The Spur of the Moment Land Deal that Created an Empire

[Phog_of_War]

Napoleon was a brilliant general, so it's easy to assume that no matter what else happened, he would have taken power in France, and got closer to conquering the world than anyone else in modern history.

Well...

The Ridiculous Coincidence

The thing was, Napoleon wasn't born in France, but on the French island of Corsica, in 1769. And as recently as the year before that, Corsica wasn't French.



Before the day the Corsican landscape presumably tore apart to deliver baby Napoleon from the earth in a storm of fire, the island was ruled by Genoa. More specifically, it was ruled by whichever filthy rich bearded Genoese banker bribed the duke enough to be granted governorship. Unfortunately, the island was constantly rebelling or being conquered by random Turks.



Finally, after five centuries of struggling, Genoa said " it" and gave up on Corsica. Honestly, it was pretty crappy, anyway. The duke sold it to some French guy.

Then that guy handed it over to the French crown, for whatever reason. Over the next several years, French soldiers were smuggled onto the island and stuffed into the citadels.

Finally, in 1768, Genoa and France signed a treaty, officially ceding the island to France.

And How Did it Change The World?

Out popped Napoleon Bonaparte a year later. Even though he was born to an Italian family, it was technically on French soil--and even then only tentatively, as Corsica was revolting again. Thus, he became a French citizen, which allowed him to join the French Army.


Fast forward a couple of decades. The French Revolution comes to Corsica, and the next thing anyone knows, some random Italian idiot from some backwater island nobody had ever heard of, is ruling France, and doing a hell of a job.

If the land deal had gotten delayed, or the treaty signed later, or any one of a thousand things had happened to delay the handover for a year, no Napoleon.

History is funny, no?

[Khorak]

and got closer to conquering the world than anyone else in modern history.

Which was a concern for us in Britain, because we'd already conquered it and didn't appreciate him trying to conquer it from us.

[Liberator]

and got closer to conquering the world than anyone else in modern history.

Well, do not forget about this crazy austrian in the 30s and 40s
anyway, none of both was really close to conquering the world

[Beskar]

Also Britain conquered majority of the world than anyone else.

Now-a-days, some would argue that the American Empire owns pretty much the world. They have troops stationed in 150 different countries.

[Phog_of_War]

Well, do not forget about this crazy austrian in the 30s and 40s
anyway, none of both was really close to conquering the world

The Sandwich that Started a World War


You probably know from history class that World War I started with the assassination of an Austrian Archduke named Franz Ferdinand, kicking off a domino effect of events that left millions dead. You may not know, however, that what knocked over that first domino was a sandwich.

There was this guy named Gavrilo Princip. He was a Bosnian student and guerrilla, part of a group called the Black Hand. Sounds like the evil organization of mages that secretly controls the world, right? Unfortunately, it was something a lot less awesome: a Slavic independence group.

And for some weird reason, they really hated Franz Ferdinand.


To be fair, he had that kind of face.

The World-shattering Coincidence
Let's make sure to clear this up: Gavrilo Princip very much wanted to assassinate Uncle Franz. It was how it happened that was so random.

In mid-1914, Ferdinand, his wife and the obligatory group of less important political figures and other random hangers-on that always accompanies a soon-to-be-assassinated fool, were cruising through the streets of Sarajevo in a (stupidly) open-top car.

The Black Hand had crafted an intricate assassination plot, which basically consisted of, "just kill this dumbass somehow." Unfortunately, as is always true with intricate assassination plots, something went wrong.



When Franz's motorcade passed by the assassins, one of the group, a guy named Nedeljko Cabrinovic, lobbed a grenade at the motorcade. The problem was he was using a crappy 1914 grenade, so it took 10 seconds to detonate, and by then Uncle Franz was out of range. The unlucky fools in the car behind them bit it instead, and the assassins dispersed in the chaos.

Cabrinovic took a cyanide pill that failed to kill him and jumped into a three foot river to "drown" himself. He was later captured. Franz and his party, it seemed, were safe.

