News of the Weird

[Lemur]

The Alliance has a new line of heavy lifters to raise them from the sediment of the ocean all the way to the river banks as Stingrays now join the fray.
Those fools in the article will kill us all!


Mr Welch and the team later released the stingray, which turned out to be a pregnant female.
Nooooooooo!


https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/1_STINGRAY_461.jpg

[Gregoshi]

Still going on about this crock-tosquid alliance? There's not one opposable thumb amongst them. I'm not worried. :thumbsdown: (note the thumb - they won't even be able to issue a thumbs-down-kill-him gesture should they ever enslave us - :laugh4: - and force us to fight in the arean of death)

[Lemur]

Oh, no opposable thumb, so I guess we've got nothing to worry about, since they'll never be able to ...


An octopus in Germany has learned how to open jars underwater. Frieda the four-month-old octopus demonstrates her special skill to stunned crowds at Hellabrunn Zoo in Munich every day. Keepers said Frieda puts her whole body over the jar and grips onto the lid with her suckers. She then quickly twists her body round to open the jar. And she's even figured out the difference between empty jars and ones which are filled with her fave snacks - crabs, clams and shrimps.

Aieeeeeee! (http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/animals/newsid_2740000/2740103.stm)

[Gregoshi]

So only our Marines should be concerned.

YES! A double pun! Lemur, you're the BEST!

[Vladimir]

So only our Marines should be concerned.

YES! A double pun! Lemur, you're the BEST!

The Marines should be fine. They leave the empty jars alone.

[InsaneApache]

You'd be buggered if you happened to disguise yourself as a pot of marmalade. :disguise:

[Gregoshi]

The Marines should be fine. They leave the empty jars alone.
Awesome comeback Vlad. I hadn't considered the empty jar angle. :laugh4:

[Marshal Murat]

Man dies Happy (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,500645,00.html)


A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.

[naut]

:jawdrop:

[Gregoshi]

Man dies Happy (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,500645,00.html)
Two thoughts cross my mind reading this:

1) I was never offered such a bet. ~:(
2) Lucky stiff.

[seireikhaan]

Man dies Happy (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,500645,00.html)
:shocked2:

:laugh4:

Where's Strike, we found his role model...

[Strike For The South]

Epic Win.:bow:

[Major Robert Dump]

Somebody finally gave me a reason to have kids.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0226091bird1.html

[Sasaki Kojiro]

Maybe so, but guys will do anything for a little tail.

:laugh4:

[Vladimir]

Somebody finally gave me a reason to have kids.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0226091bird1.html

I'm lost for words.

[Gregoshi]

I'm lost for words.
Not entirely. :laugh4:

[Lemur]

Man pleads no contest to sex with car wash vacuum. (http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2009/02/judge_to_sentence_thomas_towns.html)

[Lemur]

Balsamic Vinegar Thief: "We will get you." (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/02/25/ap/strange/main4829064.shtml)

A sign hangs amid the bottles of vinegar at Newport Avenue Market. It's simple, to the point: "Thanks to the Balsamic Vinegar Thief this area is now under surveillance. We will get you." The last sentence, it should be noted, is underlined. For about a year, a thief pinched bottle after bottle of balsamic vinegar from the store—and not the low-end stuff.

No, this thief was after bottles that go for $30 or $40 a pop. "Thieves with good taste." That's how owner Rudy Dory explains them. [...]

Steve Esselstyn, community liaison for the Bend Police Department, says the police don't get many calls from grocery stores, and when they do it's typically something along the lines of a kid trying to score beer.

But balsamic vinegar?

"Well," Esselstyn said, "they must be a vegetarian."

[Hosakawa Tito]

Balsamic Vinegar Thief: "We will get you." (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/02/25/ap/strange/main4829064.shtml)

A sign hangs amid the bottles of vinegar at Newport Avenue Market. It's simple, to the point: "Thanks to the Balsamic Vinegar Thief this area is now under surveillance. We will get you." The last sentence, it should be noted, is underlined. For about a year, a thief pinched bottle after bottle of balsamic vinegar from the store—and not the low-end stuff.

No, this thief was after bottles that go for $30 or $40 a pop. "Thieves with good taste." That's how owner Rudy Dory explains them. [...]

