15 days in the Philippines, or, how to blow 10k in 2 weeks

[Major Robert Dump]

In January 2012 I took 2 weeks R&R to the Philippine Islands.

We are all adults here, well most of us, so I will not yank your chain when I tell you why I went. These are in no specific order:

#1: I plan to move to the Pacific eventually, and wanted to check out both for-profit and non-profit type endeavors, to include meeting with potential partners
#2: I wanted to do some nice things for some poor people
#3: I wanted to get drunk and chase women

On my first deployment in 2010 I did not take R&R for manpower issues, and I took one for the team which was no big deal because quite frankly I was having fun. On my 2011 deployment, I was not having fun, and my own mortality had slapped me in the face on several occassions. At first, I was going to take R&R back to the US. As I became more and more paranoid that something bad was going to happen, I decided that rather than leave one cold craphole to fly across the world to another cold craphole (oklahoma), I would go to the PI. I actually went a couple of other places than the PI (overnight trips on charter planes) but I will not write about those or post pics because The Man did not authorize me to go to those places. I will also not be posting the photos of some of the more beautiful beaches and countryside because in most of those photos is either myself or one particular "guide" whom I promised I would not publish. IT should also come as no surprise that the overwhelming bulk of my photos are of women.

I also figured there was no reason to go cheap. I could have. Yes, I am member of a dozen trade and liesure boards and knew all the ins and outs of where to go and how to do it, and how to do it cheap. This did not interest me. In hindsight, I wish some of it had, because things did get a little ridiculous at one point, but in the end I could afford what I did so there is no harm no foul.

Although many recommended it, I did not want to go to Angeles City, even though it was the cheapest. It is also the slummiest. And you can find half the earths whoremongeres, insurance fraudsters, cheap charlie pensioners, pedophiles and ugly (insert country here) at that place and I simply did not want to go. I also did not want to go to Boracay, because that is pretty much just beaches and go go bars. I wanted to see real people doing real things, and experience the city and the villages. Instead, I chose to go to Manila and to Cebu City. And while I would not recommend Manila to everyone, unless they knew what they were doing, due to the price and the tourist traps, I would recommend Cebu City to my grandma, especially if she was a lesbian. It was easily one of the coolest places I have ever been.

It should also be noted that I had intially wanted to spend the entire time in Cebu, but due to their huge January festival, I could not get a decent accomodation my first week of R&R because every Cebuano on the planet returns for this Festival of Fertility. Yes, I missed the Festival of Fertility. The Effing injustice.


Day One:

I flew in on Qatar Air. For those of you who have never flown Qatar, I should probably mention that they provide free alcohol. Free. On an 8 hour flight. Also, it appears they went to every country on the planet and recruited the prettiest people for their flight crew. There were no grizzled, angry fatties here, just pleasant, pretty faces from asia, africa, the carribean and the middle east. Even the guys were hot enough to sex after 7 months in Afghanistan.

I probably should not have landed in Manila drunk. This probably would have saved me hundreds of dollars on my first day. In fact, I should have gone straight to bed.

Much like places like Seattle and Portland, the taxi companies here line the right pockets and they get special treatment. In Manila, it is the unmarked taxis that get the special treatment, as they can park right at the terminal and solicit riders. The metered cabs, meanwhile, are literally a mile down the sidewalk. I knew this going in. But I was drunk. And the exchange rate was 42 to 1, so really I did not care. I got an unmarked car to take me downtown to my hotel. He said the trip would cost 2000 pesos, which is roughly $50 dollars + tip. Reasonable. Until I later found out that that trip normally costs 200 pesos, as in $5. Anyway, tipped the guy entirely too muc considering he was scamming me, but in his defense he was prepared to drive me all night long and take me to hot spots and places where I could "get drugs" and "get girls" and "meet other americans" none of which interested me while I had my bags in the car and I was sweating bourbon.

So about the hotel:

Like I said. I went above and beyond. I found a hotel in which I could rent the Penthouse, which was essentially the entire top floor. $250 per night. Compeltely unreasonable in an economy like this. It was not available my first 3 nights there, which was fine, as the money I saved I used to hire a security guard and a kareoke machine. Yes, I am a genuis for getting a kareoke machine.

Got to the hotel and stayed in the second best room they had. This place has all sorts of scams, like food and beverages in your fridge marked up 500% that they add to your bill if you use any of it. They also failed to mention I could buy internet for the entire week, rather than buying 4 hour blocks for $10. More on this later.

I drank several glasses of water to rehydrate while I pondered whether or not to go out or stay in. It was already midnight. I looked out the window and saw a dozen young Filipino women down on the street doing a street performance dressed like Fidel Castros and Cowgirls, dancing and singing and shaking their butts.

I was going out.

[Major Robert Dump]

Day 1 continued
Fewer pics of this day than any other


I went downstairs and had a few overpriced drinks at the bar hotel. These were US prices. But it didn’t sink in because of the exchange. After I regained my composure, I decided to set out. I promised myself that no matter how annoying the scams were, that I would not be the ugly American, I would be Mr. Nice Guy, I would smile, and I would tip, as its not the employees fault their crappy establishment is owned by some profiteering douchers.
Like an idiot, I ended up staying in the first go go bar I stopped at. There were not many customers, and the few there were very drunk, very rude, very irritating Japanese men, which meant they were being ignored by the 30 dancers. So as soon as Fresh Meat walked in, I was done for. I got mobbed.

Now, for those of you who live in a bubble, in the PI (and Houston) the go go bars use what they call Early Work Release, where basically you pay the bar to leave with a girl, and whatever happens later between two consenting, negotiating adults is between them. Now I happen to know that in most cases the girls do not see any of the money paid to the bar. So basically, I was not at these places for EWRs. I was also not there to buy “Lady Drinks”, which work just like US Strip Clubs where the girls get a commission for you buying them a drink marked up 500%. I would just rather put the money in their hand, although I did buy a few for the ugly girls

Anyway, I was drunk, and I wanted to live excessively. Also, the 30 girls all trying to talk to me was overwhelming, especially since they were all quite hands on. And I think the Japanese karaoke guys were bar employees there to annoy everyone else… So….. When the manager asked if I wanted to rent the private club/stage/DJ/bar upstairs, I jumped right on it. She offered to send all the girls upstairs with me, but I declined. I said I would pick 10. OF course, I was expecting to have a few more drinks and talk to the girls a bit and then subtly pick my dancers, when the manager suddenly had them all line up like a casting call.
It was Effing terrible. All those cow eyes, all of them jumping up and down saying “Pick me, Sir Bobby, Pick me!” Oh my gawd, this was exactly what I did not want. So, I picked 10. I felt like such a jerk.

The photo above is from fairly early on in the party with a couple of the girls. I had to pay off the manger to be able to take pictures, and still some of the girls did not want to be in the photo
So upstairs it was. DJ let me pick the songs, we took shots from bottles of overpriced Tequila, I tipped the dancers (about 10x normal, as I would later find out) and they frolicked about topless and babbled on it a mixture of Tagalog and English.

Photo from the balcony 4 am



At this point I could barely stand up. They kept asking me for EWR, which I did not want to do. They seemed so eager, so I came up with a negotiation. It was already 4am. The bars close at 6am. I told them I would pick two of them to come to my hotel for breakfast and booze, and that I would pick the two based on the Topless Karaoke Contest we were about to have with the karaoke machine by the DJ Booth. And the battle was on. Yes, there are pictures. No, you will not get them.

The winner was a girl named Lily who did a rendition of In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins, which would have been gut wrenching had she not been topless; the other winner was a girl named Wendy who butchered the Macarena and made me laugh harder than I had in almost a year. I gave them my contact info at the hotel. They were the 3rd and 4th from the left in the top photo. Lilly looked like a chubbier Lily Thai, from who I think she borrowed her name, and Wendy was a litte tribal looking girl from Cebu. Their eyes glazed over, as that was the High Roller Hotel apparently, and I informed them that I was not rich, just reckless with money.

I should also mention that this was probably the most expensive bar on the Burgos Strip, one of the bar managers tried to steal a bottle of tequila I paid for and act like we drank it, and the staff there was outright annoying minus the girls. I may have been drunk, but I have Bottle Radar, and I am never too drunk to know how much liquor I have left.....

I did not have a phone yet, as I brought a cheapy phone and notebook in case I got robbed, and hadn’t gotten a local SIM Card yet. I let the hotel know I was expecting company, and they said they would call me. I was halfway not expecting the girls to show up. They showed up and we had breakfast in the overpriced Retro-Themed hotel restaurant, then we retired to the room and drank more until we all blacked out. The next morning, we all ordered room service at 3 pm, I called a cab and gave the nice girls $300 a piece, which is an average month’s salary in the PI. Apparently, most Americans, Brits and Australians usually “tip” more along the lines of $25, which makes you guys real assholes.




