KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

[Jebivjetar]

I simply enjoy this AAR, Cute Wolf. You're my man!


have this, my friend:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[G. Septimus]

I simply enjoy this AAR, Cute Wolf. You're my man!


have this, my friend:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

OO My god!!!!!
how much baloons is in there!!!!
baloon heaven, man- baloon heaven!!!
well, if i could give you a baloon, I should give you one

[Jebivjetar]

Ok, i'm here just to say that in minute ago i spoke with Cute Wolf's hologram on facebook and he said that he couldn't update this AAR today due to some account-related problem.

This are his words:

Ow man... for some unknown reason, I couldn't give any reply to anything at the org today... as the login page says that another person is using my account!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON WITH MY ORG ACCOUNT!?!?!? (Please... tell I say soory for this late update...)

I'm afraid his account has been hacked, man.

[Ludens]

I'm afraid his account has been hacked, man.

In that case the best thing to do would be to e-mail TosaInu (his address is on the front page). If he can prove that the Cute Wolf account is his, Tosa can reset the password. However, as CW logged in a few hours ago without doing anything, I am not sure whether anything malicious is going on.

[Cute Wolf]

In that case the best thing to do would be to e-mail TosaInu (his address is on the front page). If he can prove that the Cute Wolf account is his, Tosa can reset the password. However, as CW logged in a few hours ago without doing anything, I am not sure whether anything malicious is going on.

Soory to made everyone wait for soo long and even I first start to speculate my account was hacked... No, actually I now post this using my friend's computer, outside of my campus' network area...

That was a job by some on the informatics group that set a new firewall that made anyone from my university's network CAN'T POST ANYTHING ON MOST FORUMS! because some internal bad case of the students spreading something "evil" on another forums and we got complained. So to prevent that, the informatics group block acess to that forum (certainly not this org), and place heavy restriction to post on another VB based forum for some time (I also can't post anything on another forums too)

Don't worry, meanwhile, I can post that next sunday from a cafe hotspot instead....
Thanks


Cute Wolf

[Cute Wolf]

Jebivjetar & The Alien Conspiracy!!!

Roma, The temple of Ivpiter... lies under it's basement are a secret chamber, guarded by elite of the elite Roman troops, and under that secret chamber, lies highly secret chamber who only a handful of high powered senatores and prominent nobility entered for discussing highly secretive matters of the Roman republic's affairs, and yet under that highly secret chamber... lies an extremely secret high tech room, made by foreign extraterrestial beings, contain some teleport tube for alien diplomats, and guarded by several automatic plasma gun controlled by highly intelligent AI. Only few high positioned men of the Roman republican office knows... and only three Men, the Pontifex Maximus, along with two consuls could enter that.

The aliens are rumoured to take control of the time... they take indirect control on every major faction in an era... and after the Egyptian dynasty were replaced by those sister ******* Ptolemaioi, they start to take Roman Republic under their influence and to some extent "mind control". That's why, a stupid, barbaric people like those Romaioi are capable to do something that surpass their default level of intelligence, because when the Aliens try to took control on them... their Filthy Barbaropolis are upgraded into a major city, although still contain some of their Barbaricness, the aliens sucessfully teach those Romaioi to copy their more hellenized neighbours...

"So, the irregular flow of the dimensions we decect some years ago, has something to do with your great rival... the Republic of Kart-Hadast. It looks like they had some sort of involvement with that. Just look at the source of this irregular time wave that ends when the chrono vortex reaching the Kart-Hadast region." A Mysterious alien seen in the monitor said that to the Consul and Pontifex Maximus of SPQR, and as most of you can see, he's a grey alien... but how did he comes here? and what intent?

"Yes... we'll do as you ask... we'll try our best to harass the Karthadastim governance, and we'll try to extract as much information as possible sir!" the lone Roman, known as Pontifex Maximus replied directly.

"Well, first you must swear in the name of His Noddliness... The Flying Sphagetii Monster... to keep this information I'll about bring to you as a secret... understand?!?"

"In the name of His Noddliness... The Flying Sphagetii Monster... I swear that I wouldn't let my mouth spill the secret you'll about to tell me. If I couldn't keep my word... Pedobear will molest my ass!"

"So... did you know about this certain shady guy... a weed trader who de facto controlling the Karthadastim senate... Jebivjetar?"

"Oh... I know about him a bit... as he was the only weed trader in this era that was neither Persian descendants nor the Nomads... He was a really interesting stuff of guys... certainly has a lot of knowledge and a sharp mind in the art of war... but as far as we know... he only direct the Kart-Hadastim behind the scene... as he prefer spending his days with his weeds, his wine, and many women..."

"Hoo.... WWW.... Weed, Wine, and Women....... a really hedonistic guy eh?.... So Roman..... what did you think about bring him down?"

"Of course... he allready produce his own weeds.... the Iberians who Karthadastei rule produce much better wine than us... but he wouldn't ignore if we sent a beautiful girl to lure him into the vortex of time... generated by your ship... that's all I can think about..."

