News of the Weird

[Louis VI the Fat]

I will issue a public apology and spend an hour in the stocks. Sorry, I got over-sensitized to inappropriate Euro-Islam stories popping into NotW after a rash of Dutch incidents. My bad, entirely my bad.

But it is heavily political! Even if posted for amusement only. Your spidey instinct was quite correct.
It is a Turkish German, accustomed to Turkey's fiercely secular traditions, in collision with Germany's tradition of halfhearted secularism. As a woman of faith, she belongs to the German confessional party of the CDU, the Christian-Democrats. As a Turkish German, she has very different traditions. The difference in tradition, the fault-line, is not between Islam and Christianity, but between secular and confessional. The Euro crazy gang, me and Brenus and Frags etc, get our knickers in a twist over this sort of stuff!


That just to make the NOTW thread an even more stressful occurance for you than it already is!



Speaking of Fragony, our master of the pwniverse, check out this Little Pwny, the world's smallest foal:

[drone]

Pull up a stool at the Rectum Bar. Looks like my kind of place, warts and all.

Can you sit in a booth, or is it just a bunch of stools?

[Lemur]

Can you sit in a booth, or is it just a bunch of stools?

Ow. Ow ow ow. A pun worthy of Gregoshi himself.

[Gregoshi]

The Rectum Bar serves Heineken I presume.

BTW, good one drone. Until just now the only stuff I could come up with were rather uncouth and unpostable and mostly covered by the comments section below the article.

[Major Robert Dump]

Wow. The fifty comments on the rectum article just made my week

[Lemur]

Capitalism at its absolute best. How has the lemur marriage survived all these years without a Better Marriage Blanket™?

[Vladimir]

Take your marriage to MOPP 4 today!

[Hosakawa Tito]

Capitalism at its absolute best. How has the lemur marriage survived all these years without a Better Marriage Blanket™?

I know what I'm getting for Father's Day. I wonder if they have a flame retardant model? My flatulence molecules are particularly volatile.

[Lemur]

Good thing he didn't call her "psycho hose-beast"

LINCOLN, Neb. – Police say a 24-year-old man is missing a chunk of his right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn't like being called "fat." Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said officers were called to a Lincoln hospital around 3:25 a.m. Wednesday to talk to the injured man.

He told them that he'd been bitten at a party.

Flood said officers later learned that the injured man and two others had been arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told 21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.

Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite.

Flood said the ear chunk was not found.

[Lemur]

Today is vaginal rejuvenation awareness day!



SAN ANTONIO, TX -- Vaginal-Surgery.info is excited to announce the 1st Annual Vaginal Rejuvenation Awareness Day will take place on Friday, April 30, 2010.

With Mother's Day right around the corner, now is the perfect time to shine some light on a condition millions of mothers suffer with daily and yet never talk about. [...] "Frankly, vaginal rejuvenation is often sold as 'better sex'. I think that has a lot to do with the surgeons that pioneered cosmetic gynecology. However, in my experience, better sex is usually secondary for these women. The primary benefits are actually no more urine leakage or prolapse issues and simply feeling "normal" again. Better sex really just ends up being the icing on the cake."

[Lemur]

Teacher with rabbit phobia to sue 14-year-old for drawing bunny



A teacher with a phobia over rabbits is suing a 14-year-old pupil for compensation after she drew a bunny on the blackboard.

The teacher, from Vechta, Germany, says she was traumatised by the drawing, and claims the girl knew it would terrify her.

She had transferred to the school where a pupil from her former school had just become a pupil and told her new friends about the teacher's fear of rabbits.

"We did it for fun and out of curiosity", one of the girls told a court, adding, "We wanted to see if she would really freak out."

[Hosakawa Tito]

Which is faster, a supercomputer or a cat's brain?

You do realize that this computer will be in "sleep mode" 90% of the time.

5% food.
3% play.
2% do it yourself I'm not interested.

[Hosakawa Tito]

The long arm of British law. I bet Ken is pissed.

[Gregoshi]

The long arm of British law. I bet Ken is pissed.

The tale of Ken and Bobby.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Which is faster, a supercomputer or a cat's brain?



5% food.
3% play.
2% do it yourself I'm not interested.

Which is why the scientists may have a hard time: the final objective is to study human brains like that.
But they already set their sight on an animal that is efficient enough to play, nap, or sunbathe 90% of the time.

[Lemur]

Please stop stealing porn. Think of the children!

[Gregoshi]

Please stop stealing porn. Think of the children!

in the name of love. Don't be an X-con or a 'arrrrdened criminal. Stop the rise in illegal downloads. Please pay for your porn.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Please stop stealing porn. Think of the children!

Huh. Two wrongs can make a right.

CR

[naut]

[InsaneApache]

A 74-year-old retired teacher, identified only as Axel G., was accused of terrorising a local pool, where cannonballs, or Arschbomben, (literally "ass bombs") are forbidden, according to a report in The Local.

He appeared before the Alzey district court this week to appeal the fine. According to The Local, the pensioner had been accused of terrorising fellow swimmers for years with his explosive dives, spitting in the water and even dunking a young girl underwater.

Axel G. initially denied all of the charges, but CCTV footage of the pool revealed evidence of the disruptive diving.

He has since withdrawn his appeal, and has agreed to pay the fine.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...blic-pool.html

Dat guy is da bomb!

[Hosakawa Tito]

I'd claim dementia and that I was reliving my childhood.

[Gregoshi]

Dat guy is da bomb!

I was never much of a fan of Cannonballs. Can-openers, Suicides and King Suicides were (and are) my specialty. They give a better splash than the Cannonball.

As for the other charges, peeing in the pool is fine, but I draw the line at spitting. Gross!!

[InsaneApache]

When I used to work on the baths, all the staff where I worked went en masse to the pool in the north of the city and did everything that you wern't supposed to do. Running, shouting, bombing, etc. etc. Needless to say we were all chucked out by our northern collegues. We were all hauled in front of the manager the next day and given a dressing down. What fun though.

[Lemur]

As for the other charges, peeing in the pool is fine [...]

No. No no no. I will never visit your local pool, so help me God.

[Gregoshi]

No. No no no. I will never visit your local pool, so help me God.

For the record, I have never peed in a pool (or lake or ocean) - well, except maybe as baby. I personally find it disgusting and have no problem getting out of the pool and utilizing the facilities designed for such activities. I said I was fine with it...in the sense that people pee in pools and there is little one can do about it. Unless someone develops a pool chemical that changes colour when it comes in contact with urine. Then everyone will know who's peeing in the water.

[KukriKhan]

Latest Twist in Creative Funeral Directing

If you thought you'd previously seen it all, well, you're wrong. Case in point: David Morales Colón, a 22-year-old Puerto Rican man who was shot to death last Thursday [...] Instead of the traditional presentation of the body in a casket, Mr. Colón's corpse, dressed in casual duds and sunglasses, was instead posed in a very lifelike position atop his Repsol-liveried Honda CBR600 F4

Highway to Hell.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Hehehe, very original. They'll have to play Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell" during the service.

[Gregoshi]

Hehehe, very original. They'll have to play Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell" during the service.

Mine would be of me sitting in front of the computer with the Org on the screen.

[Tellos Athenaios]

And requires a pun-o-generator capable of posting its output on News Of The Weird.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Alice in Playmobil land