But Franz was not yet done putting his life in insane danger. Against the advice of pretty much everyone, he insisted on going to the hospital to visit the people who were injured by the grenade. The driver, unfortunately, had no idea where the hell he was going. They ended up crisscrossing hilariously through the streets of Sarajevo, until they just randomly happened to pass a cafe where, you guessed it, Gavrilo Princip was enjoying a post-failed-assassination sandwich.

After the obligatory pause of dumbfounded luck, Princip grabbed his pistol and turned the tide of history.

And How Did it Change The World?
First, WWI broke out ...... Then there was the post-war economic failure...... Which was part of the reason Germany actually elected Adolph Hitler(that crazy Austrian?)......Who caused WW 2...... Which ended with nukes...... which resulted in the Cold War...... Which led to Korea/Vietnam...... And finally gave us Hippies:



That's right. Most of the horror and death of the 20th Century may not have happened had Gavrilo Princip not gotten the munchies for a sandwich.

[johnhughthom]

I was under the impression WWI started because Archie Duke shot an ostrich.

[Phog_of_War]

I will have to go back to some textbooks from college and check on that one.


EDIT: Umm..no mention of an ostrich. But wars have been started for more redicilous reasons. Just ask the British.

See: The War of the Golden Stool (really?)
The Flagstaff War (Have a better reason to fight)
The Pig War (again, really?)
The War of Jenkins's Ear (Talk about holding a grudge)

[Forward Observer]

It's aways funny to me when Hollywood portrays Napoleon in historical parodies or comedic movies speaking English with a French accent. Of course he was bilingual and spoke both French and Italian, but most likely since his frist language was probably the latter, that would have probably been his accent.

I read that Napoleon also really did learn English, although I don't know how conversant he was.

[SpiritFox]

I want a sammich

[Beskar]

I was under the impression WWI started because Archie Duke shot an ostrich.

Black Adder Goes Forth.

[Megas Methuselah]

Napoleon was a brilliant general, so it's easy to assume that no matter what else happened, he would have taken power in France, and got closer to conquering the world than anyone else in modern history.

Well...

The Ridiculous Coincidence

The thing was, Napoleon wasn't born in France, but on the French island of Corsica, in 1769. And as recently as the year before that, Corsica wasn't French.



Before the day the Corsican landscape presumably tore apart to deliver baby Napoleon from the earth in a storm of fire, the island was ruled by Genoa. More specifically, it was ruled by whichever filthy rich bearded Genoese banker bribed the duke enough to be granted governorship. Unfortunately, the island was constantly rebelling or being conquered by random Turks.



Finally, after five centuries of struggling, Genoa said " it" and gave up on Corsica. Honestly, it was pretty crappy, anyway. The duke sold it to some French guy.

Then that guy handed it over to the French crown, for whatever reason. Over the next several years, French soldiers were smuggled onto the island and stuffed into the citadels.

Finally, in 1768, Genoa and France signed a treaty, officially ceding the island to France.

And How Did it Change The World?

Out popped Napoleon Bonaparte a year later. Even though he was born to an Italian family, it was technically on French soil--and even then only tentatively, as Corsica was revolting again. Thus, he became a French citizen, which allowed him to join the French Army.


Fast forward a couple of decades. The French Revolution comes to Corsica, and the next thing anyone knows, some random Italian idiot from some backwater island nobody had ever heard of, is ruling France, and doing a hell of a job.

If the land deal had gotten delayed, or the treaty signed later, or any one of a thousand things had happened to delay the handover for a year, no Napoleon.

History is funny, no?

Those are only a few examples of how Napoleon was somehow always in the right place at the right time with the determination to take advantage of the situation. He was one of the luckiest opportunists in the history of the world.

Keep these up, btw. They're very funny and make my head tingle.

[SpiritFox]

http://www.cracked.com/article_17298...ern-world.html

This is the actual link to the article - 6 Random Coincidences That Created The Modern World. Someone tell me if this is against the rules or something...

Anyway, I had my sammich.

Edit: I also thought I'd add the warning that if you've never read Cracked.com before, I would highly advise ensuring you have nothing urgent to attend to for the next couple of hours before attempting to read it.

[a completely inoffensive name]

I was just about to wonder out loud why no one had sourced or linked to cracked.com.

