Broken Crescent Hotseat: Commanders of the Faithful

[rossahh]

2000 men are pretty useless. I mean, what damage could they possibly do?













Be very, very quiet. We're hunting rabbits :quiet:

[Askthepizzaguy]

It won't make any difference to me what they do. I'm the least of your worries at the moment.

[rossahh]

Gee whiz, thanks for that. That makes me feel oh so much safer.


as if we're not all paranoid enough already

[Ferret]

I don't want to see you dead, the war is so far away it does not bother me who wins.

[Zim]

Phonics, I think I"ve officially reached that "fat bastard" stage you spoke of. I spent the day working at my church to help with some landscaping. Several hours later of shoveling rocks and dirt my muscles waved their little white flags. Now I'm drowning the pain away in Vodka and Lemonade. :clown:

[phonicsmonkey]

Zim, time to take up lawn bowls...

[Zim]

I suppose the only thing I have going for me is that I've resisted the urge to take a nap since coming home... :clown:

[phonicsmonkey]

a nap! great idea.....laters

[Askthepizzaguy]

Methinks the off-topicness of the thread has reached almost pizza-ish levels. Time to focus?

:focus:

[The Lemongate]

Topic: http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-02.rar

Georgia up!




Oh, and that was a trap. I know it was a trap. I walked into it knowing it was a trap. Really I did. Now I just need to figure out what the trap was. Made a lot of money though. But it was definitely a trap. Wasn't it?

[Askthepizzaguy]

Took my capital, then?

Good.

[The Lemongate]

Well all that drama you made plus leaving your capital undefended was obviously a trap. Now it's a matter of seeing if I can hold my ground or not. Especially now that the treacherous Georgians have decided to declare war. Then again, that I saw coming miles away.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Yes... let's see if you can hold your ground.

[The Lemongate]

Oh I'm pretty sure you aren't coming back into Ikonion. Your eyes are more... to the West.

[TheFlax]

There is a problem with the save when I unzip it, something about bad blocks? Could you please try zipping it again and uploading it? Thanks.

As for the declaration of war, its hardly treacherous if you saw it coming. :clown:

[Askthepizzaguy]

If you feel that to be the case... then you must have moved your main forces back towards that direction :yes:

[The Lemongate]

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-02.1.rar

Here you go, hope it works this time.


As for treachery, honor would have dictated you inform me before I send the game back to you. But you'd rather claim my settlements and then have me negotiate. Your gamble is a good one. Let's see now if ATPG can really turn the tables on me. I believe he has a good chance, but if that fails, you and him will have hell to pay :laugh4:


And my forces didn't really change directions. They grew considerably however. I've managed to stay alive all this time without cash. Now that I'm swimming in money, it would be a shame if I crumbled! But it's still a very real possibility. I am fighting half the know world after all :help:

[TheFlax]

Never mind, I unzipped on another comp and it works fine.

[TheFlax]

Armenia is up!

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-03.zip

And I fully expect to die horribly for what I've done. :yes:

[deguerra]

:inquisitive: :laugh4:

well THAT sounds promising

[00jebus]

dammit, I've deleted my inbox, loosing my diplomatic proof... couldn't we put this war off for *remember how long it takes for me to get Daylami infantry* 3 turns?
go on.... you know you want too! what use could heavy infantry have against horse archers anyway.....

[barcamartin]

Three turns ? *counts on fingers* No ! :smash:

[00jebus]

your no fun :clown:

[Askthepizzaguy]

I left a rather scathing message for King Baldwin in the Caliph's court.

OOC- Rossahh, nothing against you personally, buddy. It had to be said, otherwise I would not be true to my character. :bow:

[rossahh]

Ouch man.



Scrap that, I've got a better idea.



Again, ouch man.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I know the Ayyubids were AI controlled, as were once the Turks. Don't worry about that. That was more of an IC jab.

Incidentally, you play your IC character very well. This should all be rather hilarious to read in the AAR section. I look forward to everyone's perspective on this matter. Should be fun to read about...

[_Tristan_]

KoJ :

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-04.rar

[rossahh]

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-05.rar

[Askthepizzaguy]

Any new seiges we need to know about, Rossahh? :laugh2:

[rossahh]

How about a sacking and an extermination? I did one of each.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Unless you've recently developed the ability to leap over mountains, I presume you're referring to non-Turkish provinces. Or perhaps the Latins are developing a rival space program.

[rossahh]

If that's what you think.

[Zim]

So, are we permitted to know which two settlements were taken? :clown:

[rossahh]

Antioch was exterminated with minor losses (I used my professional army for that one) while Aleppo was sacked with some casulties (the militia just weren't as good as the pros).


I trust you're all happy with that?

[Askthepizzaguy]

I condemn the hostile actions of the treacherous Latin dogs who... what?

The Turk is whispered to by his aide

Oh... rebel provinces... then sure, no objections. Really? Rebel provinces?

Checks with aide again

No, that's fine. The Turks don't care what happens to rogue nations, pirates, and marauders who pretend to act as peaceful independent states. Quite satisfied, thank you.

Although... you exterminated rather than sacked Antioch? Gee... did the rebels piss you off or something? :laugh2:

[rossahh]

With 9 thousand of the buggers and no buildings, keeping order with a minimal garrison might be a bit of a problem, don't you think?


Besides, now I can write about another massacre.

[Askthepizzaguy]

That's odd... as the Turks, I've sacked the city, razed the buildings, and had a completely different religion and because of the proximity to my capital, had no problems holding it with one unit. Your capital is even closer and you have the same religion.

Perhaps the rebels just despise Jerusalem more for some unexplained reason which will remain nameless ahem-massacre-ahem. (sorry, something caught in my throat... which apparently makes me type things improperly, as I'm not speaking aloud but merely typing my throat clearing, much like the last words of Joseph of Arimathea in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which were scrawled on a cave wall and literally read "aaaaaagggghhhhh", as if he died while carving it. Say, that reminds me of a funny story....)

Just then the animator suffers a brutal heart attack and the cartoon peril was no more. Then a giant foot crushes the entire thread inexplicably and without warning, accompanied by a small fart noise.

[rossahh]

"Very high taxes"

[phonicsmonkey]

barca, you changed your faction name in-game to 'The Great Sweljuks"?

LOL

Crazy Swedes...

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-06.zip

[Ramses II CP]

Wow, Antioch was exterminated? You know it's the richest city in the west short of Constantinople itself? It's always interesting to see the different approaches to hotseat play, I don't think I've ever even sacked a city I wanted to keep.

:egypt:

[Ferret]

how do you change a nation's name in game?

[barcamartin]

In the "Faction Overview" scroll, just click the name of your faction in black (on the top of the scroll. The marker should turn into a vertical line, and then it is just to change the faction's name after your wishes. The same goes for cities. Maybe I should re-baptise Rayy into Stockholm ?:clown:

[Ferret]

nice, thanks. I thought this was only possible for Cities.

[The Lemongate]

Oh and I'll clearly rename my faction to Rome. What's all this babbling about eastern stuff... there is only one Rome!

[Ferret]

and you do not control it! :clown:

[The Lemongate]

That's because you blokes can't see the true western part of the map! I'm beating armor piercing aztek armies in the Americas as we speak!

[barcamartin]

No problem. Over at the TWC it's more usual than not to rename your factions. For good or bad, it gives your faction a personal touch. :yes:

[Ferret]

hopefully you have not yet encountered the Ghorid expeditionary force currently hiding in a clump of trees outside Rome...

[00jebus]

bah, I know your all lying, I have it on good authority that the Timuids have conquered all of Italy with their MRLS Elephants....

[The Lemongate]

Ha! That's where I beat both of you to the punchline! We bribed Timur and his elephants to blow the Ghorid expedition to tiny bits, processed them into McGhorid Burgers and threatened to ship them all over Europe unless they accepted the rule of the Basileos. That and the elephants made for an easy conquest!

[Ferret]

lmao, those Romans are so cunning...

I think I'll rename my faction to the Ferret Sultanate next turn :beam:

[barcamartin]

Sweljuks done, the Ghazni's are up. That surely was an, exciting, turn. *looks at 00jebus* :viking:

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-09-07.zip

[00jebus]

Sweljuks done, the Ghazni's are up. That surely was an, exciting, turn. *looks at 00jebus* :viking:

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-09-07.zip


I find it highly suspect that you'd manage to do anything I'd count as "exciting" with what you had in the region...

[Zim]

That's cool that faction names can be changed. Soon as I finish my turn all must prepare to fear the uncreatively named "Sultanate of GhaZim". :charge:

[Banzai Kamikaze]

I guess I'll be the Kamikaze Sultanate.

...

Or not.

[Ignoramus]

I wish I had MTWII installed - this looks like the best hotseat ever.

[phonicsmonkey]

I wish I had MTWII installed - this looks like the best hotseat ever.

thanks!

glad you're enjoying following our game :beam:

[Zim]

Ghorids are up.

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-08.zip

[rossahh]

Are the Ghazim's going well?