Breakfast



Wendy, 4'10", 27 years old






The balcony from the lobby in the afternoon

[Major Robert Dump]

I easily spent $1000 my first day, not including the hotel, which had been prepaid.

Absurd. I should also point out that I didn't even spend $1000 in Cebu and I satyed there an entire week. So yeah, Manila is expensive, but I also went to the expensive, monoploy bars. There were better, cheaper ones I would find later.

Meanwhile, my credit card statement online was showing 2 charges, one from the bar from last night, and one from the bar next door. As I would later find out, the bar next door was part of the monopoly and they used their card reader because I was apparently declined on the original one, but whatever, it freaked me out. After I showered, and anpped, and had some more water, I trotted down to the original bar when it opened at 5pm and asked them about the card. They assured me I would only be charged once. I took their word and decided to walk about some more, but not before letting thme know that these are the sorts of things they inform their customers before doing.

A few blocks from the hotel


Dropped my laundry here, right after I stared at this sweaty little island girls butt for a few minutes


More downtown


Cuban theme in the hotel resto today


I walked around and looked at shops. Got hit up by a lot of "freelancers" for massages and dates here and there. The going rate for a street walker here is $10-20. Sometimes, there were men parked in their motorbikes, napping, very close to a "worker" and I presume it was her husband or brother. I wanted to piss on these guys. Whenever the girls would offer, I would discreetly give them 1000 pesos (2 5s, in case their husband took it) and tell them no thanks, and to buy something nice. Seeing their smile was worth it. When their was an obvious husband near by, I would tell her not to share it with her hsuband (yeah right) and I would yell "Get a fucking job" as I walked by him. I hope I never yelled that to some random guy.

Day 2 was also when I pciked up my crew of street kids. They caught me going into the 7-11 next to my hotel. They were adorable, there were 5 of them, not very old. And they were filthy. The security would not let them in, so they waited for me. ** I should note that almost EVERY business has an armed security guard, hell, even the churches do. and when I say armed, I mean like sub machine gun/auto shotgun armed.

Anyway, they caught me coming out after buying a SIM CARD, a sprite and a box of condoms. "Sir, help, please sir." I tried to give them some pocket coins, probably 50 pesos worth.

I had been warned about giving in to the kids and beggars. Yeah, yeah, they are like cats. They were everywhere, and the little girls selling trinkets in dangerous traffic made me especially angry. The people on my forums and that I spoke to locally all said to tell the kids to bugger off and go my way.

A little girl, probably 5 years old, was the one I tried to give the coins to. She pulled her hand back and shook her head and said "Me no want money, me want pood." I melted. And yes, they say "pood." And "Pacebook" and "Peed my Pamily"

So, I tried to take them into 7-11. The guard blocked them. I told him they were with me. They laughed and gave him a funny look. We went inside and I bought them 2 gallons of milk, a couple dozen eggs, some bread, some rice (of course), and some water. Of course, they wanted sodas and candy, too, but I told them no junk food this time. I was testing them. In the end, 4 bags worth cost me, incidentally, less than 200 pesos, which was less than what I paid for a beer at my hotel.

I didnt take their photos as I thought it would be disengenuine. As we left, some old fat white guy with a beard and an eastern european accent I could not understand told me that "you are only making it worse," to which I responded "I didn't ask your opinion" and meandered on.

Today, against my better judgement, and showing a great lack of creativity, I decided to hit the bar adjacent to my first bar. It was not the one that charged my card, as I was trying not to go to one owned by the same party. I walked inside, and there were quite a few customers. It was better lit, and more open aired, with no upstairs. The dancers stayed clothed and wore bikinis, and more less wiggled while they texted than danced. I thought it was cute. The girls on the floor wore various outfits and pretty much solicited drinks and EWRs.

It was tempting. It really was, but I just did not want to go that route tonight. A couple of them were very articulate and made me laugh. A couple of them were very detailed about what they wanted to do to me. But I toughed it out. Instead, I shut them up by buying all the girls a Lady Drink. I think that there were like 32 total.

I smoked some cigarettes and tipped the dancers. We told some jokes. I watched some old man in the corner, who appeared to be negotiating, get irate and chase a girl off. She came over and said he was tired of being asked for Lady Drinks. Ugly Westerner. I mean, just say no. You don't have to make a scene and embarrass the girls.

Anyway, some pics of the ladies

The dark skinned girl farthest to the right leaning back in the chair was incredibly hot, and had a filthy mouth, my god it was hard to say no.


The bar staff, who was about to feel my wrath


The waitresses, on stage for a pose



Also, the dancers did not want photos, they were probably new. From what I picked up, the dancers at these places were usually the newer employees, who were on salary, and had to work their way up to the floor where they could mingle and get commissions. That is why I always tipped the girls on stage.

So the way your bilsl work si they bring you an unofficial reciept with each purchase, that you sign, and then they keep them all at your table, usually in a cup or stuck onto a rod. Then you tab out all at once at the end of the night. This gives you two chances to contest something. The first round of drinks probably cost me like $150 or something. I would have rather given it to the girls myself, but I was not feeling well, I did not feel like being sneaky, and I wanted them to ring the big bell and for everyone else in the bar to be annoyed by the "high roller." I thought it was funny. Again, I told them I was not rich, just reckless with money. I was also trying to butter up the waitrresses, who were extremely cute in their own special ways.

For tonight I was going to try to pick up some waitresses to come back to the room. I took the girls aside and asked if they would be interested in coming by when they got off work. They said they would think about it.

I offered to buy another full round. Now I know for a fact most fo these girls do not get real "drinks." They probably get a bigger cut for getting apple juice instead of, say, tequila. So, when the waitress brought me my ticket for the second round, I looked at it and started laughing. The total number of girls in the bar apparently went from 32 to 55 in less than an hour. I stood up and made a bee line for the bar.

They tried to say more girls came on the clock. ORLY??? I turned around and counted. Including the bar staff and the dancer, I counted 32. "They are in the back, sir." "Bring them out," I said. "Sir, they are in the back because they are tired and asleep."
"You're full of shit," I told them. I politely told them that they would take my tab back down to 32, and I would politely pay my tab and go elsewhere.

They implored me that there were really more girls, and that they were just trying to help them. I explained to them that A) I am not a retard and that B) The polite thing to do was to inform me that they were increasing my generous purchase by 40%, what made them think that it was okay to do this without asking first? Besides, its not like they actually poured the drinks.

I went over and said goodbye to the girls and told them that I would stay longer, but the people behind the bars are grifters and ruined it for everyone else. I tipped all the girls at my table, and went up and tipped the dancers and waitresses one more time. On the way out, I slipped the waitresses my phone number and left.

Now I was feeling really ill. My stomach was on fire. It was not being drunk. It was not dehydration, as I had been downing water in the hotel like mad. I wanted to hit some more bars and check out some KAreoke and a Ramen restaurant I had heard about, but I felt the urge for a massive vomit and maybe even bowel movement. Public bathrooms are not exactly easy to come by in these parts, so I headed to the hotel.

Going through the bar to the elevator, no less than 4 girls sitting at the bar propositioned me. They must have an agreement with the bar, as usually free lancers are kept out unless they are with someone. This must have been what the bellboy meant on my first nighyt when he said he could find me dates if I wanted. Regardless, I went upstairs and puked, showered, crapped and then passed out. I think it was 1 am.

My cell rang at 5am. Apparently the bar closed early, and the waitresses were downstairs. Holy crap. The desk called and asked if they could escort them up. I said okay. I made sure I was presentable. When the girls got upstairs I apologized for not having refreshments, and offered to take them out to eat and to bring some drinks back. Also, I asked if they got my special request from my note I gave them, and they said yes (wink wink)


The girls in the room. I should note that the girl on the right, as of that particular day, was probably the hottest woman I had ever had in my bed. Their ages were, from left to right, 25, 24 and 20.


We go get some food and supplies. The street kids are still awake and mob me. The girls start yelling at them and I tell them to pipe down, the street kids are my homies. I bring them out some ice cream and soda, like I promised before. We head back to the room. My special request??? To bring their cocktail waitress outfits. Yeah, I rock. And the sleepover ensues. Use your imagination, and you will probably be right.





I slept on the floor and let them have the bed. Actually, I slept on the balcony in case I threw up again. The next morning, we go downstairs ahd have breakfast after they all shower. I am anxiously awaiting for them to ask me for "a tip." But they don't. The oldest one asks me for cab fare, because they do not like taking Jeepneys (jeepneys being slower, hotter and more mugger friendly). Taxi? Taxi fare? I play coy for a second at the breakfast table. Then I give each girl enough money to pay for a year of college.

The ladies leave and I go upstairs to sleep a little longer. As I stand over the kitchen sink filling a glass of water, I bend down to pick up my lighter. Apprarently, being a foot taller than the average Filipino man, I had not been able to read the westerner-unfriendly-placed warning sign under the cabinet but over the sink, hidden in a shadow:

DO NOT DRINK TAP WATER

Great. That's why I am sick. And while I knew that we should avoid the tap water in general in the PI, for some reason I thought a 5 star hotel would maybe have some sort of filtration system. Woe is me. I buy some pepto and other meds from 7-11 and take a nap for a couple of hours, there will be no sightseeing today.

