The Brits and sex

[al Roumi]

Englishmen don't follow Currs too well. Why is this hard for you to understand?

It's not hubris, there's a clear cultural gap here.

Er, fine I'll speak a little plainer: What you said is :hairy and hangs:. Or are you personally vouchsafing for all English leaders???

And Steven "assault and affray charges" Gerrard as VC.

He could have picked, Frank "make my family live in a apartment, while I stay in the family mansion during divorce proceedings" Lampard. But, that's a little wordy. At least it wasn't Ashley "ONLY £55k A WEEK!!!/philanderer" Cole. My preference would have been Wayne Rooney, despite his granny habit.

Exactly! Thankfully Gary Nevile is no longer on the team, the wretch.

Let's look at the foot he's shot. His load of wastrels he calls his team is useless, and some of them can't walk without a limp. Dick Whittington himself would fail with this lot, shouting until his face was blue. Balls over the top all the time, no finesse at all.

Now steady on, it's one thing to slate the team's morality - quite another to start mud-slinging such ugly rumours that they would stoop to the long-ball game...