The link in your sig doesn't work - there are too many [url]s.

[Zim]

About as well as can be expected with a war going on just past my borders (and between two factions rather high up in the faction charts).

Thanks for telling me. I think I have the link working now.



Are the Ghazim's going well?


The link in your sig doesn't work - there are too many [url]s.

[00jebus]

^^ So very well then?


here's how I see the war going... me and Barcamatin fight each other to a standstill.. like lemon and ATPG... then Zim comes into both our provinces saying he's on both of our sides with multiple armies, takes our major troop centres and wins the war in 1 turn

*eye's the ghanzims suspiciousally.....*

[barcamartin]

I find it highly suspect that you'd manage to do anything I'd count as "exciting" with what you had in the region...

Don't judge the dog by it's fur, book by it's cover or the Sweljuks by what you see. We are a cunning people, as you'll surely notice once your new regent starts his rule over the Shah. :smash:

Lol Zim, that's very clever.. Ghazims.. Where do you get it all from ?! :clown: I guess I'm just as un-creative myself though...

By the way, I hope the GhaZim's choose their next moves wisely.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The Turkish Sultanate wishes to announce that it is now called:

The Jolly Throatwarbler's Association of Amalgamated Spats, Key Lime Pie Eater's Anonymous, and the Society for the Prevention of Cruely to Dingleberries, Third House on the Left After the Bernie's Pizzeria and Tasty Food Emporium, Union of the Pickled Porpoise Street, West Winchestertonfieldville, The Shire of the Purple Rabbit with Rather Elongated Breasts and Sensitive Nipples, 3rd Lunar Colony of the Happy Starfish

...unless of course people stop renaming their factions. And we insist that the full name be used, even in casual conversation. No abbreviations allowed.

[00jebus]

Don't judge the dog by it's fur, book by it's cover or the Sweljuks by what you see. We are a cunning people, as you'll surely notice once your new regent starts his rule over the Shah. :smash:

Lol Zim, that's very clever.. Ghazims.. Where do you get it all from ?! :clown: I guess I'm just as un-creative myself though...

By the way, I hope the GhaZim's choose their next moves wisely.



So you took Gorgon.....how may I ask?

I noticed a few spies around, so that would explain how you got into the city, but it was filled with spearmen and heavy infantry.... even with mercs you couldn't have took the city, the seige AI is not THAT bad....

[barcamartin]

I landed some troops by ship, and bolstered them with Daylami mercs. Know that your Shah died with pride, fighting valiantly before Sweljuk arms brought him down. The siege AI put up a hard fight, and defeating it with very little infantry wasn't easy.

[00jebus]

I still dont approve of your tactics, they lack chivalry, but I guess I should have paid more attention to your troop build-up instead of asking what they were for

[barcamartin]

I never asked for your approval either. ~;)

[Ferret]

Ramses is up:http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-09.rar

The Malikate of Sindh has been destoyed and a Hindu Prince has fallen in battle. The Ferrets are unstoppable.

[Ramses II CP]

Is that you way of announcing that your agreements were lies and you're declaring war on the Rajputs? Most unsporting. :shrug: Come ahead, and hurry will ya?

:egypt:

[Ferret]

well I know you know that I know that you know that I will be attacking so I thought 'stuff it' and attacked. Peace is boring :clown:

And I do admire you for putting the :egypt: at the end of each post. I tried to do the same with :7detective: but kept forgetting and so I've given up...

[Askthepizzaguy]

The Jolly Throatwarbler's Association of Amalgamated Spats, Key Lime Pie Eater's Anonymous, and the Society for the Prevention of Cruely to Dingleberries, Third House on the Left After the Bernie's Pizzeria and Tasty Food Emporium, Union of the Pickled Porpoise Street, West Winchestertonfieldville, The Shire of the Purple Rabbit with Rather Elongated Breasts and Sensitive Nipples, 3rd Lunar Colony of the Happy Starfish...

...would like to offer their condolances to the family of the fallen Shah of Khwarezm, and also to the Rajputs for their slain family member. I would also like to announce that the Leader of the Sultanate formerly known as the Turks, Kaikosru, is now also changing his name to:

The Right Honourable Lord Fontlebottom the Unhinged Lunatic of EL PUEBLO DE NUESTRA SENORA LA REINA DE LOS ANGELES DE PORCIUNCULA, the High Count and Castellan of Westchestertonfieldville von Chapel du Riveria de Casa wik Cherry-Flavoured Tarts With Not That Much Rat in It Wittlefield von Brunswick Manor, Lord Duke the Nineteen and a Halfth, Sir Daniel "Tasty Grapes" Fingerbang, esquire, Third Duke of Buxombreast, Captial of Cleavageton, Breastchesterfield von Tasty Nipples, in the county of Vibrating Mattress, Nebraska

Such renamings will continue relentlessly. Fontlebottom is indeed plagued with the fever of madness, and the only prescription, is more cowbell. Either that or the Sweljuks will return to their former name and the GhaZims will also renounce thiers. If you want a silliness war, that is also one I intend to win.

[barcamartin]

If it disturbs you that much, I'll go back to the true name of my faction. I just wanted to give it a personal touch ... :clown:

[00jebus]

Sillyness war you say?

Sir, I am equipped with the greatest sillyness war weapon created by mankind.... the random page function on uncyclopedia (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Main_Page)!!!
Fear my needless Oscar Wilde references and made up quotes!!

:beam:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Lord Fontlebottom is also interested in giving this his personal touch. That is why, from now on, he will attend the Caliph's Court wearing only a sombrero.

And by the way, I don't use the handicap of a random page generator. I fight with my bare hands, and my bare feet, and my bare... well you get the idea.

[Ramses II CP]

It goes without saying that the cowardly army laying in ambush and all of the men who didn't run fast enough to escape were completely annihilated. Please send reinforcements quickly. :beam:

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-10.zip

:egypt:

[Ferret]

you only destroyed one of the armies? I thought better of you.

[Ramses II CP]

Well, I faced the constraint of both moving as many of my men out of your range as possible and getting the troops I did use back into a city with spies in it. I didn't see any reason to extend myself and leave you an easy victory. After all, I have less than a full stack of soldiers in my entire nation and that was true even before your attack. The best result for me is to drag this war out long enough to annoy you with diplomacy until you surrender. :laugh4:

:egypt:

[Ferret]

lol I must say I am surprised you defeated my army there so easily, I thought I had properly scoured the trees before making the attack (if you used the garrison to the North then even greater congrats). Did you already know that army was there or was it a pleasant surprise :beam:

[Ramses II CP]

I was bring the spy back to that town, Gwal something, and he spotted them. I thought you had an army to the east, where the trees are so thick, but I didn't waste the spy's movement looking for them; he just checked out that western army to see what kind of mercs you had and then came on in.

I didn't use any infantry, sent them away so they wouldn't die easily. Losing 11 men from an all elephant force is pretty significant really, though a few of them were from the general's guards.

Oh, and it helps that the AI's behavior in an ambush is, err, bad. They chased me up a nearby hill, under fire the whole way, while I killed your general. As they reached the top, I charged down and routed the lot. I expected I'd be able to continue and chase, but the battle ended more or less immediately when your last company routed, so FYI over 300 of them escaped.

After the war is over I'll send you my password (Actually you probably already know it, but I'll ask you not take advantage now :beam: ) and you can fight that one out. :yes:

:egypt:

[Ferret]

how would I already know it lol? And thanks for the explanation. Such a tragic waste of elite ghulams :(

[Ramses II CP]

It's the same password I use in all the hotseats. No secrets for Ramses!

I think you're mistaking which army I hit. Don't think there were any Ghulams, just a general and a stack and a half of infantry. You're thinking of the army further east, this one was northwest of G-whatever, on the line between it and Delhi.

Please do move that Ghulam army deeper next year though. I won't make the rout them all mistake again. :laugh4:

:egypt:

[Ferret]

oh, that one was waaaay North. Strange you didn't find the other one, I don't think it was hiding properly either.

edit: my password is the same for all hotseats as well but the only person who knows it is Econ :P

[Ramses II CP]

Well, I appreciate the tip. Now I'll know where to look for the other one, and I assure you it won't be coming back. :laugh4:

I also considered squishing your spy near my capital, but I couldn't remember if that was allowed so I settled for pushing him around to let you know I could've squished him. :clown:

:egypt:

[Ferret]

lol, that army wont be there for long, ghulams have a BIG movement range.

Oh and FH also knows my password...but don't ask him :P

[Zim]

Thanks. Shortly after you told us faction names could be changed I noticed I could rearrange Ghazni to Ghazin, and it was a short step from there to GhaZim. I thought it was kind of dorky but I had to do it. :beam:

Completely surrounded by states at war, I do have to be careful. :sweatdrop:


Don't judge the dog by it's fur, book by it's cover or the Sweljuks by what you see. We are a cunning people, as you'll surely notice once your new regent starts his rule over the Shah. :smash:

Lol Zim, that's very clever.. Ghazims.. Where do you get it all from ?! :clown: I guess I'm just as un-creative myself though...

