The Thirty Years War [Concluded]

[A Very Super Market]

Black Sea is overrated. Now, inland Saharan sand dunes, those are where it's at. Plus, it's only cold at night!

Edit: Oh, and thank you for the roses, for the Czechs do love our frilly boutiques. More so than the French actually.

But since we're so German, we like Eidelweiss more.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Isn't that like saying "I have to make do with the BFG 9000, oh well..."

Are you suggesting you have a BFG?

Can I touch it?

[Double A]

I love having territories not on the map. I can take a vacation anytime I want, and in any climate except Freeze Your Ass Off in Antarctica.

Are you suggesting you have a BFG?

Can I touch it?

Yes, but be gentile. It startles easily.

[Splitpersonality]

Mine's B-ier

:(

[Askthepizzaguy]

Yes, but be gentle. It startles easily.

Does it have a tendency to fire too quickly?

[Double A]

Only around women.

[Splitpersonality]

Guys we're all getting a little off

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topic here, come on :(

[Double A]

Of course, lets get back to bashing France.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Only around women.

Send some of your huge army to France then. I hear that even the men are ladies there.

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(This is all IC game-related in-good-fun taunting, no offense Subotan)

[seireikhaan]

Gents, can we please keep the spam count down a wee tad, please?

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For the mod's sakes, pretty please.

[Csargo]

Gents, can we please keep the spam count down a wee tad, please?

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For the mod's sakes, pretty please.

What in the ? I don't see Mongolia anywhere on the map.

[GeneralHankerchief]

Okay guys, I just came back from an essentially .Orgless day to find 4+ pages of unread material waiting for me. Most of it was unnecessary or outright spam. I don't mind it so much if all of it's worthwhile and on-topic, but for the love of God, never make me have to do this again.

Thank you.

Signed, my (under-siege) sanity

[Ibn-Khaldun]

I agree with GH.

I just don't want this to be locked before things get really exciting(which they will by looking current orders).

[Csargo]

I agree with GH.

I just don't want this to be locked before things get really exciting(which they will by looking current orders).

When will the next chapter be up?

[Ibn-Khaldun]

When will the next chapter be up?

It would take about day to go through orders.
However, if I can do it faster then perhaps this evening.

EDIT: FYI, Players still have 1 hour and 30 minutes if they want to change something in their orders or if they want to make some public statements I could use in the writeup.

[Subotan]

I would like to publicly request assistance from all civilized nations in dividing France's territory into several parts and giving them to the glorious victors.

France is no longer an empire, but the walking dead.

I take that as a sign of weakness.

They have an army on my border and declared war on me. This war is defensive in nature on my part. All I'm interested in is sweet, sweet justice. And knocking off a king who obviously thinks too highly of himself, and too lowly of others.

For the record, I do not seek to conquer Switzerland outright. That is barbaric. I only seek to restore the lands that I have claims for back to me, i.e. Framche-Comte and "Swiss Italy".

I've even changed my mind. I will make no territorial claims to France's land whatsoever. If I am on the victorious side, all of France's land will go to my friends and allies, even if you didn't send any aid or soldiers to assist.

It's chow time, laddies!

So you claim that this is a defensive war, yet you wish to utterly annihilate France (Somehow) over a slice of Burgundy?

Well it would seem obvious, they have an army on my border still from last turn. They never intended peace.
.

Ridiculous. I didn't move last turn because I didn't have access to a computer. Expanding your lands in my direction, so it is right next to my main army and then claiming that I want to attack you because my army is next to your border is a preposterous notion. Rather, it appears that you attempted to manipulate the King of France.

There's no making peace with bullies. When Savoy left, their claims on Italy left with them. And they never even publicly claimed Italy.

I've stated my goals in this war, and they are legit. Certainly much more legit than yours. Oh, and since when was warning a nation not to do something, and then enforcing punishment defined as "bullying"?

Oh I predict France will crush me this turn. But the current state of affairs is such that most nations presently have cause to see France die.

Well, if you count "most nations" as meaning "Spain", then you're correct. However, it is obvious that France is the one thing preventing Hapsburg domination of Europe.