It is now Day 3. I am awaken at around 5 pm by the hotel desk calling me. They say I have a lady who wants to come up, and that she has 3 friends with her. I have no idea who this is, but I am feeling lucky. I tell them to send them up.....

[Major Robert Dump]

DAY 3

My visitor is Wendy. She brought Lily and 2 other girls who were sisters. OMG. They want to hang out for the day, maybe go dancing and stuff.
I should point out two things now:

As I would find out a few minutes into day 3s conversation, the bar from the previous night was also owned by the monopoly, in fact they shared a dressing room with night one. So all the girls from the first bar had been watching me and sharing intel with bar 2. Otherwise, the waitresses would have probably told me to bugger off, but they knew I was friendly with the wallet. On one hand , this made me mad. On the other, these 4 ladies here tonight would mean I would not have to go on the prowl. And although the original intent was to see different ladies every night, I kind of liked Wendy, and technically I was seeing new girls because of the sisters.
Also, it was like DELIVERY, so how cool is that? They just showed up.

The other thing to point out is that I have no illusion about why these girls are seeking me out, and I am always very clear up front about what my long term intentions are. There was no lying, no promises of green cards or marriage, just politeness, honesty and lots of food and alcohol. Many of these girls live in deplorable, cramped conditions, and the opportunity to stay in an air conditioned room with a guy who does not treat them like dirt and actually feeds them, well, that makes me a rare commodity in Manila. So yeah, save your judgment for someone else.

I decide I want to go to the mall and buy some clothes, as I am visitng a charity the next day. I also want to go to a Jollibee, which of course the girls are all for because Filipinos love the J.

We hit SM mall, one of the two big mall chains in the country. I am the tallest person in the entire facility. Surprisingly few westerners. There are several mediocre entertainment shows ongoing about the mall, with people cramped in to watch them:







These shows were terrible. They were in English, so I knew what was going on. It appeared to be second rate celebrities, and prizes being given away. Things like these remind you how deplorable living conditions are here, you walk around the mall and see very few people with bags. People come to window shop, to socialize, to see famous people. It's sad, but it's kind of endearing. A lot of people were talking to my girls today, and at first I figured it was jkust people they knew. When I commented on this, Wendy told me that women were stopping them and asking them which one of the group was "his fiancee." Wow. I asked her what she told the old ladies, and she just laughed and changed the subject.

I bought all the girls shoes. We also ate a giant bucket of chicken and rice and got ice cream, the 5 of us, at Jollibee, for a whopping $5. This is when I started to realize I was getting screwed at the hotel. Oh well, too late, as tomorrow I moved into the Pimp Room. I was locked in.

Filipinos also have an odd fascination with Paris Hilton. They seem to import the worst of American culture, and the touristy parts of Manila really do cater to the tourist trap concept. After the mall, we walk around some more





The girls have been asking me on and off "what you want to do tonight" and it didnt sink in until late evening that they were implying that they wanted to know who I wanted to sleep with. Kind of awkward. As much as I would have liked to have my very first 5 some, I was still recovering from my sickness, and the whole sister thing kind of creeped me out. I just kept blowing off the questions.

I should probably talk about the sisters. Louann and, um, I don't remembe the others name. Remember that thing I said about the waitress on the right being the hottest girl ever? Well, that was last night. Louann. Oh my god. Oh my god. Aside from the 1980s Madonna attire, which I can forgive because she is probably poor, this girl was incredible. and 19. I am going to hell:

Louann (left) and her sister:


So, we go hit some Kareoke bars. Apparently, westerners in Kareoke bars are like black guys in a Klan rally, because were it not for my lady escorts, I think I would have not been served and maybe even ganked. We then went to a sports bar that had midget westling, male and female. I later found out that you could EWR the midget wrestlers to hire for the night, male and female. Wow. There are some places even I will not go.

Louann and Lily, at the hotel resto


The girls also wanted to stop by their bar. I was not fond of this, but whatever. I honestly think they just wanted to show me off. Filipinos are all about status and "saving face" etc, and it is a strange culture. For example, if you invite a girl to dinner, don't be surprised if she brings her family. That's just how it is, and people who do not understand this come off like pricks from seemingly innocent behavior by the locals.

So we hit the bar and there is a show going on



Apparently all 4 girls work here. Even the sisters. The manager is actually trying to sell us Lady Drinks and get me to EWR more girls. They have no shame. It is very clear to my ladies that the manger is bugging me. No, damnit, I don't want a massage, jeebus quit touching me. I run to the bathroom to get away from her, while I am at the urinal a dude walks up behind me and starts massaging me. WWWTTTFFFFF. Okay, I tip him well, because his job sucks. Wow. A bathroom massuese in a club with no customers.

The girls know I want to leave and start aksing me again about my "plans." I ponder a bit, and try to figure out how to say this, and finally just say I want to play naked twister with Louann. Silence. They don't know Twister. Louann says "You boom boom me?" OMG. "Wait," I tell them, "You can all come up, I want to party and I like your company." I actually mean this. Also, I don't want to send anyone home empty handed. Well, they did get shoes and chicken and ice cream. But still, I want them all to come up to the room for a bit.

We retire the the room.


I pick up some movie pirates from the little dude selling by the door. The girls insist on Alvin and The Chipmunks. We watch Avlin, drink beer, drink Tequila, chain smoke, and everyone takes turns telling me about their lives. I answer the same questions over and over. The drunker we get, the dirtier their questions get. At this point, I realize that Lily and Louanns sister are lesbians (or Bi, whatever). This dilemma just got deeper. Regardless, I was set on Louann, and the sister thing creeped me out.

If you follow my posts on these forums, you know I am no stranger to casual sex and lowered standards in the midst of drink, but I just cannot do the sister thing. They seem almost upset. When I tell them I will pay their taxis home and give them 1000 pesos for spending the day with me, their attitudes change. I also offer to rent them a room for the night, as I know there are vacancies. Seeing as how they are lesbians, and probably don't get a lot of private places to practice in their Catholic society, they jump all over this. Or, maybe they just wanted a nice bed and a hot shower. I make them promise not to eat or drink any thing from the mini bar so I dont get screwed on prices, and they agree. We go downstairs and rent thier room.

At this point, I am not sure what I was thinking with Wendy. I just assumed she would roll with Lily and Louanns sister. I had made it clear that I wanted to spend the evening with the EXTREMELY HOT BROWN ISLAND GIRL HALF MY AGE, maybe talk politics and watch some Sponge Bob and play Scrabble. But Wendy did not stay in the new room as we left. She followed us back to my room.

I was procrastinating addressing the situation. I was a little tipsy. Hoping she would just leave, I gave her 1000 pesos and told her thanks for the company, and went out to the balcony to smoke. Be advised, I really, really liked Wendy. She made me laugh. Her English was great, and she got my sense of humor. And she was smart as a whip.

She followed me out on the balcony, and with big puppy eyes, asked if I wanted her to leave. I shrugged my soldiers and said it was getting late, and that I thought Louann was very attractive and would like to get intimate with her, seeing as how Wendy and I had already been together a couple of nights ago. Wendy nodded her head and said that she knew this, and proceeded to say "But I want to Watch."

I let her stay.

Another photo of Louann.

[Major Robert Dump]

Day 4

Today I actually have plans to do something descent and wholesome, and it is not my intent to drink. Didn't work out the way I planned.

Louann cut out very early in the morning. Probably had a boyfriend to get home to. Girls that hot are born with boyfriends. Anyway, Wendy and I sleep in. She has to work the next few days and asks me to stop by. I let her know again that I do not like her bar, and it seems to hurt her feelings. I tell her to keep in touch and that we will see each other again. I ask if she wants to go to the orphanage with me today, and she says that she can't because she has to take a trip across town to her apartment and be into work early.

Hit some shopping strips. Met an adorable little lady named Cyndy, we had coffee and I told her about Afganistan because apparently, I "looked Army" which was why she approached me. She asked me about what I had been doing since I had been there, and asked how many girls I had met. I laughed and was completely honest with her, told her I had partied with several different groups and was just looking to go crazy and get away from the warzone. I asked her if she wanted to go out later but she had plans already, and aksed if I wanted to do somethign the next day. I said heck yeah. She mentioned she had friends, which I took as either her setting me up to entertain her entire family, or that she had girlfriends who needed money. Either way, didn't really matter to me. Told her I had the penthouse at the hotel, but I don't think it set in. We exchanged numbers. I do end up seeing her the following day.