By the way, I hope the GhaZim's choose their next moves wisely.

[Ferret]

I bet he will just wait until both sides have had most of their armies wiped out and then take over all the land of the Sweljuks the shah and Inida. He could win the game!

[00jebus]

...thats 2 of your neighbours that think that Zim.... and here I was thinking I was paranoid....:clown:

[The Lemongate]

Well no one cared to ask, but I'm much more of the opinion that the GhaZims are currently planning a holy jihad against the Kipchacks. Some sordid story about the Kipchack Khan who would have stolen the Sultan's lucky :balloon2: :balloon2: :balloon2:

[Zim]

The pagans will pay for stealing Shah Khusrau's lucky balloon! :charge:

[The Lemongate]

See! Told ya all! That's Greek logic at work right there!

[Askthepizzaguy]

As per the announcement in the Court of the Caliph, the entire Coalition has now declared war on the Ghorids. They are now declared enemies of the Coalition and they are no longer considered Muslim by the Ghaznis, the Seljuks, the Omans, and the Turks.

May Allah strike them down.

[00jebus]

well, these certantly are intressting times.... so much for a peaceful early game.

and I was hoping to use it to fortify my north border too....and make alot of money fighting for other people

yep roleplaying my faction, just a little out of the right order :P

[Banzai Kamikaze]

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-11.zip

Good luck, Shah...

Shah ???

He does not answer, I wonder why.

[00jebus]

the new shah has taken over.... and I have someone IC younger than I am running my country....

this.... requires some thinking....



I think thats the best possible move http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-12.rar.. the turks are up

[Askthepizzaguy]

The org's email notification for private messages and subscribed threads isn't working properly.

Please email askthepizzaguy@yahoo.com directly until further notice if my turn comes up, honourable sirs.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Also I must ask for an extension on my turn... diplomacy issues. When phonicsmonkey puts up another save file, I would ask that my 48 hours resume. Fair deal?

[The Lemongate]

I certainly don't mind.

[phonicsmonkey]

*sigh*

this diplomacy bug is starting to wear thin

I'll do what I can to fix up the save game tonight and repost it

you can have 48 hours from then mr.pizzaguy

[Askthepizzaguy]

Thank you sir.

Lemongate, a word in private, if you don't mind?

[The Lemongate]

I have plenty of time! As you may have all seen by my much more frequent posting.

At first I wanted to keep the job I currently hold until June, but took the radical decision to quit and return to something more palatable for my nervous system. And since then I feel great, couldn't care less about the work I currently am supposed to do and have plenty of time (at work) to post, PM and generally take it easy :holiday2:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Great to have you with us still. Frankly it would have been a constant source of wonder for me if you had left... would I have been able to beat your forces or resolve our disputes with cunning diplomacy? Not having that oppurtunity to resolve this conflict one way or another would have truly sucked donkey :juggle:

Yeah, sure, I would have been let off the hook, but us battle hardened veterans don't care for the easy way out. Either a hard-fought peace or a bloody battle is destined to happen. Let's make it happen, and quickly. Then the Turks, or what remains of us, will have other priorities in the east to deal with.

[PrinceofTroy]

I don't know much about hotseat campaigns but if it is possible can I join as the kingdom of Makuria, It is fine if I can't, I just really like the mod.

[phonicsmonkey]

Hi PrinceofTroy!

Thanks for the interest!

I would have no objections to you joining the game, but at this late stage you might find the Makurians are in a very challenging position, with the human-controlled Ayyubids having had 9 whole turns to beat up on them..

If you're still interested let me know and we'll see if anyone else minds - I'm due to tinker with the save game tonight anyway, so I could switch Makuria to human-control.

Does anyone know whether AI-Makuria gets any scripted armies I'd need to kill off?

[The Lemongate]

Probably got them already actually. And they're most probably dead.

Is Samuel L. Jackson still alive though? He can turn the tide of any battle, war or cataclysm for sure!

[Ramses II CP]

I bet the Kypchaks are still in a decent position for a new player. Everyone south of them has been too busy to go after them.

:egypt:

[The Lemongate]

True, but I'd have somewhat to voice an opposition to getting an ally of the Turks appear right over my head. It would unbalance a very unbalanced conflict. Fighting half the known world is kinda hard!

Though if there is a consensus I won't oppose it!

[Askthepizzaguy]

Actually I oppose it too, frankly.

I dont want the AI kypchaks to go human now... it's too late in the game and I have the same fears Lemon has.

Let's start another BC hotseat! I wanna join!

[phonicsmonkey]

Ok, seems like the Kypchaks are out then.

Banzai Kamikaze, I presume you would similarly object to a human player taking over the Makurians?

[The Lemongate]

Actually I oppose it too, frankly.

I dont want the AI kypchaks to go human now... it's too late in the game and I have the same fears Lemon has.

Let's start another BC hotseat! I wanna join!

Great idea ATPG! You take the Romans and I take the Turks! And lets see what happens then! :laugh4:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Yeah, frankly that would kick ass.

This one is so successful and popular, that I cant get enough of it. I demand another BC hotseat, and I demand someone who will moderate it who is as good as phonicsmonkey!

more BC hotseats! More BC hotseats! More BC hotseats!

:charge: :charge: :charge: :charge: :charge: :charge: :charge:

[phonicsmonkey]

I demand another BC hotseat, and I demand someone who will moderate it whose as good as phonicsmonkey!

yeah right, good luck with that :clown:

I would start another one but I'm afraid I simply haven't the time...

[Ramses II CP]

Oooh, I call the Ghorids! I like this idea. :beam:

:egypt:

[PrinceofTroy]

So I guess I'll just wait to the next one to start up if Makuria is dead. Thanks anyways:beam:

[phonicsmonkey]

So I guess I'll just wait to the next one to start up if Makuria is dead. Thanks anyways:beam:

sorry buddy! keep in touch and on the lookout, there are a few hotseats reaching the beginning of the end, so new ones will be starting up to replace them..and post in the recruitment thread (stickied at the top of this forum) if you haven't already

[Zim]

If I were in fewer hotseats, I'd strongly consider starting/joining another BC hotseat. :yes:

There you go, an open challenge for my fellow players in other hotseats to destroy my factions. :clown:

[Banzai Kamikaze]

I don't object but well hum... Samuel has been dead for a while (or rather, he has returned in the embrace of the Force), and I think the Makurians have only one city left under their control.

They would be hum, too challenging to play...

Edit: ok just saw other objections for the kypchaks... hum...

[TheFlax]

The way things are shaping up, I might miss whole months of the hotseat this coming summer.

PrinceofTroy, if you want to, you could sub for me. This is all highly hypothetical since I'm not sure what I will do this summer, but I'd like to know if you are interested...

[phonicsmonkey]

ok pizzaturk (askthelahmacunguy?), you can get going now

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC_09-12.zip

[Ferret]

sorry for the delay in my reply Zim, Ramses and phonics. The org has been down for me and then I went to sleep and to school etc. I would be happy to let Zim umpire a battle but my only concern is how he would handle the elephants, they have not been used in PvP before and may be very hard to balance. I would rather play online multiplayer and if Ramses has it working then I'll search the MP and tech forums to see if I can find out how to fix my problem.

[Zim]

I would assume elephants could move about as far per turn on a PVP map as cavalry (maybe a bit less). As far as testing engagements they would be treated like any other unit, with several custom battles from each side.

Anyway, good luck with the cd key thing. If you and ramses get it working, I hope to here an account of the battle. :yes:

[Ramses II CP]

Yeah, that's cool with me EF, it was my original proposal after all. MP appears to work for me, though I still don't quite get the system. It'd be an exporation process for us both. :laugh4:

:egypt:

[Ferret]

scanning other forums now...

edit: I have found a fix and am trying to go on multiplayer now, fingers crossed...

[Ferret]

Huzzah! It works! My online name is 'Brutus' for some reason but at least I have it working. Now we need phonics to figure out how many troops we will each get. Another problem I just thought of is that my troops add up to more than 20 units, shall I have another person to control the rest or just select the cream of the crop?
I'd rather phonics aswered that as well Ramses, I don't want any bias :clown:

[Ramses II CP]

Yeah, no worries, that's what we need an umpire for. I proposed the single stack bit because otherwise the battle starts to get out of hand, and you're probably better off not having troops than having the AI command some and make it easy for me to cause a rout. Are we going with the men already present, or the men from the start of next turn?

:egypt:

[Ferret]

I don't know, at present? I've thought of some more problems though...

1.On multiplayer you can only have up to three bronze chevrons which is a hard blow to me seeing as I had a triple gold general with 5 units of triple silver ghulams.

2.I have 6-8 units of longbowmen mercs which are unavailible on the Ghorid roster.

3.Some of my units are not at full strength.

Maybe it would be better to have an umpired battle after all...

