Questions accepted in "Dear Abby" fashion. Answers may be humorous, delayed, or verbally abusive as time/mood allows.
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Questions accepted in "Dear Abby" fashion. Answers may be humorous, delayed, or verbally abusive as time/mood allows.
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal
Were you happy with last weeks results in Dallas?
Dear Right-Wing reactionary Neanderthal?
Where do you get off calling yourself a Neanderthal?! What, you think that you're less civilized than me?! You right-wingers are nothing but a bunch of effete intellectual windbags with no basis in reality! I'm the neanderthal, not you!
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Dear unsigned:Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Absolutely! You have to admire entrepeneurship like those Lone Star folk were displaying! Link
...oh, if you meant the Red River War, then I say the Good Guys won. Hook 'em!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reverend Joe
Dear Reverand Cro-Magnon:
Cheese it! Your knuckles don't even drag when you hunch over, much less when you're just walking.
Dear RWRN,
Why are Sarah Palin and Elizabeth Hasselbeck the best you can do in terms of female proponents of your cause?
It's not like either have much serious competition against Whoopi, Rosie O'Donnel or Hillary. Pretty much a wash.
Jessica Simpson loves President BushQuote:
Originally Posted by Big_John
Dear Right Wing Neanderthal,
Where can I file an intellectual property suit against you for copying me?!
Left Wing Berkeley Liberal
Dear Left Wing Berkeley Liberal,
Try contacting the ACLU, crunchy.
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,
Why are you so awesome?
Signed,
Delicious Candy.
hehehehehheehhehe:smash:Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal,
Why am I here?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
Dear Limp Liberal:
Pretty much in any court -- your crew owns most of them.
Now how about you give us a rousing rendition of "L'Internationale?"
Dear Existential:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichigo
To love and serve the Lord, who loves you too. You might want to get in a round of golf or three also.
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neandarthal,
Why does God hate Barack Obama?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big_John
Dear "I use the adjective because I'm overcompensating" John:
I might say that most of our good conservative ladies are home with their kids, you know, the consevative classic of "kirke, kirche, und kinder."
But that'd miss out on such lovelies as Kirkpatrick, Thatcher, and Kay Bailey Hutchinson.
Besides, you forgot the entire bevy of broadcast angels over at Fox News -- We report, you need a dry towel and a cigarette.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Dear DC:
I do NOT want to see your candy. That incident NEVER HAPPENED. But, er, thanks for the kind thoughts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by makaikhaan
Dear unsigned lord of makais:
While I don't presume to know the mind of the Almighty, I would guess that God does NOT hate Barack Obama -- but loves him and just hopes that he will exercise that greatest of gifts, free will, and seek reconciliation.
Fortunately, McCain's careful work with Pat Robertson means that God is on Johnny's side now, so Gott mit Uns and we shall prevail -- at least on the 700 club.
Dear Right Wing Neanderthal,
My friend, who is a new Orgah, wants to know what are the criteria that let new users enter or view or post in the Backroom area? He asked me and I had no idea that it was invisible to new members, and I see no rules posted about what the qualifications are to get in.
Signed,
Raging Against the Machine
Dear Rage:
Are you sure this is a friend? A friend who you would expose to this :daisy:fest?
Very well. My understanding is that, as with access to the Gameroom, the Mods of the Backroom can toggle access to "on" once they determine that the individual would be no more vexing than DevDave or Tribesy.
Oh what a high bar we set....:smartass:
Have him toss a PM to the right cowl.
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,
My wife is French.
Should I get a divorce.
Signed,
Lazy in Lousy-ANA
Dear LAzy violin fetishist:
Courtesy of their new Prez, the frogs aren't quite the hated enemy of yesteryear. So, if she's a Parissiene, you may still have to toss her out on her ear. We'll play nice with the others at least for now though.
Can she cook?
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,
Where have all the young men gone, long time passing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by KukriKhan
Dear Older than Dirt knifelord:
That particular Round states gone for soldiers no? What next? Spouting passages from "Joe Hill" or lamenting the stupid dove sleeping off a long wingover on some dune somewhere?
Stuff and Piffle!
