News of the Weird

[gaelic cowboy]

As good catholics, it's considered a religious duty here. Alsatian dogs are clearly protestant, hence the charges.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Banana at large after fight with gorilla: Strongsville Police Blotter.

According to the store manager, the gorilla was not injured, just embarrassed. Police were unable to locate the banana.

[InsaneApache]

I bet beer was involved.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Nebraska College to Host North American Manure Expo.

Chris Henry of University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension says 53 vendors will offer the latest technology in manure management.

People that actually know jack-.

[Gregoshi]

Nebraska College to Host North American Manure Expo.

My pun circuitbreaker tripped on this one. I've got nothing due to the pun surge.

[Samurai Waki]

What would News of the Weird be without the obligatory Penis Dismemberment story?

[Major Robert Dump]

Not just dismemberment. Garbage disposal involved.

[gaelic cowboy]

Keeping the theme for today

Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket

[Samurai Waki]

It's good to know that Pastafarians are finally getting the recognition they deserve.

An Austrian atheist has won the right to be shown on his driving-licence photo wearing a pasta strainer as "religious headgear".

Niko Alm first applied for the licence three years ago after reading that headgear was allowed in official pictures only for confessional reasons. Mr Alm said the sieve was a requirement of his religion, pastafarianism. The Austrian authorities required him to obtain a doctor's certificate that he was "psychologically fit" to drive. The idea came into Mr Alm's noodle three years ago as a way of making a serious, if ironic, point.

[Major Robert Dump]

that dude is my hero

[aimlesswanderer]

Last census I said my religion was Jedi, does that mean I can wear a Jedi robe? I should have said I was a Sith, then I could go with the Darth Vader look.

[edyzmedieval]

Last census I said my religion was Jedi, does that mean I can wear a Jedi robe? I should have said I was a Sith, then I could go with the Darth Vader look.

You need an excuse for a Darth Vader look?

[Gregoshi]

I find your lack of faith disturbing...

[aimlesswanderer]

You need an excuse for a Darth Vader look?

No, but I think I would need some justification to be wearing Darth Vader getup when getting my licence photo taken!

[Hosakawa Tito]

No, but I think I would need some justification to be wearing Darth Vader getup when getting my licence photo taken!

Tell them it's a religious requirement, you know, kinda like wearing a burka.

[Samurai Waki]

personally I'd go with Emperor Palpatine-- "Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. It was I who allowed the DMV to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive."

[aimlesswanderer]

Tell them it's a religious requirement, you know, kinda like wearing a burka.

Sadly the Australian Bureau of Statistics, who run the census, don't recognise Jedi as a religion.

[Veho Nex]

Strip for the president! and win an Ipad 2

I love Russia.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Strip for the president! and win an Ipad 2

I love Russia.

From Russia with love.

Speaking of love. Yer honor, I rest me case.

Wayne County Woman Who Went After Judge Faces New Charges.

[InsaneApache]

From Russia with love.

Speaking of love. Yer honor, I rest me case.

Wayne County Woman Who Went After Judge Faces New Charges.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hIcKkKID8k

[Samurai Waki]

I don't want yer gay blood in my veins! You're not gay? Well, you look gay to me, so you must be gay. (Straight man get's turned down from blood donors because he looked just a little too gay)

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that Aaron Pace - described as "straight" but "noticeably effeminate" - was rejected at Bio-Blood Components Inc. in Gary, Indiana.
"I was humiliated and embarrassed," Pace, 22, told the newspaper.
"It's not right that homeless people can give blood but homosexuals can't. And I'm not even a homosexual."

[Gregoshi]

I don't want yer gay blood in my veins! You're not gay? Well, you look gay to me, so you must be gay. (Straight man get's turned down from blood donors because he looked just a little too gay)

They must have thought his blood type was GayB Positive.

[drone]

They must have thought his blood type was GayB Positive.

His blood has extra homoglobin.

[Tellos Athenaios]

The less pleasant corollary is on the receiving end of the infuse ...

[Major Robert Dump]

Man pretends to be adult with mental deficiencies who requires care from attractive babysitters and their nubile daughters, to include diaper changes. He has a proxy set up the "care."

I'm kind of jealous I did not think of this.

Anyway, busted.

http://www.newsok.com/oklahoma-city-...adlines_widget

[Major Robert Dump]

Gay Christian minister posing as a woman of Facebook in order to get nude photos of young boys. I love it

http://www.newsok.com/article/3586789

[Tellos Athenaios]

Python orgy menaces Yorkeys Knob canoes

An orgy of snakes is in danger of bringing the house down upon a Cairns sporting club.

About six scrub pythons, all at least 3.5m long, have been getting busy in a boatshed roof of the Yorkeys Knob-based Hekili Outrigger Canoe Club.

The pythons, which may also include a 7m female nicknamed "Nigini", have been making such a romantic ruckus, sections of the roof have started breaking away.

[Major Robert Dump]

Lemur spooted in China!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...key-alien.html

[InsaneApache]

A man has been banned from keeping animals after drowning his guinea pigs in the bath.

David Ellis held the animals under water because he no longer wanted them.

Ellis, 57, from Millfield Court, Courtwick Lane, near Littlehampton, appeared at Worthing Magistrates’ Court yesterday and was banned for life from keeping any pets except for goldfish, which he was deemed not to be a risk to.

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/91466...etime_pet_ban/



Whilst I in no way think animal cruelty is acceptable, that is funny.

[Hosakawa Tito]

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/91466...etime_pet_ban/



Whilst I in no way think animal cruelty is acceptable, that is funny.

How do they realistically expect to enforce such a ban? That is a ridiculous ruling. Make him perform community service at an animal shelter or something.