"Well... it looks like we also need to take down the empire of Kart-Hadast itself... Prepare your men on the Tiber river valley... and get some Tiberium to power up the teleport machine lies on that site... after that, I will guide the machine to send some of your men to bring a surprise attack on their colony that was dangerously close to Roma... the Alalia... and after that... we will teleport your force directly on their very edge of the City of Kart-Hadast itself... capture it by force when they try to sent their troops try to wrestle Alalia from us..."

"As you wish and we shall obey sir..."

And then... as you can expect... the romans assemble their troops on the side of Tiber river... and they start to initiate the mass teleportation procedure... the first thing was some Hastati and Leves sent to mine the Tiberium, and load it to obvious alien plattform... And high in the sky... the Aliens are watching the Romans finish their job...

And after that this teleport assault force was ready... they are sent to Alalia, which at this time didn't have any guards at all... and quickly take that backyard town without any difficulty... in the process... they sent a declaration of war to the Kart-Hadastei...

Meanwhile... back in the great city of Kart-Hadast.... Jebivjetar barca are now widely hailed as a great philosshoper, morale teacher, and narco guru... that even become more iconic as he often give speech in front of Kart-Hadast military force, and smoke in a charismatic manner... Many of the Iberians and Hellenes especially hail this narco guru with a speech befitted of him.... "Viva La Kart-Hadast!"

Honored almost as living god among the smoking Phoenicians, Iberians, and Hellenes... Jebivjetar manage himself to get a proper way of honourable living... mostly seen giving some philoshopical class, as well as botanical class to plant your own weeds to the upper-class Phoenicians and military force... and then indulge himself with many Weed, Wine, and Women... as befitted as the most notorious narco guru...

But then... the boringness of banging some women again - again and again... made Jebivjetar really bored and he try to get some new women to enter his harem... That night... he and Bomilkar goes to Atiqa's grand bazaar night club, in hope to found some new hottie to be pounded with lusts... But in other side of that hedonistic community, an alien girl, the agent X21+, wait Jebivjetar in the darkness. Unsurprisingly, when Jebivjetar comes near her... she called him....

"Loorrdd Jebivjetaaarrr........ remember meeee?"

"Oh man! what a pretty girl......... euh... did you know me.....?"

"Of course I did.... You bang me six month ago, when the Atiqa's new temple of Astrate was opened... I'm the holy prostitute that works there...."

"Ouw.... holy... ****.... you re really a hottie there.... come on... come to my place..... well, what about you Bomilkar?"

"Ehem... she's all yours... I think I will search for a food befitting to serve the Lord Pedobear..." Bomilkar calmly replies.

"Ouw... damn.... are you sayin that you're a Pedobear follower now, what the... what will Lord Baal say when he hear about that... he was omnipotent god, at least that I heard from those priests everytime I attend Baal's praise and worship?" Jebivjetar say that with a shocked face...

"Hey... just calm.... don't you know about the new cult of Baal-Pedobear? They're a cool new cult! You should try some..."

"Of course I know... that was a really sick cult... now back off or I'll... well, next time, I'll try to attend the Pedobear's praise and worship service... in which temple?"

"Just near the Kart-Hadast marketplace... Pedobear approves!"

"Well, just don't said that to those Sweboz ambassador who resides near there, as he often said STOP BABY BURNING!!! And then randomly club some libyan slaves to the dead... well, the Sweboz ambassador are quite eccentric."

"Yes, yes... I know him... as he often take a walk on the Grand Bazzar with nothing, just paint his body all black, and...."

"EXCUSE ME LORDS...... DID YOU WANNA TAKE ME ONE NIGHT STAND OR NOT?" The hot girls that they've ignored for a while said that loudly... because apparently she was ignored for a quite long time.

"Jebivjetar... just take her down and bang her... Leaving a holy prostitute waiting is not a good manner." Bomilkar said.

"Allright pal... now, we should part our way here, as I'll search for a love hotel here...."

And so, Jebivjetar and that hot girl (that was in fact an alien agent) take some rest on the nearby love hotel. As they've got inside and lock the doors, drink some wine, and close the windows... now the girl started to open her clothes one by one...

"Ouw.... dear... I just wanna too....."

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jebivjetar suddenly screams as a mysterious ray just comes out and kidnap him to a some kind of flying saucer.... an Alien Spaceship!!!!!

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"Where am I... Ooppsss.... I forgot to take my clothes... ****!!!!!" Jebivjetar suddenly realized that he was lying on the spaceship's floor... naked.

But some kind of time vortex was opened in fron t of him, and he realize that he see another man... the more he see, that man is clearly resembles him... wearing heavy silver armour, and riding armoured horse, and even his thorax has the mighty Romaioktonoi symbol, really majestic posture to behold. Everything looks fine, except he carrying a wooden oak club, spiked with coarse and rusty iron.

"The Romans have ruined the time vortex... Fight them with me my friend... Kill them all!" that men said that to Jebivjetar.

"Who... who are you... Ouw men... am I still high, I didn't touch my weeds yet!" Jebivjetar complied.