[SpiritFox]

I blame the sammich

[Beskar]

I bet you never knew about this. France was begging to form a union with Britain and accept the Queen as their monarch.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6261885.stm

[Megas Methuselah]

I blame the sammich.

[hoom]

Continuation of this thread of reasoning results in the inescapable conclusion that the War on Terror should be more correctly aimed at the elimination of Sandwiches & Corsica!

[Darth Venom]

Continuation of this thread of reasoning results in the inescapable conclusion that the War on Terror should be more correctly aimed at the elimination of Sandwiches & Corsica!

Nah, as johnhughthom said, there are usually Ostriches involved.

[SpiritFox]

Corsican ostrich sammich!

[Megas Methuselah]

Nah, as johnhughthom said, there are usually Ostriches involved.

*digs around for the old hunting rifle*

[Darth Venom]

*digs around for the old hunting rifle*

Why would you want to shoot Baldrick?

[Phog_of_War]

Yes I am sorry. I should have linked the article, I just didnt think about it. I did have to redact some of the choice words but still. Hindsight being 20/20 i did more work than I had to. I just wanted to say that I did not intend for this to be viewed as an original work.

Since we are on the subject. Source material for my second post:

http://www.cracked.com/article_17123...er-fought.html

[snorky]

It is kind of ignorant to say WWI was caused by the assassination. All those nations already had their arms at the ready and were looking for the slightest reason to smash each others skulls, if that assassination hadn't happend there would still have been a WWI and most likely in quite the same way, simply because they all wanted a war. If they wouldn't have gotten an excuse they would have made one. The actual documented reason for WWI is an irrelevant history fact.

[Graphic]

It's aways funny to me when Hollywood portrays Napoleon in historical parodies or comedic movies speaking English with a French accent. Of course he was bilingual and spoke both French and Italian, but most likely since his frist language was probably the latter, that would have probably been his accent.

I read that Napoleon also really did learn English, although I don't know how conversant he was.

I'm probably in the minority on this, but whenever Napoleon (or any character speaking a non-English language) is in a movie with English dialogue, they should have no accent whatsoever. Either that or actually speak French (or whatever language the character uses). I never understood the mocking of movies like Valkyrie for not using German accents (though from what I hear that movie deserves to be mocked for other reasons, like making the conspirators out to be noble peaceniks). A German guy put it perfectly, he basically said (I'm paraphrasing): "I've never seen a German movie set in America where the actors use fake American accents in German. If it's in English, let it be English." It's pretty ridiculous when you think about it, honestly. I don't need to hear the actors pronounce W's like V's to remind me that they're supposed to be Germans. It's in English, speak English normally then. Best example I can think of right now is The Pianist.



[/unrelated rant]

[Khorak]

I(though from what I hear that movie deserves to be mocked for other reasons, like making the conspirators out to be noble peaceniks)

Unfairly so. As far as historical revisionism goes it's not exactly an insulting change like "screw history, Americans save the day", and beyond that it is exceptionally well acted, well written, and somehow tense despite already knowing how it all turns out.

I hate Tom Cruise and I still couldn't bring myself to dislike the film.

[Relic]

Which was a concern for us in Britain, because we'd already conquered it and didn't appreciate him trying to conquer it from us.

One day the Empire in which "The Sun Never Sets" shall rise again my friend!

[Negative]

A German guy put it perfectly, he basically said (I'm paraphrasing): "I've never seen a German movie set in America where the actors use fake American accents in German.
[/unrelated rant]

Wait! Americans don't have accents. It's everyone else who has an accent.

[Beskar]

Wait! Americans don't have accents. It's everyone else who has an accent.

There is the siren-monotone American accent, then there is the typical Wild West one, and a whole bunch of others.

[Servius]

I can visualize the Wild West one. It's kinda like what Bush sounds like. There's a southern one (like southeast US). There's a northern (Northeast/New England) one. There's a Great Lakes one that Sarah Palin sounds like (even though she's from Alaska). I think Louisianna has one all it's own. Those are just some regional ones. Then there are cultural ones, like surfer-speak and gangsta-speak.

Who uses a siren-monotone accent. I can't imagine what that one sounds like.

[anweRU]

Don't forget the Bronx - New Yohkah accent that is usually confused for a northern-New Jersey accent - those people who can't say their r's.