News of the Weird

[Lemur]

Man put in isolation ward for poisonous farts

A patient who apparently ingested rodent poison and is emitting potentially harmful gasses has created a hazardous material situation at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor [Michigan].

The man is isolated in his room in the medical intensive care unit on the hospital’s sixth floor, 5301 McAuley at East Huron River Drive, hospital spokeswoman Lauren Jones said this afternoon. [...]

Joyce Williams, public affairs manager for Huron Valley Ambulance, said rescuers transported the man to the hospital either late Saturday night or early Sunday. But the hazmat team was called between 10:30 and 11 a.m. today when the man’s body began creating suspicious emissions, she said.

“They were doing air purity testing,” she said, adding that no further information was available.

The hospital issued a statement at about 2:30 p.m. today, dispelling rumors that the gas was potentially flammable.

“Hazmat teams … here are monitoring the levels of gas in the room; the levels are not at explosive or flammable levels,” Jones sent out in an e-mail. “The air has been tested and confirmed for low levels. Hazmat teams are continuing to monitor the levels to ensure maintaining a safe environment; the level of gas in the room is only expected to improve.”

[Hosakawa Tito]

Man is he going to have some serious bragging rights.

[gaelic cowboy]

And they say it's better out than in eh

[Lemur]

Man in Cow Costume Steals 26 Gallons of Milk From Walmart, Because He Can



STAFFORD, Va. -- Walmart shoppers in Stafford County saw the sight of their lives Tuesday night—a cow, on all fours, trying to score gallons of milk.

An 18-year-old man dressed up in a cow suit stole 26 gallons of milk around 10:35 p.m. from the Garrisonville Walmart, Stafford County Sheriff’s spokesman Bill Kennedy said.

The man was apparently crawling while he exited the store, trying to emulate cattle, Kennedy said.

Soon afterward, witnesses told Stafford sheriff's deputies that the man was handing out the pilfered milk jugs to passersby outside of the Walmart, Kennedy said.

It was unclear Wednesday how he managed to get all of that milk out of the busy store on Garrisonville Road.

Kennedy said that store employees saw the thief “skipping down the sidewalk” in the cow suit before leaving the immediate area.

[Askthepizzaguy]

That's hilarious. I wish I could see video of that.

[CountArach]

That's udderly ridiculous! Cow did he ever manage it?!




Yeah, I was milking it...

[Askthepizzaguy]

That's udderly ridiculous! Cow did he ever manage it?!

Yeah, I was milking it...

Go easy on me, I have laughtose intolerance.

[Veho Nex]

A cave in the middle east unexpectedly became vacant. Its now for rent.

[Lemur]

Cross-dressing man arrested for sexually molesting, killing goat; blames bath salts

No chance for a happy ending via marriage

West Virginia police have arrested a 19-year-old South Charleston, W.Va., man accused of kidnapping, sexually assaulting and slaying a young pygmy goat while wearing nothing but women's undergarments.

"This case is extremely bizarre," Lt. Sean Crosier, of the Kanawha County Sheriff's Office, told AOL Weird News. "It is unlawful to mistreat an animal in a cruel manner, and I certainly think it is very cruel for a human to have sexual relations of any kind with an animal."

According to police, this is how the story unfolded:

Lisa Powers told investigators that at around 3:15 a.m. Monday, a neighbor called her nephew and said that Bailey -- a female goat she had recently purchased for her 4-year-old grandson -- had been spotted inside her neighbor Mark Thompson's house.

"They told him that my goat was wandering around in Mark's house," Powers told The Charleston Gazette.

Powers' nephew and two friends then went to Thompson's house. When they were unable to locate the goat inside the home, they knocked on his bedroom door.

"He told them, 'Don't come in, I'm naked,'" Powers told the Gazette. "But they opened the door and he was standing there with his pants down ... and there was blood everywhere."

Thompson allegedly ran out of the house and into a nearby wooded area.

When police arrived on the scene, they were startled by the bloody crime scene they found, Crosier said. According to the criminal complaint, Bailey was lying dead in a pool of blood on the floor. The small animal, clad in only a pink collar, had blood oozing from a wound to her neck. A pornographic magazine photo lay nearby.