Steve Esselstyn, community liaison for the Bend Police Department, says the police don't get many calls from grocery stores, and when they do it's typically something along the lines of a kid trying to score beer.

But balsamic vinegar?

"Well," Esselstyn said, "they must be a vegetarian."

I use balsamic vinegar in place of salad dressing all the time and I'm not a vegetarian....er...I've never been to Oregon in my life, I swear...

[InsaneApache]

Aye with a bit of olive oil and fresh cracked blackpepper, who needs Heinz Salad Cream? :laugh4:

[InsaneApache]

Radioactive paedophile eludes police in manhunt!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7914758.stm

Talk about not being able to make it up. Splendid! :toff:

[Lemur]

That's no way to treat a BMW ...

Car ticketed seven times, nobody notices corpse in the backseat (http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090225/ARTICLES/902250971)

At 4 p.m. Monday, a resident of College Park called police about a car that had been parked in the 1900 block of NW 2nd Avenue for several days and had been ticketed seven times by city employees.

Police detective Bennie Smith said Waldo was seated face-forward on the passenger side of the back seat, was fully clothed and had the car's ignition key in his possession when he was found.

[Major Robert Dump]

Look man, these are tough economic times, and the city needs money. Not ticketing him won't bring him back to life, now will it.

Actually, considering the city, I'd be willing to bet the parking cops had a quota to meet, did notice the body, and told a friend or two so they could work towards their quota, too. Can't be getting fired now can we?

[Major Robert Dump]

Wow. Just wow. Even the mutilated ones

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090227/NEWS0107/902270346/1055/NEWS

the guy is very ucky he wasn't wrongfully convicted of a rape/murder, although i think he would have deserved it

[Lemur]

Still going on about this crock-tosquid alliance? There's not one opposable thumb amongst them. I'm not worried.
You fool! They're here (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/02/090227-octopus-mischief.html)! THEY'RE ALREADY HERE!


For one dexterous octopus, an attempt at a great escape turned into a great flood Thursday at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium in California.

The female California two-spotted octopus swam to the top of her tank, disassembled a valve with her powerful arm, and released at least 200 gallons (757 liters) of seawater into nearby exhibits and offices. [...]

Such high jinks are typical of the invertebrates' still unexplained smarts, experts say.

"Octopuses have a wonderful combination of intelligence, tremendous manipulative ability, curiosity, and strength," said Jennifer Mather, a psychology professor at Canada's University of Lethbridge who has studied cognition in octopuses.

"So the result is that everybody who has ever kept octopuses has a string of stories about how octopuses can go where they want in aquariums."

[Lemur]

Someone is disposing of placentas in a central Illinois sewage system, and authorities want it to stop. (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29434465/)

Workers in Urbana on Thursday found a placenta in a filter that keeps large objects out of the sewage treatment plant — the third such find this year.

So police have enlisted medical experts. "It was one of the weirdest calls I've ever received," said Julie Pryde, who heads the Champaign-Urbana Public Health District.

Urbana Police Lt. Bryant Seraphin remembered: "She said, 'You found a WHAT in the WHERE?'"

The unprecedented finds have officials wondering if a midwife or veterinarian, stressed by economic woes, has been avoiding the expense of paying for a medical waste disposal service.

Police aren't aiming for an arrest, Seraphin said, and nobody suspects foul play. The umbilical cords, still attached, were cut clean.

Placentas are potentially infectious, although health officials said the risk to the public is low. They just want the dumping to stop and hope publicity will achieve that. They are keen on solving the mystery.

Storm sewers and toilets drain to the system, so those seem to be the likeliest routes, Pryde said, "but I don't think my personal toilet at home would be able to flush a placenta."

[Papewaio]

Oh, no opposable thumb, so I guess we've got nothing to worry about, since they'll never be able to ...


An octopus in Germany has learned how to open jars underwater. Frieda the four-month-old octopus demonstrates her special skill to stunned crowds at Hellabrunn Zoo in Munich every day. Keepers said Frieda puts her whole body over the jar and grips onto the lid with her suckers. She then quickly twists her body round to open the jar. And she's even figured out the difference between empty jars and ones which are filled with her fave snacks - crabs, clams and shrimps.

Aieeeeeee! (http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/animals/newsid_2740000/2740103.stm)

Wow, that must be a world first for females of all species. :inquisitive: :laugh4:

[Lemur]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/DestroyAllPets.jpg

[Gregoshi]

Spay it, don't spray it.

