News of the Weird

[Gregoshi]

Ah Lemur. Still suffering from Lemur's Disease, eh?

Sadly, LD is no laughing matter. It is a terrible thing to watch friends and loved ones slip into an endless pattern of obliviously repeating the posts of others. But now you can help. Join me this weekend, June 7th & 8th, for the first annual LD Pun-for-the-Cure. Every pun you make this weekend in the News of the Weird thread won't raise a dime, but will serve to remind us of those who think reminders are a refreshing, new idea. So whether your pun is the lamest of the lame or so clever that no one gets it, pun away this weekend with reckless abandon...and just remember to smile when they are reposted again a few days later. Thank you for your time, and God bless.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Sadly, LD is no laughing matter. It is a terrible thing to watch friends and loved ones slip into an endless pattern of obliviously repeating the posts of others. But now you can help. Join me this weekend, June 7th & 8th, for the first annual LD Pun-for-the-Cure. Every pun you make this weekend in the News of the Weird thread won't raise a dime, but will serve to remind us of those who think reminders are a refreshing, new idea. So whether your pun is the lamest of the lame or so clever that no one gets it, pun away this weekend with reckless abandon...and just remember to smile when they are reposted again a few days later. Thank you for your time, and God bless.

I am very supportive of this initiative and offer that positive energy to the Lemur. One could say that I am very pro-simian.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Just practising for tomorrow.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Sadly, LD is no laughing matter. It is a terrible thing to watch friends and loved ones slip into an endless pattern of obliviously repeating the posts of others. But now you can help. Join me this weekend, June 7th & 8th, for the first annual LD Pun-for-the-Cure. Every pun you make this weekend in the News of the Weird thread won't raise a dime, but will serve to remind us of those who think reminders are a refreshing, new idea. So whether your pun is the lamest of the lame or so clever that no one gets it, pun away this weekend with reckless abandon...and just remember to smile when they are reposted again a few days later. Thank you for your time, and God bless.

You're just monkeying about instead of trying to find a real solution.

CR
(I work 4-10s)

[Lemur]

I never thought a cure was possible, or that the community would come together to fight Lemur's Disease. I am moved to tears of gratitude. What's more, I hear Gregoshi has gotten a whole pile of z-list celebrities to host the telethon. The winner of Big Brother 9? So cool!

I just want to thank you all for your selflessness. You like me. You really, really like me.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Sadly, LD is no laughing matter. It is a terrible thing to watch friends and loved ones slip into an endless pattern of obliviously repeating the posts of others. But now you can help. Join me this weekend, June 7th & 8th, for the first annual LD Pun-for-the-Cure. Every pun you make this weekend in the News of the Weird thread won't raise a dime, but will serve to remind us of those who think reminders are a refreshing, new idea. So whether your pun is the lamest of the lame or so clever that no one gets it, pun away this weekend with reckless abandon...and just remember to smile when they are reposted again a few days later. Thank you for your time, and God bless.

He double-posted a story yet again!?

Puns are not going to save him. All we can do is headbutt Le mur in frustration.


never mind...

[Banquo's Ghost]

Puns are not going to save him. All we can do is headbutt Le mur in frustration.

[Lemur]

Maybe this just sounds weird because of a cultural gap, but here it is anyway: Business school names monkey god as chairman.

Hanuman, the popular god known for his strength and valor, has been named official chairman of the recently opened Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management in northern India, a school official said Saturday.

The position comes with an incense-filled office, a desk and a laptop computer. Four chairs will be placed facing the empty seat reserved for the chairman and all visitors must enter the office barefoot, said Vivek Kangdi, the school's vice chairman.

"It is our belief that any job that has the blessings of Lord Hanuman is bound to be a success," said Kangdi.

All Hindus know that Hanuman can lift mountains and leap oceans, but ancient texts make no mention of his business acumen.

"When we were looking for a chairman for our institution, we scanned many big names in the field of technology and management. Ultimately, we settled for Lord Hanuman, as none was bigger than him," Kangdi said.

[Gregoshi]

Next headline: Hanuman, Business School's Top Banana, Eats Self.