[Ramses II CP]

Yeah, the mercs might be a problem. We've both got partial units and high chevron units; I think my elephants companies are silver bar or so as well. I'm up for it either way. :shrug:

:egypt:

[Ferret]

maybe 1 chevron=bronnze
2 chevrons=silver
3 chevrons=gold

Though I'm not sure whether there is much, or any, difference between the first three. I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to add a unit to the faction roster, we could ask FH about it, and my units that aren't at full strength are close to it (IIRC).

Looks like we better wait for the monkey first though, he hasn't actually said we can do this battle yet...

[Zim]

If I recall correctly you have to get three bronze chevrons to get a stat increase (or is it the first one gives an increase, then the first silver, etc?). I think every chevron increases morale, though.

[Ramses II CP]

Yeah, your attack/defense only increases at bronze/silver/gold. Morale I believe goes up for each chevron. I'm not particular either way, I don't think +1 attack/defense is going to decide the battle.

So I just tried to login for only the second time ever, and got the invalid CD key error. Send me a quick pm about what you had to do EF, or I'll go check the MP forum sometime tonight (Or actually, now that I think of it, I might've been using a mod? Does that cause the problem?)

:egypt:

[Ramses II CP]

All sorted out now, s'back to working.

:egypt:

[Askthepizzaguy]

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-09-13.zip

The Omans are up! All hail the great Omani Empire!

[deguerra]

That's the Imamate of Oman and the Sultanate of Muscat (and hopefully Yemen soon) to you :clown:

Turn 10 guys. Things are getting interesting. Not for Oman, but in a general sense :laugh4:

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-01.rar

[Ramses II CP]

Sail across the sea if you want some excitement; I hear the lands of the former Malikate of Sindh are weakly held. :laugh4:

:egypt:

[phonicsmonkey]

did everyone notice I crossed the Malikate off the list in the first post?:skull:

Regarding the proposed Ghorid-Rajput cage fight, I have been thinking about it and I have some concerns about whether it is fair on the rest of the players that a PvP dispute be resolved in this way.

So, I will allow it if there are no objections from the rest of the players in the game.

Everyone, please post or pm me if you have any concerns - if no-one objects in the next 24hours I will allow it to go ahead.

I would also suggest that, in order to keep it as close as possible to the reality of the campaign map, the following conditions be met:

- The competing armies to be gathered together and moved to face one another on the campaign map during the competing players' turn preceding the battle.

- Only troops in those campaign map stacks to be allowed to participate in the battle. (Where this is not possible, and replacements must be used, those replacements to be equal to or inferior to the replaced troops in terms of quality.)

- Battle to take place on a battle map which most closely resembles the tile on which the competing armies are standing.

- Battle to take place between the players' turns, and should not delay the game with regard to the 48 hour-per-turn rule. Extensions will not be granted in order to facilitate these battles.

- Armies to be disbanded in the next players' turn in proportion to their losses in the battle. This will be verified by the battle umpire.

In addition, and with an eye on later PvP matchups, I want to make it clear that although I'm happy to set general guidelines, I don't have time to umpire any KoTR-style PvP battles.

- If two players want to settle things in this way they will need to find and appoint a third-party umpire who is willing to spend the time to ensure that the time-limit condition is met.

If you guys (Ramses and EF) are happy with these conditions, and no-one else has any objections, you may go ahead with either a multiplayer battle or a KoTR-style PvP battle (umpired by Zim).

[Askthepizzaguy]

I have no real objections to two combatants wielding duelling swords and settling the conflict amongst themselves. I'll even tell you what, the Coalition will not get involved in Ghorid affairs until the duel is over.

Would that all silly commanders who desire war fight it themselves rather than drag their conscripted soldiers and civilians into it. Less unneccessary deaths that way.

[Ramses II CP]

It sounds fine to me. Any detail on how you want to deal with armies larger than a full stack? We could break it up into two seperate battles I guess, or I'm willing to assemble the number of troops I listed above (Half stack +2 companies) against the best full stack EF can assemble.

One big semi-ritualized battle suits my faction anyway. :2thumbsup:

At a guess I'd say EF can get close to two stacks into the Gwal region next year, while I'll still have just under or around a full stack next year.

:egypt:

[Ferret]

1.The Malikate is defended by a powerful army FYI you cannot see it because it is in the field.

2.yes I did notice phonics, and thank you for allowing us to hold the battle.

3.Two seperate battles would be best as I'd rather be controlling all my troops myself and if I end up with two generals in the same stack then only one of them would be killable in MP. Where are we meeting next year? Fancy sending me a single player screenshot of the exact location?

4.Due to phonics rules I guess the battle will take place after you have played your turn Ramses so we'll have to arrange the timing before hand.

5.My concerns are getting less, I'm not too worried if my men don't get all their stat bonuses and the like, I'm doing this for fun not to win easier.

[The Lemongate]

Georgia is up:

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-02.rar

[TheFlax]

Armenia is up!

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-03.zip

[_Tristan_]

KoJ :

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-04.rar

[Ferret]

one problem solved. The addition of one word to the export_descr_units allows the Ghorids to recruit jaipur longbowmen. Thanks to FH for the help and a strange unit guide I found telling me what they are called in that file.

I can upload the file for you Ramses or I can tell you via PM where to add the one word. I think we both need identical files to play online togther. Interested in a test battle?

[Ramses II CP]

Yeah, sounds fine to me. I'm out of town, so just shoot me a link via pm? The net connection here seems solid.

:egypt:

[rossahh]

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-05.rar

[phonicsmonkey]

seljuks are up

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-06.zip

[barcamartin]

Ghazni's !!!

Not quite as much action this turn. ~;)

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-10-07.zip

[Zim]

Ghorids are up!

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-08.zip

[Ferret]

oh God already, we really need test battle Ramses, before I make my moves.

[phonicsmonkey]

I have added the following update to the first post:

Turn 10 update:

- A territorial dispute (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1876193#post1876193) between the Ghorids and the Rajputs threatens to spill over into outright war until the Caliph successfully mediates and helps the two sides negotiate a peace agreement (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1878834#post1878834).

- The Treaty of Tblisi (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1878865#post1878865) is signed between the Turkish Sultanate, the Kingdom of Georgia, the Kingdom of Armenia, the Solanki Rajputs and the Sultanate of Ghazni, providing for alliance and mutual defence between the parties. The Treaty does not oblige its signatories to join in the war between Turkey and the ERE.

- Maharajah Vindhyavarman of the Solanki Rajputs is slain (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1880868#post1880868) in a friendly fire incident while fighting some rebels. :clown:

- The Great Seljuks and the Imamate of Oman are admitted (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1881268#post1881268) as full members of the Coalition of Freedom, the name given to the group of signatories to the Treaty of Tblisi (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1878865#post1878865).

- The Turkish Sultanate seizes (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1881871#post1881871) the former Armenian territories in Cilicia, which have been left unguarded by the Kingdom of Jerusalem, leading to a state of war between the Turks and the Crusaders.

- Georgia declares war (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1890162#post1890162) on the ERE.

- The Great Seljuks declare war (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1890254#post1890254) on the Khwarezm Shah, citing breach of the Treaty of Rayy (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1847355#post1847355) as their cassus belli.

- The Caliph invites delegates of the Eastern Roman Empire, the Turkish Sultanate and the Kingdom of Armenia to peace talks (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=102179), which result in the Treaty of Baghdad (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1894745#post1894745) and an end to hostilities between the three nations.

- The Ghorid Emirate breaks the terms of its peace agreement with the Solanki Rajputs and invades India (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1892423#post1892423).

- The Coalition of Freedom declares war (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1892544#post1892544) on the Ghorid Emirate.

- The Rajputs suggest a trial by combat (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1892672#post1892672) to settle their dispute with the Ghorids.

- The Ghaznavids declare war (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1896800#post1896800) on both the Khwarezm Shah and the Ghorid Emirate.



Let me know if I missed anything.

[Askthepizzaguy]

In the words of George W Bush:

"Awesome speech, your holiness!"


Although, if he were aware this was a list, and not a speech... but dont confuse the man he's a decider not a divider.

[Ferret]

The MP battle is off. Sorry Ramses but we still do not even know if it will work and this is my last chance to play my turn until the time limit is up. It is just not practical under the current rules :no:

I will now play my turn as normal.

[Ferret]

rajput are up:http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/pbm/BC-10-09.rar

[Ramses II CP]

Err, I thought we were waiting until after this turn's movements anyway? That's what we agreed to with Phonics in the other thread.

edit: That save, by the way, is still on your turn (Anyone else want to confirm that?). ;)

:egypt:

[Ferret]

sorry about that, I'll re-upload. My opinion on the MP battle still stands though, there is no point in moving into position if I don't know if it will work and it is just not practical. Besides you have a better chance this way anyway.

new save:http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-10-09a.rar

[Ramses II CP]

Yeah, no worries. It was always optional, and if it turned out to be more work than fun it's better to let it go. :beam:

I'm still going to accuse you of cowardice IC though. :laugh4:

I'll get to this tonight, ~ 6 hours.