[Pannonian]

Boy killed by exploding chair (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/755767/boy-killed-by-exploding-office-chair)

A boy in China has been killed by an office chair after it exploded while he was sitting on it, according to reports.

The 14-year-old boy died from extensive bleeding after the chair’s gas cylinder burst, sending metal chair parts into his rectum.

While pictures of the chair have swept the internet, they did not reveal the boy's name or when the incident allegedly occurred.

A gas cylinder containing compressed air is typical of adjustable office chairs. An air valve operated by a side handle on the chair may be used to raise or lower the seat.

In 2007, another chair reportedly injured a person after exploding in China.

Newspapers said a 68-year-old man escaped with minor injuries after a 20cm chair piece pierced his bottom.

Be more creative with this one please. No PITA, as that's too obvious.

[Lemur]

Boy killed by exploding chair (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/755767/boy-killed-by-exploding-office-chair)
You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to find a boy-killed-by-chair-that-explodes-up-anus story that I haven't already got covered (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpost.php?p=2145649&postcount=3236).

[Pannonian]

You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to find a boy-killed-by-chair-that-explodes-up-anus story that I haven't already got covered (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpost.php?p=2145649&postcount=3236).
Damn, I only checked as far back as the 22nd.

[InsaneApache]

Talking of anuses, a Geordie gets bummed to death on safari.....

http://www.newcastleunited-mad.co.uk/news/loadnews.asp?cid=TMNW&id=435339

Dear me..:embarassed: :laugh4:

[Gregoshi]

You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to find a boy-killed-by-chair-that-explodes-up-anus story that I haven't already got covered (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpost.php?p=2145649&postcount=3236).
Yup. Lemur was all over that one. I remember considering punning on "blue/blew" but thought better of it and left the story alone. Lucky you.

[Major Robert Dump]

Talking of anuses, a Geordie gets bummed to death on safari.....

http://www.newcastleunited-mad.co.uk/news/loadnews.asp?cid=TMNW&id=435339

Dear me..:embarassed: :laugh4:

Reminds me of this classic, except this guy lived. Warning: fat man bum

http://www.guzer.com/videos/donkey_chase.php

[Husar]

Mother breastfeeding while driving... (http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/02/breastfeeding-while-driving/?partner=rss&emc=rss)


There’s multitasking, and there’s taking leave of your senses.

Last week, Genine Compton, a mother living outside Dayton, Ohio, drove her children to school. Apparently the youngest — who police believe is a little less than two years old — needed to eat. Right away. Compton is still breastfeeding, so she took the girl on her lap in the driver’s seat, and, without stopping the Honda minivan, gave the girl breakfast.

Oh, and she was reportedly talking on her cellphone, at least part of the time.

And to think she even says she would do it again. :wall:

[Boyar Son]

i dont know this came across as rly rly rly weird:inquisitive:...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/2698507.stm

[Gregoshi]

i dont know this came across as rly rly rly weird:inquisitive:...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/2698507.stm
I thought faggot was a fireplace log in English english. Maybe that is what the article meant when it said that faggots "warm the belly" this time of year. :laugh4:

[Banquo's Ghost]

I thought faggot was a fireplace log in English english. Maybe that is what the article meant when it said that faggots "warm the belly" this time of year. :laugh4:

The word can mean a bundle of wood, usually meant for burning, rather than a single log. It is also a hearty meat dish, which is what Boyar Son is surely highlighting with his carefully researched article.

[Crazed Rabbit]

The word can mean a bundle of wood, usually meant for burning, rather than a single log. It is also a hearty meat dish, which is what Boyar Son is surely highlighting with his carefully researched article.

*snickers*

CR

[InsaneApache]

I used to love to get stuck into a couple of faggots come tea time. I can still remember the warm moist salty taste as I put them in my mouth. Delicious. :yes:

[Lemur]

Woman calls 911 three times over emergency lack of Chicken McNuggets (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0303091mcnugget1.html)

MARCH 3--Angered that her local McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food "emergency." Latreasa Goodman, 27, last Saturday called police to complain that a cashier--citing a McDonald's all sales are final policy--would not give her a refund. When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

[Gregoshi]

Woman calls 911 three times over emergency lack of Chicken McNuggets (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0303091mcnugget1.html)
I've heard the expression "a few fries short of a Happy Meal" but never had the opportunity to use it - until now.