[Craterus]

He double-posted a story yet again!?

Puns are not going to save him. All we can do is headbutt Le mur in frustration.

You barbaryan!

Let's just make it our mission (obscure, but nvm ) to make as many puns as possible.

[English assassin]

Apparently some form of sporting tournament is taking place this summer in Europe. Coverage seems to be fairly muted on the Island, however, I think I have tracked it down: http://www.bsxrace.ch/de/home.html

I don't read German but as they say, pictures are worth a thousand words. Even long, German words.

I especially salute Bernd Weissenberger and Renato Casati for their victory in the absolutely superb sounding Kamikaze Klasse.

[Fragony]

Man forgets parachute. splut. Darwin award = your's.

[Lemur]

This one's a little bit grim for the NotW, but I don't know that it deserves a thread of its own, so:

Judge tells woman in rape case that while testifying, she may not use the words "rape," "rapist," "sexual assault" or "assailant." She's also not to refer to herself as the "victim" in any way. No, seriously.

Those who defend the accused say the determination of whether what happened was rape or consensual sex is up to juries, not witnesses.

“They shouldn’t be able to use the word ‘rape’ as if it is a fact that has been established,” said Jack King, director of public affairs and communications for the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. “These are loaded words.”

Well, geez, so are "robbery," "murder," "larceny," and "pedophilia." Does that mean we shouldn't use those words in courtrooms?

Even by American legal standards, an astonishing load of horse-hockey.

[Lemur]

Finally, after decades of uncertainty, we have a ruling: Giraffe meat is kosher.

According to a report in the Yedioth Ahronoth newspaper, vets were asked to treat an adult, female giraffe at Israel's largest zoo, the Safari Park in Ramat Gan.

The team, led by Professor Zohar Amar, took a routine sample of milk and found that it clotted in the way required by Jewish law for kosher certification.

They submitted more milk for verification by the rabbinical authorities and the paper reported that a ruling was made that giraffe meat and milk are acceptable for observant Jews. [...]

The giraffe belongs to the family of grazing animals that have cloven hooves and chew the cud, thereby making them consistent with kosher rules, but the milk test was the final confirmation.

"Indeed, the giraffe is kosher for eating," Rabbi Shlomo Mahfoud, who accompanied the researchers in their work, said.

"The giraffe has all the signs of a ritually pure animal, and the milk that forms curds strengthened that."

[TB666]

seriously.

No amount of puns can save that story from being sickening.

[InsaneApache]

Finally, after decades of uncertainty, we have a ruling: Giraffe meat is kosher.

According to a report in the Yedioth Ahronoth newspaper, vets were asked to treat an adult, female giraffe at Israel's largest zoo, the Safari Park in Ramat Gan.

The team, led by Professor Zohar Amar, took a routine sample of milk and found that it clotted in the way required by Jewish law for kosher certification.

They submitted more milk for verification by the rabbinical authorities and the paper reported that a ruling was made that giraffe meat and milk are acceptable for observant Jews. [...]

The giraffe belongs to the family of grazing animals that have cloven hooves and chew the cud, thereby making them consistent with kosher rules, but the milk test was the final confirmation.

"Indeed, the giraffe is kosher for eating," Rabbi Shlomo Mahfoud, who accompanied the researchers in their work, said.

"The giraffe has all the signs of a ritually pure animal, and the milk that forms curds strengthened that."

That Rabbi's got some neck saying that. Or mebbe he said it 'cos he cud.

[English assassin]

Finally, after decades of uncertainty, we have a ruling: Giraffe meat is kosher.

Who says religion isn't relevant to modern life.

Meanwhile, latest news from the world of music/board game crossovers is the launch of wu-tang-chess. (Researching this story I found a review of a Wu Tang album on chessbase, which is like finding Gardeners World pumped about the latest Municipal Waste album)

Anyway, here's the story:http://music.guardian.co.uk/news/sto...283669,00.html

They do know the Kalashnikov Variation doesn't involve a real gun, right?

[InsaneApache]

Oi! You aint paid your bill!

How times change, this bit made me smile. 3 shillings =15p. I used to get two bob a week pocket money.