:egypt:

[Askthepizzaguy]

What are you, the master of disguises? Pick an avatar and stick with it EF!

:clown:

[Ferret]

you can't have a go at me IC for an OOC decision, that's meta gaming :P

@ATPG: my avatar has been updated to reflect my character in the test game for KotR's successor.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I suspected at much, but it truly is disconcerting. Shall I change my avatar as well? How about turning into a lovely european princess? Will that spread fear into the hearts of men? I could always get the avatar for the foreign fruitcake and give myself away as a gift during the holidays.

:gorgeous:

I could throw on a scottish kilt and become even more frightening when it gets windy...

[The Lemongate]

I suspected at much, but it truly is disconcerting. Shall I change my avatar as well? How about turning into a lovely european princess? Will that spread fear into the hearts of men? I could always get the avatar for the foreign fruitcake and give myself away as a gift during the holidays.

:gorgeous:

I could throw on a scottish kilt and become even more frightening when it gets windy...


The stuff from which nightmares are made off :scared:

[Ramses II CP]

My challenge was IC though EF, and your local chap failed to rise to it. :clown:

:egypt:

[Ramses II CP]

So is it normal not to be able to sally? I was rather looking forward to taking my 180 tier 1 units out and beating up EF's elite full stack.

If that's normal my turn is done, otherwise I need to figure out what's wrong with my game. :yes:

:egypt:

[Zim]

I've never been unable to sally in a game (including one or two sallies in hotseat games). Shouldn't that only happen if you've already sallied that turn (which I'm guessing you haven't :clown: )?

[Ramses II CP]

I have not sallied. Zim I think you know my PW (If not just ask) so I'd appreciate it if you DL'd the save and tried to sally the town EF is holding under siege. For some reason I'm unable to sally there.

:egypt:

[Zim]

Same as your password for the GCH2?

[Ramses II CP]

Yeah, I use the same one for all the hotseats.

:egypt:

[Zim]

Checking right now.

[Zim]

Interesting diplomatic offer you got, I'm disappointed about not making the list.

I can't sally either. Some bug regarding his army sitting in a ford?

[phonicsmonkey]

d'oh!

can we simulate the sally using a custom battle and represent the result afterwards on the campaign map?

[Ramses II CP]

Well, has anyone else successfully sallied in this hotseat? I don't want to do something off the wall and find out that was the correct game mechanic all along. It's one of those sallies where I'm not going to win, I'm just going to pin as many losses on him as possible because when he attacks the AI will be useless anyway.

:egypt:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Interesting diplomatic offer you got, I'm disappointed about not making the list.

The Turk raises his eyebrow...

Presumably the Ghorids offered some preposterous deal wherein the Rajputs were to surrender and then join their side in a conquest, with promises to attack certain factions, and the Ghaznis were left out of the list?

(Wild guess)

[Zim]

You'll have to ask Ramses or EF about that. :yes:

You should see the counteroffers I made to Tristan's vassalization demands in the Teutonic game. I think requests of an ungodly number of florins and the surrender of all of his territory (half of the map at the game) were involved. :clown:


The Turk raises his eyebrow...

Presumably the Ghorids offered some preposterous deal wherein the Rajputs were to surrender and then join their side in a conquest, with promises to attack certain factions, and the Ghaznis were left out of the list?

(Wild guess)

[Askthepizzaguy]

Rest assured, when the Coalition forces are at his doorstep, he will experience the same generosity he shows others. We will see how much mercy he shows the Rajputs now that he has a temporary victory on his hands. And the Coalition will show him that same mercy as well. If I have to march my four stacks of troops across the map to put him to his timely death, and abandon my homelands to the Romans, I may yet do that.

[Zim]

That actually sounds like a fun game, although the AOR system in BC would make a migration tough.


Rest assured, when the Coalition forces are at his doorstep, he will experience the same generosity he shows others. We will see how much mercy he shows the Rajputs now that he has a temporary victory on his hands. And the Coalition will show him that same mercy as well. If I have to march my four stacks of troops across the map to put him to his timely death, and abandon my homelands to the Romans, I may yet do that.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Migration would not be a viable plan. To abandon your homelands in this game is to forever declare bankruptcy and abandon all hope of ever raising an army again. Such a trip would be one-way and suicidal.

[Ramses II CP]

So we don't really have any idea if this is normal or not? In this case it isn't such a big deal, but if I'm not going to be able to sally from other regions I should just resign now. :help:

I'll upload the save in a bit.

:egypt:

[The Lemongate]

Tristan sallied 2 or 3 times against me. So you should be able to.

[_Tristan_]

True enough... I thought I did it but couldn't be 100% sure... (and all my fights to date have been auto-resolved as I can't spare the time to fight them myself...)

That should be possible unless your besieged army or part of it was defeated and retreated first... Then you're doomed...

Unless you can attack with at least one unit from outside with the town garrison as reinforcements... Seeing how dumb the AI is in siege situations, you could still win the day...

Hope that helps..

Phonics may also open the console to use the character_reset cheat on your men (though I don't know if it can be done for garrisons... anyone ?) if it comes down to that..

[Ramses II CP]

Nah, no big deal, I went ahead and uploaded it. If it happens again I may ask for some kind of assistance:

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-10-10.zip

:egypt:

[Ferret]

very strange, sallies have always worked for me in BC before :shrug:

and that diplomatic offer was a counter offer to one made by Ramses, which was just as ridiculous.

[Ramses II CP]

Yours was goofier, mine was just to check your economic status. We can keep trading them as my diplomat moves through your cities though. :shrug:

:egypt:

[Ferret]

and as my armies move through yours :evilgrin:

[Ramses II CP]

None of the rest of my cities are outside the range of my core forces, so there won't be any more cakewalks. If those two stacks are all you have, well, we'll just have to see. It was cowardly of you to fort up a full stack when the most I could attack with is five units. :clown:

Oh, and I squished that spy this time since this hotseat doesn't have a rule against it.

:egypt:

[Ferret]

it is cowardly to hide all your men inside settlements when all I have is low quality troops against elephants. :clown:

And I have plenty more spies, and no those aren't the only troops I have, the others managed to find trees that would actually let me hide in them :wall:

[Ramses II CP]

That's got to be a joke, I still don't even have one stack of troops in my whole nation while you have at least three stacks of invaders and, by my estimate from the scrolls, almost two more stacks en route. Leaving my men out isn't brave, it's suicide.

:egypt:

[Banzai Kamikaze]

Ahmmmm is anyone else having trouble accessing the pbm upload page ?

http://www.totalwar.org/Downloads/Uploaders/pbmupload.php

I'm getting a weird screen with no options to browse and upload.

If it's not working, where should I upload my save ?



By the way, all your pathetic little wars are a grain of sand, compared to the desert of all warfare I am facing.

Salahuddin vs Samuel

My whole army surrounds the Jedi. If I cannot stop him, we will all fall.

[Askthepizzaguy]

seems like the site is down for some reason. Use mizus upload page.

http://www.mizus.com/files/pbmupload.php

[Banzai Kamikaze]

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-10-11.zip

Thanks for the quick answer !

[Ferret]

pizza guys have to be fast otherwise they get fired for a cold pizza :clown:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Ruh Roh Raggy! Someone mentioned delivery drivers... Now I have to do a completely off topic rant hidden in spoilers.


Askthepizzaguy Presents: Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Pizza Delivery


Actually, more often than not, it's the restaurant itself that gets backed up. The pizza delivery guy has every incentive to get your pizza to you as fast as possible:

Faster delivery = better tip (sometimes)
Faster return = more deliveries
More deliveries = more tips
More tips = Mo' Money.

So unless your driver is a lazy stoner, he's doing everything legal to get you your pizza on time. Meanwhile back at the store:

The order taker doesnt give a crap about making sure they punch in what you actually wanted, because they get paid exactly the minimum wage and they never have to deal with the customer at the door.
The short order cook gets paid minimum wage and is usually taking their sweet time, and also mixing up what toppings you want. They, like the order taker, have no incentive to do their best.
The cut person sometimes shoves the pizzas in with the wrong order, or forgets your breadsticks and other items.
The store manager is only concerned with his bonus, so he likes to keep his labor costs down. Which means we're always understaffed. Which means no matter how fast the pizza guy moves, there's still 12 orders waiting to go out, and they've been waiting there for 30 minutes or more. That's not the pizza guy sitting in the parking lot twiddling his thumbs, that management incompetence.
The corporate office makes stupid rules like "you can't deliver 3 different orders to the same part of the map" even though that saves time. More often than not I'd end up back at the store, and there is order number 2 or 3, still waiting to be delivered. Not only am I wasting gas, but the store is wasting your time, and it's getting cold because there's only 3 hotplates and there's 12 orders sitting there.

Then, you get the occasional robbery. Which is always fun. And the idiots who order and complain about their previous meal which gets them a free pizza which they then complain about and get the next one for free, and then 6 months later they are still doing it and management doesn't care. And of course, after getting 50 free pizzas, still no tip for the driver.