[Major Robert Dump]

what sad is that more than 1 person doing this is too many

burger wrong and no lemonade (may be a prank)
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0209092burgerking1.html

rodeo burger wrong, the dispatcher trying to explain to this idiotic, spoiled soccer-mom that they aren't going to dispatch a deputy over a cheeseburger, unless its a deadly cheeseburger
http://www.break.com/index/burger_king_911.html

subway sandwich was 'posed to have sauce
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0805081subway1.html

they trying to charge me for extra nugget sauce (yeah because if they didn't people like you would ask for 20 sauces for a 6piece)
***bah, old 911 call link turned to spam, all the stories were on blogs and i can't find it on google because our new McNugget caller is dominating the headlines***

[Major Robert Dump]

I think she has a legitimate beef.

[Gregoshi]

I think she has a legitimate beef.
MRD, if you are talking about the McDonalds story, using the phrase "legitimate beef" is totally inappropriate. :laugh4:

[Lemur]

All we can do is cluck our tongues. Perhaps she was trying get some sort of lawsuit going to feather her nest?

[Husar]

Well, click here (http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/03/robots.html).
Then read the caption of picture 2, you will find out the shocking truth about a long-time .org member. :sweatdrop:

[Furunculus]

Man survives train+truck smash (awesome video):
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/turkey/4940653/CCTV-shows-moment-when-man-survives-collision-between-train-and-lorry.html

[Crazed Rabbit]

Who wold you laugh more at; A man who fell down a portable toilet, or one who went down there on purpose? (http://www.magicvalley.com/articles/2009/03/06/news/local_state/156587.txt)

Johnson said the man, who asked police not to be identified, was unable to find his car keys after using the lavatory. Thinking his keys had fallen in the tank, the man removed a round plastic cover at the base of the toilet and climbed in to find them. Once inside he was unable to pull himself out, and waited until someone else arrived.

"He hadn't been there too long, only 10 or 15 minutes," Johnson said.

At least 10 emergency response personnel responded to the 911 call, according to Johnson and a dispatch supervisor at Southern Idaho Regional Communication Center.

Eventually the man was retrieved through an access hole used to pump the waste out of the tank.

"It took some lifting to get him out, and he had cut himself pretty good trying to get himself out," Johnson said.

The man was allowed to wash off with the fire truck hose at the scene, where he made another painful discovery.

"That's when he discovered the keys were still in his back pocket," Johnson said.

Also; Starcraft 101 at the University of California, Berkeley (http://www.gamepro.com/article/features/208762/starcraft-101-the-art-of-war/)(with video).

The class website. (http://www.berkeleystarcraft.com/)

CR

[seireikhaan]

Also; Starcraft 101 at the University of California, Berkeley (http://www.gamepro.com/article/features/208762/starcraft-101-the-art-of-war/)(with video).

The class website. (http://www.berkeleystarcraft.com/)

CR
:jawdrop:

Simply appalling.

[Crazed Rabbit]

It was near dusk at the end of a lazy day in Guatemala and Chris Waggoner was taking a relaxing swim in the national park lake where the locals gather.

“I was doing the backstroke, looking up at the trees and the birds. I remember seeing white egrets and hearing the howler monkeys in the trees,” Waggoner recalled. “I remember thinking, this is paradise. It doesn’t get any better than this.”

That was, literally, an instant before a crocodile’s powerful jaws clamped down on his head and pulled him forcefully under water.

Wow, this is quite a story. (http://www.wsbt.com/news/local/40752512.html)

Also, more strange college courses (http://www.onlinecolleges.net/2009/02/25/the-15-strangest-college-courses-in-america/):

9. Joy of Garbage

Santa Clara University

7. Zombies in Popular Media

Columbia College, Chicago

6. The Science of Harry Potter

Frostburg State University

CR

[Crazed Rabbit]

Ooo, this is to good:

Need anything? Why not head on down to the supermarket (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/7139492.stm)?

I lol'd in real life at that one.

CR

[Gregoshi]

Need anything? Why not head on down to the supermarket (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/7139492.stm)?
Those crazy kids of the British Aisles. Food for thought regarding tattoos: at least checkout your tattoo if you decide not to bag it all together.