So.... this orphanage. I am not going to say the name, because of the other things that I am writing here. But I will tell you about the charitable organization that I was originally going to visit. You see, there is this Protestant charity that "helps" Filipinos that is run by Tim Tebows parents. They take missions from the US to their compound in the Philippines, where they go around and do nice things and witness to people in what is really just a bunch of people patting themselves on the back while paying the CEO of the charity 6 figures and using the organization as a tax shelter. Am I being harsh? Well, they charge each participant of their "missions" $2000 for a 5 day trip to the PI, half of which is pure profit based on my calculations. And just in case you think I am exaggerating, I am currently housed next to a young man from my unit whose girlfriend recently returned from one of these missions, and I had the opportunity to sit down and discuss Manila with her.

Now, her being a proper Baptist and all, I did not tell her much detail about my extracurricular activities, but she gave great detail about hers. Let me say, when a naive, ultra conservative whitebread blonde college cheerleader from texas says that the charity trip she went on was an absolute sham, well, I would say that charity has issues.

And FYI, its got to be an American-owned charity to use it for a tax writeoff if you are American

Anyway, I ruled them out fairly early on. I was set to visit a Catholic Orphanage, run by Filipinos. I would rather it not be religous, but as long as they help kids I could care less. It was convenient for when I would be in Manila and where I was staying. They knew I was coming. The day was set in stone, although I had not made any commitments as to what I wanted to do. Rather, I hadn't told them.

What I WANTED to do, was to rent a childrens entertainment group to come to the charity for the day, with a moon bounce, clowns, singers and refreshments. I had the troupe picked and had put down a $100 deposit for an open-ended retainment fee.

I pitched this idea to father corncob ass, and he immediately shot it down. He said the kids had studies all week, and that it owuld be a distraction. I let him know that I did not need to be present, this was not me trying to get pats on the back from little kids, for all the kids knew father corncob ass paid for it. He still shot me down. He didnt even want to give me a tour because apparently the big fat westerner would distract the kids. It's not like he didnt know I was coming. I guess I wasnt famous, so they would not accomodate me.

I got a pic (from the hill, which deosnt really show anything because of the trees. Hell, had I not seen the website myself and videos and pamplets I wouldnt even believe kids existed. Oh well.



Whether or not I understood where he was coming from, it made me no less pissed. I don't know, maybe these kids had behavior problems. But really I think hew as just being a stuffy bible beater. He solicited me then and there to give him the money that I would have spent on the troupe (around $600 USD) but I declined and said I would try alternate methods. This weas me distrusting him because A) he was clergy and B) He was in the Philippines, where grift is a way of life for many and C) my first person accounts from Afghanistan tell me that authority figures cannot be trusted.

Anyway, to re-iterate, this was not about me being recognized for what I did. In fact, publicity undermines the good deed. So I asked a few questions about their facilites, asked questions about their kitchen facilities, turns out they had adequate cold storage, and I used what had been my Plan B all along. I took a cab to a nearby grocery wholesaler and I sent the orphanage @ $700 of rice, chicken, beef, sugar and crayons. If there is one thing I learned from Afghanistan, it's that kids need crayons.

I requested a confirmation of delivery, and visited father corncob ass when I passed through manilla 10 days later coming back from Cebu. He was grateful and finally offered me that tour. I didn't take it. Attention undermines the good deed.

So.....

The It's only like 5 pm now. I have to move to my new room tonight, the Pimp Room, but that will take all of 10 minutes. Also, my security guy will be in touch with me this evening.

So I head back and move to the Penthouse. Now, on some of the PI boards on which I am a member, I extended my invite to expats and tourists who may want to get together and party in the Penthouse, and remarkably enough, no one bit. I suppose perhaps they thought I was trying to plan some big gay sex orgy. But more likely they simply do not like me because I admonish and insult them all the time for the way they act in the PI and the way the treat the girls. Of course, some guy who haggles with a hooker over $20 isn't exactly someone I want to party with, but that was not who I was inviting. I was actually hoping to have a big giant party, what with my enormous 2 bedroom, 3 bathroom double decker hotel room with a MFing karaoke machine. But no, hadn't heard from anyone, other than the charity and a couple of my potential business interests.

The view from the penthouse is incredible. I have access to the roof up here. The entire floor is mine. It better be, for $250 a day.







Also, the desk informs me they are sending up my karaoke machine, and will hook it up for me. While I am plotting my next move and jumping on all the beds and running around my enormous suite naked while practicing karaoke with my wireless mic, the security guy shows up. I get dressed and bring him in and lay down the rules. Basically, no booze, and I want him at my place from 8 pm to 8 am. I am paying the security company $188 for four 12 hour shifts. I tell him that I will feed him, I will tip him. His name was Angel, skinny kid about 25 years old, I think his shotgun weighed more than he did.

I had no plan. I tried standing on the balcony and singing karaoke down to the girls in the street, but I think 12 stories up was too high for them to notice.

I had a few beers and me and Angel smoked cigarettes and talked about the war in Mindanau. Turns out his uncle is former Army, and used to fight Abu Sayeb down in Davao. He tells me his uncle is manager at a go go bar down the street, and I should go meet him. Really didn't want to go to a go go bar tonight, but Angel tells me this one is not owned by the monopoly. Had seen a couple of other bars -- not owned by the monopoly -- that I heard good reviews about in terms of drink and food prices, and was wanting to hit those.

So I go down to a corner bar well known to be the cheapest bar in the area. I am amazed. The food, the drinks, they are literally 1/4 of what I had been paying. Also, the girls who worked there were as pretty as anywhere else. The EWR was 1/3 of other places, even though that was not what I was after. I was also the most packed bar I had been in so far, packed to the hilt, although most of them seemed to be british and aussie retirees. I asked around, and it turns out a british guy owns this place, and makes a huge profit despite his low prices, because he is such high volume. Makes sense. I also hear that every time the cops do raids, they always come to his bar first, obviously because he is not paying tribute like The Monopoly. this is also when I find out The Monopoly owns my hotel. Lovely.

I ask about any other non-monoply bars and they tell me a few. I hit them, and find one almost as cheap as the british guys bar, but much more roomy, and with a phenomenal stage show. the outfits...the girls....and the food is actually the best western food I have had yet in a bar, and at the best prices. Can't beat a cheeseburger and fries for $1.50. Drinks are cheap, EWR is about half of that of the monoplies..... did I mention the stage show? By far the most elaborate shows. Total Vegas showgirl stuff, mixed with intermittent solo acts with elaborate costumes and model-quality girls. The solo girls were so hot I don't even think they did anything else or worked the floor...

Anyhow, I was mesmerized by a couple of the normal dancer girls. One looked like a total tribal, like she should be cracking coconuts with her teeth, but she was 6 feet tall, had a Cebuano face (you can tell the girls island by their faces)... the other looked Latino, she had long, long curly black hair, the only girl I had seen so far with naturally curly hair.... both were fit and wearing orange go go bikinis, and when they noticed I was checking them out, they acted shy and moved behind a pillar and began peeking around at me.... okay, total school girl stuff, I need to get out of here before I try to take these girls home....

I go to Angels uncles bar. I go in and sit down, and I tell the waitress whats up. This dude shows up and asks to see my military ID. For a second I am thinking he is a terrorist gonna kidnap me and hold me for ransom, but then I remembered I get paid and promoted while captive, so really who gives a frack? Dude sits with me and we talk about the situation on Mindanau and he keeps buying me shots of Jager. I hate Jager. But I don't hate free Jager.

Unlce tries to get me to take a girl and I tell him I am worn out from the previous nights adventures. He tells me that, based on what I had accomplished so far, I should take no less than two girls because he knows I can handle it. Now he is doing this sublte you-aren't-man-enough crap that soldiers do to each other. Whatevs. Give me more free Jager. As a token of my appreciation, I buy all 15 dancers Lady Drinks and buy a masage from the old leper lady by the door.

Two girls come over and sit down. They weren't really my type, but one of them looked like a young Faye Dunaway, and she was hilarious. She was doing the hard sell, and I was laughing my ass off. They were not the ones I would have chosen, in fact, I was so drunk I could not see 20 feet in front of me, so the rest of the dancers could have ben men for all I knew. Anyway, at some point, Faye Dunaway and her tall skinny friend with the Cebuan head ended up leaving with me, and considering it was not closing time, I assume I EWRd them. We ended up at a disco that was so loud it made my head hurt. I needed to go back to the room.

The girl assumed I wa staying in some rat trap. When they saw my room they went nuts and started calling their friends and family and telling them how awesome it was. Angel was waiting for us, I had called him ahead. He did not approve of photos. Also, we are all highly intoxicated, even the girls, and it is like 5000 degrees, so we all look like ass

Looking down from the second floor of my room



The girls singing Karaoke







Go Thunderbirds



Young Faye Dunaway and I went upstairs and played Scrabble while Cebuano girl butchered Whitney Houston. At one point, she seemed irritated with our absence and began replacing words in songs with "Hey Mother*****s Upstairs", so we took that as a hint to finish our game and go down and keep her company. At this point I was sobering up and wanted Jollibee. It goes without saying they did as well. I asked Angel what he wanted and then off we went.

