News of the Weird

[Crazed Rabbit]

George Bush gives a kiss on the cheek to Barbara Streisand.

EDIT: A Boston Female Police Captain Buys a Bunch of Toys for Needy Children. The cops - what else? - send a SWAT team to barricade her house.

CR

[Crazed Rabbit]

Double Post:
One Chuck E CHeese's, a "family-friendly" restuarant/arcade game chain, in Wisconsin has had so many problems with fighting parents (they also serve alcohol) that they stationed armed security guards in the restaurant portion.

"The biggest problem is you have a bunch of adults acting like juveniles," says Town of Brookfield Police Capt. Timothy Imler. "There's a biker bar down the street, and we rarely get calls there."

What a great place to take the kids!

CR

[Tribesman]

EDIT: A Boston Female Police Captain Buys a Bunch of Toys for Needy Children. The cops - what else? - send a SWAT team to barricade her house.

Thats weird news , a person who was known to have owned guns is reported to police as having barricaded herself into her home .....Wow
It would be weird news if they didn't send SWAT teams wouldn't it
Now I would say that story didn't really belong in the weird news thread , but then again when you can take....

Days later, on Friday, the Metro SWAT team would converge on her Braintree home after a report that she had barricaded herself inside.

...and read it as ....

send a SWAT team to barricade her house.

......then perhaps it deserves a special subsection in this "News of the Weird" sticky for "Weird ways to read the News" or perhaps "News when your Wired to the moon"

[Gregoshi]

Tribesman,

in this thread please.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Kisser "pops an ear."

[Hosakawa Tito]

In hot water...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Louis VI the Fat]

Drama and suspense!!
Friedrich Schiller comes to life!

The character played by Daniel Hoevels was supposed to commit suicide in the drama with a blunt stage weapon but had instead been provided with a real blade.

He collapsed on stage with blood pouring from his neck and the audience started to applaud the spectacular special effects.

It was only when Hoevels, 30, failed to get up to take a bow at Vienna's Burgtheater in Austria that they realised something was wrong.

Now police are investigating their own murder mystery drama – after refusing to rule out the possibility that the stunt may have been an attempt to bump off the actor by a jealous rival.

[Lemur]

So a boy gets an arrow through his eye, so deep that it's touching the back of his skull. And it misses his brain. How is that possible?

The arrow went through 11-year-old Liu Cheong's eye socket, completely through his head and was only stopped by the back of his skull.

He only survived because the arrow had miraculously missed his brain.

[seireikhaan]

Unbelievable.

[FactionHeir]

All your wink are belong to us

[Conqueror]

Maybe the kid was a descendant of Xiahou Dun?

[Gregoshi]

So a boy gets an arrow through his eye, so deep that it's touching the back of his skull. And it misses his brain. How is that possible?

'Tis the season...bet his mom said "you'll shoot your eye out!"

Ho...ho...ho!

[Pannonian]

"Old Lady Unable to Master BATE At Home"

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Juventus had done all they needed to do going into their final group game, the easiest on paper, hosting down-and-out BATE Borisov. A point would guarantee them top spot and a favourable draw for the knockout stages and a goalless game got them just that...

Page and headline changed since original publication.

[Husar]

Some of you may want a Wunder Boner, might make a nice christmas gift for that special friend who likes fishing.

[Fragony]

hmmmm that's quite handy I hate cleaning fish.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Some of you may want a Wunder Boner, might make a nice christmas gift for that special friend who likes fishing.

Hah! I already have a wunder boner that will scrape out anything that smells of fish.

somebody had to make the joke.

"Old Lady Unable to Master BATE At Home"

Brilliant! I love British tabloid headlines. It is an artform in itself. Sheer poetry.

American tabloid readers love weirdness as humour. 'Banjo removed from dwarf's knee!'. 'Elvis spotter eaten by aliens!' With the occasional play on words thrown in to emphasise weirdness: 'Headless Body in Topless Bar'.

British tabloid readers laugh over punnery. When the Halles (famous food market) closed in Paris it was: 'Last Mango in Paris'. My all-time favourite: 'Supercaleygoballisticcelticareatrocious!'. For which one really needs some knowledge of the Scottish football league.
A recent one, after central bank interest rates were lowered, but not commercial bank rates: 'Pass it on, you bankers!'

Somewhere at the Sun office, working in shameful anonimity, sits the greatest living poet of the English language.

[Banquo's Ghost]

British tabloid readers laugh over punnery. When the Halles (famous food market) closed in Paris it was: 'Last Mango in Paris'. My all-time favourite: 'Supercaleygoballisticcelticareatrocious!'. For which one really needs some knowledge of the Scottish football league.
A recent one, after central bank interest rates were lowered, but not commercial bank rates: 'Pass it on, you bankers!'