[CountArach]

Those crazy kids of the British Aisles. Food for thought regarding tattoos: at least checkout your tattoo if you decide not to bag it all together.
Greg, your puns are getting stale.

[Gregoshi]

Greg, your puns are getting stale.
Yeah, I know. That last HOF award must have spoiled me. Aisle try harder next time. :inquisitive: I think I liked the "British" aisles pun better.

[Lemur]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/eegees.jpg

[naut]

Those crazy kids of the British Aisles. Food for thought regarding tattoos: at least checkout your tattoo if you decide not to bag it all together.
:laugh4:

[Crazed Rabbit]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/eegees.jpg

I don't see the problem. Are you saying this is false advertising or something- do they not have the best fries?

CR
;p

[InsaneApache]

"My initial thought when I was half awake was: it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window," Beat Ettlin told the AAP news agency. "It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in."

Mr Ettlin and his family were awoken early Sunday morning by their pet dog barking in the garden.

A kangaroo then crashed through a three metre high (nine foot high) window into the master bedroom and onto the bed holding Ettlin, his partner Verity Beman and their nine-year-old daughter Beatrix.

The family ducked under the blankets as the animal jumped on top of them before heading out the door.

Ettlin said when he heard his 10-year-old son Leighton screaming "There's a roo in my room" he ran in and wrestled the two metre tall kangaroo into a headlock and dragged it down the hall and out the front door.

The chef, originally from the Swiss city of Stans, was left wearing just his shredded underpants and with scratch marks on his leg and buttocks.

He described himself as "lucky". His partner described him as "a hero", saying she didn't know many men who would take on a kangaroo.

The kangaroo vanished into a nearby reserve and the family reported the intrusion to police and wildlife authorities.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/4961091/Kangaroo-breaks-into-home.html

They should have got Rolf to come around and tie it down for them...:laugh4:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D-LmRNdQiQ

:beam:

[Gregoshi]

The chef, originally from the Swiss city of Stans, was left wearing just his shredded underpants and with scratch marks on his leg and buttocks.

He should have been wearing Underoos (http://www.fruit.com/childrens.shtml?underoos).

[Lemur]

Wal-Mart Customer Finds Human Teeth in New Wallet (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,504413,00.html)

Police say the man found 10 human teeth Saturday when he unzipped a compartment in the wallet. One tooth had a filling.

The customer turned the wallet and the teeth over to employees at the Falmouth, MA store but left without giving his name.

Police investigating the incident told The Cape Cod Times that the teeth belong to an adult, but since there was no blood or gum tissue on the teeth, they would be unable to perform DNA tests.

A Wal-Mart spokeswoman said the company believes it was an "isolated incident."

[Alexander the Pretty Good]

Customer quoted - "Man, this bites."

[Gregoshi]

Customer quoted - "Man, this bites."
All he wanted was some gum.

[Louis VI the Fat]

I used to love to get stuck into a couple of faggots come tea time. I can still remember the warm moist salty taste as I put them in my mouth. Delicious. :yes:Yeah, I think British faggots are smoking hot too. :2thumbsup:

What I really love is that your fags always come with a hard package. Handy for a good grip, like when I pull it out for a quicky while driving. It's great, especially since I myself am used to carrying around a soft package that immediately shrivels when it contacts something wet. Always a disappointment when I want to offer my girlfriend something to puff on and I find that it's gone all soft and wrinkly.
Needless to say, my girlfriend was enthralled when she hopped over to Britain for the weekend and discovered all those hard, sturdy British packages, though she was a bit disappointed that in the end only twenty faggots came in her box.


IA's post is two weeks old. Yet Louis can't resist replying, simply to indulge his immature fondness of obscene wordplays. :shame:

[Banquo's Ghost]

Sadly Louis, you grasped the wrong end of the stick.

Across the Channel, a fag is a slang word for a cigarette as you imply. (At least, it is for the working classes - to those of public school education, a fag is a small boy used for errands or services such as acting as a toast rack for the prefects).

A faggot however, is a kind of meatball in thick gravy, exactly the kind of culinary delight that would have a Frenchman struck dumb with horror. This was the meaning contrasted with the American interpretation. Coincidentally, it also means a bundle of twigs, traditionally used en masse to set French maidens on the path to canonisation.

