Questions accepted in ego stroking format. Answers may be condescending
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Questions accepted in ego stroking format. Answers may be condescending
Dear Great Lord Sex-God of the Texans with a Beer Bottle,Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Why does Texas hate America so much?
Left Wing Berkeley Liberal
Dear Texan, I want a good recipe for a real authentic texan chili con carne.
Dear LWBL,Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
Texas does not hate America. Hate implies a strong showing of emotion. We merely tolerate the pitful 49. Its like when a cousin you dont like comes into town and you have to show him around and let him hang out with you. We dont let it bother us to much, we just continue to drink with Canada and Mexico and bully America
Dear FragtasticQuote:
Originally Posted by Fragony
Beef or venison?
Don't they have possum and roadkill too?Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
No its to stringy for a good chiliQuote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
Dear Texan,
Why do you tolerate the heathen metropolis of Austin? The entire city is dominated by the tech industry. Surely all good Texans are aware that this industry is replete with Dirty Liberals. This creates a horrible splotch of blue amidst your wondrous fields of red. Austin is clearly Messing With Texas, which I believe the State Constitution prohibits. Why have you not dealt with this matter?
Sincerely,
Born in Texas
deers are hard to find here sometimes I have to drive around for a week. Will have to be beef.Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Dear BIT,Quote:
Originally Posted by TinCow
Texas is a big place and at times even our fathers and brothers fall victim to the blue scourge however being the geniuses we are we decided to let them make money for us on there colony not to mention All the other UNIs in Texas need someone to hate collectively and all the other counties need to be able to point to one county that is screwing everything up. Austin provides that. Austin may think its messing with Texas when in fact Texas is messing with Austin....Does that not blow your mind?
Dear Texan,
How do I become a Texan?
There are more deer in Texas than there are people in Norway. Did you know that? As to your question. Chili is like Texas each one is highly indidulastic and different no two chilis are alike. Many people say how a man makes a chili will tell you allot about him. That being said you must haveQuote:
Originally Posted by Fragony
Beef
Chili Peppers
Anaheim pepers
White onions
Garlic
cumin
Thats is really your base. Now personally I like to add tomatoes and colby jack, my father likes to add beans and my neighbor likes to use big chunks of steak with a sauce that has a much more pinto bean flavor than beef. You really must experiment
Dear Joe,Quote:
Originally Posted by Reverend Joe
Whiskey
Beer
Freebird
Football
Women
BBQ
Sweet Tea
Dear hick,
Whale...ah hayr duh bayust bare cumfrum Taxes. Awl havun, yont wun too?
Then ah wunna goduh bayud wid yew sistuh, shay shore is bodacious! Can ah bah her frum ya fer muh blayuck pikumup?
Sincerly,
Louis 'ahm the bayust Taxan round 'ere' The Fat.
[Dear sir,
Well, I hear the best beer comes from Texas. I'll have one, would you like one as well?
Then I want to go to Bayud [place in South Texas] with your sister. She sure is swell looking! Can I convince you with my black pick-up?]
Dear Texan He-God,
How can other states in the U.S. be more like Texas? What fundamental changes should they make to their government or lifestyles to emulate your greatness?
LWBL
And Skynyrd, obviously.Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Edit: wôôt? Not Texan? What a pity.....
Dear Sweetie Pie,Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
Yes I will have a beer with you and you can date my sister if you like however she can kick some serious arse. So watch yourself.
Dear LWBLQuote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
There is, unfortunately only one Texas. Drinking more alcohol always helps as does an appreciation for our music and food. Being polite always helps as well. Texans are always appalled at the lack of manners the pitiful 49 have.
hence freebird my frog friendQuote:
Originally Posted by Tristuskhan
Dear Texan (no extra flattery required; that label alone is enough to stand proud):
Is it really fair for people to call pulled-meat "barbecue?"
Signed,
Meat Matters.
Dear MM,Quote:
Originally Posted by Seamus Fermanagh
If it is in a sandwich than its acceptable. Otherwise the bone should be attached.
Dear Texan,
I am a proud southerner from Arkansas married to my first cousin Cindy Lou.
If we move to your proud state of Texas, will our marriage still be legal?
Signed,
Concerned about the family tree.
Dear HillbillyQuote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
No. Texans are not Southerners. Southerners are Yankees with heat stroke. Texans are like Jesus but funnier at parties.
Dear Texass;
Can you give us an updated ETA on the entire state sinking into the Gulf of Mexico? We really wish that'd hurry up and happen very soon.
Sincerely,
The rest of the US
:balloon2:
Lastly,
Nominated for post of the year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
Dear Texan
Is it true that Texas is the only place in the world where Chuck Norris fears to tread?
Lowly worm begging for your attention
Now thats just silly. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarmatian
You need some sense roundhouse-kicked into you!
Dear Texan,
Who would have more foreign policy experience, a Governor of your state or of Alaska?
Trig
Dear Trig,Quote:
Originally Posted by OverKnight
Alaskans are wanna be Texans. They imitate us in every possible way but we do it better. So Governor Good Hair knows more than I can see Russia Palin.
