The Official Tanuki Tournament Thread

[Kagemusha]

Thirdly, I do not have a pet poodle

No you dont.Not anymore! And yes there were rivers!Rivers of Beer and Vodka!Refreshng my armies, tired of running around chopping off limbs and heads of your routing rabble!

[GeneralHankerchief]

I'd double-check those rivers if I were you. I know I spiked one of them with Heineken.

[TinCow]

Okay, so I can't talk smack either.

There, there. All men except me have inadequacies; it's okay to admit them. This is a common problem amongst men your age. Sometimes it is medically related, and sometimes psychological. Either way, it can be treated. You are not alone. In fact, I am almost certain that several other Tanuki Tournaments competitors suffer from many inadequacies of their own. For example, I have it on good authority that Monk has a third ear that is located on his butt, while 'khaan thinks people are intimidated by poetry. But we must not hold these things against them. They cannot help being the horrible, disgusting creatures that they are. We must instead accept them for what they are and help them overcome their baser natures by beating them repeatedly and viciously. And by viciously, I mean serious, mentally scarring defeats. Defeats that will be so devastating to their souls that it instantly changes their entire lives, and forces them to abandon all that they had previously held to be good and holy. After they have been broken down to the mental equivalent of amniotic goo, they can then slowly attempt to rebuild themselves. It will take them decades to recover, and they will never be fully human, but with sufficient effort and determination they might eventually be able to straighten their stooped backs, peer out through their single cataract-ridden eye, and see the beauty of the sun that shines on their betters. On that day, I will shed a single tear of joy for what they have gained.

[drone]

LOL! Possibly, then again, I don't know you guys so maybe it's more the camel-ridding mongooses

I like this one, he has the right mindset.


Camels, camels, camels, camels, camels....

[Andres]

I don't know what's worse. Seeing GH drinking his nasal mucus and calling it beer, Kage drawning in a river of Heineken and calling it beer, or TinCow.

[phonicsmonkey]

I don't know what's worse. Seeing GH drinking his nasal mucus and calling it beer, Kage drawning in a river of Heineken and calling it beer, or TinCow.

Quiet down before I beat your crippled drunken dwarf behind black and blue with my monkey hammer. And while you're at it, why don't you try moving to a country that has a functional government once a decade or so? Maybe then you'd be in a better time zone for me to fight you.

(Hey, do you think if we keep talking smack long enough we can avoid actually having to fight these battles?)

[Andres]

(Hey, do you think if we keep talking smack long enough we can avoid actually having to fight these battles?)

At the very least, nobody will pay attention to our actual performances...

Only losers need a government. Real men don't need no government. With my left thumb, I defeat whatever army your "functioning government" can throw at me. And to defeat you in an MP battle, I only need to blink with my right eyelid.

[phonicsmonkey]

Right, I warned you!

[Andres]

[Kagemusha]

I'd double-check those rivers if I were you. I know I spiked one of them with Heineken.

Such vile act can only be rectified with blood! This i could not have foreseen coming even from you.

[phonicsmonkey]

I should have known better than to pick a fight with a content manager.

[phonicsmonkey]

EDIT: double post

[Major Robert Dump]

Fear Gregoshi. He killt my Donkey

[phonicsmonkey]

For spectators, we have done an informal survey of our gaming experience. Here is a complete list of all the TW MP battles each of us had ever played before this Tournament started:

Andres: 2
issaikhaan: 4
GeneralHankerchief: 2
Gregoshi: 0 (from MTW to TWS2, he played a few in STW)
Kagemusha: 2
Monk: ?
phonicsmonkey: 0 (but has played several drop-in games as part of the Mod v Mod MP Campaign)
TinCow: 2
therother: 0

In the interests of full disclosure I should reveal that I played a practice match against GH yesterday and triumphed gloriously.

Fear me, belgian dwarf!

[TinCow]

In the interests of full disclosure I should reveal that I played a practice match against GH yesterday and triumphed gloriously.

Fear me, belgian dwarf!

Only pansies need practice, as that means you're not already the best.

[phonicsmonkey]

Only pansies need practice, as that means you're not already the best.

We'll see about that...

[Andres]

*** reads everything about exploits, cheating and dirty tricks honorable players aren't supposed to use ***

[phonicsmonkey]

Very noble of you to read all that to ensure you don't accidentally use any of it against me!

[frogbeastegg]

I went and got a new kimono for this event so you'd better make it worthwhile.

Looking at that list of player experience I don't think my peanut catapult is adequate. :starts browsing a catalogue of peanut cannons, looking for a nice model which combines rapid fire with high accuracy:

Aren't you people meant to be killing each other or something? Let me guess - you didn't read the instructions before assembling your armies and now all the heads are on backwards and half of them have arms instead of legs? :sigh: Typical. Men!

[Andres]

Very noble of you to read all that to ensure you don't accidentally use any of it against me!

But of course. I will also NOT try to bribe my opponents with a free Ikko-Ikki DLC to lose on purpose.

[TinCow]

Aren't you people meant to be killing each other or something?

Some of us (me) are civilized. Gregoshi and I have agreed that he will die on Sunday. That way he can have one final weekend to say goodbye to his loved ones. It is only polite.

[phonicsmonkey]

But of course. I will also NOT try to bribe my opponents with a free Ikko-Ikki DLC to lose on purpose.

I'll take that bribe!

And Froggy, the problem is that Andres' and my armies have been asleep when the other has been awake, and vice versa, if you follow my meaning.

But we are scheduled to clash on Saturday.

[frogbeastegg]

And Froggy, the problem is that Andres' and my armies have been asleep when the other has been awake, and vice versa, if you follow my meaning.

You mean the org only has enough rechargeable batteries for one set of soldiers? Terrible, what a state of affairs! We need to do a donation drive.

Yes, timezones, but that's not as fun ;p

[Andres]

I suggest phonicmonkey switches on his PC, hosts a battle with the ultra super secret password "Banana juice on Friday afternoon, but only during Summer and at beach volleyball happenings" and then goes to sleep. He'll probably perform better when sleeping then while being awake anyway.

I'll join the battle and will probably lose BEAT HIM AND REDUCE HIS ARMY TO A BLOODY PULP!!!

[Nigel]

You guys are awesome.

Make sure to save the replays for us all to wach.
It is a button that appears below the Victroy/Defeat splash screen immediately after the battle - just in case you have not found it yet during all your past MP battles

[Monk]

issaikhaan and I met on the field of battle today, best 2 of 3 to decide the winner. The result?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

issaikhaan defeated in games 1 and 2.

Replays to follow soon, I'll edit this post in two hours when they get done uploading. Even compressed fraps footage takes forever to get onto youtube. So check back soon and watch us flail around hilariously!

[Marshall Louis-Nicolas Davout]

http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198020295894

cAN i JOIN?>

[AggonyKing]

Replays to follow soon, I'll edit this post in two hours when they get done uploading. Even compressed fraps footage takes forever to get onto youtube. So check back soon and watch us flail around hilariously!

can you post the actual replay files as well ^_^ not just videos

[Monk]

Sure

I'll attach them to this post, you should be able to download them that way.

[TinCow]

http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198020295894

cAN i JOIN?>

It's for Org Staff only, sorry. Regular members might accidentally take it seriously.