Oh, and did I mention single women never order pizza. And that I was flashed by a naked guy and almost raped by a 50 year old gay man. Yeah. And I had a lot of abusive repeat customers who seemed to only order pizza so they could swear at me and never tip. (On the plus side, 3 out of 4 customers are actually civil human beings...)

This is why I don't deliver pizzas anymore, and this is why there are so few competent delivery drivers left. The good ones got wise and left. It's good money for an unskilled job, but eventually the aggravation becomes too much.

So remember to tip your driver. Gas is like 4 bucks a gallon in most places now, and the store's delivery charge doesn't go to reimburse the driver. Yep that's right they pocket most of that. And since gas alone with a job like that costs MORE than the minimum wage, if you don't tip, I've actually spent money delivering your pizza, and I haven't made a dime.

So tip the driver. He knows where you live, when you're usually home, knows your order history, what your name is, what your phone number is, what you look like, what kind of car you drive, what the liscence plate number is, and he remembers when you're rude or you don't tip. Plus he's handling your friggin food. I can't believe people are still that stupid that they mistreat the people who handle their food. Does anyone realize how foolish that is?

After being robbed, flashed, ripped-off, cussed at, yelled at, and blamed for things I've never done, it's only the fact that I'm a nice person which causes restraint. But honestly, I've not delivered pizza for several years and I still remember exactly where all the A-holes live, and what they did to me.

Now, if you've never delivered pizza, or you have a crappy job yourself, you might be thinking "ah, stop whining". Well I've had over 20 different jobs, and I have to tell you, when you're at a customer's residence, they show you a side of their nasty personality they wouldn't dare show in public. I've been a waiter, a host, a phone operator, a telemarketer, a salesman, a greeter, anything you can possibly imagine that deals with customers, and NONE of those jobs even comes close to pizza delivery in terms of danger, expense, and customer nastiness. Do you know how many delivery drivers die every single year due to being robbed at gunpoint? It's not that far behind how many police officers get shot. And I'm not allowed to carry a weapon on delivery, which is usually the company's policy. The only people who get to tell me about how lousy their jobs are are cops, firemen, and soldiers.

And a dollar is not a tip. If I deliver 5 pizzas an hour, that's still below minimum wage and it doesn't cover gas. And most hours I deliver one or two.

"But I can't afford a tip!" Well then go to the store yourself and pick it up. You would tip a waiter who gave you excellent service, and they don't have to drive their car 10 miles to meet you, and they have other customers who will pay them if you don't. When you rip off the pizza guy, you are forcing someone who has a family to feed or a college education to pay for to serve you for free. There have been nights I've worked 9 hours and came home with 20 bucks, and that went right into the gas tank. 9 hours work, for free.

You can afford to pay 5, 10, 17 dollars for one pizza? you can spare 3 bucks for a tip. And don't complain to the driver when it's late. Call the store and tell them to hire more drivers. It's management's fault, not the middleman. The driver is actually concerned with your service and is willing to drive all the way back and get you another pizza for free. He has every incentive to care that your order is correct. So when you take it out on him, you're taking it out on perhaps the only person in the store who will actually work harder to make sure you get your order promptly and correctly in the future, even if it's not his fault.

It's not just my opinion either. There are tens of thousands of former and current delivery drivers who can tell you the exact same thing on tipthepizzaguy.com. And most of them are very nice people, so this is not one disgruntled ex-worker talking. This is actually a consensus on how customers treat drivers. Like I said, 3 out of 4 of you are decent people, but I know that given the number of people likely to read this, one of you is guilty of being a leech or a scammer or a cusser. Do us a favor and choke on the pizza next time, because if you never order again, it will be too soon.

Most of you around here know me, and know me to be a pretty decent fellow with a good sense of humor and all that. I just work to make a living, it's not a lifestyle.

But when you deliver pizza, you find an entirely new sub-species of human which never shows it's face in public. The guy whose apartment has 1,000 pizza boxes and cat feces everywhere. The naked guy. The rapists and child predators. The creepy guy who plays porn very loudly whenever you come to the door, just to mess with you. The person who weighs literally 800 pounds and never washes themselves. The person who is deathly silent at the door, grabs the pizza from you, doesn't tip, doesn't pay, and slams the door shut in your face. The guy who threatens you with a knife. The drunks, drug addicts, the people who think they are so sneaky with their pot abuse that no one will ever find out, except you can smell it from literally a block away and they still have no clue they are stinking up the entire apartment building and pissing off their neighbors. The people who blare rap music at 11pm when normal people are trying to sleep, who call right when we close and still never tip. The people who stand inches away from your face and keep moving closer while seemingly unaware that they are talking very loudly. The prank phone callers. The empty, abandoned houses or addresses. The set-ups where you deliver to a dark, industrial parking lot behind a bunch of buildings and it's obviously a place where you're going to be robbed. The constant worry that you're about to be shot. And that certain class of people who hate you because of the color of your skin. (applies to both white and black drivers... not picking on one race here). The nursing home employees who are the most dour and evil people on the planet, and I'm talking about every single one I've ever been to, in multiple cities (I think it has to do with being around crazy, depressed, decaying, nearly dead people all the time)... the list goes on and on. And no offense if you're the one out of a thousand nice people in a nursing home, but your coworkers suck. Get out while you still can!

Now, when I get the occasional bad customer at my current job, I breate a sigh of relief... because we are in public, in the daylight, and I have coworkers who are witnesses if they attack me. They can complain all day and I will just smile and tell them "thank you for shopping at Wal-mart". :laugh2:

Then I can go home and utterly annihilate entire nations without actually harming anyone. Life is beautiful. :medievalcheers: And soon I will be a college graduate and never have to put up with another nasty person again without having the ability to tell them exactly what I think of them. Customer service my :daisy:

Seeing as how completely off topic that was, I am prepared to copy the thing and paste it somewhere else and provide a link in case anyone is masochistic enough to want to read it. But since we've all gone a teensy bit off topic here and there, I think spoilers ought to do it.

:focus:

[phonicsmonkey]

And soon I will be a college graduate and never have to put up with another nasty person again without having the ability to tell them exactly what I think of them. Customer service my :daisy:

don't count on it mate! unless you're graduating to be king of the world, you'll always have to suck up to someone...:furious3:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Well of course if I have a supervisor, yes I need to deal with them. But they are required to deal with me in a businesslike fashion. That I can handle.

Customers don't deal with you in a businesslike fashion. Or a polite fashion. or a civil fashion. or a rational fashion. Or anything resembling a human fashion. Even bratty children are more well-behaved.

When someone is a consumer, they think that gives them the right to treat those serving them unequally (well beyond unequally) to the point of stepping on one's human dignity. It's almost a form of class warfare. Kick the servant class while they are down, because you have money, and money is more important than respecting your fellow man.

Did I mention I loathe customers? But there's a difference between customers and customers. A customer is a normal person who just happens to be shopping. A customer is someone who is vile and demonic towards everyone in general, but they think that if you're wearing a nametag that gives them the right to be extra evil, turn into a succubus, bite down on your neck, and shake vigorously until their victim is drained of the will to live, nevermind give good service.

With a bad supervisor you can go to their supervisor or find another job with a cooler boss. That's easy enough. With a customer service job, there is no escaping the dregs of sub-humanity. Did I mention I loathe customers? Customers are the most satanic and sadistic bullies known to man, akin to those warlords in Africa who prevent international food aid from reaching their innocent and starving people. But I digress.

Back to topic!

[phonicsmonkey]

ok, harking back to my previous post (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=1887054#post1887054) about the new Kingdoms patch, it seems like EF has discovered evidence (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpost.php?p=1900639&postcount=824) that (at least for Kingdoms hotseats), the patch will cause compatiblility issues for hotseat players using different versions (although this hasn't been tested for either vanilla game hotseats or hotseats using BC).

Given that we have a number of players in this game who do not own a copy of Kingdoms but are playing using M2TW and the 1.3 compatibility patch, I would say that those of us who do have Kingdoms should refrain from patching our games until at least one of the following happens:

1) CA releases a similar compatibility patch for M2TW which will allow non-Kingdoms users to play multiplayer with Kingdoms v1.4 users - then we will all need to patch together to ensure compatibility.

2) One of us patches Kingdoms to v1.4 and tests whether the next in line can load the savegame.

Obviously I can't tell anybody what to do or not to do with their installation - I'm just trying to ensure we don't have any problems with this hotseat, which is going great guns at the moment.

I'm not that hot on going through the patch process and then having to uninstall and reinstall everything on my machine if it doesn't work, so I'd like to avoid option 2) if possible.

But if anyone here is keen to upgrade their copy of Kingdoms to v1.4 then that's what we'll have to do, so I'm putting it out there to see what you guys think.

[00jebus]

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-10-12.rar Turks are up...

also, you can play BC through kingdoms?
how?

