Results 1 to 30 of 82

Thread: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Voluntary Suspension Voluntary Suspension Philippus Flavius Homovallumus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Isca
    Posts
    13,477

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Strike For The South View Post
    Autism? Aspergers? I know all of us think we are just one doctors diagnoses away from making all of our problems go away but that isn't the case.

    People are going to let you down, you are going to let people down. The key is not to lose faith or shut down when this happens. People, all of us are imperfect creatures.

    I think you are upset becuase you cared for this woman. I think you are upset becuase you look back in 20/20 hindsight and go over in painstaking detail the mistakes you made. Of course, it seems like now there must be something wrong with you becuase only an idiot would make those mistakes.

    I don't think you have some undiagnosed illness. I think you're painfully human. I think you were brought up in the same Nothern European culture the majority of us were and you are conflating these intense feelings with something being wrong.

    Pretty girls break your heart bro. Go out have a pint and move on
    Yeah - I screwed this up too bad though.

    I know what it sounds like "he's trying to rationalise away the romantic element" but no, I tried to rationalise in a romantic element because she was cute, and hey, everybody wants to find someone right?

    Turns out, that was a bad idea - because I couldn't actually offer her anything other than friendship.

    Why am I upset?

    My friend, someone I love, is getting married and I have to ignore it because I screwed up our friendship in all sorts of ways - and I saw it coming and couldn't stop it, then I did something stupid. I gave her a choice and walked away.

    Quote Originally Posted by Husar View Post
    I have a question:

    What do you mean by e-stalking? Did you try to hack her Facebook account or look at her profile once in a while?
    If she doesn't want you to look at her profile, why would she give you access to it by keeping you in her friends list?

    Sometimes I don't get people...
    Like I said, it was an intense and complicated relationship - and we never stopped being friends, exactly, we just stopped talking four years ago. I'm not sure either of us actually believed it was permanent.
    "If it wears trousers generally I don't pay attention."

    [IMG]https://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4917/logoromans23pd.jpg[/IMG]

  2. #2
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    The EUSSR
    Posts
    30,680

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Let it go there is no fixing anyway, she is now with somebody else. I am sorry for you that it worked out this way but why persist in hurting yourself musing about what you could have done differently. Get over it, what else can you do

  3. #3
    Poll Smoker Senior Member CountArach's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    9,029

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Sorry to hear that you're so broken up. But you'll do fine, you seem like a really good bloke.

    Do you really easily get obsessed with things and people? I know that in my own experience I would get really taken with someone for an extended period of time and even after being rejected etc I would still feel that attachment. It would last until something devastating broke it and then I would just be able to move on. So you may come out of this stronger and more open to being with other people. I would agree with everyone recommending seeing someone about the emotional thing. If you can get help for this then your 'problem' might be mitigated.
    Rest in Peace TosaInu, the Org will be your legacy
    Quote Originally Posted by Leon Blum - For All Mankind
    Nothing established by violence and maintained by force, nothing that degrades humanity and is based on contempt for human personality, can endure.

  4. #4
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    The EUSSR
    Posts
    30,680

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by CountArach View Post
    Sorry to hear that you're so broken up. But you'll do fine, you seem like a really good bloke.

    Do you really easily get obsessed with things and people? I know that in my own experience I would get really taken with someone for an extended period of time and even after being rejected etc I would still feel that attachment. It would last until something devastating broke it and then I would just be able to move on. So you may come out of this stronger and more open to being with other people. I would agree with everyone recommending seeing someone about the emotional thing. If you can get help for this then your 'problem' might be mitigated.
    You sound like a classical narcist CA, you as well PVC. That is not meant as an insult, it might clear up the sky a little if you seek it out. Look it up and see if you recognise
    anything.

    From wiki

    Q. Is narcissism misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder or autism? Is narcissism misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder or autism? It would seem to me that Bipolar and some forms of Autism are equally likely to be misdiagnosed as NPD.


    Good question
    Last edited by Fragony; 05-08-2012 at 13:55.

  5. #5
    Voluntary Suspension Voluntary Suspension Philippus Flavius Homovallumus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Isca
    Posts
    13,477

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by CountArach View Post
    Sorry to hear that you're so broken up. But you'll do fine, you seem like a really good bloke.

    Do you really easily get obsessed with things and people? I know that in my own experience I would get really taken with someone for an extended period of time and even after being rejected etc I would still feel that attachment. It would last until something devastating broke it and then I would just be able to move on. So you may come out of this stronger and more open to being with other people. I would agree with everyone recommending seeing someone about the emotional thing. If you can get help for this then your 'problem' might be mitigated.
    In my case it's more that I'm naturally suspicious of people because I have trouble reading them, if I do form an attachment it is extremely full on, and it tends to sneak up on me. In this case though, she didn't actually dissuade me from forming an attachment, in fact I'd say she actively encouraged it, until she dumped her then boyfriend and I think suddenly realised we were closer than she was comfortable with.

