Funny quotes

[Gunzak]

I heard two real funny speeches today while preparing for a battle.

"I know you dont wan't to be here. I don't want to be here either but my mother said to at least make a good show of myself.". Very young general, 16 or 17, and his first battle. I had over 1000 troops and was sieging an Epirot town with only around 300 defenders.

"I am known as somthing of a philosopher. The reason we are here is to kill all of those bastards." This general has a large number of successful battles and took 3 Carthagian cities and won 4 battles with them and took 1 Gaulic city and won 3 battles with them. All together he conquered 12 settlements.

I don't remeber the exact text but when I was attacked at Segesteca by an Epirot stack and my general made a quote about him needing to stay behind his men and far out of the fray of battle. Not from cowardice but from "prudent strategy". I ended up losing the city and my general there died. Even though I was outnumbered 2 to 1 I still killed over half of his men.

I have heard some other funny speeches during play but I laughed my ass off when my general was talking about his mother and saying he didn't want to be there.

[jabarto]

I think that first one you mentioned has even more to it. I actually kept a savegame before a particular battle where the general said that, but it's long gone now and I can't remember.

My personal favorite is when they shout "BLOODY FOREIGNERS!!!" at the start of the battle.

[Gunzak]

Yeah there was more to the speach but I forgot it. It was something like you are here because you were ordered here and not because you want to be or something. The part that stands out is about his mother though.

[russia almighty]

Listen to some of the stuff generals with insanity traits say.


It usually involves stuff about moon people.

[Fondor_Yards]

"Hello. Today we are gathered here to do battle. Regretable, isn't it, but sometimes, you know, life is like that. You have to do something that you don't want to do, just because someone is telling you to do it. I didn't want to be here myself, but then my mother told me that I'd better make a reasonable show of it all, so here we go then... "

"My brave men! Victory shall be ours, by grace of my inspired leadership. But this means I cannot risk myself in the front line. I must remain safe, guarded by you, my loyal warriors! This is not cowardice, oh no. It is prudence, the handmaiden of victory! "

"Well ride me sideways and whip me with a winkle fork, lads! There's a lot of the bastards, aren't there? Those arseweasels are here to get away from their unfulfilled, shrill wives. Hardly surprising, as they all have tiny little manhoods! Smaller than a flea on a cockroach's bum! "

But if you want the real gems, in the prebattle_speeches_subtitles file, go down to the "{Roman_Reinf_01_1}" section.

"Er, where was I? Oh yes. Attack the men, my elephants! Go for those little pink sods! Err, was there something… pass the wine, there's a good chap!"

"But beware! Beware! The enemy will be merciless, because I ate all their bees! They have not tasted honey for many a moon, and this has made them mad for revenge! To arms, my pretties, to arms! "

"And remember, they may have the Moon People on their side, but we have lovely hats. Those hats will shield us from their fearsome gaze! "

"And remember this: the owls have promised me their help in this fight! How can we lose?"

That right people, the god dam owls are coming.

[tapanojum]

"That right people, the god dam owls are coming."

FUCKING NARNIA!!! YEAAAA!! We can't lose now!

[oudysseos]

Did EB add those in or where they there already? (The funny speeches?)

[jabarto]

Did EB add those in or where they there already? (The funny speeches?)

At least some of them were in vanilla, I know this previously mentioned bit was.

"Hello. Today we are gathered here to do battle. Regretable, isn't it, but sometimes, you know, life is like that. You have to do something that you don't want to do, just because someone is telling you to do it. I didn't want to be here myself, but then my mother told me that I'd better make a reasonable show of it all, so here we go then... "

[LorDBulA]

All of them are vanilla. If they were EB they would not be in English I guess.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Exactly. Now try imagine translating those to ancient Greek?

[Poulp']

But if you want the real gems, in the prebattle_speeches_subtitles file, go down to the "{Roman_Reinf_01_1}" section.

partly explains why all my insane FM end up being decent generals.

morceaux choisis:

If we are defeated, then the city nearby will suffer at the hands of a brutal army. But if we win, each one of you will be a hero! And the hero always gets the girl! There will be many appreciative ladies behind those city walls tonight, lads!

So be not backwards in your attacks! Carry the fight to the enemy! Give him not a moment's rest! Scream your defiance in his face! Stab him! Kick him! Bite him! Cut out his liver and... rrrRRR-AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!

And take heart men! For we have sharper pointy things than them. Oh yes, much sharper…

And any man who comes through this fight mostly unharmed will be my sister! It'll be free frocks and jollies for ever, you'll see!

Er, where was I? Oh yes. Attack the elephants, men! Go for those pink trunky beggars! There was... something else…

And remember this: the owls have promised me their help in this fight! How can we lose?

Now, you know I have a reputation for cunning in battle. I do not intend this to be a fair fight. I am going to fall upon them without warning! I will strike at their weakest points! This won't be a battle - it'll be a kick up the toga!

And on my command, unleash hell!

Are they the enemy? Now I know the Gods have a sense of fun!

Gods above! Is that all the enemy dare send against us? This is insulting!

Let's be done with this lot! Then to the wine and women!

Let's wake them up! It's time for them to die!