Oh and Zim, thanks for setting up one of the best battles I've had in a while.. just keep those war elephants away from my cities... they...uhh... are bad fung shui...


being outnumbered 5-1 isn't nearly as easy in multiplayer...

[Zim]

Did you fight the war elephant stack? I'm kind of interesting how the AI handles them (never fought any in BC in SP games).

[phonicsmonkey]

also, you can play BC through kingdoms?
how?

You can't.

To clarify, BC uses the M2TW exe, and is compatible with either the 1.2 or 1.3 versions of that game.

Installing Kingdoms over M2TW v1.2 upgrades your M2TW installation to v1.3.

So, the 1.3 patch for M2TW was intended to allow players without Kingdoms to play vanilla hotseats and MP battles with those players who had Kingdoms (and whose M2TW installation was consequently upgraded from v1.2 to v1.3)

In setting up this hotseat we discovered that BC savegames created by players with M2TW v1.3, or players with Kingdoms, could not be loaded by players with M2TW v1.2.

Im trying to avoid the same problem happening in relation to the new Kingdoms v1.4 patch.

Hope this has cleared up, rather than added to, the confusion.

[00jebus]

Did you fight the war elephant stack? I'm kind of interesting how the AI handles them (never fought any in BC in SP games).


No I took out your seige army, was looking for a weak point in the seljuk line when I spotted them.... was pretty suprised to be honest

[Zim]

They had been conquering settlements in the south, before coming back north recently. :yes:


No I took out your seige army, was looking for a weak point in the seljuk line when I spotted them.... was pretty suprised to be honest

[phonicsmonkey]

the Shah strikes back! :smash:

[Ramses II CP]

The AI is awful with elephants. Pathetic. Especially with the bugged Hindu generals. Save your elephants for battles you fight on your side. :yes:

:egypt:

[Askthepizzaguy]

I am now at a crossroads... do I honour the treaty with Rome, which they could reject next turn, or do I deal the finishing blow and be done with it?

The path of good, or the path of evil...

:juggle:

[00jebus]

The AI is awful with elephants. Pathetic. Especially with the bugged Hindu generals. Save your elephants for battles you fight on your side. :yes:

:egypt:


shhh... dont tell him that... I wanna win this war, uhh I mean.. I dont... Zim.. in all honesty... you should march those ele's and both your stacks in Balkh region as far north as possible.... the AI automatically wins when they use them against humans when its defending.. :clown:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Just waiting on a reply from the Rajput ambassador and I can post the save file.

Unfortunately I have to go to work, so it will be a few hours before I can post it anyway. Lot of interesting things happened this turn.

Once again I had to reject the ridiculous terms proposed by Jerusalem. If they would just offer a simple cease fire it will be accepted. I would be willing to attend Caliph-sponsored peace talks with Baldwin, but unless there is a mediator, I will not sit at the same table with that thing.

[Ferret]

I am now at a crossroads... do I honour the treaty with Rome, which they could reject next turn, or do I deal the finishing blow and be done with it?

The path of good, or the path of evil...

:juggle:

so if the red ball is evil and the blue one is good, what is the green one for? :7jester:

[00jebus]

the green one.... is the colour of money, so I assume it would be neutral.... bribary :P

[Askthepizzaguy]

Yeah actually I could be bribed. Money talks, you know.

Bribe me!

[Ramses II CP]

I believe I have already replied ATPG, just a few minutes after you sent the PM. :beam:

:egypt:

[Askthepizzaguy]

yeah well... in those few minutes, I was already at work... lol

too late!

Well I am home now. Going to post the save file momentarily

[Askthepizzaguy]

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-10-13.zip

The Omani Empire is rising...

[rossahh]

Your proposal is just as stupid. I'm not going to give you money for attacking me.

[Askthepizzaguy]

well first you asked for some 3000 florins for a cease-fire. Then I asked for 500 for a cease-fire. Then you responded with an even more unacceptible offer.

I'm not going to pay you for attacking MY ally, pillaging his nation, and forcing me to retake it and hand him over what was left after your horde of evil came through.

500 florins for a peace treaty with the likes of you is insulting, but because the international community would like to see peace between us, that's what I offered. Had you accepted my ORIGINAL terms of a free, no-cost cease-fire we wouldn't be having this discussion. Instead you demanded things you do not deserve.

As I've said before, you play the wounded warrior, but not very well indeed.

EDIT: This should be in the IC diplomacy thread. Further comments should be directed there. We're both guilty of this.

[deguerra]

ERE:

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-11-01.rar

[The Lemongate]

Georgia

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-11-02.rar

[TheFlax]

Go Armenia!!!

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-11-03.zip

[Askthepizzaguy]

Announcement: All BC hotseat players who are lovin' it

You're invited to join BC hotseat 2. We have 6 interested players and possibly 2 more who would be willing to join. Veterans of this game who have the free time or are about to be eliminated :skull: are welcome to rise like a phoenix from the ashes and play again in the next one.

I believe Elite Ferret volunteered to moderate the next game after his exams or whatnot, but as that isn't a firm commitment yet there's still an opening.

If none volunteer I will learn from Jedi Master Phonicsmonkey the ways of the GM and I will vow to be a fair moderator, and also vow to erradicate the pesky AI spawn and fix diplomacy issues as they arise. I am somewhat computer literate so instructing me shouldn't be difficult. I can also turn to the other moderators to learn what to do.

This time, I am not picking the Turks. I've learned my lesson. No more being surrounded by nations of a different faith. My give up, my give up!

:smash: tapping out...

[The Lemongate]

You fare quite well though, surrounded as you are :yes:

[Askthepizzaguy]

To be honest, had you guys attacked me instead of Armenia, he might have joined you and I would have been gone from the game before I even had a chance to wet myself in terror.

A miscalculation on your part?

:laugh4:

[The Lemongate]

Not really, I didn't want to fight the AI off the bat. And when you popped in, the plan to attack Armenia was already in the works. Actually, if it hadn't been for a little miscalculation and really bad luck with spies (though my luck got better against you) Armenia would be out!

Ah well, that plan is history now... Kypchacks, here I come!!!

Hopefully there's not too many pirates in the Black Sea :sweatdrop:

[rossahh]

"It changes nothing" I do believe was the phrase used when I raised the question of the Turks being human-controlled.

[Banzai Kamikaze]

Starting another hotseat ? hehe, don't count me in but I wish you the best of luck.

I just hope this won't affect the current hotseat, I do get the feeling that there is a little bit less enthusiasm here since Kotr .

Or it could simply be because it is the exam period for some of us.

Which reminds me... I do have an exam tomorrow...

Bobye !

[Askthepizzaguy]

Yes, a LOT of us had exams. I should be working on them right now...

But m2tw is more important than college education. Slaughter the infidel!

[Askthepizzaguy]

Not really, I didn't want to fight the AI off the bat. And when you popped in, the plan to attack Armenia was already in the works. Actually, if it hadn't been for a little miscalculation and really bad luck with spies (though my luck got better against you) Armenia would be out!

Ah well, that plan is history now... Kypchacks, here I come!!!

Hopefully there's not too many pirates in the Black Sea :sweatdrop:

Nah... at most they seem to spawn two or three ships in a stack at a time. The waters are strangely clear and the pirates seem wimpy in this game.

If, if, if.... If I had been one tile to the east, you would be dead instead of me. But I've buried that "if" a long time ago. Time to let go of Armenia, Lemon!

:medievalcheers:

[phonicsmonkey]

I just hope this won't affect the current hotseat, I do get the feeling that there is a little bit less enthusiasm here since Kotr .

Or it could simply be because it is the exam period for some of us.

I think it's mostly the exam effect - I've noticed the same thing over at twc.

Peeps just have RL to deal with right now...

Still, this hotseat has been so hot it would be only natural to have a few periods of lull every now and again...

[Askthepizzaguy]

Lull? We have several wars going on right now, unique and unprecedented treaties being signed and superpowers rising. This situation is as volatile as it gets.

People might not be posting publicly as much, but the in game action is only getting more explosive, not less. Still, I can't wait until everyone is back in character and threatening one another again... I like the heated discussions.

:tnt:

Also, if anyone cares, I've added to the discussion in the Caliph's court. I daresay it's more lively in there now. Or... maybe less lively.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I would like to announce that we have perhaps 8 potential members so far for the BC hotseat 2, with several others interested in joining! Things are moving along quite swimmingly.

I'm going to have to brush up on my moderator skills if this keeps up!

[_Tristan_]

Just DL'ed the save and it comes up with the PW for Georgia...

[phonicsmonkey]

Flax, you forgot to hit end turn before you saved the game..

I reset your password and did it for you, sorry I couldn't find the pm you sent me

Tristan, use this one instead

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC_11-03.zip

[TheFlax]

:oops: Guess I was in such in a hurry I forgot to hit end turn. Sorry for the trouble.