Dear Texan,
Can I rub my head on you to recieve your awesome?
From,
A fan.
Lonesome Dove;
Does the yellow rose of Texas really beat the belles of Tennessee?
Lonesome Bulldog.
.
Dear Texan,
How long until you guys secede?
Dear Texan,
Is it true, if your gonna play in Texas you gotta have a fiddle in the band?
Sincerely, Fiddler of Diddles
Dear A Fan,Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Yes,yes you may.
Dear LB,Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurando
Yes, Texas women are not only the prettiest but also are known to fist fight.
Dear Commie,Quote:
Originally Posted by CountArach
When we get around to it
Dear FOD,Quote:
Originally Posted by yesdachi
Yes you must, The Stones learned the hard way.
Dear Texan,
Is Free Bird allowed to be played in Texas?
LWBL
Dear thick in the head,Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
YES ITS THE ANTHEM.
Dear Texan,
I watched no Country for old men inenglishtexan and I missed a whole lot of the conversations because I was unable to understand your greatmumblingaccent. How can I achieve a greater form of being and the ability to understand you guys?
Sincerely,
a German
Dear German,Quote:
Originally Posted by Husar
Turn it up....LOUD. There is allot of good Texaisms in that movies
Estimado Texan,
¿Puede usted entender lo que estoy diciendo? Soy un Texan también, y usted necesita parar el copiar de la otra gente.
Sinceramente,
Ese individuo
Dear Ichigo,Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichigo
Yes I can understand you and I know you're a Texan and you should know by now I merely ride coattails on this forum
Pienso que Strike puede entenderte. Espero que..... yo no se.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichigo
Google translation needs to stop gentleman.
I figured you could. Just havin a little fun. :beam:Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Me? Fun? HARUMPH! :laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichigo
:2thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Dear Texan,
ManBearPig- Great threat or greatest threat?
From,
Alfred Violence
Don't make us bust out in Swahili on you. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Dear Alfred Violence,Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishFish
Greatest threat.
Dear Texan,
When is Texas going to become a state of Australia? We need another small state and Texas would make good pasture for a couple of smallish farms.
Regards,
A West Islander
:laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by Papewaio
Dear WIQuote:
Originally Posted by Papewaio
Never! Where Alaskans fail to become Texans in the physical sense Australians fail in the mental sense. This is most evidenced by your beer your food and the fact not every Australian child has a kola bear as a personal companion throughout life. Texans would be all over that.
Mr Texan Sir,
Is it true that Man v Wild Season 3 has been cancelled due to Bear Grylls not surviving 20 min in Houston?
Apparently he could not stomach the Chili and starved.
Regards.
Peon From New Zealand.
Dear PFNZ,Quote:
Originally Posted by El Diablo
This is true.
Wow.
Thanks for clearing this up Mr Texan, sir.
Ah very true, we export the rubbish like Fosters and don't drink much beer anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
The food is too bland here, just can't get good India, Mexican or Shanghai cuisine of a spicy nature.
And Koala's are just to deadly when they grow up to become drop bears.
Dear Texan,
Is it true you were the 2nd gunman on the grassy knoll?
Dear Texan,
Why do fat women wear tight clothes, and why do thin women refuse to take off their clothes?
Sincerely,
A People Watcher.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
I would have never taken a shot at JFK. He was to close to Texans!Quote:
Originally Posted by Hosakawa Tito
Well sir what do you consider fat? I myself like some curves.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakizashi
https://img233.imageshack.us/img233/...rscugu8.th.jpghttps://img233.imageshack.us/images/thpix.gif
Just fall back on the old adage. Women are evil that answers most of my questions.
Dear Texan,
When I was a young boy my mother took us to the A&P, there we encountered a man who almost ingested "quiche." However, just before taking a bite of thefree sample he had lifted up, the gentleman questioned the server as towards the food's identity. Upon being told that it was, indeed, a "quiche", he returned it back on the table, and informed the woman,
"Ma'am, I'm from _Somewhere_ Texas, and in _Somewhere_ Texas real men do not let 'Quiche' touch their lips."
Is this true? And what does "quiche" actually taste like? It sounds like a fancy baked omelet to me, personally.
Signed,
Your Swampland Neighbor
Dear Texan,Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Of Course all real men like some curves in women, I was actually implying the women who weigh 180 lbs or more.
Dear Cajun,Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910
Quiche is French and as we all know the French (who are girls) and then Texans (who are men) have a long standing feud over who is the best. So I am glad this man did not succumb to there horrid mind control. Hopefully he procreated with some of your cajun women as to dilute the French blood on this side of the pond.
Dear W,Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakizashi
Women are evil.
Dear Texan,
Does merely interacting with Your August Presence through the internet automatically qualify me for sex with pretty much anyone I want for a period of no less than three years?
LWBL
Dear LWBL,Quote:
Originally Posted by Koga No Goshi
Usually but I dont know, You're pretty ugly