According to Crosier, Thompson allegedly "performed some sexual acts on the goat and also killed the goat."

While authorities investigated the crime scene, Thompson, who was "half naked, wearing female panties and a bra," came out of the woods and turned himself into police, Crosier added.

Thompson allegedly told police he was high on a dangerous new recreational drug intentionally mislabeled as "bath salts," which reportedly has effects similar to methamphetamine and cocaine.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Ouch! The law of unintended consequences : Booze + samurai sword = friend - penis

[Fragony]

Forget about the news part, the picture used is infinite comedy-gold.

Use it wisely

http://www.spitsnieuws.nl/archives/b...noordkore.html

[Crazed Rabbit]

Oh California,
The strange case of the mystery enema

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Even veteran police officers were dumbfounded by a difficult-to-classify act that may or may not have been a crime but which definitely did stretch the boundaries of the bizarre.

"You are not," premised Sonoma Police Sgt. Spencer Crum, "you are definitely not, going to believe this."

The story is brief but no less baffling.

On the afternoon of Sunday, May 1, a 53-year-old Sonoma man who is visually impaired - that is to say he could not see well, if at all - was standing in his apartment when a woman appeared in his doorway, unannounced and unexpected.

The woman told him she was there to give him an enema. Because the man had recently undergone intestinal surgery, he thought perhaps that explained her presence.

The woman deftly guided him to his bedroom, had him drop his pants and lie face down on his bed.

She then gave the man an enema and promptly left.

The whole episode took about a minute-and-a-half, he later told police. The woman did not leave a card or any other identifying information. And given the condition of his eyesight, the man did not, in the complete sense of the word, actually see her.

A day later, on Monday, the enema recipient began wondering about what had happened to him but took no action. By Tuesday, he felt compelled to shed some light on the experience, so he contacted police. An investigating officer promptly called the man's doctor and was told no enema had been prescribed, ordered or approved.

Sonoma police turned the case over to the domestic and sexual assault unit of the Sonoma Sheriff's Office who have yet to make sense of the caper.

It is well known that fatal enemas have been implicated in conspiracy theories surrounding the deaths of both Napoleon Bonaparte and Marilyn Monroe, but the victim of what may become known in crime annals and police academies across the country as "The Sonoma Enema," apparently reported no ill-effects from the treatment.

CR

[Veho Nex]

lol, I have family in Sonoma

[Askthepizzaguy]

lol, I have family in Sonoma

That's the weirdest thing I've read in this entire thread.

[johnhughthom]

lol, I have family in Sonoma

I take it you sleep face up when you visit?

[Hosakawa Tito]

Sonoma, the city of good neighbors.

[Lemur]

HS Bans Music Written by Homosexuals (throw in negroes, madmen and druggies and you've pretty much wiped out music)

[T]he principal of Wasilla High School told members of the school’s symphonic jazz choir that they would not be allowed to perform the 1975 Queen song “Bohemian Rhapsody” because Freddy Mercury, who wrote it, was gay. [...] the principal backed down–to a point. The choir will be allowed to perform the song, but only in a censored version, without lyrics the principal deems objectionable. [...]

My feathers are ruffled. If Wasillians are going to be consistent, they’ll need to ban the following composers and their work.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Not to derail the thread, but I'm trying to understand the logic (probably my mistake).

Does this person think listening to music, written by someone who is gay, makes you gay?

If so, you would think there would be a lot more gay people on the planet. They should outnumber us good 'normal' straight folks by 100 to 1 by now. Truly, the solution to our overpopulation problem has never been simpler.... stay up late at night listening to Queen.

[drone]

I would have guessed they would ban it for the Beelzebub, not because Freddie was flaming.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I would have guessed they would ban it for the Beelzebub, not because Freddie was flaming. :inquisitve:

Beelzebub? He's merely one of the princes of Hell. He's like their accountant. He's about as frightening as Robin Hood. Look, he even shoots arrows!