[drone]

When God turns the lights out and it's freezing cold outside, I guess there's only one thing to do...

Antarctica base gets 16,500 condoms before darkness

WELLINGTON - One of the last shipments to a U.S. research base in Antarctica before the onset of winter darkness was a year's supply of condoms, a New Zealand newspaper reported Monday.

Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them.

[Fragony]

Dunno why I just do.

http://photography.nationalgeographi...-127438-sw.jpg

That is the same girl. These eyes, she's gone.

[CountArach]

When God turns the lights out and it's freezing cold outside, I guess there's only one thing to do...

Antarctica base gets 16,500 condoms before darkness

What a screw-up.

[FactionHeir]

Wonder what kind of research those are for.

[Lemur]

It's perfectly logical that the staff in Antarctica would have the latest and greatest protective gear.

File this one under judge not, lest ye be judged:

Chief Judge in Obscenity Case Caught Posting Porn

A top federal judge who is presiding over an obscenity trial in Los Angeles has been caught posting explicit photos and videos to his web site. The judge told the Los Angeles Times that he didn't think the site was publicly accessible.

Alex Kozinski (at right), a conservative appointee of former president Ronald Reagan who is chief of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, posted a photo of naked women standing on all fours and painted to look like cows, as well as a video of a half-naked man with a farm animal. A step-by-step pictorial depicted a woman shaving her pubic hair and other images showed masturbation and what the Times called "contortionist sex." [...]

The judge told the Times that he accidentally loaded the images to his server and would not have intentionally posted them. He said he thought some of the photos were "funny" but acknowledged that the photo of the women painted as cows was "degrading" and "gross." He said, however, that he didn't think the images were obscene.

[Lemur]

Another legal one: Judge rules that police may ban people who have high IQs.

A Federal judge has dismissed a lawsuit by a man who was barred from the New London police force because he scored too high on an intelligence test.

In a ruling made public on Tuesday, Judge Peter C. Dorsey of the United States District Court in New Haven agreed that the plaintiff, Robert Jordan, was denied an opportunity to interview for a police job because of his high test scores. But he said that that did not mean Mr. Jordan was a victim of discrimination.

Judge Dorsey ruled that Mr. Jordan was not denied equal protection because the city of New London applied the same standard to everyone: anyone who scored too high was rejected.

Only average policemen, please. We have standards to maintain.

[Crazed Rabbit]

New London is the city where the gov't seized private residences to sell to a big retail company to make a shopping mall type complex, IIRC. So obviously they can't have the police thinking too hard about frivolities like the constitution.

Anyways, Lemur's judge on "The Dating Game" decades ago: http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=112153

CR

[Gregoshi]

Only average policemen, please. We have standards to maintain.

Applicants with arrested development will make ideal cops, eh?

[Lemur]

The article is not very silly, but the headline is pure gold:

Synthetic dingo urine could save marsupials

[Vladimir]

Human rinds.

[Viking]

When God turns the lights out and it's freezing cold outside, I guess there's only one thing to do...

Antarctica base gets 16,500 condoms before darkness

As if the snow and the cold isn't screwing them hard enough.

Human rinds.

The EISCAT European space station on the Norwegian island of Svalbard sent the message using its array of radars.

Oh screw, Svalbard will be out of stock pretty soon. No doubts as of where they'll go next.

I didn't agree to this; where's democracy?

[Lemur]

So we're pulsing Doritos advertisements to a nearby galaxy. There's something so wrong and so right about that ...

Meanwhile, let's contribute to the what's gone so horribly wrong in Britain topic with Copyright Holders Gone Wild:

The Performing Rights Society (PRS), which collects royalties for musicians in the UK, has accused Lancashire police of committing copyright infringement by playing music in police stations and to callers on hold without an appropriate license. [...] The Lancashire police stations play music in the background, at office parties, and in staff gyms, even though they have not purchased licenses that enable them to do so legally. PRS says that it has attempted to collect licensing fees from police all over the country, but Lancashire is one of 11 that have refused to pay up, which is why PRS decided to take legal action.

[InsaneApache]

I wonder if they play this in the cop shop?