[Centurion1]

saxony wishes all nations to know it hates you all for making him read 3 plus pages of of of well saxony is not quite sure what it was but it made us angry.....



oh and we would be willing to mediate this french swiss conflict.

[Subotan]

oh and we would be willing to mediate this french swiss conflict.[/I]

I am as well. I only want what is lawfully mine restored to me, specifically;
That is all I ask.

[Cultured Drizzt fan]

England would be very greatful if Switzerland and France could settle their issues peacefully. King James has had a small amount of experience mediating between two nations, and would be happy to open channels of communication about this horrible misunderstanding.

We must be an example to the world, and to do that we must all remain willing to compromise.

[Askthepizzaguy]

No.

You have no right to tell me where I cannot expand. Especially when you do it in such a repugnant manner, while threatening my nation. We are not to be dictated to.

Especially when I had already said you could have the Spanish land I acquired. Then you demand it under threat of war? Ridiculous.

All it looks like now is backpedaling.

I take that as a sign of weakness.

Diplomacy isn't a weakness, it's an art form which not only makes peace, but can be even more devastating than warfare if used correctly.

For the record, I do not seek to conquer Switzerland outright. That is barbaric. I only seek to restore the lands that I have claims for back to me, i.e. Framche-Comte and "Swiss Italy".

Sure, you only want to invade us and take our land a little bit.

That's supposed to be acceptable?

So you claim that this is a defensive war, yet you wish to utterly annihilate France (Somehow) over a slice of Burgundy?

When a large nation next door demands that I not expand at all (except into friendly Austrian and German territory ) and declares war on me before I even get a chance to give them a gift of land, it is time to say no more.

You claim this is a just war, but you are the aggressor. And you have no right to tell me I cannot have unclaimed land that is closer to me than it is to you. Just a turn ago it was impossible for you to reach, because there was a country in the way.

Ridiculous. I didn't move last turn because I didn't have access to a computer. Expanding your lands in my direction, so it is right next to my main army and then claiming that I want to attack you because my army is next to your border is a preposterous notion. Rather, it appears that you attempted to manipulate the King of France.

I attempted to offer France a gift, and have more than a few hexes to my name. It is not up to France to tell me what my borders will be.

I've stated my goals in this war, and they are legit. Certainly much more legit than yours. Oh, and since when was warning a nation not to do something, and then enforcing punishment defined as "bullying"?

Since when is making unreasonable demands and declaring war at the drop of a hat considered "bullying"?

Since the beginning of time.

Well, if you count "most nations" as meaning "Spain", then you're correct.

However, it is obvious that France is the one thing preventing Hapsburg domination of Europe.

They could have been, if they had been a bit more cunning, tactful, and patient.

France wants a peaceful resolution to the war they just declared for no good reason? They'll get one when Switzerland gets a full and public apology, and when the King of France crosses over into Switzerland alone, drops his pantaloons, and sits on his own sword.



We're not interested in peace with France until they learn some manners.

[Double A]

I trust that Austria is holding its territories so I don't have to look after them as well.

If anyone is confused by this and the one that GH may have deleted but I'm too lazy to find even if he didn't, this is a public declaration of war.

That's right, Austria vs Ottoman Empire on turn 2.

[Centurion1]

Saxony condemns the ottoman scum for striking the Austrians in their time of weakness and demands that they withdraw their claim for war.

We fully support our christian brothers in this fight against the Muslim heretic and call European nations to war on the infidel. We ask all nations to set aside their quarrels in the face of this blatant disregard for our sacred right as God's people to Europe. WE CALL FOR HOLY WAR


Bohemia and Austria make peace now, we have greater problems to worry about now.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Switzerland also requests that the Ottomans show kindness and friendship to Austria.

[Double A]

Seriously, everyone knew it would happen. It was an eventuality staring everyone in the face like a Megazord and Godzilla living next to each other.

I wasn't the only one thinking about it. Plenty of other countries have PM'd me asking if I would support them in a war with Austria. I only struck first. And the funny thing is, France, the "supreme supporters of God's law," were in on it too, even though both nations are Catholic.

Saxony condemns the ottoman scum for striking the Austrians in their time of weakness and demands that they withdraw their claim for war.

Time of weakness? Is it my fault they can't keep their foreign holdings under control?

