I am terribly unhealthy. I will die soon.

I am winded by climbing a flight of stairs.
My teeth are full of holes and cracks and I can barely muster the strength to bite through nail keratin.
I have moderate acid reflux.
I may have irritable bowel syndrome and hemmorhoids.
I have moderate lactose intolerance.
I have tree pollen allergies.
I suffer from sporadic episodes of back pain.
I get occasional pains in my shoulders and around my heart.
I'm always tired and mildly depressed; I get sleepy after 12 hours of wakefulness; my metabolic rate has dropped like a stone and I have gained 5 kg since the beginning of the year.
I have poor reflexes and depth perception.
I have a poor memory.
I am insane.