[League] The Return of Askvaard Von Pizzaguy [CONCLUDED]

[Zack]

*twitches* Don't do that...

Why are you voting for Arjos?

My superior logic and yodeling convinced him.

[Zack]

YODELYODELYODELYODELvotearjosYODELYODELYODELYODELYODELYODEL

[NinjaCow64]

YODEL ODEL ODEL OBEY ME OBEY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

caps

[Beefy187]

Zaccino was a scum. Zaccino was pushing a case against me.
Scums are likely to be those who followed that case.

Vote: Arjos

[Zack]

I always knew yodeling was hypnotic.

Zaccino: 1

Puny mortals: 0

[El Barto]

Hey, you're dead, stop haunting us, you dead dead person!

[Zack]

Hey, you're dead, stop haunting us, you dead dead person!

Death is a blast. You wouldn't believe who I'm playing cards with.

P.S. Jesus is a freaking card shark, I'm telling you. He's unbeatable.

[El Barto]

Maybe he's beating you because you're distracted by posting here.

[atheotes]

Vote:Edse - same as yesterday

[Ironside]

Almost forgot. Vote: The King for now.

Who of the non-posters are least likely to simply go inactive and could go for hiding?

[Askthepizzaguy]

Arjos: Beefy
atheotes: Edse
Beefy187: Arjos
Choxorn: beefy
Csargo
Double A
edse: Memnon
El Barto: Beefy
Ironside: The King
Ishmael: Arjos
King Jan III Sobieski
Major Robert Dump: King Jan III Sobieski
Memnon: Edse
NinjaCow64: The King
Skooma Addict
SouthernKing
thefluffyone93
The King
Tiaexz
Xenoneb: Arjos


Beefy: 3
Arjos: 3
Edse: 2
The King: 2




Okay current tally. Though I note atheotes and Ironside are both late in voting. 48 hours not enough for yall?

The people who have no name next to their name are the ones who did not vote.

Remember, there is no WOG policy in this game. Not for inactivity.

As much as I would like to take out my golden lugers and shoot all the nonvoters in the face, it's beyond my power. Only you have the power to prevent forest fires.

[Askthepizzaguy]

SUDDEN DEATH

Beefy: 3
Arjos: 3
Edse: 2
The King: 2
Others: 1 or zero

First person to reach four votes dies. All living players are eligible for death, even those not in the lead.

If a player who has not voted reaches three votes first, they die instead.

Happy voting.

[edse]

Unvote: Vote: Arjos bye

[Askthepizzaguy]

round has ended.

[Arjos]

So Pizza, how is this better than a coin toss or a good 'ol duel? Gaming wise I mean...

[Askthepizzaguy]

DAY SEVEN












Beefy187: "Well mateys. Who shall we make walk the plank today?"


Xenoneb: "Yarr. I'm not sure."


Ishmael: "Call me Ishmael. Some years ago -- never mind how long precisely -- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off -- then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me."


Edse: "What."


Beefy187: "Yarrr. Are you possessed by sea spirits, me hearty?"


Ishmael: "Moby Dick."


Xenoneb: "There's nobody here by that name, lad."


Ishmael: "HERMAN MELVILLE!"


Edse unsheathes his cutlass and holds it to Ishmael's neck threateningly.


Edse: "Never heard of 'im. You're talkin' crazy talk. You might be some kind of a spy or saboteur, or you might have simply gone insane. But thar be one cure for all of the above. Walkin' the plank!"


Xenoneb: "YARRR!!!"


Ishmael: "It's a book!"


Beefy187: "What's a book?"


Xenoneb: "It's one of them things you hang things from. With the sharp tip. Cap'n Askvaard has one on his arm in place of a hand."


Edse: "No, that's hook, you idiot. He's not sayin' hook, he's sayin' book."


Beefy187: "yarrr."


Xenoneb: "I don't understand the difference."


Edse: "Look here, matey..."


Xenoneb: "WHERE!??!"


Edse: "No, not literally here, it's a figure of speech."


Xenoneb: "SHIVER ME TIMBERS!!!"


Ishmael: "What does that even mean?"


Edse: "Yarrr?"


Ishmael: "I get that you're all pirates, but how does shiver me timbers even apply to the conversation."


Beefy187: "Avast!"


Ishmael: "See, right there. Avast what? What are you calling attention to when you say avast?"


Beefy187: "YARR."


Ishmael: "No, don't give me that yarr stuff either. Say actual words that mean something."


Edse: "Belay that fancy talk. Now as I was sayin', a hook is not a book. They just sound similar."


Xenoneb: "Yarr."


Beefy187: "I think I saw a book once. It's one of them things what ain't got no long john silver."


Xenoneb: "ARRR!!!"


Ishmael: "Now what are you babbling about?"


Beefy187: "Them things what ain't got no peg leg."


Xenoneb: "ARRR!!!"


Ishmael: "What?"


Beefy187: "Them things that are all ship and no mast."


Xenoneb: "ARRR!!!"


Ishmael: "Listen, are you retarded? Just say what you want to say without all the euphemisms."


Beefy187: "Yoofa.... wha?"


Xenoneb: "ARRR!!!"


Ishmael: "Describe the thing you're talking about with, you know, words."


Beefy187: "They start off with them upright... support whatchacallits. And then above that, there's a sail wrapped around it so you can't see behind it. Then above that you got the buoys, with the long branches comin' off the side.... with hands. And above that you have a face, but its got no beard. And on the whole vessel, there's no oar."


Xenoneb: "ARRR!!!"


Ishmael: "WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?!"


Xenoneb: "arr."


