Virginity Pledges are NOT effective (yes I know the sky is blue)

[Lorenzo_H]

I made no such pledge, but have still managed to stay true to my Christian beliefs. I have it justified in my mind to wait until marriage, so thats basically what's keeping me going. Of course, being only 17 myself, I could well have to eat my words when I'm 21 or whatever, but I'm saying I've had quite a few offers of sex which I successfully turned down. And they weren't ugly girls either!

[rory_20_uk]

I made no such pledge, but have still managed to stay true to my Christian beliefs. I have it justified in my mind to wait until marriage, so thats basically what's keeping me going. Of course, being only 17 myself, I could well have to eat my words when I'm 21 or whatever, but I'm saying I've had quite a few offers of sex which I successfully turned down. And they weren't ugly girls either!

Sleeping with someone is easy. Proves nothing about how desirable you are. Sleeping with someone that everyone knows is remaining celebate until marriage shows that you are really something. Same logic why I know some homosexual men frequently get chatted up "I turned a gay man straight!"

[Ronin]

I made no such pledge, but have still managed to stay true to my Christian beliefs. I have it justified in my mind to wait until marriage, so thats basically what's keeping me going. Of course, being only 17 myself, I could well have to eat my words when I'm 21 or whatever, but I'm saying I've had quite a few offers of sex which I successfully turned down. And they weren't ugly girls either!

*grumbles something under his breath about no girls ever hitting on him when he´s more than willing*

like the old saying says "God gives nuts to people who have no teeth" indeed

[Lorenzo_H]

*grumbles something under his breath about no girls ever hitting on him when he´s more than willing*

like the old saying says "God gives nuts to people who have no teeth" indeed

I've realised that the chance of you getting offered sex by any particular person is inversely proportional to how much you want it.

Here's my 2 cents on Romance:

Think of the logic of attraction - I think that the human mind, before it is willing to let the body have sex with someone, needs to feel safe with them. If you want to sleep with someone, and you give it away by being flattering, flirty or suggestive, it automatically lets the other person know what you are up to. If on the other hand you seem to not be interested in them, in their subconcious they feel less sexually threatened by you, and therefore (perhaps over the course of x amount of time) they then become very attracted, and wonder what it would be like if you did like them in that way. If you continue to ignore them in that way, I've heard it described like a cat and string - that is to say, when you dangle yarn or string above a cat, just out of its reach, it will go crazy jumping over backwards to grasp it. Once you let the cat have the string, it merely looks at it for a few moments, then forgets about it and walks away.

In essence, I say that you should withdraw yourself from the mindset of "when and how might I get into her pants" whenever you meet a nice girl, like most guys (including myself sometimes!). That mentality actually reduces the chances of exactly that happening. Instead be friendly and genuine. For instance, with my current GF, I did not actually go out with her until around 6 months after first meeting her. I didn't rush anything, but instead was polite and didn't give away that I was after her. I also hate the fact that many people in our culture use alcohol to speed the whole romance process up. Some people aren't willing to put in the effort to get to know each other sober, so instead they choose to meet at a party, smashed. I think more people should just be patient and get to know those they like by talking over long periods of time, rather than probing each others Bacardi drenched tonsils after one nights' rave. How can you trust someone with those standards?

I think that by having sex in a relationship too early you are risking it. By bringing it to consummation before you fully know, trust and are committed to one another, you may find yourselves lacking fidelity to one another before long. The perfect relationship I believe waits until marriage, when the couple are clearly stating to the world that they intend with every fibre of their respective beings to stand by the other through everything. The intimacy of sex will be so much better once there are no doubts about the other. Our culture can sometimes reduce sex to an act to obtain pleasure. While sex is without a doubt pleasureable, I think it can be so much more than that when you have it reserved for only one person in your life. http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/04...und/index.html this article gave me some reassurance.

Apologies if a little OT? lol...

[Ronin]

I've realised that the chance of you getting offered sex by any particular person is inversely proportional to how much you want it.

Here's my 2 cents on Romance:

Think of the logic of attraction - I think that the human mind, before it is willing to let the body have sex with someone, needs to feel safe with them. If you want to sleep with someone, and you give it away by being flattering, flirty or suggestive, it automatically lets the other person know what you are up to. If on the other hand you seem to not be interested in them, in their subconcious they feel less sexually threatened by you, and therefore (perhaps over the course of x amount of time) they then become very attracted, and wonder what it would be like if you did like them in that way. If you continue to ignore them in that way, I've heard it described like a cat and string - that is to say, when you dangle yarn or string above a cat, just out of its reach, it will go crazy jumping over backwards to grasp it. Once you let the cat have the string, it merely looks at it for a few moments, then forgets about it and walks away.

In essence, I say that you should withdraw yourself from the mindset of "when and how might I get into her pants" whenever you meet a nice girl, like most guys (including myself sometimes!). That mentality actually reduces the chances of exactly that happening. Instead be friendly and genuine. For instance, with my current GF, I did not actually go out with her until around 6 months after first meeting her. I didn't rush anything, but instead was polite and didn't give away that I was after her. I also hate the fact that many people in our culture use alcohol to speed the whole romance process up. Some people aren't willing to put in the effort to get to know each other sober, so instead they choose to meet at a party, smashed. I think more people should just be patient and get to know those they like by talking over long periods of time, rather than probing each others Bacardi drenched tonsils after one nights' rave. How can you trust someone with those standards?

