15 days in the Philippines, or, how to blow 10k in 2 weeks

[Major Robert Dump]

Day 1 continued
Fewer pics of this day than any other


I went downstairs and had a few overpriced drinks at the bar hotel. These were US prices. But it didn’t sink in because of the exchange. After I regained my composure, I decided to set out. I promised myself that no matter how annoying the scams were, that I would not be the ugly American, I would be Mr. Nice Guy, I would smile, and I would tip, as its not the employees fault their crappy establishment is owned by some profiteering douchers.
Like an idiot, I ended up staying in the first go go bar I stopped at. There were not many customers, and the few there were very drunk, very rude, very irritating Japanese men, which meant they were being ignored by the 30 dancers. So as soon as Fresh Meat walked in, I was done for. I got mobbed.

Now, for those of you who live in a bubble, in the PI (and Houston) the go go bars use what they call Early Work Release, where basically you pay the bar to leave with a girl, and whatever happens later between two consenting, negotiating adults is between them. Now I happen to know that in most cases the girls do not see any of the money paid to the bar. So basically, I was not at these places for EWRs. I was also not there to buy “Lady Drinks”, which work just like US Strip Clubs where the girls get a commission for you buying them a drink marked up 500%. I would just rather put the money in their hand, although I did buy a few for the ugly girls

Anyway, I was drunk, and I wanted to live excessively. Also, the 30 girls all trying to talk to me was overwhelming, especially since they were all quite hands on. And I think the Japanese karaoke guys were bar employees there to annoy everyone else… So….. When the manager asked if I wanted to rent the private club/stage/DJ/bar upstairs, I jumped right on it. She offered to send all the girls upstairs with me, but I declined. I said I would pick 10. OF course, I was expecting to have a few more drinks and talk to the girls a bit and then subtly pick my dancers, when the manager suddenly had them all line up like a casting call.
It was Effing terrible. All those cow eyes, all of them jumping up and down saying “Pick me, Sir Bobby, Pick me!” Oh my gawd, this was exactly what I did not want. So, I picked 10. I felt like such a jerk.

The photo above is from fairly early on in the party with a couple of the girls. I had to pay off the manger to be able to take pictures, and still some of the girls did not want to be in the photo
So upstairs it was. DJ let me pick the songs, we took shots from bottles of overpriced Tequila, I tipped the dancers (about 10x normal, as I would later find out) and they frolicked about topless and babbled on it a mixture of Tagalog and English.

Photo from the balcony 4 am



At this point I could barely stand up. They kept asking me for EWR, which I did not want to do. They seemed so eager, so I came up with a negotiation. It was already 4am. The bars close at 6am. I told them I would pick two of them to come to my hotel for breakfast and booze, and that I would pick the two based on the Topless Karaoke Contest we were about to have with the karaoke machine by the DJ Booth. And the battle was on. Yes, there are pictures. No, you will not get them.

The winner was a girl named Lily who did a rendition of In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins, which would have been gut wrenching had she not been topless; the other winner was a girl named Wendy who butchered the Macarena and made me laugh harder than I had in almost a year. I gave them my contact info at the hotel. They were the 3rd and 4th from the left in the top photo. Lilly looked like a chubbier Lily Thai, from who I think she borrowed her name, and Wendy was a litte tribal looking girl from Cebu. Their eyes glazed over, as that was the High Roller Hotel apparently, and I informed them that I was not rich, just reckless with money.

I should also mention that this was probably the most expensive bar on the Burgos Strip, one of the bar managers tried to steal a bottle of tequila I paid for and act like we drank it, and the staff there was outright annoying minus the girls. I may have been drunk, but I have Bottle Radar, and I am never too drunk to know how much liquor I have left.....

I did not have a phone yet, as I brought a cheapy phone and notebook in case I got robbed, and hadn’t gotten a local SIM Card yet. I let the hotel know I was expecting company, and they said they would call me. I was halfway not expecting the girls to show up. They showed up and we had breakfast in the overpriced Retro-Themed hotel restaurant, then we retired to the room and drank more until we all blacked out. The next morning, we all ordered room service at 3 pm, I called a cab and gave the nice girls $300 a piece, which is an average month’s salary in the PI. Apparently, most Americans, Brits and Australians usually “tip” more along the lines of $25, which makes you guys real assholes.




Breakfast



Wendy, 4'10", 27 years old






The balcony from the lobby in the afternoon