcy or used any form of social service, I don't have any liens or court orders on my paycheck for unpaid child support or back taxes. I'm sure my credit score is nowhere near perfect but a lot of that has to do with not having bought anything bigger than a car yet. I've broken things and paid for them. I've followed the rules in school and work and faced consequences when I screwed something up.

To me that's what personal responsibility is. When it gets into strange realms where it's inordinately applied in one direction and not another (an example would be, blaming individual soldiers for following illegal or unjust orders or policies, but not believing the people who signed those orders or policies should face any sort of punishment--- another example would be telling people who lost their pension and stock options and health insurance when a company screwed around and cooked the books and then flopped abruptly to take responsibility, while just sort of shrugging that the CEO's and execs had $400,000 parties and golden parachutes and bailed out in the black) is where I start to get suspicious of whether or not what we're really talking about is taking responsibility so much as believing someone should be blamed for things that happen to them outside of their control.

I would call this thread one of the "strange realms", especially when it comes to blaming people who have affairs with Kadagar, and saying Kadagar shares none of the blame. I do not believe, as I said earlier, any law should persecute him for his choice of behavior. But I don't understand how someone could behave that way and not see it as a problem, not see it as destructive (to both self and others) and not see it as irresponsible.

[Husar]

If we were really concerned about the other person's happiness, cheating wouldn't be such a big deal.

Few posts before I explained why it is. cheating is a selfish act and a relationship is based on giving away some of that selfishness. There's not just black and white, it's a mix of both. And if the happiness is spread to both, is it not a greater gain than if only one person becomes happier?

[Fragony]

As I said earlier, I believe in personal responsibility where it is actually appropriately applied. The notion that holding someone to personal responsibility is just a feature of the right comes from the fact that the right disagrees with the left not holding people accountable for things outside of their control, like natural disasters or diseases or abject poverty.

No idea what the left/right has to do with any of this. If it is a matter of decency, good for you, but mr Fragony isn't going to turn down a hot woman. That's rude. If she has a husband, he doesn't own her/should have bought her more flowers.

[pevergreen]

No idea what the left/right has to do with any of this. If it is a matter of decency, good for you, but mr Fragony isn't going to turn down a hot woman. That's rude. If she has a husband, he doesn't own her/should have bought her more flowers.

Im sorry, I just cant accept that. There is a level of trust in a relationship that its mutually exclusive (think i've got the right words)

I think there is reasoning. Presuming the female is cheating, why?

She could:

• Find the Man attractive
• Feel as though she doesnt want her current partner anymore
• Do it as a weird revenge thing
• Want something new

I think that in the first case, if the person cheating can't restrain from bonking anyone they find attractive, they aren't worthy of trust. In the second instance, a sit down and talk with the partner and talking through it works well. For the last two, the same thing.

You can't just go in and go, "Oh if I can get xxxxx to sleep with me, that means their partner doesn't deserve them. I'm not doing anything wrong."

Cliche, but think of it from the affected party's point of view. Would you want your wife cheating on you?

[naut]

By God does being a jackass work, but I don't like doing so since it makes me feel dirty.

As an aside I have a friend who uses the Metro/Gay angle to pick up women, which is hilarious. Paisley shirts, gay voice, gay mannerisms, etc, and he'll always go home with something/someone. Last night was a prime example of that, (and brings me back on topic) where I was talking to a girl he hooked up with before but currently has a boyfriend. She told me she wouldn't tell him about her boyfriend and lead him on then reject him because he's gross. And as the night went on he was hitting on anything that moved, but mostly her and it was obvious that she was lying about rejecting him. And sure enough they leave for 15 minutes. Whose fault is it here? My friend for being an absolute sleaze bag or the girl for lying and cheating on her boyfriend?

Whatever the case, I'm making sure that I keep my wimmin away from Frag.