Somewhere at the Sun office, working in shameful anonimity, sits the greatest living poet of the English language.

My favourite, which may well be apocryphal, was the story about several girls threatened with sexual assault by an escaped psychiatric patient in a launderette, who then absconded.

"Nut screws washers and bolts".

[CountArach]

My favourite, which may well be apocryphal, was the story about several girls threatened with sexual assault by an escaped psychiatric patient in a launderette, who then absconded.

"Nut screws washers and bolts".

That... is... awesome

[Fragony]

Ah news from England, salvation army no longer allowed to shake with these whatsitcalledyoupputmoneyinnit because it's england.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Dear God, the Octosquid Alliance has unleashed its stormtroops.

How can anyone deal with the Jellybabies of Death? Let alone the quarter-ton Gelatinous Mass?

It's the end, I tell you!

"When jellyfish populations run wild," the NSF jellyboffins warn, "they may jam thousands of square miles with their pulsing, gelatinous bodies."

It seems that no less than half a billion "refrigerator sized" slimy horrors weighing 450 pounds each invade the Sea of Japan daily, while Australian waters are plagued with "deadly, peanut-sized" Jellybabies of Death. It took the scyphozoan (or possibly hydrozoan) hordes just eight years to seize control of the Black Sea, apparently.

[Lemur]

I, for one, welcome our new robotic overlords:

There are now 1 million industrial robots toiling around the world, and Japan is where they’re the thickest on the ground. It has 295 of these electromechanical marvels for every 10 000 manufacturing workers—a robot density almost 10 times the world average and nearly twice that of Singapore (169), South Korea (164), and Germany (163).

[Furunculus]

My favourite, which may well be apocryphal, was the story about several girls threatened with sexual assault by an escaped psychiatric patient in a launderette, who then absconded.

"Nut screws washers and bolts".

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question...4154834AAK0VBm

[Rhyfelwyr]

My all-time favourite: 'Supercaleygoballisticcelticareatrocious!'. For which one really needs some knowledge of the Scottish football league.

Yeah I like that one too.

[Lemur]

A Chinese man originally thought to have been struck by lightning was in fact killed by a small weather rocket whose existence was only discovered when his body exploded during his cremation.

The body of Wang Diange, from the Chinese province of Inner Mongolia, was found in the wreckage of a house where he had been overseeing the wake of a previous family funeral, after mourners felt a loud explosion which took off half the roof.

As it was raining and thundery, they decided that the house, and Mr Wang in particular, had been struck by lightning. The police came to the same conclusion.

Further inquiries were made a few days later after Mr Wang's own funeral. As his body was being put into the cremation chamber, it blew up spectacularly, bursting the doors off the oven.

[FactionHeir]

No cake for Hitler's birthday

[Lemur]

Please, God, let this be a joke. Hmm, following the linkage, looks like it's for real. Definitely a sign of the End Times.

Burger King has released a limited-edition men's body spray that evokes the smell of freshly broiled Whoppers. But isn't this what they spray on the burgers already for authenticity? No! According to a press release, "The King is setting hearts ablaze for the holidays with his new scent of choice. FLAME™, a new men's body spray by Burger King Corp., features the scent of seduction with the hint of flame-broiled meat. A favorite of the King, FLAME™ is available for purchase for a limited time at select Ricky's retailers in-store or online."

[Hosakawa Tito]

Please, God, let this be a joke. Hmm, following the linkage, looks like it's for real. Definitely a sign of the End Times.

Burger King has released a limited-edition men's body spray that evokes the smell of freshly broiled Whoppers. But isn't this what they spray on the burgers already for authenticity? No! According to a press release, "The King is setting hearts ablaze for the holidays with his new scent of choice. FLAME™, a new men's body spray by Burger King Corp., features the scent of seduction with the hint of flame-broiled meat. A favorite of the King, FLAME™ is available for purchase for a limited time at select Ricky's retailers in-store or online."

Hey, I know a certain supervisor at work who is going on a Caribbean scuba diving holiday soon. I'm sure I can get some colleagues to chip in so we can spritz his wetsuit with some of that FLAME™. Sharks like hamburgers, don't they?

[Gregoshi]

Burger King has released a limited-edition men's body spray that evokes the smell of freshly broiled Whoppers.

The scent has been around for over 1000 years. Witness this Frenchmen talking to King Arthur:



"...You Whopper of other people's bottoms!"

[Hosakawa Tito]

Brit Pilot hits cow. video mooooove over.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

No bovines were injured during the production of this film.

[Gregoshi]

No bovines were injured during the production of this film.

The pilot just winged him...