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...m_with_him.jpg


He's a demon of greed, man. I thought greed is what makes our economy function. Do you realize that if we don't buy the new iPad, ten thousand Chinese peasants will lose their cushy jobs working in the data mines? If we don't take out a shady-looking loan and buy one for each member of the family, including the dog, the cat, and the parakeet, people will starve.

Beelzebub is less demonized than Freddie Mercury's gayness, and BEELZEBUB IS A DEMON.

[drone]

My apologies. Maybe instead the reference to Galileo will get the ax.

[Louis VI the Fat]

What is in the water in Wasilla?

That place is beginning to look like that village from Twin Peaks. Everybody is mad. The isolation, the cold, it must affect their brain or something.




This thread is incomplete without the picture of the Wasilla school principal who banned Freddie Mercury and Elton John:



gaygyagayyaggayaggayagayagaayyayyagay
Ten to one this is yet another gay man fighting his inner demons with outward homophobia.

[Askthepizzaguy]

For those of you who don't know, that would be Asmodeus, the demon of lust. Very important demon. Right up there with Geithnerius, the demon of the Treasury.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Right up there with Geithnerius, the demon of the Treasury.

I thought that was Osborne?

[Askthepizzaguy]

I thought that was Osborne?

Who, Ozzmodeus? He's the Demon of Transportation. He keeps the crazy trains running on time.

[naut]

I'm moving to Brazil.

A woman aged 36 was enabled by the justice to masturbate in her workplace because she has a strange disease.

This is the story of Ana Catarina Bezerra Silvares, an employee of an accounting firm, a divorced mother of three who lives in the village Vila Velha, Espírito Santo.

The woman suffers from a rare condition known as “compulsion orgasmic”, caused by a chemical alteration in the brain region of the cortex, which leads her to masturbate several times a day to relieve the deep anguish that it causes.

Under this circumstance, Bezerra started legal proceedings with the company where she works that eventually won and that enables to masturbate for 15 minutes every two hours, besides using the computer to see erotic images that stimulate her desire.

The Brazilian newspaper North Regiao reported that the woman confessed, “There was a day I had to masturbate 47 times”, adding: “I began to suppose that this could not be normal, and decided to seek help.”

Currently, Bezerra follows a treatment that includes a potent cocktail of sedatives which gets her to “only” masturbate 18 times a day.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Swine Shootout on the Streets of Spokane:

A 500-pound pig was shot to death by a Washington State Patrol trooper in Spokane Valley this afternoon after escaping a van and absorbing several Taser shocks.

Trooper Morgan Mehaffey saw the pig running down the sidewalk near North Pines Road and East Mission Avenue after spotting a van driving erratically with its back window broken out.

The driver got out to corral the animal, which had escaped through a broken back passenger window, but it knocked her down and ran, Mehaffey said. Three men at a nearby gas station asked Mehaffey if he had a tow rope.

“I said, ‘No. I have bullets,’” Mehaffey said.

The pig ran into traffic on Mission, so Mehaffey used his patrol car to push it back onto the sidewalk. Witnesses arrived with a tow rope, and the woman agreed to let Mehaffey shock the pig with his Taser to try to subdue it long enough to lasso it.

But the pig seemed unfazed by the Taser and again fled.

“As soon as the pig got loose, the lady said, ‘Shoot it,’” Mehaffey said.

The pig died of a gunshot wound.

CR

[Lemur]

Swine Shootout on the Streets of Spokane:

Justice tastes like bacon.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Justice tastes like bacon.

And looks like fine art. Van Gogh would be so proud.

[Lemur]

And here I thought you were supposed to eat that with some fava beans and a nice Chianti

Russian police said on Tuesday they had detained a man who was caught eating an acquaintance's liver.

Police tracked down the suspect after a trail of severed body parts including limbs and a head were found across Moscow.

"When the police came to arrest the suspect, he was eating a human liver with potatoes," a police spokeswoman for the Moscow's western district said by telephone.

The rest of the human liver was found in a refrigerator in the suspect's flat. The police spokeswoman said the cause of the acquaintance's death was not clear.