This complicated multiple meaning is why Napoleon wanted so badly to impose an elegant language on the islands to the north. :wink:

[Gregoshi]

So BG, is that an unofficial warning to Louis to watch his language? :laugh4:

[Banquo's Ghost]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v695/aslanngrae/house_of_cards_lead.jpg

You may think that. I couldn't possibly comment.

:beam:

[Hosakawa Tito]

Dontcha just love the nuances of the English lauguage... at least he didn't declare that he refills jelly donuts.:laugh4:

[Gregoshi]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v695/aslanngrae/house_of_cards_lead.jpg

"We are NOT amused."

[Louis VI the Fat]

Sadly Louis, you grasped the wrong end of the stick. Ah, this explains all those painful silences whenever I think I just told a cracker of a joke in English. ~:mecry:

(Hot English girl: "That was funny, Louis....Yeah, I got it.....No! No! You told it correctly....Listen, don't worry about it....But listen..I..erm...I am going to sit over there for a minute, okay?....What? One more joke? Erm...yeah...erm..I...I'd love to but I've really got to be moving on now...")



Oh well, my power is yet increasing. New words are learned every day, new expressions mastered too. One day, in an ultimate act of revenge for their brutalizing the world by imposing their crude language on it, I shall beat the Anglos at their own language. :knight:



-~-~-~-~-~-~+<o0O0o>+~-~-~-~-~-~-~-


For a fun fact, I once read a study that compared the language of Shakespeare with Molière. For our foreign readers, Molière was a 17th century French playwright, give or take a few decades a contemporary of Shakespeare. A brilliantly witty writer with a masterly command of language, the French still refer poetically to French as 'the language of Molière'.
Shakespeare, as some of you might know, was a 16th century English playwright of some reknown. So likewise, English is often refered to as 'la langue de Shakespeare', German as 'la langue de Goethe'.


Their languages were compared in a study. Shockingly, it turned out that Shakespeare used well over twice as many different words as Molière. All those influences on English left their mark, making it lexically an incredibly rich language.
It confirmed the ancient fear: English is far more intricate than French. Consequently, English is simply too complicated and refined for the bland French mind and
It showed that English is full of needless pomposity, superflous words, lack of restrainment. As with food or clothing, the insight that less is more, that élégance is but the perfection of the art of restrained good taste, is lost on the English. :no:

[Gregoshi]

Ah, this explains all those painful silences whenever I think I just told a cracker of a joke in English. ~:mecry:
...
blah, blah, blah, blah
...

As with food or clothing, the insight that less is more, that élégance is but the perfection of the art of restrained good taste, is lost on the English. :no:
Word.

[Lemur]

Pluto Is a Planet Again. In Illinois. On Fridays. (http://news.nationalgeographic.co.uk/news/2009/03/090311-pluto-planet-illinois.html)

It took about three minutes for members of the Illinois state senate to make the unanimous vote: "that March 13, 2009, be declared 'Pluto Day' in the State of Illinois in honor of the date its discovery was announced in 1930."

Quietly adopted on February 26, the state resolution is meant to honor Pluto discoverer Clyde Tombaugh, who was born and raised in the farming village of Streator.

"This is one of those things that the village is very proud of," said Illinois State Senator Gary Dahl, who sponsored the resolution.

"I don't think we are changing the status of the planet. We're simply asking that March 13 be declared Pluto Day and that, for the day, Pluto is a planet."

[InsaneApache]

I thought he was a dog.

[Conqueror]

Looks like nationalist-ethnic drama of the upcoming farce that is Eurovision 2009 is already in full swing: Georgia drops out of Eurovision over Putin song (http://eurovision-news.newslib.com/story/1732-3241378/). :drama2:


TBILISI (AFP) – Georgia said on Wednesday it was pulling out of the Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow after contest organisers rejected a Georgian entry that poked fun at Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

(...)

The song titled "We don't wanna put in," performed by the group Stephane and 3G with its play on the prime minister's surname, was rejected by Eurovision organisers on Tuesday for the May 14-16 event, which Russia is hosting.

[The_Mark]

PETA Wants To Turn George Clooney’s Sweat Into Flavored Tofu (http://www.ecorazzi.com/2009/03/12/peta-wants-to-turn-george-clooneys-sweat-into-flavored-tofu/).