[The Lemongate]

Lol! I think I might have pressed turn only twice since the beginning of the hotseat! Fortunately Flax knows my password :laugh4:

[Zim]

Hey everyone. PK and I did a test for the GCH2 and found the new patch has no effect on save game compatibility for vanilla hotseats. :2thumbsup:

[phonicsmonkey]

Hey everyone. PK and I did a test for the GCH2 and found the new patch has no effect on save game compatibility for vanilla hotseats. :2thumbsup:

woohoo!


Sorry for the trouble.

no trouble mate, don't worry about it

rossahh, Tristan has let me know he'll be playing the turn in about 5 hours or so...so get ready to rock!

I'm poised to do the Caliph's bidding..

[_Tristan_]

KoJ is up :

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-11-04.rar

EDIT : A meeting of Coalition members is requested. Please attend.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Just thought I would share this with the rest of you. My frequent conversations with other members via instant messenger often turn odd. And it's always my fault because I'm insane and I don't even need to drink coffee to be that way.

Regarding my belated inclusion to the Broken Crescent hotseat:


At the very least you can say this: I add spice to an otherwise boring game of the Caliph mediating border skirmishes ineffectively. Give me some zip, some zazz, some beheadings and crucifictions and jihads. Toss in some lies and betrayals and boom! Hollywood movie.

The night of a thousand betrayals

Starring Tom Hanks as the Roman Emperor,
That guy who played that funky arab mystic in all those Mummy movies (Oded Fehr) as the Turkish Sultan,
Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film as the Georgian King,
The guy who played Rain Man as the King of Jerusalem (with exactly the same mannerisms),
and then we have a very shifty looking guy standing behind the Georgian King wielding a knife as the Ayyubid Sultan,
A big red splat on the highway as the King of Armenia,
And we have Will Ferrell playing the cannibalistic morning talk show host who eats the weatherman as the Ghorid Sultan, (covered in blood of course)
another big red splat as the Khwarezmid Shah,
A tit mouse wearing mittens as the leader of Oman,
and a final big red splat as the Hindu Rajputs. Not just their leader either.... all of them.

And I suppose some extras can play those other nations no one cares about because they arent important enough.... Seljuk-something or other, Caliph Gandhi-Nasir... and the Ga... Gah? Gaz...ma...na...
Ghaliz navidadvids?
Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

GaZims.



Regarding the AAR Story Thread for Broken Crescent:



This is easier for me because I dont have to make up stuff. I can just exaggerate what actually happened, like writing history in storybook form. Say you caught a fish... weighs 12 oz:

"Holy **** did you SEE that fish??? It was bigger than a whale, especially when he got excited. He saw the fish version of Beyonce and got all puffy, and when he was on the battlefield it was terrifying, he had a shock of red hair, as red as the fires of hell, he was 85 feet tall, shot bolts of lightning from his eyes and his arse, he once took the full force of an atomic blast and didn't even wake up, he just yawned and sprouted a third testicle, He personally gave birth to all the starving people in China, and he doesn't even have a WOMB!"

And so you see, with exaggeration, even the most boring and tedious story comes alive.

[phonicsmonkey]

..otherwise boring game of the Caliph mediating border skirmishes ineffectively..

hey!


Caliph Gandhi-Nasir

HEY!

:furious3:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Obviously written in jest... I basically omitted the Seljuks and the Ghaznis from the list as being "irrelevant"... so you can tell THAT's tongue-in-cheek.
One doesn't easily dismiss two of the most powerful factions in the game. And I personally would be overjoyed by the comparison to Gandhi. Quite an honour! Even when skewering your faction I was nice.

I compared my allies to splats on the highway! :laugh4:

[phonicsmonkey]

:clown:

[Askthepizzaguy]

I suspected as much, Caliph Clown-Nasir... :clown:






I also wish to point out that I didn't even know that fish had testes. Or that there was a "fish version" of Beyonce. :clown:

[The Lemongate]

Starring Tom Hanks as the Roman Emperor,

How could you forget his evil sidekick Wilsonos Komnenos, the Catapult Stone! Mastermind of the Empire! One shot slayer of Sultans! Grand Poobah of the Werld!


Hmmm... I wonder if I can rename my faction the Poobahnate of Lemons...?

[phonicsmonkey]

Hmmm... I wonder if I can rename my faction the Poobahnate of Lemons...?

:laugh4:

please don't, I'm having enough trouble as it is accepting that we have factions in the game called 'Sweljuks' and 'GhaZims'

[The Lemongate]

Yeah... you're probably right.

And my faction leader wouldn't be called the Great Poobah so it probably wouldn't fit real nice. A Poobahnate can't be ruled by an Emperor!

[rossahh]

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-11-05.rar


Interesting. The Turks rejected my last offer of a straight cease fire and trade rights while Armenia offered no deal. Do you guys really want to fight it out?

[phonicsmonkey]

seljuks are up

http://mizus.com/files/pbm/BC-11-06.zip

[_Tristan_]

Interesting. The Turks rejected my last offer of a straight cease fire and trade rights while Armenia offered no deal. Do you guys really want to fight it out?

I don't know about the Turks...

As for Armenia, we would have offered a ceasefire (we did it through our PM...) but couldn't do it in game for lack of a diplomat...

If you want one, I'll be sure to send a diplomat your way ASAP...:2thumbsup:

[phonicsmonkey]

I note with distaste that EF made good on his threat to rename his faction 'The Ferret Sultanate'

no man's trouser leg is safe from the sultanate of ferrets!

[Askthepizzaguy]

Very well... I guess I am the The Jolly Throatwarbler's Association of Amalgamated Spats, Key Lime Pie Eater's Anonymous, and the Society for the Prevention of Cruely to Dingleberries, Third House on the Left After the Bernie's Pizzeria and Tasty Food Emporium, Union of the Pickled Porpoise Street, West Winchestertonfieldville, The Shire of the Purple Rabbit with Rather Elongated Breasts and Sensitive Nipples, 3rd Lunar Colony of the Happy Starfish

As per my threat against the insane nicknamery. Yeah, nicknamery, it's a word that I creatified.



I have also decidified that after several turns of hagglery with Jerusalem and several turns of being insultificationed with their demands that I will hear no more of their insults. I offered a straight cease-fire right from the beginning, which they rejectioned. Since that's not good enough for them, we can only assume any cease-fire which we signify now will be brokened so they can collect their blood money through force of arms.

I also called for arbitrationness mediated by Caliph an-Nasir, but the treacherous Latin swine has agreedified to nothing.

I've done all that I can, condemning Armenia's hasty actions and keeping my forces inside Turkish/Armenian territory. But my forces will remain on alertness until the Latins are drag-ified to a Caliph-sponsored peace negotiation, any peace treaty obtaineried there would be binding and backed by the international community, under threat of being an international rogue state for violationifying it.

Are you serious about peace talks, or are you just wasting our time? Will you simply break it like the Ghorids?

[Ferret]

peace is for fools :P

ferrets are too sneaky to be fools :clown:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Ferrets will be crushed underneath the Sultan's own boot. I warn you, I will figure out a way to wipe the grin off of your face.

Enjoy your hollow victories now, for the Coalition will not rest until you are dead. And the Rajputs will be granted much of your own lands as a prize of war, since we have now secured the means of defending them from your unwise aggression forever.



[bwahaha removed as it was admittedly over the top...]

[Askthepizzaguy]

I have a proposal for the Eastern Coalition. Please attend the Coalition meeting, as I intend to discuss matters of immense importance to our combined cause.

[00jebus]

wow, Im feeling kinda left out, I'm the only country in the top right of the map without a slightly changed name....


I believe I'll rename myself the shahdom of Ultra Kapatalists* and other assorted rich people incorporated. ltd. (now with added camels)
In keeping with the corners trend of publically speaking like our new namesakes, we will solely be using annoying business lingo and buzz words in all official communications from now on, and the shah (leader guy, not faction) will now be renamed "supreme executive chairman of transaxonian silk road logistical solutions and camel repear"
In addition, were replacing all our generals with shareholders (ltd, so no change see?) and all our troops with a mixture of employee's, bribed public officials and/or health inspectors.




* what? you try making a good name that starts with "k"..besides I'm on the silk road anyway therefore richness, and rich theme of my nice new renamed shahdom. ltd. :clown:

[Askthepizzaguy]

Politically incorrect joke ahead. Warning: humor detected. Do not take seriously.

You could always go with the "Kwazy Kwharezmid Klansmen".

Wait... no scratch that. I think that would make your faction even less popular. I'm sure it's fitting that your faction's color is white, though.

At least you're not the Ayyubids, wiping out the only native african nation in the game. You're all a bunch of racists!

At least the Turks form friendships with those of different races and religions. Xenophobes! Xenophobes!

[00jebus]

wow.... I completly forgot about the KKK.... hmm
still prefere kapatalists though (factions actual flag was just black... and well... they were really rich so *shrugs*)


talk about your classic rebranding yet maintaining synergy about diversifying horizontally thanks to polls from our focus groups!

translation - thanks anyway

[Askthepizzaguy]

It's just as well. Even as a joke that would be in poor taste.



1000th post spectacular! :balloon: