Noble Sons II- Price for Peace [Concluded]

[shlin28]

*adds the Horde to list of Crusade targets*

Excellent! We shall send the exploding poisonous beads and electricuting cursed haircombs immediately!

--- Roy the Righteous Crusader, Ecclesiach Tertia of the Holy Theocracy, Inquistores Secundus of the Holy Inquisition

[Askthepizzaguy]

Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?

[shlin28]

*A messenger arrives, along with another high ranking member of the Theocracy*

*They passed a note to Roy the Mad*

*The messenger forces Roy the Mad to leave the room*

*The newcomer bowed to the various Lords gathered in the room*

Apologies my lords... his Holiness foresaw Ecclesiach Roy's... foolishness, and has sent I, Hubert, Ecclesiach Secundus to replace him in this august meeting.

We meant no offence noble Lord of the Pizza Horde, some members of our organisation...are... a trifle bit zealous. We shall send un-explosive un-poisonous purely ordinary haircombs and beads immediately!

--- Hubert the Sane, Ecclesiach Secundus of the Holy Theocracy

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

*A messenger arrives, along with another high ranking member of the Theocracy*

*They passed a note to Roy the Mad*

*The messenger forces Roy the Mad to leave the room*

*The newcomer bowed to the various Lords gathered in the room*

Apologies my lords... his Holiness foresaw Ecclesiach Roy's... foolishness, and has sent I, Hubert, Ecclesiach Secundus to replace him in this august meeting.

We meant no offence noble Lord of the Pizza Horde, some members of our organisation...are... a trifle bit zealous. We shall send un-explosive un-poisonous purely ordinary haircombs and beads immediately!

--- Hubert the Sane, Ecclesiach Secundus of the Holy Theocracy

If that is all right with you, we would prefer to be cautious and politely decline your gifts, for now. After such outbursts from this Roy person, we are not certain we fully understand your intentions towards us. No unpleasantness will follow, and our diplomatic relations remain normalized.

[shlin28]

If you so wish noble Ambassador

*addresses everyone else*

Fellow Lords/Ambassadors, my liege, his Holiness the Grand Theocrat shlin II had devised a fool-proof way of detecting the cultists!

As our religion demands the eating of Beef as a sacrament, any people who do not worship the Cattle with suffecient zeal, must be the cultists!

Because of this, I propose that the Holy Inquistors be sent to all regions, to find those who eat only vegetables! Only through vigilance can we find the cultists! Do not fear, for innocent citizens have nothing to fear from our Inquisitors - we shall only hunt down those who are truly depraved in their diet.

Does this proposal have the support of the Council?

--- Hubert the Awsome, Ecclesiach Secundus of the Holy Theocracy

[Reenk Roink]

I want to start a war kinda...

[White_eyes:D]

I want to start a war kinda...

Well...I am talking it over with Beefy.....If I Co-host I want to put some benefits...on ALL nations that go to war....and give disadvantages to those that sit around and turtle....but if you guys move on your own...that will not be necessary (but if things continue to move slowly...then I am sure I can convince Beefy)

[Reenk Roink]

Ok, so we will be taking offers to join a side to fight another side starting now. You must show what you can do for the Reenkmaistro so that he is able to ride by your side and crush your enemies.

We feel that this is the best way to raise funds for the kung fu lessons for Reenkmeister.

[Thermal]

Consul Lacy storms into the council chambers, a look of utmost fury creasing her face, which surprisingly makes her look even more attractive.

"How DARE Aresea send spies across my borders! Had I not set my coast guard on high alert, this "ambassador", this wretched spy, would have slipped by and into my realm, for what nefarious purpose I cannot conceive! The Consulate has always been a friend and ally to peaceful nations willing to trade, but this is the lowest of lows! I demand that Aresea explain themselves, and ADEQUATELY SO! If they cannot, then I, as Consul, will be forced to take action!"

Sharky gained confidence, he was never a pushover even if a nervous wreck


'We haven't set foot on your llllannnnnddd! Forororrr the fear it will be filllleeddd with brussel sprouuuttts!'

Sharky tried to continue but he clasped for breath and fainted instead.

[shlin28]

Ladies and gentlemen, it turns out Roy was not replaced after all... he's back, and MORE crazy than ever! DEATH TO ALL HERETICS!

Ok, so we will be taking offers to join a side to fight another side starting now. You must show what you can do for the Reenkmaistro so that he is able to ride by your side and crush your enemies.

We feel that this is the best way to raise funds for the kung fu lessons for Reenkmeister.

Suffer not the heretic to live, Reenkmeister, that is our motto. Would your kingdom not be safer if it is protected by divine means?