So far, I had encountered the street kids every day and taken them to buy groceries. Tonight, at this ungodly hour, I only ran in to two of them. I honestly do not know if it was a boy and a girl or both girls. I know for a fact one was a girl, but the other I don't know. Anyway, instead of taking them for groceries, I figured I would invite them to Jollibee to eat with us. This would technically be illegal for me to do it I did not have locals with me, as there are laws against foriegners being with little kids, for obvious reasons.









Obviously, we went for the kids meals. I helped them assemble their toys, and we all had a nice dinner together at 3 in the morning. I went back up and ordered Angels food and got some to-go food for the kids to take to their siblings, or eat it themselves.


The next morning I played scrabble with Cebuano girl in the shower, and Faye posed for pictures on one of my mini-balconies. I gave each lady 4000 pesos, and they both seemed shocked.




End Day 4. Day 5 gets crazy.

[Major Robert Dump]

** originally uploaded the wrong photo of Louann at the end of Day 3, got the right one up now, in case you had any doubt that she was not smokin hot. Pigs


Day 5
Jailbait, Wingman and Baby Drama

In the weeks leading up to my trip I had joined a couple of matchmaking sites. One was a wholesome site that did massive vetting on both parties and is run by a couple of Americans out of Cebu. I was crazy expensive to use, and kind of a sham, and I am not sure if I would recommend it. Basically, they use an anti-human trafficking law to justify never allowing the two parties to exchange contact info. All comms go through the agency, and they charge you for it. The law basically says these agencies have to do background checks and cannot publish the ladies contact info, but can publish the mans contact info after a BG check….., and this agency does not do the check until you physically arrive in the office, when in fact they could do it well before then, and they use this as an excuse to charge you for correspondence. Most of the dates I had lined up proper in Cebu were through this agency, and I did meet some great ladies for sure. The rest of this story when I get to Cebu….
The other site I used was a cheap cam site full of scammers. I talked to a lot of girls in the wee hours in Afghanistan, and almost all of them turned into money scams or lady boys, etc, and only one really seemed genuine. Her name was Jessica, and she was a gorgeous 22 year old. We talked on cam a lot. She looked and acted 22,that’s for sure. In fact, she was very “healthy” if you catch my drift.

Outside the mall, in a high dollar condo community:




Inside


Today was the day to meet her. She had been planning to come to Burgos to my hotel restaurant with a chaperone, but she changed at the last minute due to transportation issues. This should have been a red flag. She wanted to meet me at the mall. Thank the heavens she did not come to my hotel, as that could have gotten ugly. I met them in the late morning.
I got a booth at a pizza restaurant and waited for them to show up. They called me and I met them downstairs. OMG. This girl was like 4 feet tall and looked all of 14 years old. You can’t tell this on a webcam. She was certainly well developed. And she had braces. Holy jesus. They weren’t even dressed like adults, she was wearing a Sponge Bob shirt for gods sake. Also, as you older guys have probably picked up in your decades of ogling, you can often tell a woman’s age by the way she walks and carries herself. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to give them taxi money and tell them to go home and embarrass them in public, so I reluctantly allowed them to follow me upstairs to the pizzeria.

Going up the escalator, a European couple passed us going down. The woman looked at me like I was scum. Can’t blame her. We sat down at the booth and I immediately took out my phone, my camera and my covert recorder and hit record. I asked the girls for their IDs, Which they had promised me they would bring. They didn’t bring IDs. At this point it is a done deal. I make small talk, we order our food. When our food comes, I tell them I will give them taxi money and send them home. They seem shocked. I explain to them the various dangers to foreigners in terms of being in the presence of minors, and how the cops shake down foreigners all the time, even kill them (google Navy Officer murdered in Philipines airport).

Also, outside the pizzeria, there were two security guards now posted. Two men in suits were coming and talking to them, then walking off and returning every few minutes. These guys were obviously plain clothes cops, as I saw one guys gun under his blazer. I point this out to the girls.
They start acting nervous, not unlike a kid about to get in trouble.

As I would later find out from some of the tiny ladies I met, it is entirely plausible these girls were just small, and that they could not afford IDs. But they saidthey “forgot” their IDs, not that they could not afford them. Cindy would later tell me that they might have been too embarrassed to admit they could not afford IDs…… But this was too much of a risk, considering the manner in which I was first introduced to this girl, and the fact that she seemed to have such a hassle getting here to begin with, likely taking a jeepney rather than a taxi, because taxis cannot transport minors without a parents permission. They ate their food, I insisted they take all the leftovers, and I gave them 2000 pesos for a cab ride home, which was about 1950 more than they would need considering they would probably take a cheap jeepney rather than a taxi. I told her to contact me through the chat site and we could set something else up if she brought ID.

They left, I shut off the recorders, and I ordered a coffee while I regained my composure. I exited about half an hour after they left. As soon as I exited, the guards came up and asked me to wait there for a minute. They walked off when the detectives arrived. I immediately pulled out my government ID and recorders and said I knew what this was about.

One guy asked me if I knew how old they were, and I said I did not, and sent them home because they did not have IDs. I also said that I had recorded everything and that in case the recorder malfunctioned that it had a satellite uplink and a copy of the recording was stored on a server in the US. This, of course, was patently untrue and it is a line I use on cops in the USA, in case they decide to try to delete the recording. The two cops consulted for a few minutes in Tagalog after I handed them my recorder, and they then handed it back to me and told me to be more careful next time. The whole thing took about 5 minutes, and they walked away. I immediately went to the bathroom and checked my pants for skid marks.

I had done these dating sites to avoid meeting girls in bars. Obviously, neither option has panned out the way I planned. I got back to the hotel and the bellhop told me that multiple girls had come by to see me. I was dumbfounded. I had no new texts, and he said the girls did not all come at once. Odd. I go upstairs and call Cindy. She wants to meet for a late lunch, at the very mall I just came from. I tell her that is okay, as long as we don’t eat pizza.
We meet. We talk. She is late 20s and looks stunning for a woman her age. The photos from this day make it hard to tell because of her attire, but I would see Cindy again. She was like every cheerleader I ever wanted to date in college, and she was one of those islanders who had no body hair anywhere, which meant she was mesmerized by mine, so the entire time we talked she was playing with my arm hair and leg hair and facial hair.




After some forthcoming discussions about what I had done so far and what else I planned to do, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie or a show, or go have drinks, or go chill at my “modest hotel room.” She picked the room. I think she peed her pants when we arrived in the suite. I gave her the tour, and like the others, she immediately started taking photos with her phone and calling people. It was total cuteness.

We had a few beers and ordered room service and had a few rounds of Karaoke. She told me some stories about some of her past boyfriends, and it turns out that in the past she had dated a few westerners, and they left her jaded and broken hearted, and that she would never make that mistake again. I asked her what she expected of me then, and she said she just wanted Scrabble and a good time with a respectful guy. I asked her if she wanted me to help her financially, and she said that she was not a prostitute. I assured her that this was not what I thought of her, and told her that she should really let me give her some money, because I was not all that good at Scrabble. She laughed and we drank some more.

One of her stories about an Australian boyfriend was heart wrenching. This girl was jaded. She would never trust a man again, and I wasn’t going to try to be that guy, but to be honest I could totally see myself marrying a hot little number like this. She was cute, she was funny and she had taken very good care of herself. Also, she had great shoulders and biceps and muscular legs, which are my favorite parts of woman.

It was surprisingly easy to get her to play Scrabble. In fact, it would be safe to say that she got me to play Scrabble, as her sad stories kind of made me hesitant. Anyway, it was epic. Afterwards, we smoked cigarettes in the roof in our underwear and had a few more rounds of Karaoke. This was when I noticed “My Way” by Frank Sinatra was missing.



She really wanted to go to dinner at the hotel restaurant, and I did not want to tell her that I hated that place and it was overpriced. We went downstairs and I had a steak and she ordered – no kidding – the exact same thing every other girl had ordered. It was apparently the most popular local flavor dish on the menu. Also, a particular drink they ordered would get them a free little stuffed animal. I had not noticed this before, but I realized that all the girls I took down here ordered a strawberry swirl and had ended up with a little stuffed turtle or monkey. I had noticed it, but I hadn’t, ya know? So, I ordered one, too, and gave her mine because as it turns out she has an infant son. Her having a son was obvious in our dealings with the street kids, as she pretty much ignored the girls but was very touchy with the boys, she would fix their hair and wipe their faces, just like a mom.

She started giving me the intel on various clubs, some of which I already knew. I told her where I had been already, and turns out the two places I liked the best were the ones that she recommended the most. I asked her about the friends she had mentioned, but she told me they were working. She asked if I could take her to one of these go go clubs to drink and watch dancers. I thought this was kind of strange, but said we could do whatever she wanted. She picked the club where I saw the hot Tribal Girl and the girl with curly hair who looked Hispanic. I laughed, and told her that I had been to that club last night, and had to leave because I was afraid I would take some girls home. She gave me an elbow to the ribs and said “It’s not too late, you pick girls, I negotiate for you.”