    I mean, this was someone who, once upon a time, we made time for each other to meet up for at least an hour once a week outside of classes etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony View Post
    You sound like a classical narcist CA, you as well PVC. That is not meant as an insult, it might clear up the sky a little if you seek it out. Look it up and see if you recognise anything.
    Thanks Frag. A real narcissist is a self-lover (steady), it's more likely I'm emotional fixated in general.
    "If it wears trousers generally I don't pay attention."

    [IMG]https://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4917/logoromans23pd.jpg[/IMG]

  6. #6
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    The EUSSR
    Posts
    30,680

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    You are just talking about how it is to you, just saying..

  7. #7
    Voluntary Suspension Voluntary Suspension Philippus Flavius Homovallumus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Isca
    Posts
    13,477

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony View Post
    You are just talking about how it is to you, just saying..
    I'm not that self centred, if I was I would be telling you and different story - one which ended with a lot more screaming, then begging, then probably more screaming.


    God's honest truth, I feel I screwed this part of my life up, but this part specifically and not my whole life.
    "If it wears trousers generally I don't pay attention."

    [IMG]https://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4917/logoromans23pd.jpg[/IMG]

  8. #8
    Poll Smoker Senior Member CountArach's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    9,029

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony View Post
    You are just talking about how it is to you, just saying..
    That isn't narcissism, that is introspection.
    Rest in Peace TosaInu, the Org will be your legacy
    Quote Originally Posted by Leon Blum - For All Mankind
    Nothing established by violence and maintained by force, nothing that degrades humanity and is based on contempt for human personality, can endure.

    Member thankful for this post:



  9. #9
    Iron Fist Senior Member Husar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    15,617

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla View Post
    Like I said, it was an intense and complicated relationship - and we never stopped being friends, exactly, we just stopped talking four years ago. I'm not sure either of us actually believed it was permanent.
    What I was trying to say is that looking at someone's Facebook profile isn't exactly stalking.
    If someone sets certain parts of their profile as publicly visible I consider it perfectly acceptable to look at them, if they're friends with me I can see more, if they don't want that they can unfriend me. So what exactly did you do other than look at her profile or are you just making an elephant out of a mouse?

    Maybe just write her and congratulate her, accept that she is gone anyway and make her happy about getting engaged, she may even appreciate that you message her.
    If she doesn't, then just stop, it's not like you tried to hurt her (this time).


    "Topic is tired and needs a nap." - Tosa Inu

  10. #10
    Voluntary Suspension Voluntary Suspension Philippus Flavius Homovallumus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Isca
    Posts
    13,477

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Greyblades View Post
    Methinks if someone knew for sure they would make a killing in self help books. Make sure you dont do something that makes you think of any episode of Law&Order SVU.
    Thanks, that made me smile.

    It's also good advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Husar View Post
    What I was trying to say is that looking at someone's Facebook profile isn't exactly stalking.
    If someone sets certain parts of their profile as publicly visible I consider it perfectly acceptable to look at them, if they're friends with me I can see more, if they don't want that they can unfriend me. So what exactly did you do other than look at her profile or are you just making an elephant out of a mouse?

    Maybe just write her and congratulate her, accept that she is gone anyway and make her happy about getting engaged, she may even appreciate that you message her.
    If she doesn't, then just stop, it's not like you tried to hurt her (this time).
    I'm leaving her alone, it was the right choice four years ago - it's the right choice now.

    Such is the way of things.

    As to the "e-stalking" bit. Yeah, it's the facebook profile, looking at is is voyeuristic (but then I'm fairly sure she must have looked at mine in the past, but not recently). Down that road, however, lies madness and fantasies of twitching curtains.

    Anyway, I'm all better now (pretty much).
    "If it wears trousers generally I don't pay attention."

    [IMG]https://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4917/logoromans23pd.jpg[/IMG]

  11. #11
    Iron Fist Senior Member Husar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    15,617

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla View Post
    As to the "e-stalking" bit. Yeah, it's the facebook profile, looking at is is voyeuristic (but then I'm fairly sure she must have looked at mine in the past, but not recently). Down that road, however, lies madness and fantasies of twitching curtains.

    Anyway, I'm all better now (pretty much).
    I've read an entire article about how so many things in entertainment and games are voyeuristic because that makes things interesting in the first place.

    Looking at a nice girl on the bus is also voyeuristic, but even worse, we're genetically programmed to look at the round bits, and so are women just as well.

    I'd think unhealthy starts somewhere beyond this more natural attraction.

    If you think it's not okay for religious reasons, then pray for the lord to take that urge away because you're a human and too weak.
    My guess though is that he won't take it away.

    Quote Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla View Post
    I'm leaving her alone, it was the right choice four years ago - it's the right choice now.

    Such is the way of things.
    The question I have is, why does she keep you around as her Facebook friend if she is absolutely not interested in having contact with you again?
    Are women that weak-willed that they simply don't dare to press an unfriend button, yet so strong-willed that they would insist on not having contact again when you tried to contact them?
    Does that even make any sense?