[Moros]

"Let's be done here! Kill them, and we can be drunk by sundown!"

"It's rude to kill someone before you're introduced. So: them're your foes!"

"The enemy? I've seen scarier mothers-in-law!"
This one was added especially for Bovi!

"Well, at least where they're standing won't need manure this year!"

"And I promise a double portion of hay to the bravest horse on the field! "

...

[||Lz3||]

if there's a way I could change the sound files regarding speaches? cause I don't really like the translated speaches in the spanish version <.<

[Majd il-Romani]

"And for any man of you who comes through this battle mostly unharmed, you shall be my sister, and there shall be free frocks and jollies for all time, you'll see!" (from dangerously mad roman general)

"I do not fight with a cool head today, I admit it. My eyes see only a red mist. I do not want them to run from battle, I want their heads on our pikes by evening!" (from a Roman general with "angry")

"This is a full quarter of the enemy's forces! Is that all! These old women and beardless youths! I think we will grow tired of killing this day!"

"How terrible it must be to face us; the sons of the wolf and the bear! Even now fear works in the bowels of our foes!" (From Barbaric General)

"The enemy war god must have a sense of humour, I mean look at them!"

I also lol'd at this M2TW quote
"I heard the enemy has brought their trumpets. Good. We will need some entertainment after we finish them!"

[Maion Maroneios]

I frequently get to hear the Greek one saying something about fighting before breakfast or something, found it kinda funny when I first heard it.

Maion

[Ibn-Khaldun]

I actually like those one-liners that the Romans say.
Although.. sometimes they can be.. well.. unexpected. I remember a battle in Vanilla where I (Julii) fought against the Egyptians. Since we both had full stacks with decent troops I expected long speech but actually.. he said something like this: Are they the enemy? Now I know the Gods have a sense of fun!
Have to say that I waited some time before starting the battle since I couldn't believe that it was just one-liner!

[TWFanatic]

Not related to RTW but definitely related to the title:

From Cicero:

When his friend Atticus sent him some marble statues for his villas, he sent a letter in thanks: "Why do you send me a statue of Mars? You know I am a pacifist!"

During Cicero’s praetorship in 66 BC, a man named Vatinius, who was notorious for his rude manners and the large swellings on his neck, came before Cicero’s tribunal and made a request, to which the latter responded he would consider the matter. Vatinius declared that he would have not even questioned the matter were he praetor, to which Cicero retorted, "But I, you see, have not the neck that you have."

When visiting the house of a man with three very ugly daughters, Cicero remarked, "Apollo never meant him to beget."

A rumor was circulating that the young, mischievous Patrician Claudius (later Clodius) Pulcher had slept with his two sisters. While giving a speech atop the Rostra, Cicero overheard someone gossiping about it, causing him to quip: "Incest is a game the whole family can play."

At one trial, a young man accused of giving his father a poisoned cake declared that he wanted to give Cicero a piece of his mind. Cicero spun towards him and replied: "Better that than a piece of your cake."

Most of these are from either Plutarch or various letters of Cicero's.

[satalexton]

then wt's the team gonna do about the m2tw prebattle speeches? =/

it'll be hilarious to have the romani general calling the celts frenchies....

[Maion Maroneios]

From the sounds of it, Cicero had deffinately a good sense of humour!

Maion

[Jaywalker-Jack]

Hahaha, Ive never heard any of these, not much of a Romani fan. I'll have to start a campaign.

[Fondor_Yards]

In EB you get these if your the Seleucids, Baktrians, and Armenians only iirc, since they are the old 3 roman factions.

[Hax]

That doesn't make that much sense. I'm pretty sure the Seleucids and Baktrians have the greek speech and the Hay the eastern.

[Maion Maroneios]

Yeah, it has to do with culture. You see, here is Roman, Eastern/Western Greek and such.

Maion

[Foot]

pre-0.8 AS, Baktria and Hayasdan were part of the Roman culture. They used to speak Roman. That changed in 0.8 onwards.

Foot

[SwebozGaztiz]

I imagine those are the roman speeches, i havent played with them so thats i have never heard any of those speeches before!hahaha they sound really funny but i really like the barbarian pre battle speeches some are really nice...

[Celtic_Punk]

Why doesn't the EB team do their own speeches?

I'm sure you guys could come up with some pretty wicked speeches, funny ones, and otherwise.

unless the bastards hardcoded them in.

[satalexton]

they are..the i think they're doing the greek ones first tho.

[Bovarius]

not one from RTW or EB but funny never the less:
"May god have mercy on my enemies,

because i won't!"

[Moros]

Why doesn't the EB team do their own speeches?

I'm sure you guys could come up with some pretty wicked speeches, funny ones, and otherwise.

unless the bastards hardcoded them in.

Work has been made for the greek language. And there's also made a start at latin. But it's hard and slow. Writing a speach isn't easy, writing a lot of them which have to be compatible with each other isn't either, and especially if it's in an ancient language. Writing a normal speach in your firstlanguage can be a pain already, so cut the guys some slack!

[Celtic_Punk]

i wasnt sure if they were or not? i was just asking not putting pressure. I'd be more than happy to offer my services as a voice for any of the Casse ones