I think that by having sex in a relationship too early you are risking it. By bringing it to consummation before you fully know, trust and are committed to one another, you may find yourselves lacking fidelity to one another before long. The perfect relationship I believe waits until marriage, when the couple are clearly stating to the world that they intend with every fibre of their respective beings to stand by the other through everything. The intimacy of sex will be so much better once there are no doubts about the other. Our culture can sometimes reduce sex to an act to obtain pleasure. While sex is without a doubt pleasureable, I think it can be so much more than that when you have it reserved for only one person in your life. http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/04...und/index.html this article gave me some reassurance.

Apologies if a little OT? lol...

That isn´t me at all.....I think my problem is that I am extremly shy and kind of anti-social to a certain degree....I don´t drink, I don´t go to discos and "clubs"...so I end up flying under the radar and not being noticed.....

but enough OT.

Making children take pledges they don't understand is pointless, it's why these people believe in adult baptism after all (presuming this is a US evangelical thing).

I once saw somewhere that amongst the people that took the virginity pledge the rate of oral and anal sex was a lot higher than the general population.

So I´m not so sure the problem is that the young people don´t understand the pledge....the point is that people will do with the pledge the same they do with everything else....they will find loopholes.

[Marshal Murat]

I think that while virginity pledges don't prevent sex before marriage, in my mind, it does prevent girls from making stupid decisions concerning sex when they're between high-school and college. 21 isn't outta college, but you do have a college education and have a better chance of future employment rather than an 18-year old who just graduated from high school.

[Thermal]

Bah if it's Gods will for everyone to have sex after a certain time or after marriage, why are we able to sex and impreganate quite possibly, in most cases at the age of 13? THE CHURCH LIES I TELL YOU, LIES!



i love you god, please secure me a place in heaven

[Vladimir]

I think that while virginity pledges don't prevent sex before marriage, in my mind, it does prevent girls from making stupid decisions concerning sex when they're between high-school and college. 21 isn't outta college, but you do have a college education and have a better chance of future employment rather than an 18-year old who just graduated from high school.

Which is really the point of the whole damn thing! In that regard they can be very effective.

[HoreTore]

I once saw somewhere that amongst the people that took the virginity pledge the rate of oral and anal sex was a lot higher than the general population.

Hmmmm...... Care to send a couple of them over here?

On a related thought, what girls/boys don't do oral? that's just rude....

[Mooks]

On a related thought, what girls/boys don't do oral? that's just rude....

Must restrain myself....from putting quote in signature.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

On a related thought, what girls/boys don't do oral? that's just rude....

Lots, actually, quite a few people don't like doing it and a significant number don't like recieving it either. On relationships, I think Lorenzo has a point (though sooner or later you have to move in and a certain amount of sexual threat seems to be attractive.) Life is complicated.

About the pledge, what this indicates is that people don't take it seriously and many probably don't have a concept of an honourable word. I have a friend working for a charity in Texas right now, she says that a lot of parents use Christianity to control their children, which just makes the children two-faced. I also heard that only around 12% of Americans will admit to being atheist, I find that a rather low number when you look at American culture.

Barrack Obama may well be an etheist, for example, the story of his Church attendence seems to suggest that he doesn't obsess about taking communion every Sunday.

[Ronin]

Lots, actually, quite a few people don't like doing it and a significant number don't like recieving it either.

I will accept the first part of that sentence...but the second part seems to be fiction at the very least...

[Seamus Fermanagh]

I also heard that only around 12% of Americans will admit to being atheist, I find that a rather low number when you look at American culture.

Doesn't surprise me at all. Very few people I know are adamant about declaring the non-existence of God. On the other hand, many aren't very avidly religious. Runs roughly "well, I believe God exists, but I distrust religion so I'll just do my own thing while acknowledging a vague entity called God."

These "unchurched" may be functionally atheists as far as society would feel their impact, but many such would deny the "atheist" label.

[Rhyfelwyr]

a lot of parents use Christianity to control their children, which just makes the children two-faced.

This isn't an issue I hear raised very often, but it has caused me some concern. Maybe I just get too easily freaked out by things, but the talk I hear about 'family values' from US evangelicals is borderline disturbing. It's almost like families are turning into mini-cults; this isn't natural, and it wasn't how the family functioned historically. It does seem to have become quite tied with Christianity, although I can't understand why - the Bible mentions treating your neighbour well more than your family. I can think of a few qoutes off the top of my head, for example Jesus saying he comes to bring the sword of division between families, at one point he even tells us to hate our family before we can come to God through him (although it translates more as love less - getting our priorities right and not being like animals caring only for people based on biological connections), that contradict these views.

[Rhyfelwyr]

Making children take pledges they don't understand is pointless, it's why these people believe in adult baptism after all (presuming this is a US evangelical thing).