I was shocked, and it showed. I had her repeat what she just said. She told me she didn’t care if I picked up other women tonight, that she would watch out for me.

I had a wing man.

We went to this club, which was the second best on prices and the first best on atmosphere, in my opinion. Both of the girls I had seen the previous night were working. Some of the floor ladies, for whom I had bought pity drinks for the night before, stuck to us and followed us around trying to sell us drinks and food. It was rather annoying, but I just smiled and said No Thanks.

After a while of hassling, with me trying to think of how to get the trolls to go away without insulting then, I finally just slipped each girl a healthy tip and told her to please leave me alone, and that my wingman and I just want to chill. They seemed okay with this. I was worried they would tell the others, who would then come and bother me in hopes of getting paid to leave me alone, but it never happened. Again, I would rather do this than buy a Lady Drink, although I wonder if these clubs penalize girls for not making their quotas, like many US Strip Clubs do.

Cindy started asking me who my favorites were and I gave her the run down. Not 5 seconds after I finished, she stood up and walked over to the stage and told the tall Tribal Girl that she was requested at our table. She came over and sat down, her name was Irish. We took shots and made small talk and ordered some food. After half an hour I noticed Cindy had wandered off. I looked around for her, and she reappeared from the dressing room with the Hispanic girl in tow. Okay, now I am wondering if Cindy used to work in a bar. Spanish girl sits down, her name was Alexa. This is unreal. We get lit. I planned on staying there for a while longer because the drinks were cheap and the stage show was entertaining, but as soon as I mentioned Karaoke in my hotel room, these 2 new girls were done with this bar. They called for the tab, I paid the bar to take them out early, and they changed and scooped me up and we made the one mile trek back to my hotel. Irish was very talkative, but had pretty broken English. Alexa would not talk at all and just laughed when I would try to talk to her, but the more shots she took the louder she got, and by the time we were walking home, she was acting like a pissed off Rosie Perez to everyone in the streets but me.

I insisted we stop for some supplies at 7-11. True to form, I took some street kids in with me. Today there were a couple of new ones, and again, they wanted food, not money



Upstairs we sang and danced on the balcony and drank and smoked. Angel waited in the hallway like a good trooper.









I am not sure if Irish unseats Louann as the hottest Scrabble player ever. She was so tall, and my god, she really wore those daisy dukes. And she had high cheek bones and a long neck, which I find quite attractive on a woman.
If you do not find the girl on the far right attractive, at least in a jungle princess, head boiling, loincloth wearing, drum beating sort of way, then you are homosexual.







In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I really don’t know what I like, and I fall in love several times a day.
As for Alexa, she was straight from the village. Apparently I was the first guy to ever take her from the bar. She was very unrefined, even the other girls had a hard time understanding her dialect, and she was rough around the edges. Cindy called her “a savage”, which I thought was even funnier when I caught Alexa taking a dump with the bathroom door open. The other girls seemed to scold her a lot for being messy and unlady-like. When she said something I did not understand and I asked her to repeat it, she would do so by saying it faster, louder and leaning in close to my face, followed by maniacal laughter. She was crazy. She asked if she could take a shower and I said okay. We stayed downstairs and sang until she called for me to come up a little later. I went upstairs and she said she wanted to give me a bath. I really was not ready for Scrabble right now, but some fiery savage from the jungle offering to give me a bath and me saying no…. well I am not gay. There was actually nothing sexual about this. It was a real scrubbing, like a mom would do a dirty kid. Actually, it kind of hurt. She was being really rough. It reminded me of one of those movies where people get radiation contamination and they hose them down and scrub them with the giant brushes. My laughs eventually turned to screams and culminated with me yelling “what are you doing??” to which she just laughed maniacally. After the DECON was finished, I went back downstairs.



I think it was 4 am when Cindy said she needed to go home because she had to walk her boy to school. She said she usually does not stay up this late. While she was in the bathroom freshening up, I slipped 5000 pesos into her purse and told her I put some taxi money in there for her. She never checked it in front of me. As she left, Angel stopped her and checked with me to make sure it was okay for her to leave. He does this to make sure no one steals my personal property. I give him the thumbs up, and decide to walk Cindy to the elevator anyway. When we get out there, she thanks me for the good time and I tell her I want to hang out again. She says “maybe …. baby” and gives me a fist pump and another elbow to the ribs. Then she says “That Alexa girl, she crazy, you be careful her”

Back inside, Alexa had been wearing just a towel for the last hour. She had been having secret conversations with Irish, looking at me and then giggling. As I would later find out, when you have multiple girls, they basically talk amongst themselves to decide who is going to stay and who is going to go. I guess Irish lost the coin toss, and she asked if I wanted to go upstairs to watch television, just me and her. I was really not ready for this just yet, considering my skin was falling off my back, but Irish said that she had “doctor in da morning” and that she needed to go soon. She was really twisting my arm with those high cheek bones and butt cheeks hanging out of her jean shorts as she walked up the stairs.



Scrabble with her was very different, almost comical, as she liked to say creative things and talk a lot of trash. Keep in mind the locals often replace their Fs with Ps, and their Vs with Bs, and they pronounce short I’s as long E’s. Now incorporate this into filthy bedroom talk. As much as I want to repeat some of the more golden phrases uttered, I will digress. Later, Irish tells me straight up “you give me 2000 towsand peso now.” Okay, well that saves me a dilemma and discussion. It also shows she is a different breed, as the other “bar girls” were kind of coy about the whole deal. Irish was all business, and as I would find out later, she was high mileage. I gave her an extra 1000 for the great language lesson.

Irish leaves and it is just me and Alexa. I take along shower and she goes downstairs to the kitchen and starts cooking and making coffee. After we eat and talk about life and war and what it is like in her province whilst wearing the big white robes provided by the hotel, we decide to turn in. My plan is to go to sleep. I go down and tell Angel to cut out early and tip him.

In the bedroom I try to sleep, but Alexa has other plans. I tell her to wait until morning but she is having none of it. Each time I roll over and settle in, she puts her feet in my back, or hops on top of my, or starts making animal noises in my ear followed by maniacal laughter. It is very playful and eventually I give in. As mentioned earlier, she was somewhat of a savage. Her behavior during Scrabble was no different. She screamed and kicked, she pulled my hair, she fish hooked me, she damn near pulled my ears off a couple of times, she slapped me, she face palmed me, and in short it was an incredible game.

Right up until she stopped me mid game. She pulled me head close to hers, and told me, not asked, but told me to remove the protection, because she wanted a baby.
Oh no. I didn’t want a baby. This did not matter, she wanted one. I told her I could not be a good father 3000 miles away, she told me that she did not want me in the baby’s life, that she just wanted a big white baby. Then the colorful language ensued as to how exactly I was going to give her this.

This was one of the most difficult decisions in my entire life. Right up there with calling in artillery support, or deciding whether or not to shoot the wounded suicide bomber, or picking the starting stats for my Fallout characters.

I should also point out the culture. For those of you who are unaware of the cultures of the pacific islands, both before and after the introduction of Catholicism, the women in this culture are very sexual and many see sex as a status symbol. Furthermore, the women here bleach their skin to look white, and hate their little pug noses, and think that western babies are prettier and fatter and have better noses. Keanu Reeves is half Filipino, nuff said, they worship him.
If you read the stories of the Spanish explorers and their experiences with the natives, you will realize pretty quickly why the Spanish settled here despite a lack of exportable commercial goods, and you will understand why they did not go quietly when the USA went to throw them out. Dating back to pre colonial times, explorers were offered sex in exchange for trinkets, because the trinkets showed a woman to be more desirable and thus improved her status amongst her peers. Groups of explorers typically had fewer men leaving than arriving. Almost every last name in the PI is of Spanish heritage.

Anyway, she wanted a baby, and she wanted it from me. She assured me that she did not want me in her babies life, and that all the women in her family were single moms who would kick their husbands out if they were not abandoned first. This did not make me feel any better. At one point, mid-Scrabble, she grabbed me by both hears, pulled my face an inch from here, and while locking me in the death grip of her thighs screamed at the top of her lungs “I WANT BABBY NOW!!!”.
I could not do it. The game went cold. She rolled over and cried. I tried to console her, and we both fell asleep.

A few hours later I woke up in time to catch the sunset. I reheated the coffee and sat on the roof and smoked. Alexa came out and sat with me, seemingly unbothered by what had happened a few hours earlier.

She was back to her normal self, burping and farting and laughing about it. I apologized and tried to explain myself further, and she cut me off by saying “blah blah give me baby or shut up.” Point taken. We went downstairs and had some overpriced food. I asked her plans for the day, and she said she was off and spending it with her family, who were coming in from the province to spend time with her. She asked if I wanted to meet them, and against my better judgment, I said yes, since I only had one thing on the agenda for today around 1 pm, and that was to meet with a potential franchiser.