Give me George C. Patton and a good hard slap around. Hold 'em by the nose and.....
Dear RWRN,
No. She can't cook worth a puddle of mud. But what does it mater, I'm a good part cajun. I can cook anything that ever lived. As long as I have a pabst or shlitz to help it down.
P.S. Her father has more broken down cars in his yard than anyone I know. With hogs and chickens running around in them. And a couple of pitbulls.
Signed,
Where's my shrimp boot at.
Dear RWRN,
Why does George Bush hate black people?
Signed,
A concerned jelly baby.
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal
Will you guys ever do anything right?
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal
I must protest in the strongest possible manner about your claim. You are clearly a fifth column liberal masquerading for some devilish purpose.
All true right-wing reactionaries, neanderthalensis or erectus, are grammar and spelling nazis. Pedantry and nit-picking are the staple of our fine traditions, lest the corruption of new ideas pollute the bodily fluids of our sainted children.
You reveal yourself as a socialist by the spelling mistake in your thread title. Refusing to follow draconian and inflexible rules proves that you actually hate freedom. My upper lip would barely register a tremble if I were to learn of your employment as a member of the media.
Therefore, my question is: May I borrow your sequinned ball gown tonight as Arthur is coming round to play "Public School Memories" and I am nanny?
Your obedient servant (in turn)
Colonel Outrage
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910
Dear shrimp booter:
'tit Boudreau docked it next to Tibadeaux's pee-rogue. Said he left the keys under the seat cushion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Dear Jelly-Belly:
Thanks for the smile. After 8 glorious years with uncle Ron in the oval, jellie beans of all sorts invoke fond memories.
How could you think that George Bush (41 or 43) hate black people? Neither of them know very many of "those" people, so why would they waste emotional angst over it? There are far more important things to focus on, like hand-holding with members of the Saud family.
Dear directionally confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by CountArach
WE are the Right, and we are RIGHT, so doing things right comes very naturally. You folks can have what's Left.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost
Herr Oberst:
I am but a humble columnist on a web-site devoted to conquering the past; trying to appeal both to the grammar pedantries of the WFB fan club and the bitter clingers of PA. Sometimes you have to throw a mis-spelled sop to the other side or a quick "stuff and piffle" to the old money crowd.
On the core subjects -- unrestricted weapons ownership, regressive taxation, rampant militarism, and virulent cultural elitism -- I am a true son of my stone age ancestors (note, all such ancestral memories and evidence were carefully included as rich background by the Creator during the workup about 10k years back -- HE thinks of everything).
Sequined ball gown? Good God man, do you think me THAT passe? I haven't had a frock with that much extra frippery since....Sorry for you and Arty, but I have no idea what you;re talking about.
Dear Right Wing Reactionary Neanderthal
Tell the truth. Fascism: sexy or not?
Left Wing Berkeley Liberal
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal,
Why does AC/DC rock so much? And why can't I stop spamming?
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,
Why do you hate freedom?
Signed, T. Roll
Dear RWRN,
What's the deal with airline food?
Signed,
Insert pun name here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
You want the truth?
Dear Joe Hill:Quote:
Originally Posted by Reverend Joe
Probably because they're so substanced that they still think it's 1994. Perhaps someday they'll get a chance to nap.
Probably because you're......
Dear T-P roll:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikeus Caesar
Simply because it gets in the way of liberating people -- I thought everyone knew that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Dear Gregoshi:
I don't know. If the Gaians would let anybody besides AlGore fly a jet once in a while -- instead of jacking up the fuel costs too high with silly regulations and restrictions on drilling -- I might get a chance to taste some and see if "airline food" should be classed with "fast food" (in that it is what it says it is, but that doesn't mean its tasty or good for you) or "jumbo shrimp" (inherently oxymoronic).
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Nea(n)derthal,
Are you sorry yet for the years of right-wing character assassination of Hillary Clinton, which spilled over to the Democratic camp, now that it appears it will lead to the most liberal American president in decades?
