Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear RWRN,

Why does George Bush hate black people?

Signed,

A concerned jelly baby.

Dear Jelly-Belly:

Thanks for the smile. After 8 glorious years with uncle Ron in the oval, jellie beans of all sorts invoke fond memories.

How could you think that George Bush (41 or 43) hate black people? Neither of them know very many of "those" people, so why would they waste emotional angst over it? There are far more important things to focus on, like hand-holding with members of the Saud family.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal

Will you guys ever do anything right?

Dear directionally confused:

WE are the Right, and we are RIGHT, so doing things right comes very naturally. You folks can have what's Left.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal

I must protest in the strongest possible manner about your claim. You are clearly a fifth column liberal masquerading for some devilish purpose.

All true right-wing reactionaries, neanderthalensis or erectus, are grammar and spelling nazis. Pedantry and nit-picking are the staple of our fine traditions, lest the corruption of new ideas pollute the bodily fluids of our sainted children.

You reveal yourself as a socialist by the spelling mistake in your thread title. Refusing to follow draconian and inflexible rules proves that you actually hate freedom. My upper lip would barely register a tremble if I were to learn of your employment as a member of the media.

Therefore, my question is: May I borrow your sequinned ball gown tonight as Arthur is coming round to play "Public School Memories" and I am nanny?

Your obedient servant (in turn)

Colonel Outrage

Herr Oberst:

I am but a humble columnist on a web-site devoted to conquering the past; trying to appeal both to the grammar pedantries of the WFB fan club and the bitter clingers of PA. Sometimes you have to throw a mis-spelled sop to the other side or a quick "stuff and piffle" to the old money crowd.

On the core subjects -- unrestricted weapons ownership, regressive taxation, rampant militarism, and virulent cultural elitism -- I am a true son of my stone age ancestors (note, all such ancestral memories and evidence were carefully included as rich background by the Creator during the workup about 10k years back -- HE thinks of everything).

Sequined ball gown? Good God man, do you think me THAT passe? I haven't had a frock with that much extra frippery since....Sorry for you and Arty, but I have no idea what you;re talking about.

[Koga No Goshi]

Dear Right Wing Reactionary Neanderthal


Tell the truth. Fascism: sexy or not?

Left Wing Berkeley Liberal

[Reverend Joe]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal,

Why does AC/DC rock so much? And why can't I stop spamming?

[Mikeus Caesar]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,

Why do you hate freedom?

Signed, T. Roll

[KarlXII]

Dear RWRN,

What's the deal with airline food?

Signed,

Insert pun name here.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right Wing Reactionary Neanderthal


Tell the truth. Fascism: sexy or not?

Left Wing Berkeley Liberal

You want the truth?

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal,

Why does AC/DC rock so much? And why can't I stop spamming?

Dear Joe Hill:

Probably because they're so substanced that they still think it's 1994. Perhaps someday they'll get a chance to nap.

Probably because you're......

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,

Why do you hate freedom?

Signed, T. Roll

Dear T-P roll:

Simply because it gets in the way of liberating people -- I thought everyone knew that.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear RWRN,

What's the deal with airline food?

Signed,

Insert pun name here.

Dear Gregoshi:

I don't know. If the Gaians would let anybody besides AlGore fly a jet once in a while -- instead of jacking up the fuel costs too high with silly regulations and restrictions on drilling -- I might get a chance to taste some and see if "airline food" should be classed with "fast food" (in that it is what it says it is, but that doesn't mean its tasty or good for you) or "jumbo shrimp" (inherently oxymoronic).

[Louis VI the Fat]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Nea(n)derthal,


Are you sorry yet for the years of right-wing character assassination of Hillary Clinton, which spilled over to the Democratic camp, now that it appears it will lead to the most liberal American president in decades?


Sincerely,

Hillary for 2012.org.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Nea(n)derthal,


Are you sorry yet for the years of right-wing character assassination of Hillary Clinton, which spilled over to the Democratic camp, now that it appears it will lead to the most liberal American president in decades?


Sincerely,

Hillary for 2012.org.

Dear Hillary when she's more or less desicated:


Of course I'm sorry. Why don't we make her Pope or something?

Of course I'm not really sorry. A Conservative future is served well by a quick reminder of what a liberal big-govt President who thinks he can change everything because he's new or an outsider can REALLY do. One good dose and we'll get a bible thumping neaderthal swept into power with a heap of delegates to recreate 1994. With the race in its current state, we get that liberal regardless of political party!

Hilda was probably too smart and skillful to go that far over the top. Barry will help the cause.

[KarlXII]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,

In the GOP, what does 2+2 equal?

From,

These witty names are getting old.

[Kralizec]

Dear right-wing reactionary Neanderthal,

I used to watch Captain Planet a lot when I was a kid, and I liked it back then. I have since then realized that the cartoon is a vile piece of propaganda; having a blue muscular guy in a homoerotic suit as its titular character, promoting neo-paganism (the Gaia character) and trying to start a global marxist revolution (kids from all over the world band together to fight industry)

What should I do to cleanse myself, and how do I protect others from such filth?

Sincerely,
a concerned citizen

[Koga No Goshi]

promoting neo-paganism (the Gaia character)

How dare you take her name in vain!

[CountArach]

Dear RWRN,

Why do Conservatives hate Chai Latte?

Signed,
A not-so-concerned citizen.

[Kralizec]

How dare you take her name in vain!

Heathen!

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,

In the GOP, what does 2+2 equal?