I had the desk call a car and I tried to give her money, but she said she didn’t want it. I slipped 3k into her purse and would text her after she left in the car about where to find it. Before she left, we went back to the room to get her stuff, and she pinned me to the deck, all 95 pounds of her, and said that this was to make up for the drama a few hours earlier, and that a baby could wait. We played scrabble on the roof under the morning sun.


End day 5/Begin Day 6

Subsequent updates will be posted as new replies to thread

[Kadagar_AV]

Enough with the placeholders and get to work already!!

I am eagerly waiting!!

[Montmorency]

From the angle of the Wendy shots, I estimate you to be 5'11.

And what a character! This reads like a Dos Equis commercial.

[Shaka_Khan]

You'll see plenty of tall girls in Korea, which is not far from where you're at if you take a plane.

Here are some girls whom I met in Korea:


I met them at a club.
We went to a beach in Haeundae, Busan two weeks later.


They introduced me to their friends at a restaurant.


I met more of their friends at a karaoke.

[Major Robert Dump]

Why cant I get the full photo to upload, instead of thumbs.... I mean, probably better I do thumbs anyway since I have like 200 more pics and 12 more days to go

[PanzerJaeger]

Never stop posting...

[Fragony]

Never stop posting...

^ what he said.

Great read. I just can't manage to find these girls attractive though, major handicap for a tall blond blue-eyed teuton such as myself as it would open up up plenty of opertunity.

[Major Robert Dump]

^ what he said.

Great read. I just can't manage to find these girls attractive though, major handicap for a tall blond blue-eyed teuton such as myself as it would open up up plenty of opertunity.

You havent seen the best yet. If you do not think at least 2 of the girls from Cebu are stunning, then you, my friend, are a homo. That update is far off, though, as this is taking longer than I thought.

[Fragony]

I'm not gay just mildly bi-curious. Let's see what you got but I doubt it will change my opinion on Asian women, they are so girly

[Shaka_Khan]

Wendy, 4'10", 27 years old

Wow!

I didn't sleep with the Korean girls I posted in my earlier comment. The relationships were more of a friend thing so they acted a bit conservative.

[Major Robert Dump]

Kind sir, I was friends with all of these ladies and perhaps a greater gentleman than the had ever encounterd.

And I did not "sleep with" these ladies. We had Sleepovers and Played Scrabble. Sometimes 3 or 4 of us at once.

[Shaka_Khan]

Oh yes! Then we almost had similar experiences. Don't get me wrong. I'm enjoying your story and I wish I did the same with the girls I met.

[Fragony]

Ay friend-zone my sympathies

[Ice]

Nice vacation, Dump. It like it how wildly varies in wholesomeness.

[Kadagar_AV]

Those "sisters" were probably fake, no? Different skin colour and stuff...?

[lars573]

My brother has different skin tone from my sister and myself. We have mothers, he has fathers. The only way you can tell all three of us have the same parents is our blond hair and blue eyes are all very similar.

[Kadagar_AV]

My brother has different skin tone from my sister and myself. We have mothers, he has fathers. The only way you can tell all three of us have the same parents is our blond hair and blue eyes are all very similar.

I'm not saying it's impossible for siblings to not look alike...

I am saying that in the arena of women after money, pandering to male fantasies is economically efficient. There just aren't as many sisters on the island of Lesbos as some would believe ;)

With that said, MRD might of course well have met two sisters into it. He is way more capable than me to answer it for obvious reasons. I'm just putting the question out there...

Will go on reading soon....

GREAT STUFF SO FAR!!!!

Made me consider bringing a cam and a notepad next time I wear ski instructor clothes...

[Major Robert Dump]

Those "sisters" were probably fake, no? Different skin colour and stuff...?

I asked if they were symbolic sisters, like sorority etc, or for realz sisters and she said different fathers
Lots of absentee western fathers of people here,
light skin is sought after, they think dark skin is ugly, she may have been a bleacher

[Kadagar_AV]

I'm not saying it's impossible for siblings to not look alike...

I am saying that in the arena of women after money, pandering to male fantasies is economically efficient. There just aren't as many sisters on the island of Lesbos as some would believe ;)

With that said, MRD might of course well have met two sisters into it. He is way more capable than me to answer it for obvious reasons. I'm just putting the question out there...

Will go on reading soon....

GREAT STUFF SO FAR!!!!

Made me consider bringing a cam and a notepad next time I wear ski instructor clothes...

I asked if they were symbolic sisters, like sorority etc, or for realz sisters and she said different fathers
Lots of absentee western fathers of people here,
light skin is sought after, they think dark skin is ugly, she may have been a bleacher

And I got it answered :)

EDIT: "Bleaching" I never heard about, except Michael Jackson.. Don't get me wrong MRD, I am not questioning You, I ask questions TO you, as I am honestly interested!!

[Major Robert Dump]

The bleachy face thing is very common here for girls going out. Even the lighter skinned sisters face is brighter. I don't know if this is them trying to look white, or if they are pandering to the other asian men by doing this.... personally I think it looks horrible, makes them look like clowns... never saw this in the daytime around town, only with ldies who were dolled up for the nightlife

[GeneralHankerchief]

I love that there are 10 more days of this to go.

[Major Robert Dump]

This has turned out to be a bit longer than expected. Maybe should have just posted the photos. My "labor day weekend project" looks like it will carry over into next week

[Major Robert Dump]

So far Photobucket has not impressed me, as it has gone down twice now since I started this project yesterday. This is me testing an upload from the PC.

Don't believe my hotel room was awesome? That is a phone in the bathroom. I ordered room service while taking a dump. Your welcome.

[seireikhaan]

I am morbidly curious how the rest of this goes. This is the most bizarre and fantastic thread in a long, long while.

[Major Robert Dump]

Day 6(Days 1-5 at beginning of thread)


I take a quick nap after Alexa leaves and after I text her where to find the money. I head downstairs around lunch and chill in the lobby.



I started talking to the staff yet again. I knew them all by name, and some were rather candid, and it was not uncommon for one person to have relatives at another place nearby or even in the same establishment. Over the past few days I had talked a lot to workers and managers at various types of venues, usually asking about salaries, hours, who owned the establishment, etc. One thing I always did when asking about salary was to never ask that person their own, I always asked someone else who would know. This is because if someone thinks you are about to give them money, the may exaggerate how little they make. I learned this from dealing with corrupt elders in Afghanistan. Anyway, one thaing that really grated me was when I found out that the two cheap bars I had been to actually give the girls 50% cuts of their lady drinks and 50% cuts of their EWRs, whereas the Monopoly bars give 20% on drinks and zero on EWRs, yet their prices were literally 3-4 times higher across the board. This irritates me because the pricier a venue, the less the average cheap charlie customer will end up tipping. Think of it like the delivery fee when you order from Dominoes, virtually none of which goes to the driver, but people assume it does so they justify not tipping.

Meanwhile, the Monopoly prices are virtually the same at every bar, and way too high. Yes, away from the strip it is much cheaper, but also much more dangerous out at night alone. I am not exaggerating the danger level to foreigners. Do not fight back in a mugging. Do not intervene in disputes between locals. The "saving face" thing here is huge, so if you beat a guy down -- even if he is in the wrong to begin with -- dont be surprised when he returns and stabs or shoots you. Guns are easy to get, there is a reason they have armed guards even at a church or an orphanage. If you make yourself look like you have money you are a target, and many of the thugs here are highly illiterate and ignorant and think all westerners are rich. One can buy a "Hit" for about $20 USD.

From my travels and "business eetings" around the area, it appears the Monoploy owned every go go bar but 4. I went to all but one of those 4, and I went to about 10 total monoploy bars, usually just for a quick beer and to ogle and maybe buy a few girls drinks.

While getting a tour of the kitchen at the bar restaurant, which had a retro gas station theme and was named accordingly, I finally got to meet one of the owners. I had seen this woman around, and assumed she was a tourist. She was a fat, butchy American woman in her 50s. She was always scowling. When she caught me in the kitchen, she became very irate to the kitchen manager until she was told that I was the guy in the Penthouse, then her attitude changed and she asked me what I did for a living. I told her I was in the pest control industry, and she said "oh, you must do very well" to which I responded "lotta stuff needs killin" and pushed by her in the narrow kitchen. I was really not much interested in talking to he because she seemed like an ass, and I had actually worked on that answer ahead of time, as it was somewhat creepy and not altogether untrue.