The cultists lives around us, King Reenkmeister, we must crush them! Together, we can make this island a safer place for Beefdom and the Twin Kingdoms!

- Roy the Righteous Lunatic, Ecclesiach Tertia Secundus of the Holy Theocracy

[Thermal]

You know sending in orders can be fun, be creative, those stuck what to say, well just say where you want your armies and say something wacky like, exterminate all frogs in my land to prevent yellow fever contamination

[shlin28]

Roy the Zealot has an announcement to make!

Fellow lords/ambassadors!

The Theocracy shall send out hundreds of Inquisitors and Missionaries to convert the good folk of the island. Anyone who do not allow them to enter their country, shall be... suitably punished

May the Cattle be with you all my friends.

[Askthepizzaguy]

You guys want to start a war because you're bored? We settled on the wrong island, I suppose. By the way, we've obtained all the ingredients required to make our delicious delicacy, the Pizza. Thank you trading partners! Now, we are more than prepared to stand by your side in glorious battle. Woe be upon he who fights the Hungry Khan With A Full Belly.

-Pepperono, master of the slice.

[shlin28]

Roy the Crazy is that close to calling a Crusade on the Horde Be more helpful to the Theocracy... or else.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Greetings Mighty Khan

Today I would like to request permission from you on a topic you may not be comfortable with.

I would like to request the permission that our missionaries are allowed to enter your lands in search of vegetable eaters. Our missionaries are only to search for high sources of vegetables within the population, and there will be no military spying. You have my words. If you are innocent of being a meat eater, then you would have no problems with me just having a look around. As an act of trust, I will send you food in the form of beef - we know that you come from far-away lands and are hungry.

If you are found out to be innocent, then I can help you ease your tensions with my allies the Holy Theocracy. However, if my polite request if refused then I will have no choice but to launch a joint crusade towards your lands. This is something I would not like to do.

I await your approval

Yours Sincerely

Grandmaster Taka of the Order of the Sacred Kobe Beef

We are most displeased by your threatening tone.

I am taking this before the council.

We make this a... formal tone, as we see it befitting for the mighty Khan, and hostile intentions are not in our minds. We just need to find the veggy eaters and if you can aid us that would be the best

i mean, who would give out free food just to prove someone else's innocence? im sure that it can only be a win-win situation for you. Unlike our crazy allies, we are an Order of civilization and culture and do not take war lightly. we try to settle matters through discussion, not by the blade.

please reconsider our request with a positive mind

Grandmaster Taka

NO ONE STRONG-ARMS THE MIGHTY KHAN!!!

YOU WILL PAY FOR SUCH INSOLENCE!!!

WE WILL NOT BE BULLIED BY RELIGIOUS WACKOS!!!

PREPARE FOR WAR!!!!

[taka]

It seems like you do not like peace. most shameful but war shall be done.

Brothers from the Holy Theocracy and Beefdom, I hereby request that you join on my crusade towards the Lands of the Khan!

The vegetable eating Heretics shall be cleansed!

Vote: Pizza

[Askthepizzaguy]

Vote: Shlin28

They would be bullying the REST of you. I will not tolerate these fools who think they can twist the arms of other nations until they submit to their will, and force us to allow SPIES into our lands. I now activate the defensive pact treaties we signed with our neighboring nations, and request aid and assistance from ALL nations the Hungry Khan has forged peaceful and civilized relationships with. JOIN ME NOW, AND CRUSH THOSE WHO WOULD SEEK TO BULLY YOU, instead of seeking peaceful trade relationships! When this battle is over, we will grant the lands of the "Holy" Theocracy and the cowards from their "Sacred" Order to be dispensed to my friends, allies, and trade partners. WE HAVE NO WISH FOR CONQUEST OR LAND. We seek glorious brotherhood, and WE will not force the religion of the Pizza Lord on ANYONE, nor have we offered to even spread it through your lands. These hateful, malevolent, intolerant, warlike criminals must be brought to justice. Join me, brothers of the lands of Beefydom! Destroy the aggressive warmongers in our midst! Then we will root out the Veggie-Eaters in our own ways, without this insolent and undiplomatic behavior.

Who stands with the Hungry Khan? Who stands with the zealots who seek to convert or destroy you?

[taka]

such words from the new-comer of the lands

you say undiplomatic? ha! look at the private discussion we talked through. if you say that is not peaceful and diplomatic, i dont know what is.

you hypocritic vegetable eating heretic, we shall beat you off our lands back to your own!

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

such words from the new-comer of the lands

you say undiplomatic? ha! look at the private discussion we talked through. if you say that is not peaceful and undiplomatic, i dont know what is.

you hypocritic vegetable eating heretic, we shall beat you off our lands back to your own!

