Study: Having Kids Makes You Delusional?

**PanzerJaeger** · 03-09-2011, 14:34

Originally Posted by Husar

Typical short-term economic thinking...

It is not just economics...

Researchers have known for some time that parents with minors who live at home report feeling calm significantly less often than than people who don't live with young children. Parents are also angrier and more depressed than nonparents — and each additional child makes them even angrier. Couples who choose not to have kids also have better, more satisfying marriages than couples who have kids.

**Andres** · 03-09-2011, 14:58

Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger

Why would anyone intentionally inflict that on themselves? I think most aren't aware of it.

I think the study is right that indeed, parents get angry or even depressed more often than non parents. Should that come as a surprise? More people under one roof in its' own will lead to more tension. And kids are kids, they need to learn everything. I'm the impatient type and every single day, I'm having a very hard time not to lose my patience and I hardly succeed in it. Of course that leads to tensions. Of course, the extra bills lead to worry. Of course, you're child will get sick a lot (remember your own childhood), there will be lots of unexpected stuff, teaching him the meaning of the word "no" will take longer than 3 lifetimes and whatnot.

The study is entirely correct on that aspect.

What they've got wrong is the idea that this can be measured and put into statistics, numbers, charts etc.

Originally Posted by article

But a new paper shows that parents fool themselves into believing that having kids is more rewarding than it actually is. It turns out parents are in the grip of a giant illusion.

(...) The studies tested the hypothesis that “idealizing the emotional rewards of parenting helps parents to rationalize the financial costs of raising children.”

=

A lot of people will disagree with our results, but they are wrong! They are unhappy but don't want to admit it!

I'm not going to "rationalize" the choice of getting children, because ratio had nothing to do with it.

Seeing my son smile to me or seeing how he's doing something new and how he enjoys it, seeing how he discovers, it's well worth it, really. In between all the chores, there are these moments of pure joy that will be treasured for as long as I'm here.

And if those psychologists of yours' want to call me delusional because of it, then so be it. I always knew I'm a bit crazy, now at least it's official.

**drone** · 03-09-2011, 15:16

Originally Posted by Andres

Seeing my son smile to me or seeing how he's doing something new and how he enjoys it, seeing how he discovers, it's well worth it, really. In between all the chores, there are these moments of pure joy that will be treasured for as long as I'm here.

And if those psychologists of yours' want to call me delusional because of it, then so be it. I always knew I'm a bit crazy, now at least it's official.

Blasting The Marriage of Figaro over the prison loudspeakers probably seems like heaven, even when the result is a week in the hole and you have life without parole. Are the simple joys of parenthood truly joys, or is it all just relative when measured against the overall misery of child-rearing?

**rory_20_uk** · 03-09-2011, 15:55

There is no point in life without children.

**Rhyfelwyr** · 03-09-2011, 16:31

I'm having a mini early mid-life crisis over such issues these days. People I know at my age are getting married and having kids. They might not have much of a future in terms of employment etc. And I might be getting a degree from a top Uni. And everyone might say I have the right priorities, but it doesn't feel like it. I even know how stupid it is for me to think like this and probably sounds ridiculous when I'm only 21, but it still makes me feel bad.

As for the study, I can believe it. But at the end of the day what is it aiming to prove etc? It seems like a bit of an artificial divide to say the desire to have kids is biological, while other desires are rational. At the end of the day, all desires are biological. At the end of the day if it makes you happy it makes you happy and it doesn't matter whether or not you can rationalise why it makes you happy, because being happy is the end, not the means.

Also, just a thought, but I think there could be other factors that influence the studies findings. For example, low income families have more children - their stress and anger etc could just as likely be caused by their economic situation as opposed to the kids themsleves. It doesn't seem to mention if these were taken into account.

**Strike For The South** · 03-09-2011, 17:08

Ask that girl out and make beautifual pale ginger scottish babies

Beautifual, pale,ginger,alcoholic,violent,ranger fan, blood made of batter, and teeth that make an Englishman recoil Scottish babies

**Rhyfelwyr** · 03-09-2011, 17:18

Originally Posted by Strike For The South

Ask that girl out and make beautifual pale ginger scottish babies

Beautifual, pale,ginger,alcoholic,violent,ranger fan, blood made of batter, and teeth that make an Englishman recoil Scottish babies

I take offence at this, I am absolutely not an alcoholic!

Oh, and your spelling mistakes are a bit too consistent, with the "beautifual" thing.

Anyway, other posters can feel free to ignore the first paragraph of ranting in my above post. **** after re-reading that I can see I'm acting like its my time of the month. Damn biology, I wish I could be a heartless German like PJ.

**Megas Methuselah** · 03-10-2011, 03:39

Originally Posted by Rhyfelwyr

I'm having a mini early mid-life crisis over such issues these days. People I know at my age are getting married and having kids. They might not have much of a future in terms of employment etc. And I might be getting a degree from a top Uni. And everyone might say I have the right priorities, but it doesn't feel like it. I even know how stupid it is for me to think like this and probably sounds ridiculous when I'm only 21, but it still makes me feel bad.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN, MAN. Seriously, though. I do.

**PanzerJaeger** · 03-10-2011, 06:24

Originally Posted by rory_20_uk

There is no point in life without children.

That makes absolutely no sense to me. There is so much to life besides children.

**rory_20_uk** · 03-10-2011, 10:16

Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger

That makes absolutely no sense to me. There is so much to life besides children.

Call it a belief. It is what I believe and there is no argument that can alter this.

**Askthepizzaguy** · 03-10-2011, 10:58

Originally Posted by rory_20_uk

Call it a belief. It is what I believe and there is no argument that can alter this.

That sounds suspiciously like a religious belief there.

**Husar** · 03-09-2011, 15:14

Originally Posted by PanzerJaeger

Why would anyone intentionally inflict that on themselves? I think most aren't aware of it, and then retroactively justify it.

Well, why would anyone intentionally inflict work in a coal mine on themselves? Because they have a drive to make money.
And humans have a drive to have sex and make children. Even gays are struggling to be allowed to adopt children, they're even fighting in courts for this "depression"!
I think either the study or the science behind it is flawed in some way. I've played games before that were a bit of a grind but I still got a lot of enjoyment out of them, it's not always just one emotion or the other.

When even rory stops being stoic and analytical over a topic you know there really has to be something about it that the study couldn't grasp.

Or to take it to a topic that you should be very familiar with, how much work goes into maintaining a tank just so it can function as intended in the few minutes or hours of battle it sees in the end?
Similarly a lot of maintenance etc. goes into a child just so it will smile at you and prosper. And while a tank may be wrecked after 20(or 30) years, that's when a child really starts to take off all by itself and you know you enabled it to do that.