We fully support our christian brothers in this fight against the Muslim heretic and call European nations to war on the infidel. We ask all nations to set aside their quarrels in the face of this blatant disregard for our sacred right as God's people to Europe.

Glad to know I can expand in the Baltic too.

WE CALL FOR HOLY WAR

Ok, a Jihad is called on Vienna.

Bohemia and Austria make peace now, we have greater problems to worry about now.

Ok ok ok, Bohemia and Austria? Making peace? "Hey we are going to rebel against you and take all your lands, but we don't feel like it right now. Wanna make peace?" "KAY!"

And I close with the following statement:

Saxony is a Chihuahua that thinks it owns the world.

[Centurion1]

And you as an Moslem heretic will burn in hell while i inherit gods kingdom.

The Saxon people will warn you once more. If yo do not heed our warning we will conquer your land, burn your holy places and steal your women. We fear not the Heathen Ottomans for we are the sword of the lord and his light is our shield.

The Saxon people have carved out an empire on one of the toughest most fought over locales on God's earth. What have YOU done. You have destroyed weak and ineffectual empires and yet you insist that you are God's Chosen. BAH we spit on you and eat our pork with relish.

We are chihuahua's with fangs.


END ROLEPLAY/

[Double A]

and we spit on you from our Harems and our many wives agree with us. If you or any other religion ever occupy our Holy Lands we promise you we shall make it a living hell until you leave or convert to the One True Faith.

We do not destroy weaker nations, we welcome them into ours! The added protection just from being associated with us deters many invaders, and it is an added security many are wise to accept. Much like what Austria has done with you, you big hypocrite!

[A Very Super Market]

Yes, but you're muslim. You have cooties /ooc

[Double A]

Cooties? What are cooties?

I assume they mean Janissaries, Sipahis, and Horse Archers.

[Splitpersonality]

Oh yes, your Janissaries, we'll see how they end up in a few hundred years

[Subotan]

No.

You have no right to tell me where I cannot expand. Especially when you do it in such a repugnant manner, while threatening my nation. We are not to be dictated to.

Your inconsequential defiance will do nothing to prevent your inevitable defeat.

Especially when I had already said you could have the Spanish land I acquired. Then you demand it under threat of war? Ridiculous.

All it looks like now is backpedaling.
.

First, you are forgetting that Spain gave you that land probably in order to aggravate me, since that was No 1. target for me to acquire. By giving that to you, he wanted to divide us.

Looks like he was successful.

Diplomacy isn't a weakness, it's an art form which not only makes peace, but can be even more devastating than warfare if used correctly.

.

I understand that. It's just your message looked like a cry for help more than anything else.

Sure, you only want to invade us and take our land a little bit.

That's supposed to be acceptable?
.

First of all, that was never your land originally. Second, it's a lot more acceptable than trying to use the dismemberment of France as a bribe to get others to intervene on your behalf.

When a large nation next door demands that I not expand at all (except into friendly Austrian and German territory ) and declares war on me before I even get a chance to give them a gift of land, it is time to say no more.

You claim this is a just war, but you are the aggressor. And you have no right to tell me I cannot have unclaimed land that is closer to me than it is to you. Just a turn ago it was impossible for you to reach, because there was a country in the way.

Like I stated, I had promised that land to the Duke of Savoy. Since I am now the Duke of Savoy, I have no choice but to take it. I warned you, you ignored it and now you will face the consequences.

Since when is making unreasonable demands and declaring war at the drop of a hat considered "bullying"?

Since the beginning of time.

.

How is "Don't attack these cities" an unreasonable demand?

France wants a peaceful resolution to the war they just declared for no good reason? They'll get one when Switzerland gets a full and public apology, and when the King of France crosses over into Switzerland alone, drops his pantaloons, and sits on his own sword.



We're not interested in peace with France until they learn some manners.

Apology? Ha! I'll make sure to inscribe "SORRY" onto every cannonball that hits your puny walls.

We must be an example to the world, and to do that we must all remain willing to compromise.

I am willing to compromise. I could easily blow holes in Switzerland like one of it's famous cheeses. Instead, I am merely liberating territory that they never had in the first place.