And believe it or not, I was intersted in their kitchen facilites. I wanted to see what a standard layout was, the cleanliness, the tools used




I headed a couple miles into Makati to meet with my franchiser friend.
Apparently in the PI, it is okay to drive recklessly as long as you blare your horn over and over and over again. It was all one constant game of chicken. I always tried to tell my drivers that I was in no hurry, but this never worked, as apparently they were always in a hurry. It really is ridiculous. Bumper to Bumper. Motorcycles on the sidewalks. If a cab picks you up and you tell him you are going the other way, he will make a U TURN through 8 lanes of gridlocked traffic, blaring his horn, all cars an inch from your face, instead of going one block, using a light and turning around. The traffic cops are ignored wholesale.

Also, helmet laws are only enforced against westerners, as are most traffic laws, presumably because the westerners can pay a bribe to be let go.












The Franchiser was with a north american pizza franchise that you have likely never heard of. It did quite well here. Dine in, typical lay out, same quality as back home but 1/4 the price in terms of what is sold. What dumfounded me was how they could not only charge western franchise fees for the set up, but also a higher-than-the-same-eatery-in-the-west franchise fee (the monthly tribute). It seemes like with leveraged currency this would not be the case. Maybe I just don't understand. But basically, it would cost me the same to open one in Manila as it would to open one in Pheonix. This being the case, why Franchise at all? Name recognition? Bah, that is not worth 30% of my profits, and the people in a commercial, consumer society like this are easy to manipulate. They buy PAris Hiltin albums for gods sake. Didn't know Paris Hilton mademusic? Me neither, not until I came here.

I can sell pizzas without the franchise. This guy swore by it. He did not necessarily like the company, and was not doing a hard sell on me, but the sheer volume he did with a mix of clientele ensured he lived a very comfortable life, even with the 30% tribute. He told me he paid the franchise fee of in 3 years. His store was in a very busy business district, near some colleges and on the route to and from the mall, so he got the business crowd and the youth crowd, and closed at 9pm because there were really no noghtlife seekers in the area. At least not for the types of bars where the customers can afford pizza. Anywhere you go in Manila, you will find shanty bars occupied by what appears to be professional alcoholics, eating food that looks like broiled lizards pulled from the lagoon.

And speaking of colleges. Most of the colleges have dress codes. And nursing schools are huge. So, in areas where colleges exist, you wills ee random mobs of young asian women either dressed as nurses or dressed in the Catholic School Girl uniform. Go ahead and catch your breath, I will wait.

I had some pizza with my franchise friend and he invited me to go out with he and some of his western business owner friends to an event they were having at one of his friends clubs. I took a rain check and said I may catch them when I come through after Cebu. The main reason I did this was because I had a $250 per night room and intended to use it, and I hadnt really come here to party with americans at american bars. And for the record, the nightclub business is one I am defintely not interested in. In retrospect I probably gone since I was here to network, maybe taken one of my new lady friends as a date, as I could only imagine the impression Alexa would have made with her farting and burping and talk of BABBY. That would have been epic, but I probably would hae taken Wendy or Cindy to be safe.

Speaking of, Wendy has sent me texts pretty regular the last couple days, some of them sort of corny and others just small talk. She does want to see me again, but I politely text her back that I do not want to come pay some outrageous EWR to get her off work. She appears to be giving me the "if you dont take me, someone else might" type guilt trip. It's not working. She also has a bad habit of texting me good morning texts very very early, when I have just gone down to sleep, which I find irritating. Alexa, meanwhile, has texted me about 50 times so far today, about the meal I am having with her family.

I go to the hotel room to relax. My bathroom has a phone



Apparently I am picking the place where I am eating with Alexs family. I assume this means I am paying, which is fine. Alexa tells me, as best she can in her broekn english, that her family knows tht she works in a bar so there is no need for me to lie about the circumstances of how we met. Okay. I pick a Japanese Ramen restaurant that I have heard good things about, and it is a short cab ride up the road.

So far, virtually EVERY cab driver I have encountered has asked me if I am looking for a date, a wife, or a girlfriend. About half of them offered me drugs, to include Shabob, which is basically meth. Obviously, I always passed on these offers, but as of day 6 and about a dozen cab rides, every single driver has tried to play match maker.

At the Ramen house is Alexa, her two sisters and one of her sisters sons. We order and have a nice discussion over dinner. The son, about 16, is from a Japanese father who mom has not seen in 10 years. She seems to not care, and tells me she does not want to see him, and that she does not need him. I find this awfully convenient considering what had happened between Alexa and I the previous night, but this kid was definitely half something other than Filipino. He looked like a Japanese kid, and was alot taller than the local boys his age. I wanted to ask him how he felt about his dad not being around, I was genuinely curious, but he was too busy walking around the restaurant and flirting with some teenage girls at another table. Regardless of what mom, any mom, wants in this case, I am just not sure about bringing a kid into this world and then not being a part of their lives. I dunno, maybe Filipino culture is better equipped for that, whereas in the USA it is a good way to mess a kids mind up, as is reflected in the number of criminals who come from single parent homes.

Cindy texts me and tells me she is at the hotel, which was completely not part of te plan. I was not planning on spending the night with Alexa, and planned on seeing Cindy after we made plans. I told her to go do something that I would be an hour. I talked some more the the family, and it turns out they own a good chunk of loand on the coast and raise small livestock. By Filipino standards, they seem to be upper-middle class, but due to their location in relation to urban development, they still use an outhouse, cook outdoors and bathe in a river. It is wierd, their home they show me pics of is enormous, well furnished, with computers and internet... but they bathe outdoors. I asked why no inside kitche and they said because of the heat, it is cheaper to cook outside and it saves on their cooling bill.

As we are wrapping things up and I am flagging a taxi to take the family home, it becomes apparent the the sisters expect Alexa to go with me. The older one (the one without the kid) says some thing in Alexas ear and she laughs. They get in the cab and I decide I want to walk back, since it is a cool night. I ask Alexa what her sister said, and she tells me her sister was saying that after I got Alexa pregnant to send me sisters way. Wow, thats awkward. And no thanks.

I text Cindy and tell her I am bringing Alexa. She texts me back the "eyes rolling" symbol. When I arrive and meet her in the lobby she tells me that she was hoping to bring one of her friends tonight, and that Alexa was going to put a crimp in those plans. I don't see why, and I suggest we go get her friend anyway. She tells me her friend is already on the way. Turns out her friend works as a dancer at the cheapest bar on the strip, the one owned by the Brit. Apparently, the EWR is so cheap, and the girls get 50% anyway, that the dancers frequently just pay half their own EWR when they want to get off work early. It seems wierd that this girl I have never met has already paid 500 pesos just to come meet me, and I make a note to remember to pay her back.

Tonight I decide it is best to not drink. I expect there to be some more baby drama, and quite frankly I do not know if I can resist this crazy curly haired girl another night, let alone drunk. The friend, Daisy, shows up. She is short and loud. Her voice is kind of high pitched and annoying. Pretty nonetheless, but no so much my type, which is fine, because tonight I just want to lounge and babysit drunk girls.

We end up going to watch a movei at the mall. It was the Vampire vs Werewolf movie with that hot MILF, cannot remember the name right now, and the movie was terrible, but the girls seemed to like it. We played some games in the arcade and headed back towards the hotel.

We made the obligatory 7-11 stop. The typical rugrats were there, along with what appeared to be an older sister, about 12 years old. We go in and load up on groceries. As we leave, I snap some pics, most of which were out of focus, but I got one of the girl. Obviously, I am concerned about a girl this age wandering the streets at night. And I believe she has blue eyes. This kind of breaks my heart, and re-assures me that I will not be playing baby scrabble with Alexa tonight, no effing way.



Upstairs it is more of the usual. Except tonight I am texting back and forth and calling another potential business associate, this guy being half owner of a disco. While I am not interested in a nightclub, he also partially owns some of the adjacent buildings and the area is a good off-the-grid nightclub spot. He tells me the neighborhood is not too bad, the majority of customers are locals, and it is the choice venue area for the college crowd and young professionals. We are planning on meeting the following night and going to this club. I ask if I can bring some dates, and he says most certainly because he is bringing his girlfriend. I am thinking maybe he didn't notice date(s) was plural.



























A few of Cindy and Daisy's friends stopped by intermittently, I chain smoked on the balcony, the girls got more nd more rowdy thanks to Tequila, and we ordered room service several times. Eventually when they started to pass out, I helped them upstairs. I think they pre planned that Alexa would sleep in my bed and Daisy and Cindy would stay in the second bedroom. Honestly, the bed in the main room was big enough for all 4 of us, so I saw where this was going, and tonight I was not interested. I planned on going to sleep sober, getting 8 hours of sleep, and waking up sober. I explained this to Alexa and she was very displeased, and we had a repeat of the previous night sans the scrabble. At some point when I was asleep, the went out and bought groceries, came back to bed, and woke up and made breakfast for everyone in the morning, some rice and shrimp concoction smothered in hot peppers that was the last thing I should have eaten forst thing in the morning, but I was living reckless, and my toilet had a telephone, so I would be okay.

** damn these atachments, fixing now
** wtf why do the pics work then not work