You'd also need o break the current brand of extremist Islamism, which AFAIK is Saudi-sponsored Salafism. With their up close and personal violence being their particular brand of resistance, you'll need to show that this isn't solely their domain, by showing that you're capable of being just as nasty. Only after you've shown this, do you get the luxury of showing that you can refrain from doing so, but it's your choice rather than a societal restriction. If the west isn't up to that, then their allies need to fill the gap, with the west's explicit support. Otherwise set conditions for talks with ISIS which both sides will be held to.
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