Sincerely,
Hillary for 2012.org.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
Dear Hillary when she's more or less desicated:
Of course I'm sorry. Why don't we make her Pope or something? :rolleyes3:
Of course I'm not really sorry. A Conservative future is served well by a quick reminder of what a liberal big-govt President who thinks he can change everything because he's new or an outsider can REALLY do. One good dose and we'll get a bible thumping neaderthal swept into power with a heap of delegates to recreate 1994. With the race in its current state, we get that liberal regardless of political party!
Hilda was probably too smart and skillful to go that far over the top. Barry will help the cause.
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,
In the GOP, what does 2+2 equal?
From,
These witty names are getting old.
Dear right-wing reactionary Neanderthal,
I used to watch Captain Planet a lot when I was a kid, and I liked it back then. I have since then realized that the cartoon is a vile piece of propaganda; having a blue muscular guy in a homoerotic suit as its titular character, promoting neo-paganism (the Gaia character) and trying to start a global marxist revolution (kids from all over the world band together to fight industry)
What should I do to cleanse myself, and how do I protect others from such filth?
Sincerely,
a concerned citizen
How dare you take her name in vain!Quote:
Originally Posted by Fenring
Dear RWRN,
Why do Conservatives hate Chai Latte?
Signed,
A not-so-concerned citizen.
:inquisitive:Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
Heathen!
Dear Witless:Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Lately, they've been coming up with 2+2=37 and floating the debt to the Chi-comms. Let's not go assuming that GOP = conservative. Twas once, but no more.
Still our side in the runoff features a guy who married a cute blond with a huge beer distributorship and a gal governor who put the DD in Alaska. On the whole, that should count for something...shouldn't it?
Dear Connie:Quote:
Originally Posted by Fenring
I shudder for our youth, forced to watch such vile stuff. Goebbels himself would have scrapped it as not subtle enough. I was lucky, all I had to do was ignore Ewell Gibbons pandering Grape Nuts and laugh as some French cruiser rammed another GreenPeace zodiac under.
For a good cleanse, I say get back to nature. 'Tis Autumn, and a good trek through the woods with a Smith and Wesson .500 can let you get in touch with nature -- and drop it on the first shot. Nothing like a dozen pounds of venison salami and a freezer full of meat to keep you in touch with Mother Earth, and the fresh air will do you some good.
Protecting others is a little harder. Put on Fox News and keep it there might help, or just step up the education a notch. Nothing like reading Marx and Engels to clue you in to the disconnects with reality. After that, they should be able to fend for themselves.
As to the other evil propoganda stuff, I'm still working on trying to play the CDs backwards to uncover the hidden messages that must be there. The needle keeps scratching the darned things though.....
Dear unconcerned:Quote:
Originally Posted by CountArach
American conservatives drink coffee. Chai is a drink for Euroweenies and Orientals. I mean, come on, STEAMED MILK!!! That's something your mommy gives her 4-year old to put her to sleep on Christmas Eve. After that, its only for the fruits, nuts and other fairies.
Dear RWRN
As I was walking down the ramp to the airplane to take a flight from Kansas City to Denver, I notices that I had to sit next to a cute coed that was young enough to be my daughter.
Now what would a true neaderthal do in a case like this.
Should I leave my wife for the coed, or should I just take another woman into my cave?
Signed
Thinking of being a bigimist like by older brother
Dear Mr. Byg:Quote:
Originally Posted by Redleg
The more religious of our conservative brethren would tell you to take another flight.
I'll just remind you of the real meaning of marriage: property. Don't let your interest in the other half of the species threaten your specie, dear fellow. Keep enough blood in your head to control your head.
Besides, a proper trophy bride requires a lot of training. You already know the cost of re-training staff. It's not a decision to be made on the "fly."
Dear RWRN
Is it true that conservative like your self support the view that "As long as it does not infringe on others rights people should be able to live as they choose"?
Signed
Just wondering.
Quote:
Originally Posted by m52nickerson
Dear Mr. Wonderful:
Absolutely. As long as how they choose doesn't contravene God's law or the traditional mores of the community.
Dear Right Wing Reactionary Neanderthal,
I'm going to be at the Fascism is Sexy orgy. Are you going to be there?
