*Sigh* The Dating Scene

[a completely inoffensive name]

Sex without love is pointless. Portraying the act of hooking up as "the hunt" dehumanizes women.

-gets off soapbox-

[Tuuvi]

I agree companionship is important, I think the fact that some of my closest friends are female has made me kinda complacent about getting a girlfriend. There's something about hanging out with girls that makes it better than hanging out with guys, even when there's no intimacy involved.

[naut]

Lol. So you want to get in the friendzone? I apologise but I cannot help.

However, as I've posted I better contribute in some way: Cougar's are pretty fun.

[Husar]

The friend zone is a lie. You can attack with success from the friend zone, so long as you are a creature of patience, and few scruples.

Of course it is, but many men need to mask their inferiority behind a model so they can fool themselves into thinking they have totally figured out how women work.

Many women try the same in reverse of course. The world of dating is so full of prejudices that feeble, insecure men like me would rather stay out of it entirely.

There's really nothing you can do about being doomed. Except cry.

[Husar]

Lies?!?

Do I really need to make my jokes any more obvious than that?

Except for the first sentence, that contains nothing but the truth. People create models for things they don't understand, to reduce the complexity of reality.
As such any model about the behaviour of women doesn't do the real complexity of the female soul any justice. Neither do all men always think about that one thing (proof!) as women like to claim.

That said I would like to retreat to my corner and cry a little now.

[Fragony]

I agree companionship is important, I think the fact that some of my closest friends are female has made me kinda complacent about getting a girlfriend. There's something about hanging out with girls that makes it better than hanging out with guys, even when there's no intimacy involved.

That's so gay just sayin'

[PanzerJaeger]

Sex without love is pointless.

Disagree.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Disagree.

Well you're wrong. Sorry.

[Kagemusha]

Well you're wrong. Sorry.

Is that not a matter of personal preference? How can he be "wrong" about it?

[a completely inoffensive name]

Is that not a matter of personal preference? How can he be "wrong" about it?

It was just me acting stupid. I wasn't being serious.\

Obviously if he gets something out of casual sex, then he has created a meaning from it. I just know there is nothing for me personally to gain from it, so I feel it is pointless.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Casual sex certainly has its place, for both sexes. It's not just men preying on unsuspecting women who all think that they're going to get a husband and a baby out of it! Women are naughty too.

Casual sex has become a way for people to gain self esteem and feel better about themselves. This is backwards imo, because you are inherently depending on someone else to provide you with your self esteem by offering or accepting your request for sex. A man or a woman should strive to be as independent as possible, to value his or herself because of accomplishments or goals that did not depend on another person's acquiescence. I am not saying people should reserve themselves until marriage, but if you are having casual sex for anything but pleasure then you are doing it wrong. And if you are doing it just for pleasure, then that is fine, but it nevertheless is hollow and pointless.

[Kagemusha]

Acin ,That is your point of view,coming from your perspective and i can respect it. Still people are living in lots of different life situations and for example some might have lived through a marriage already. Some might prefer to live alone depending on their situation.Still sex is a basic urge for humans. Most things which give pleasure to humans could be painted as hollow or pointless.
You do not need to eat a chocolate bar to survive, still many like their sweets.Your survival does not depend upon the slightest if you drink alcohol and for example like to have a nice glass of single malt once a while. You do not need nice clothes or a cell phone,flat screen tv or an computer to survive. Still people want these things in their life. For some these might make themselves feel better about themselves, just like to some achieving something else might have the same effect.
If we look deep enough into anything, conclusion might be that it is more or less pointless.But in the end is not such scrutiny pointless also? My personal belief is that what ever makes a human happy should be allowed to him/ her as long as it does not hurt others. Who are we to judge what pleasure is better for anyone compared to something else.

[PanzerJaeger]

Well you're wrong. Sorry.

Why? I've read through the thread and I still haven't figured it out.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Surely. Night night ACIN

Well, you were talking about casual sex on the whole as hollow and pointless.

Well, I am an idiot for being so broad. I think that from a psychological perspective, the benefits of casual sex are hollow and pointless because there are other activities that can provide the same benefit without having the individual to place his/her trust in another individual to provide attention and gratification.

That aside, I have written about its psychological implications as well just above. Its impact on REM sleep, which has a crucial role in placating depression and enhancing your cognitive and memory skills, on Oxytocin secretion and on alleviating stress are all almost exclusively concerning your psyche.

This is so far off from what I am trying to talk about though. Having a good night's sleep is fine and all for day to day sanity, but buying a more comfortable bed doesn't make you more psychologically stable overall.