:blank2:

[Gregoshi]

Looks like nationalist-ethnic drama of the upcoming farce that is Eurovision 2009 is already in full swing: Georgia drops out of Eurovision over Putin song (http://eurovision-news.newslib.com/story/1732-3241378/). :drama2:
Putin on the Ritz is my personal favourite.

As cookin' with George Clooney's sweat, that's the most fu-lishous idea I've ever heard. It's probably served on a PITA (think acronym).

[Crazed Rabbit]

http://www.flsenate.gov/images/photos/senate/members/plain/s039.jpg

Florida state senator Larcenia Bullard (D-Miami) got a bit confused about what animal husbandry (http://www.miamiherald.com/news/southflorida/story/943463.html) means:


Rich's legislation would target only those who derived or helped others derive ''sexual gratification'' from an animal, specifying that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.

That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.

''People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?'' she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Sen. Charlie Dean, an Inverness Republican, explained that husbandry is raising and caring for animals. Bullard didn't get it.

''So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?'' Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman's suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot.

Ah, Florida.

CR

[Marshal Murat]

Miami isn't Florida.
Miami is the Caribbean concentrated on land.

[Gregoshi]

So, what animal are you married to Marshal? :laugh4:

[Marshal Murat]

I'm wooing a waskaly wabbit.

[Gregoshi]

<sings "Rabbit of Seville"> Oh why do you want to woo a wabbit?

[Major Robert Dump]

PETA Wants To Turn George Clooney’s Sweat Into Flavored Tofu (http://www.ecorazzi.com/2009/03/12/peta-wants-to-turn-george-clooneys-sweat-into-flavored-tofu/).

:blank2:

Apparently he responded to them: "As a mammal, I'm offended."

[The_Mark]

As a mammal, I'd rather have them milk the flavoring material out of me. Wouldn't eat the tofu, though.

[Lemur]

Woman drugs boss's coffee so he'll "chill" (http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1120ap_odd_tranquilized_coffee.html?source=mypi)

BRYANT, Ark. -- Police said a woman has been arrested for allegedly slipping some tranquilizers into her boss's coffee because she felt "he needed to chill out." Police said the 24-year-old woman admitted to detectives that she slipped the drugs into veteranarian John Duckett's drink. Officers said Duckett knew something was wrong shortly after drinking some of the coffee Tuesday morning.

Officers said the woman cleaned the cages at the the Reynolds Road Animal Clinic.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Let no one say that the Star Wars missile defense system from the 1980s doesn't have practical benefits: (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article5908535.ece)

AMERICAN scientists are making a ray gun to kill mosquitoes. Using technology developed under the Star Wars anti-missile programme, the zapper is being built in Seattle where astrophysicists have created a laser that locks onto airborne insects.

CR

[Husar]

that's not weird, I wanted such an anti-mosquito air-defense system fora while, that's great! :2thumbsup:

[Major Robert Dump]

German company names fried chicken strips after Obama

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,612684,00.html

[Lemur]

Two angry camels. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWQvFmtmXc8) In a car. A compact car. Man, do they sound steamed.


https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/v4.gif

[Marshal Murat]

"No Ahmed, "horsepower" doesn't mean that we put horses in the engine! No Ahmed, don't put camels in the engine for endurance!"

[InsaneApache]

She was born in Birmingham, educated in Bristol, speaks fluent English and holds a British passport – but Julie Dutton has been told she will have to sit an English language test if she wants to work in Australia.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article5921966.ece

As the man said...

It just goes to show you can't be too careful!

:laugh4:

[Gregoshi]

She sounds a bit pompous if you ask me.

[InsaneApache]

She sounds a bit pompous if you ask me.

Fixed it for you. :balloon2:

[Gregoshi]

I knew you'd get it IA. :cheerleader:

[Banquo's Ghost]

I'm at a loss for a witty headline for this (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/03/17/home_insemination/) that won't have me self-banning, but the sentence below gives you the gist.


...and that she'd according come armed with a "turkey baster and her brother’s semen in a sealed container"

[Gregoshi]

I'm at a loss for a witty headline for this (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/03/17/home_insemination/) that won't have me self-banning, but the sentence below gives you the gist.
That would make little Johnny a basterd, right?