L... er, Right Wing.... Berkeley... Conservative.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
Dear Berk:
I'll probably hit the plenary session, but I never bother with the breakout meetings.
Dear RWRNQuote:
Originally Posted by Seamus Fermanagh
Do you believe in a separation of church and state? Do you believe that the morals you subscribe to are what the rest of the country should subscribe to?
Mr. Wonderful!
Quote:
Originally Posted by m52nickerson
Blessings to you Mr. Wunderbar:
Let's get this clear. The Constitution mandates "no establishment of religion" and confirms freedom of worship. It does not say that praying out loud before a football game is a crime against humanity. Senate opens each day with a prayer, bringing in any preacher they deem fit. Somedays its a hymn to Vishnu, other days it's a Rabbi speaking from right to left. Doesn't seem to impede the Senate's ability to get stuff done -- they do a fine job of that all by their lonesomes.
And OF COURSE I think the rest of the country should suscribe to my morals. If I didn't, then why would I bother with them my own self in the first place. When they don't, and they mostly don't, I'm in a good place to say "See, I told you so."
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neanderthal
Some would ask, how could a perfect God create a universe filled with so much that is evil. They have missed a greater conundrum: why would a perfect God create a universe at all?
So why did our almighty, perfect God create the universe?
Sincerly,
A christian philosopher
Dear RWRN,
Chest hair which shows above the shirt collar: Shave or apply Rogaine and pray for more?
LWBL
Dear Chris:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ironside
Some would ask. I do not. Consult the Baltimore Catechism -- that's what I'd do.
Dear LWBL:Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
Depends. If you're proud of your front and back pelt, then Rogaine away and invest in a good comb -- grooming matters.
If you're a conservative and you prefer the hairless approach, you'll just rip 'em on out. Show a little grit, that's what I say!
Body shaving is for those liberal bedwetter types who're already taking the razor to their palms anyway.
Dear RWRN,
Barack Obama: Great man or greatest man?
From,
Baroccoli Omaha
Dear RWRN
I noticed the other day a man walking down the street, I noticed that he had hairy palms, and a strange walk.
Would this be a democrate or was he a socialist?
Should I be worried about insuring my children are locked up in the house at 6:00 PM so that I can insure that they do not come in contact with what seems to be a diesease?
What would you suggest for educating my children to prevent them from leaning the wrong way....
yours truely
Jerry farwell
Dear RWRN,
Did you take bribes from Jack Abramoff?
Signed,
New York Times Editorial Team
Dear Right-Wing Reactionary Neaderthal,
If you and the Left-Wing Berkeley Liberal fought a battle to the death, who would win?
Sincerely,
Spiderman
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Dear Broccoli:
President-to-be Obama is a legend in his own mind. As to his greatness in history, lets just wait a bit shall we? I have heard he can surf on water, not walk on it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redleg
Dear Jerry:
Not all liberal-bedwetter types are socialists...but that's the way to bet.
Curfew for the kiddies is always a good idea and home schooling is, of course, the acme of day to day conservatism. You may have to teach the rugrats from the socialist-approved texts, but you can critique that balderdash and give them something reliable to pin their intellectual development upon.
Make sure you screen the flouride out of your water too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CountArach
NYT Editorial Teamer:
Of course not! It wouldn't be legal.
Besides, if you're gonna go down that route, you need to get your act together like Ace Cunningham and get a price list published. Haggling slows things down too much.
Dear Web-head:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichigo
Silly question. Mr. "Gaia is about peace and love" would be snuffed quicker than a baby Harp seal at a Louisville Slugger trade show. Then we could test his views about reincarnation.
I'm ready when he is. Marquess of Queensbury; XMA; or full contact badminton -- just name the place and time.
RWRN,Quote:
Originally Posted by Seamus Fermanagh
Who gets to design the combat tutus? Your team or mine? I've got a fab designer from WeHo.
LWBL
Dear RWRN,
What are your views on the eco-political structure of dialectical materialism?
From,
Carl Max
Dear Tinderbell:Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
I'll stick to my BDUs, thanks. You can flit around wearing whatever pleases you.
Dear Maxie:Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
To have, or to have not -- THAT is the question.