Ishmael: "Now, back to you. This is a stretch, but did you just give me the single dumbest description of a female I've ever heard?"


Beefy187: "Femur? What's a femur?"


Edse: "That's one of the three bones of the inner ear."


Ishmael: "You can't be serious. Beefy, you don't know what a female is? A woman?"


Beefy just stared blankly.


Ishmael: "A person with no fishing rod attached to their front."


Beefy187: "I seen one before. I figure he must've lost it fighting with the Kraken."


Xenoneb: "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!"


Edse: "ARRRR!!!"


Ishmael: "I'm surrounded by idiots."


Arjos: "Hey guys, what's going on?"


Xenoneb: "Arrrrr!"


Edse: "Arrrrr!"


Beefy187: "Arrrrrr!"


Ishmael: ".......jos."


Edse: "Let's make ARRRRRjos walk the plank. He might be one of them books the guy was talking about."


Ishmael: "What guy?"


Edse: "The guy that's like you, except a few minutes ago."


Xenoneb: "ARRRRR!!"


Beefy187: "Avast!"


Edse: "YO-HO-HO!"


Ishmael: "Ok, I am definitely certain that what you just said was complete nonsense."


Arjos: "ARRRRRRR!!!"


Ishmael: "OH JUST KILL ARJOS ALREADY!!!"


*A thunderous shot rings through the air. Arjos looks down and sees a rather large hole in his stomach. He stumbles backward and falls off of the plank, into the open sea.*


Askvaard Von Pirateguy: "It's pronounced 'YARRR'."





"Alive" - (19/33)

atheotes
Beefy187
Choxorn
Csargo
Double A
edse
El Barto
Ironside
Ishmael
King Jan III Sobieski
Major Robert Dump
Memnon
NinjaCow64
Skooma Addict
SouthernKing
thefluffyone93
The King
Tiaexz
Xenoneb


"Dead" - (0/33)

Nobody!


OH MY GOD, THEY'RE ACTUALLY DEAD!!! - (14/33)

wideyedwanderer- "Lady" Weston-Hogues / Winston Hughes - CHICKEN [vanilla townie]
Johnhughthom- "No mask and all lowercase" johnhughthom - BEEF [vanilla townie]
Jarema- "Freshly squeezed" Autolycus - SOUP [vanilla townie]
Nightbringer- "Richly blended" Camikaze - BEEF [vanilla townie] Ragnar H. Dingleberry [Ego]
Chaotix- Seon "Likes to choke" - CHICKEN [vanilla townie]
Diana Abnoba- "We miss you, come back and play with us" Renata - SOUP [vanilla townie]
BSmith- mgsmuhammed "cooked well done" - BEEF [vanilla townie]
Montmorency- "Not really" Arakhor - BEEF Jarrema - SOUP "MAFIA" [Townie Mason]
Classical_hero- "Not an elk either" Civgeneral - CHICKEN [vanilla townie]
DaveShack- "Laces out" Save Ferris - BEEF [vanilla townie]
a completely inoffensive name- Bestrfcplayer "More like worst, amirite?" -BEEF Romanichine- CHICKEN "MAFIA" [Townie Mason]
Zaccino- NarutoAvatarDBZ - "Don't ever call me a" CHICKEN Askvaard Von Pizzaguy [Superego]
Seon- Nictel "Ship has sailed" - SOUP [Vanilla townie]
Arjos- BSmith "Restin' at the bottom of Davey Jones Locker" - CHICKEN [vanilla townie]





Now hear this, Mateys. Startin' next round, any votes placed on a player who doesn't vote, counts twice.

You don't tend to yer ship, ye be walkin' the plank.






BEGIN NIGHT SEVEN

[Askthepizzaguy]

So Pizza, how is this better than a coin toss or a good 'ol duel? Gaming wise I mean...

Not random and much faster. Gotta keep things movin'.

[Zack]

I told you Arjos was a good lynch.

[Ishmael]

Love the write-up ATPG.

[El Barto]

Just two things:
-where one earth (or sea) did you get a kraken?
-can you show me one of these "females"?

[Askthepizzaguy]

-can you show me one of these "females"?

Fig. A


The human female, also known as a woman



Note: anatomically correct, you just can't see it because this is a family show.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Okay, okay. You kids ready for the thrill of your lives?

I'm going to show you the rest. WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGERY. X-rated content

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Don't tell your parents I did this for you.

Congratulations, you are all men now. Except for the actual women, of course.

[Zack]

Pizza - tell your mother I love those red shoes.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Pizza - tell your mother I love those red shoes.

Fine.

I was trying to keep this a secret, but.... that's actually a picture of Zack in drag, wearing a pair of my mother's red shoes.



You are not men, you are all still boys. And I'm sorry I've warped your fragile little minds exposing you to graphic images of Zack like that.

[El Barto]

It's OK, we've seen him in the flesh thanks to the user pics thread.

[Askthepizzaguy]

It's OK, we've seen him in the flesh thanks to the user pics thread.

Well I was trying not to make you go blind. Some things are best left to the imagination.

[Zack]

Fine.

I was trying to keep this a secret, but.... that's actually a picture of Zack in drag, wearing a pair of my mother's red shoes.



You are not men, you are all still boys. And I'm sorry I've warped your fragile little minds exposing you to graphic images of Zack like that.

You wanna know how I got these scars?

[Askthepizzaguy]

First guess: You saw grandma step out of the shower.

[Zack]

First guess: You saw grandma step out of the shower.

The story is long and convoluted, so I'll just give you the highlights: it involved a butter knife, alcohol, a banana peel, and literally pounds of baked beans.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I'll take "What Major Robert Dump has for breakfast" for 200, Alex.