Hmmmm mmnot really?
If we are not discussing morals, and we have established it has very beneficial psychological and physical consequences while any sort of negative biological repercussions are avoidable, how exactly is casual sexual intercourse “blowing” you away into pointlessness and hollowness? (no pun intended)
What you are perhaps referring to is not sexual intercourse, but your human relationship with your partner, which is something that in practice “blows up” in short and long term relationships in equal measure, with the caveat that while you may physically experience short term relationships with increased frequency, you also detach yourself from any negative fallout more easily, while in long term relationships, many people become genuine emotional cripples after an “explosion”, to keep to your analogy.
Nevertheless, unrelated to sexual intercourse between mature unattached responsible partners.

What I am talking about is that instead of trying to "find yourself" in this world by having brief, fleeting actions of pleasure with numerous people, it is more constructive and healthy imo, to do other activities that have you building your character through self trials that allow to discover yourself through an internal process. There is nothing morally wrong about anything I am arguing against, but I get annoyed at seeing overly hedonistic behavior on tv where dysfunctional people are plentiful (and glorified) and then at the same time have the argument in front of me that clubbing for sex is actually turning out very healthy people.

'You have told me before the psychological benefits of casual sex, but as far as I can remember from what you wrote, my complaint at the time (I don't think I posted this though) was that even if it was true, and that casual sex worked for many people, that still doesn't make it the correct choice (and I am not talking about morals here). '

Nothing wrong with it either, unless you somehow believe that deep down that girl wanting sex is really desperate for her daddy to safe her from you. So archaic to think women have no will of their own

I have already stated I find nothing morally wrong with casual sex. So drop the trolling.

Why? I've read through the thread and I still haven't figured it out.

I wasn't being serious about you being factually wrong. Everything I am saying is merely my opinion.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Idk, maybe I should just accept that I am an old traditionalist at heart, start watching The Andy Griffith Show and lament the end of the good ole days.

[Nowake]

Mmmno, I wouldn't go that far in what you're concerned.

dysfunctional people are plentiful (and glorified) and then at the same time have the argument in front of me that clubbing for sex is actually turning out very healthy people

I still believe you're just not addressing the right issue i.e. those people have not become dysfunctional because of their hedonism, but rather due to their IQ, education and values, or lack thereof, which in turn led them to a depraved life, using sex to assuage their existential anxieties.
And I'd side with you on the somewhat disgusting side of clubbing for sex. Personally, I can't help connecting my visits to certain clubs with strolls to the Zoo.

[Fragony]

I have already stated I find nothing morally wrong with casual sex. So drop the trolling.

Dear diary, today I once again didn't read every word ACIN shared with the world, I know it's wrong because it's so very very important and deep down I know I should care

Going to bed without tea

[naut]

ACIN. I wouldn't say casual sex is meaningless, in fact I wouldn't say it is any less meaningless than anything in life. The actual act of casual sex, like the actual act of a wedding, is by itself entirely meaningless. However, if you take into account the principles and emotions it carries with it, it does however gain meaning. It is the embodiment of rebellion, freedom and passion. In the same way that a wedding embodies fidelity and commitment.

Casual sex is not about seeking some form of permanence or transcendence. It is merely aimed at the excitement and experience of the moment. As it goes, death is coming, why not get the maximum quantity out of one life? In the end isn't it all meaningful in our minds and simultaneously meaningless, an echo, in a hollow universe?

[Tsar Alexsandr]

Sex without love is pointless. Portraying the act of hooking up as "the hunt" dehumanizes women.

-gets off soapbox-

I agree entirely.

[PanzerJaeger]

The point of sex is to get off (apart from the whole baby making thing). In my opinion, it does not have to go beyond that to be a meaningful experience. Wrapping it in unnecessary emotional layers is a choice, but not an objectionably better choice.

[Strike For The South]

1. Fragony delivers

2, I agree with Rythmic

[Ibrahim]

well, there is the option of become a guy like me: some cantankerous guy who only cares about making money and doing his "duty" to society and family, in the process showing a complete disregard for the importance of building any relationship not immediately applicable to your work (there are exceptions here, but they're all men, since women are a distraction, and you'll be too busy for them anyways).

of course, I do not recommend this option, because it sucks, and people hate you when you take it. especially if you live in America, where apparently being a teenager doesn't end until you are 25...possibly even never in about 20% of the population of this generation. explains why I get along better with older people...

yes, that's what I've been doing while I was rarely posting lately; growing more cynical than ever...