Your words were dishonest and cowardly. You threatened us with force, both in public and in private, if we did not submit to your demands. You are a fool for insulting us with threats. I will not tolerate that, not even if you were doing so to our friends. You will never gain any real friends that way. I speak with honesty, I do not hide behind polite words designed to mask my very impolite threats. You could call me a dog politely, but you still call me your dog to be ordered around by YOU. Time to teach you a lesson in diplomatic relations. You don't with the Hungry Khan or his friends. When the feeble armies of the "Holy" ones are brought to justice, we will deal with YOU. The only thing which will reverse this situation is a dramatic and public apology.


-Pepperono, Generalissimo of the Hungry Khan's Horde

[taka]

i see no need for apologies

war shall be done. you declare war first; you shall have war. make your way to our lands if you dare

[Askthepizzaguy]

i see no need for apologies

war shall be done. you declare war first; you shall have war. make your way to our lands if you dare

More insults! You declared war on us when YOU THREATENED US with force. That's a declaration of WAR, not "peaceful" relations. We have ZERO interest in your pathetic lands or conquering your miserable citizens. WE will not be attacking YOU.

But if "crusaders" enter our lands, they will never leave them alive. We know how to deal with crusaders, we've been doing that for CENTURIES.

[taka]

Your cowardice and text formatting is of the most annoying.

we shall hear no more.

I hereby officially declare the Pizza Khan a Vegetable eating heretic!

Join me if you would like to rid OUR lands of Vegetable eaters!

[Thermal]

Sharky noticed something


'Uh in order to fight each other you will have to destory beefy kingdom, has thattt dawned onn yyouuu?'

[taka]

huh?

[Askthepizzaguy]

We have no interest in invading other lands. Our forces will remain at home to guard against crusader threats. Let the "Holy" ones trespass through neutral territory if they think we are so evil. Such is the arrogance of declaring someone else to be evil; they will step on innocent people to get to us. That makes them evil in my book. Our forces will remain, to guard against crusaders, and those who threaten those who we have signed defensive alliances with. We do not betray our friends, and we do not back down to bullies, but we also don't invade peaceful lands to make war on a people we don't understand. You who talk of peace, but threaten others with the sword, are the true warmongers here, filled with hatred and prejudice. We will not be bullied, and we will not trade with you.

[Thermal]

Map of the kingdoms! For the ease of reference and battles, please state which route you want to take when your moving your army or etc.

Sorry it's beefy & reenk, you opposite ends of the kingdom, and there is little sea to invade on, how will you attack each other?

[Askthepizzaguy]

That is the whole point. If they have already signed offensive pacts to destroy us with the nations intervening, then we cannot stop them ANYWAY, but we won't be bullied either, and it proves they never had any peaceful intentions at all. We are willing to die in glorious battle taking down as many of them as we can. After we are gone, I urge the other nations to destroy this threat to all of you; We have never backed down from a fight. We have learned the folly of conquest from our Jihading days, after our empire conquered all others on three continents, the people revolted, and we were kicked off of our own homelands. We will never make that mistake again. We have pledged non-aggression and peace with everyone here. I urge the "religious" crusaders to think very hard about the path they have chosen. It will only lead to violence, and the deaths of hundreds of thousands of your own people; and if you prevail, you will be annihilated anyway by those who will not tolerate your oppression. Freedom always prevails over oppression. Now that we see the error of our ways, hundreds of years ago, we will never follow that path again. We represent a free and peaceful people. We have suffered for years in pain and agony, and have starved because of our arrogance. Never again. Never again. I share the wisdom of generations of my own people, who have been on both sides of this level of unmitigated arrogance and aggression, religious oppression and intolerance, and diplomacy using force. It does not work, and it will destroy everyone in its path, both the oppressors and the oppressed.

I wash my hands of anyone who is willing to tolerate this malevolent behavior.


-Pepperono

[Yoyoma1910]

A letter arrives at Beefy's castle:

Gentlemen, the King of Beefdom is busy for the time being attending to something archaic and evil called "Replacing the Serpentine Belt on a Ford Focus." He will attempt to join you more thoroughly when this is achieved, or frustration gets the better of him.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Funnily enough, right now I am actually eating beef teriyaki. I'm such a loyal beefeater, I even act it out in real life!!

Picture taken with mah webcam. Feast your eyes on this! (Most of my pasty white skin has been deleted)

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Reenk Roink]

So what can you two enemies offer the Reenkmaistro to come and interfere in your mutual violence?

For there is certainly nothing greater in this world than to chase down your enemies and cut them down and then bathe in their blood and bathe in the tears of their womenfolk!