From,

These witty names are getting old.

Dear Witless:

Lately, they've been coming up with 2+2=37 and floating the debt to the Chi-comms. Let's not go assuming that GOP = conservative. Twas once, but no more.

Still our side in the runoff features a guy who married a cute blond with a huge beer distributorship and a gal governor who put the DD in Alaska. On the whole, that should count for something...shouldn't it?

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear right-wing reactionary Neanderthal,

I used to watch Captain Planet a lot when I was a kid, and I liked it back then. I have since then realized that the cartoon is a vile piece of propaganda; having a blue muscular guy in a homoerotic suit as its titular character, promoting neo-paganism (the Gaia character) and trying to start a global marxist revolution (kids from all over the world band together to fight industry)

What should I do to cleanse myself, and how do I protect others from such filth?

Sincerely,
a concerned citizen

Dear Connie:

I shudder for our youth, forced to watch such vile stuff. Goebbels himself would have scrapped it as not subtle enough. I was lucky, all I had to do was ignore Ewell Gibbons pandering Grape Nuts and laugh as some French cruiser rammed another GreenPeace zodiac under.

For a good cleanse, I say get back to nature. 'Tis Autumn, and a good trek through the woods with a Smith and Wesson .500 can let you get in touch with nature -- and drop it on the first shot. Nothing like a dozen pounds of venison salami and a freezer full of meat to keep you in touch with Mother Earth, and the fresh air will do you some good.

Protecting others is a little harder. Put on Fox News and keep it there might help, or just step up the education a notch. Nothing like reading Marx and Engels to clue you in to the disconnects with reality. After that, they should be able to fend for themselves.

As to the other evil propoganda stuff, I'm still working on trying to play the CDs backwards to uncover the hidden messages that must be there. The needle keeps scratching the darned things though.....

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear RWRN,

Why do Conservatives hate Chai Latte?

Signed,
A not-so-concerned citizen.

Dear unconcerned:

American conservatives drink coffee. Chai is a drink for Euroweenies and Orientals. I mean, come on, STEAMED MILK!!! That's something your mommy gives her 4-year old to put her to sleep on Christmas Eve. After that, its only for the fruits, nuts and other fairies.

[Redleg]

Dear RWRN

As I was walking down the ramp to the airplane to take a flight from Kansas City to Denver, I notices that I had to sit next to a cute coed that was young enough to be my daughter.

Now what would a true neaderthal do in a case like this.

Should I leave my wife for the coed, or should I just take another woman into my cave?

Signed

Thinking of being a bigimist like by older brother

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear RWRN

As I was walking down the ramp to the airplane to take a flight from Kansas City to Denver, I notices that I had to sit next to a cute coed that was young enough to be my daughter.

Now what would a true neaderthal do in a case like this.

Should I leave my wife for the coed, or should I just take another woman into my cave?

Signed

Thinking of being a bigimist like by older brother

Dear Mr. Byg:

The more religious of our conservative brethren would tell you to take another flight.

I'll just remind you of the real meaning of marriage: property. Don't let your interest in the other half of the species threaten your specie, dear fellow. Keep enough blood in your head to control your head.

Besides, a proper trophy bride requires a lot of training. You already know the cost of re-training staff. It's not a decision to be made on the "fly."

[m52nickerson]

Dear RWRN

Is it true that conservative like your self support the view that "As long as it does not infringe on others rights people should be able to live as they choose"?

Signed

Just wondering.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear RWRN

Is it true that conservative like your self support the view that "As long as it does not infringe on others rights people should be able to live as they choose"?

Signed

Just wondering.

Dear Mr. Wonderful:

Absolutely. As long as how they choose doesn't contravene God's law or the traditional mores of the community.

[Koga No Goshi]

Dear Right Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,


I'm going to be at the Fascism is Sexy orgy. Are you going to be there?


L... er, Right Wing.... Berkeley... Conservative.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Right Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,


I'm going to be at the Fascism is Sexy orgy. Are you going to be there?


L... er, Right Wing.... Berkeley... Conservative.

Dear Berk:

I'll probably hit the plenary session, but I never bother with the breakout meetings.

[m52nickerson]

Dear Mr. Wonderful:

Absolutely. As long as how they choose doesn't contravene God's law or the traditional mores of the community.

Dear RWRN

Do you believe in a separation of church and state? Do you believe that the morals you subscribe to are what the rest of the country should subscribe to?

Mr. Wonderful!

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear RWRN

Do you believe in a separation of church and state? Do you believe that the morals you subscribe to are what the rest of the country should subscribe to?

Mr. Wonderful!

Blessings to you Mr. Wunderbar:

Let's get this clear. The Constitution mandates "no establishment of religion" and confirms freedom of worship. It does not say that praying out loud before a football game is a crime against humanity. Senate opens each day with a prayer, bringing in any preacher they deem fit. Somedays its a hymn to Vishnu, other days it's a Rabbi speaking from right to left. Doesn't seem to impede the Senate's ability to get stuff done -- they do a fine job of that all by their lonesomes.

And OF COURSE I think the rest of the country should suscribe to my morals. If I didn't, then why would I bother with them my own self in the first place. When they don't, and they mostly don't, I'm in a good place to say "See, I told you so."

[Ironside]

Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal

Some would ask, how could a perfect God create a universe filled with so much that is evil. They have missed a greater conundrum: why would a perfect God create a universe at all?
So why did our almighty, perfect God create the universe?

Sincerly,
A christian philosopher