    I think I know how you feel but sometimes old friends are really happy when you just say hello again, I got old friends on Facebook too, you know.
    Maybe not ones I hurt a lot but time also heals wounds.
    Your choice but it does make me wonder.

    By the way, if she's a christian she should be able to forgive you.
    Last edited by Husar; 05-10-2012 at 10:06.


    "Topic is tired and needs a nap." - Tosa Inu

  12. #12
    Voluntary Suspension Voluntary Suspension Philippus Flavius Homovallumus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Isca
    Posts
    13,477

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhyfhylwyr View Post
    It's just that there's no real culture shock. It's not like you joined the Select Brethren and isolated yourself from all non-believers.

    I ask because I feel on some level that the direction my own life has taken is a pretty self-destructive one, and that my faith and the world that it exposed me to is both an influence on and a product of that direction. I can't say that my first forage into the world of Christianity outright caused or was caused by this direction, it's like it has complemented it.
    It was a massive culture shock for them - the whole extended family are very anti-God and anti-Church, I was very isolated at the time. The way we get around it now is they are not allowed to ask any questions about that part of my life, and I don't offer any information.

    To yourself - I think having read your posts for a long time you find it difficult to know where you fit into society, and until you do it's always going to be rough around the edges.

    I could give you some dross about how your faith should be a calm point in your life but mine has been like being set on fire while being dipped in ice.

    Look just stop it, you know the bolded bit is garbage and this is not the place for your trolling. The lame attempt to link it to some sort of emotional reaction to what PVC posted in another thread is pathetic.

    My initial advice got the exact same reaction as yours, it wasn't that bad and he's allowed to vent in this sort of thread.

    Even with what Strike said there can endearing element to that sort of bluntness but you are really trying to drag PVC down now. Stop it.
    Easy, he already backed off - and I don't care really, it does not touch me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Husar View Post
    By the way, if she's a christian she should be able to forgive you.
    This either tells you something about her, or about how much I hurt her.

    It's not her.
    "If it wears trousers generally I don't pay attention."

    [IMG]https://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4917/logoromans23pd.jpg[/IMG]

  13. #13
    Ranting madman of the .org Senior Member Fly Shoot Champion, Helicopter Champion, Pedestrian Killer Champion, Sharpshooter Champion, NFS Underground Champion Rhyfelwyr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    In a hopeless place with no future
    Posts
    8,646

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla View Post
    It was a massive culture shock for them - the whole extended family are very anti-God and anti-Church, I was very isolated at the time. The way we get around it now is they are not allowed to ask any questions about that part of my life, and I don't offer any information.
    Did they outright shun you just because of your beliefs? I mean, you would go to church on Sunday, you might not have sex before marriage etc, but how would your faith affect everyday family life? You still get up, go to work, do some chores, sit down and eat dinner the same way, dress the same way etc.

    Are your family very intellectual and like to debate a lot?

    I kind of get it when Christian parents get really upset if their kid turns atheist, because they may think it makes him immoral and would be worried he goes to hell. But with atheist parents and a Christian kid, at worst surely they would only think he is being a bit stupid or deluded?

    Quote Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla View Post
    To yourself - I think having read your posts for a long time you find it difficult to know where you fit into society, and until you do it's always going to be rough around the edges.
    It's got to the point where I think I could feature in one of Louis Theroux's 'Weird Weekend' documentaries.

    Quote Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla View Post
    I could give you some dross about how your faith should be a calm point in your life but mine has been like being set on fire while being dipped in ice.
    I think the faith in and of itself is a source of peace. It feels great knowing that God's looking out for me, it would be a lonely universe without him. But inner peace doesn't always translate into peace on the outside world.
    At the end of the day politics is just trash compared to the Gospel.

  14. #14
    Old Town Road Senior Member Strike For The South's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Between Louis' sheets
    Posts
    10,369

    Default Re: So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

    You seem to be winding down. Maybe it was just an autism flare up....

    I don't think your as emotionaly distant as you think you are. People deal with the 5 stages of grief difftrently espically denial. You obvs had a crush on this girl, could not articulate it, kept her close, due to the strong feelings but lack of articulation you drove her away, you nurtured some hope as long as she was unattached, now that she is you can't lie to yourself anymore.


    I know, I've been there. Despite my good looks, massive cash reseves, witty rapport, and massive genitailia I too have failed with women. Shit I started a thread about my high school sweetie breaking up with me. People didn't call me autistic they called me a pussy
    Much better explnation than you being a closet autistic, no?

    It's fine for Strike to call him an ass but heaven forbid someone question why he developed his religiosity. What do you want me to be? Mr. Nice guy like I was in the beginning where I was told essentially to bug off because I was giving the "wrong advise"?
    Why does no one understand I can do whatever I want on here? I'm me, your you that's why. PVC decided he liked me a long a time ago and me calling him an ass once will not chnge that. Jurys still out on you. FWIW I like everyone on here except the people I don't.
    There, but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford

    My aim, then, was to whip the rebels, to humble their pride, to follow them to their inmost recesses, and make them fear and dread us. Fear is the beginning of wisdom.

    I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO