Offspring

[Strike For The South]

Genetics matter.

But not in the way you think they do.

Entire scientific theories based on supposed human lineage have been debunked

[Kadagar_AV]

Genetics matter.

But not in the way you think they do.

Entire scientific theories based on supposed human lineage have been debunked

So explain it then...

Where I come from, genetics are extremely important in deciding a child's future. Sure, environment has a big impact, say.... roughly half or so? But environmental factors is not A-Z in deciding factors here, is it?

[Strike For The South]

So explain it then...

Where I come from, genetics are extremely important in deciding a child's future. Sure, environment has a big impact, say.... roughly half or so? But environmental factors is not A-Z in deciding factors here, is it?

Well where I come from its not.

Plenty of people with supposedly great lineage have fizzled
Plenty of people with supposedly shite lineage have blossomed
What people often ascribe to genetics are really far reaching societal or cultural mores that are so large and intertwined in everyday life people don't notice it

I don't really understand what you're getting at.

[Beskar]

Blood doesn't matter. Afterall, you don't marry Family members since you can only love them, right?

You can and do form bonds with people who do not share the same genetic material. I even have friends who I love more than family members. I even thought my step-fathers family was closer then my fathers side, I loved them as I loved my aunts/uncles, etc. Even called his mother "Nana". It simply depends on the environment the kids are raised.

It was when I ended up hitting around 16-17 is when this changed. It seems it was far easier to be accepted when I was a child, but later on, these arguments came in, I wasn't a "real family member". Then members of my step-fathers family, people who I accepted as if they were 'blood' were distant and cold about it, and that was terribly heartbreaking to simply end up rejected so majorly.

So fostering and adoption.. it really is taking on a child and raising them as your own, it is the joys of having that close relationship with some one and it is perfectly viable and possible. In a way, it is like owning a pet. Pet's become "members of the family" and they are an entirely different species!

So I offer to help my sisters kid with his skiing, but I don't extend the favour to the two other kids. This caused an emotional uproar in that family, and I felt like an absolute ****. But hey, at the end of the day, I have to stick to my beliefs.

I put it this way. Imagine that family together, then you simply take that one kid out of the three and they get to go Skiing, etc. How do you make the other children feel? Jealous? Rejected? They are no longer with their mother and you felt the need to rub it in, because they are not blood. It is perfectly possible for you to be an uncle to them, they might even end up viewing you as their favourite and you having a healthy relationship with them.

Want my honest opinion? Is it just your sisters son with her and her husband, or the three of them? if it is just him, then you can do just him sort of guilt free. If it is the three of them, then you should take all three.

Where I come from, genetics are extremely important in deciding a child's future. Sure, environment has a big impact, say.... roughly half or so? But environmental factors is not A-Z in deciding factors here, is it?

No, 90% of it is environment, 10% is genetics.

[rvg]

Blood doesn't matter. Afterall, you don't marry Family members since you can only love them, right?

There's a difference though. Relationship with a spouse is a two way street. Parents' love for their children is unconditional.

You can and do form bonds with people who do not share the same genetic material. I even have friends who I love more than family members. I even thought my step-fathers family was closer then my fathers side, I loved them as I loved my aunts/uncles, etc. Even called his mother "Nana". It simply depends on the environment the kids are raised.

That might be the case for a small nuclear family. In large close knit extended families blood is paramount.

It was when I ended up hitting around 16-17 is when this changed. It seems it was far easier to be accepted when I was a child, but later on, these arguments came in, I wasn't a "real family member". Then members of my step-fathers family, people who I accepted as if they were 'blood' were distant and cold about it, and that was terribly heartbreaking to simply end up rejected so majorly.

See? Blood matters.

So fostering and adoption.. it really is taking on a child and raising them as your own, it is the joys of having that close relationship with some one and it is perfectly viable and possible. In a way, it is like owning a pet. Pet's become "members of the family" and they are an entirely different species!

Would you die for your pet though?

No, 90% of it is environment, 10% is genetics.

Except that environment favors the genetics. Not being of the same blood as the rest of the clan is hardly an advantage.

[ajaxfetish]

I put it this way. Imagine that family together, then you simply take that one kid out of the three and they get to go Skiing, etc. How do you make the other children feel? Jealous? Rejected? They are no longer with their mother and you felt the need to rub it in, because they are not blood. It is perfectly possible for you to be an uncle to them, they might even end up viewing you as their favourite and you having a healthy relationship with them.

I think this is the key part, Kadagar. However much you feel the blood relationship matters to you, you also need to pay due attention to tact. Based on your own views, your sisters family will be all the harder to forge into a unit, since two of the kids lack a blood bond to one of the parents. If you, the extended family, are excluding them, you're weakening the part of their family bond that needs the most support. That's just rude. Deep down, you don't need to feel the same connection to them that you do to their sibling. But on the surface, you need to treat them like you do.

Ajax

[rvg]

Deep down, you don't need to feel the same connection to them that you do to their sibling. But on the surface, you need to treat them like you do.

Tact is one thing. There's little need to fake a bond that isn't there. Those kids aren't stupid, they can spot insincerity.

[Rhyfelwyr]

I think it is impossible to know if there is a difference unless you have raised both biological and adopted kids. Who knows, there may well be foster parents that love their kids as if they were their own. Although I would think you would have to raise them from pretty young to have a proper parent-child relationship.

And although your feelings are normal Kadagar, you should try to include those kids even if they are not blood, things have probably been hard enough on them already. Even if you don't feel it, you owe it to them to try.

oh and inb4 irony of me giving advice on anything to do with human interaction...

[Ironside]

Tact is one thing. There's little need to fake a bond that isn't there. Those kids aren't stupid, they can spot insincerity.

True, but it's not that hard to treat other people's children decently. In this case, it's not to pedistal the favorite.

[Kralizec]

I think this is the key part, Kadagar. However much you feel the blood relationship matters to you, you also need to pay due attention to tact. Based on your own views, your sisters family will be all the harder to forge into a unit, since two of the kids lack a blood bond to one of the parents. If you, the extended family, are excluding them, you're weakening the part of their family bond that needs the most support. That's just rude. Deep down, you don't need to feel the same connection to them that you do to their sibling. But on the surface, you need to treat them like you do.

Ajax

This pretty much captures my thoughts on the issue. Kadagar, while your feelings are understandable, treating your biological nephew as a favourite amounts to sabotage of their new family. I wouldn't expect you to fake affection for the other two kids but you should not openly show the way you feel.

Don't take this the wrong way, but openly favoring your nephew without regard to how this looks to your sister's spouse and his kids is a little egocentric.