"Foolish junkie! I am you! I am yourself! Need more question? The mighty Pedobear has awaken me, your inner conciousness, and from there... you shall named Xanthipphos... and you will lead some Spartan bands of junkies to a mighty victory!"

"Huh... I am Xanthipphos? I heard Xanthippos are Hellen?"

"No, the crack the Romans made on the time vortex cause you to become the Xanthipphos... well, in reality, you remember what you did yesterday? You give a band of Spartan hippies free weeds as treat... and they want to honour your kindness by stand beside you and fight for you..."

"Ouw... so that's the truth?"

"Yes, you command some Spartan hippies!"

"And so, I'm not ridding any horse..."

"True... because this horse was only an Illusion... oh... the sweboz's club of time's power just faded... quick, take this club anbd smash this damn alien spaceship's windows, so you can escape with this jump jet suit!"

"Jump jet suit? Sweboz's club of time? And you're sent by the mighty pedobear? What the heck is happening here?"

"Just follow my orders stupid... I am yourself!" and then the mighty men vanished... leaving just a dirty and rusty spiked wooden club, along with a jump jet suit.

"Urgh.... what the ****" Jebivjetar thinks of that experience, and as he was still naked he quickly don the jump jet suit, he then screams like a Slagonez and smash one of the spaceship's window.

"HAIIIYAAAAA WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

And he quickly land on the right site of battle, as some Kart-Hadast's mercenary army still on duty, has somewhat been carried there by some spiritual means... and facing them are a mighty cohort of Roman army... ready to lay waste on Karthadastim land!

"Oh... that's the lord Jebivjetar... We can fight now! We will win!!! Horayyy!!!!!!!!" A glorious, mighty speech culminating when he change his jump jet suits into full body armour and stand beside the Spartan hippies who adress him as lord Xanthipphos (apparently Xanthipphos was some kind of name he randomly blurbs when he's high).

And before he assemble the troops, the sky opens and a mighty figure in the form of Bear comes down... It's Pedobear!

"Hiya... I choose you Jebivjetar... You must crush those Romans! as they are the Flying Sphagetti monster's followers!"

"But I never worship you before Pedobear?!? What the heck you are coming and command me?"

"Oh, you don't know that I and Baal are one entity? So you know the truth now... Why the babies and childrens are roasted to become my offerings.... I love to eat them as well done steaks"

"Ouw...."

"But I'm just recently opened my cover, and inspire some priests to opened the first temple of the cult of Baal-Pedobear.... so do my command! or I smack your head!"

"As you wish lord...." and Jebivjetar start the battle!

As usual, the skirmisher cavalry sent forward, and lure the Roman Eqvites to their doom at Jebijevtar's spartan Hippies pointy sticks...

With the Roman cavalry shattered... the Liby Phoenician cavalry now take on the offensive...

As they slam their spears right onto a line made of hastati.... ouch! That must hurt the Romans a lot....!

Bored of being killed without any chance of retalition, the Roman lines advance! but the Numidian archers stand ready and relase their volleys of flaming arrows toward them...

So great that the dread Jebivjetar give the Romans... that their line start to falter, even before most of them make contact with their enemies... the Roman Hastati (who allready suffer heavy casualities, thanks to the Liby Phoenician cavalry) start to rout first, and never come back!

And so, with some slams of cavalry to their side and back, the Roman teleport invasion force was entirely defeated today...

And after that... Pedobear, the true lord Baal, smiles in the sky....

- Now back to Roma -

"How did this lose comes! I think the soldiers you sent to smack those Kart-Hadastim are enough! I've never heard a full fledged infasion force was beaten by a band of mercs that has only half their strength!" The Mysterious Alien on the monitors angered as he heard about the sore loss the Roman had...

"But... I know this wasn't your fault either..." Those aliens are speaking to frightened Pontifex Maximus.... "It was the Flying Sphagetti Monster's rival... the Pedobear, behind all of this failure.... and for worse, Pedobear has reveal himself as his incarnation... he tells them that he was Baal..."

"Oh... forgive me lord.... For the Flying Sphagetti Monster's Nodliness Grace... we shall try again..." The Pontifex Maximus said that while he still cowers and covered all by cold sweats...

"No... next time I fought against them... I'll sent unit from the imperial time to take care of them... that's easy for us... just create a chrono vortex and start inputting create_unit! Beware Kart-Hadastim... this is not the last.... This was only THE BEGINNING!!!!"


Part 4 finished

[Jebivjetar]

Man! Wolf! O MAN !! Omg i don't know what to say... but: this update is so god damn cool so i must throw myself through the window just to calm down a bit! Your ideas made my brain so so i laugh like a maniac! i just have to put my head in some ice because my brains will explode due to hot temperature!!!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

this is how i look like:

MAN I WANT TO MARRY YOU!!!!

i dont know... man... and your fotoshops made me :laughinglunatic:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

AAAAHHHahahahAHAHAHABUHAHAHABUaaAA AAA BUAAAAA HAHAHAHAAHBHAGHAAAWAAAGGGHHHWAAAAAAAA I IDEEEEEEEE UMRIJET ĆU!!! BUHAHHAahaHAHA