[Major Robert Dump]

Her lesbian lover never saw it coming

[Crazed Rabbit]

Speaking of that, here you can hear (http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2009/03/off_with_those.php) Bill O'Reilly say "I wish I was a lesbian" and other brief clips from the audiobook of his novel. You'll also hear "Off with those pants".

Some clips are DECIDELY NSFW.

I know this isn't news, but it isn't a video either, and it's not exactly political...

Should be amusing though. We needs a soundboard!

CR

[Don Corleone]

We're too bloody fat to work, so give us more money! (http://www.cnbc.com/id/29755862/)

:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4: I'm just glad they're not Americans for once... :laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:


They claim their weight problem is hereditary—they do not choose to be this way—and the money coming in isn't enough to live on. "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table," says Mr. Chawner. "It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more." Well, apparently there is quite a bit of food making it to the table. The Telegraph says each member of the family consumes 3,000 calories a day.

[Hooahguy]

to quote the article....

Now that, my friends, is chutzpah.

[Major Robert Dump]

ITS MY THYROIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!

[Lemur]

I'm always glad to see state legislators using their time wisely. Four states have tried and failed to ban violent video games, Connecticut just tried to legislate how its local Catholic Diocese manages itself, and the only surprising thing is that New Hampshire hasn't made an attempt to outlaw "fun."

NJ considers ban on bare-it-all 'Brazilian' wax (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090319/D9719Q1O0.html)

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - New Jersey is drawing the line when it comes to bikini waxing. The state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is moving toward a ban on genital waxing after two women reported being injured in their quest for a smooth bikini line.

Both women were hospitalized for infections following so-called "Brazilian" bikini waxes; one of the women has filed a lawsuit, according to Jeff Lamm, a spokesman for New Jersey's Division of Consumer Affairs, which oversees the cosmetology board.

Technically, genital waxing has never been allowed - only the face, neck, abdomen, legs and arms are permitted - but because bare-it-all "Brazilians" weren't specifically banned, state regulators haven't enforced the law.

"The genital area is not part of the abdomen or legs as some might assume," Lamm said.

Officials with the National Cosmetology Association and National-Interstate Council of State Boards of Cosmetology said they were unaware of another state that has banned genital waxing.

Regular bikini waxes would still be allowed. [...]

The state Board of Cosmetology meets next on April 14 and will decide whether to move forward with banning the procedure, made popular in Brazil to accommodate skimpy thong bikinis.

The earliest the ban could take effect would be sometime in May, Lamm said, and salons that continue to perform it could be fined.

[seireikhaan]

I'm always glad to see state legislators using their time wisely. Four states have tried and failed to ban violent video games, Connecticut just tried to legislate how its local Catholic Diocese manages itself, and the only surprising thing is that New Hampshire hasn't made an attempt to outlaw "fun."

NJ considers ban on bare-it-all 'Brazilian' wax (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090319/D9719Q1O0.html)
Oh dear, its that time...

https://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x246/greaterkhaan/Picture1.png

[naut]

I guess Senator Lautenberg misses Bush already. :wink3:

[Papewaio]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article5921966.ece

As the man said...

It just goes to show you can't be too careful!

:laugh4:

Did you note that this is a case of diplomatic reciprocity.

"The policy is the same as in Britain, where Australians are required to pass an English language test to qualify for work. "

Aussies, Canadians and US citizens all have to pass an English test to work in UK.

[CountArach]

Did you note that this is a case of diplomatic reciprocity.

"The policy is the same as in Britain, where Australians are required to pass an English language test to qualify for work. "

Aussies, Canadians and US citizens all have to pass an English test to work in UK.
Well I understand for us - we are, after all, a nation of criminals.

[Gregoshi]

Well I understand for us - we are, after all, a nation of criminals.
Imprisoned by a language barrier. :clown:

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Aussies, Canadians and US citizens all have to pass an English test to work in UK.

It makes sense though, at least for Canadians and to a lesser extent for Americans. French is an official language of Canada, and there are a fair number of Quebecois French speakers who have only a rudimentary grasp of English. I don't know the specifics on America, but apparently only 83% (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_(language)) of their population speaks English.

[Husar]

It makes sense though, at least for Canadians and to a lesser extent for Americans. French is an official language of Canada, and there are a fair number of Quebecois French speakers who have only a rudimentary grasp of English. I don't know the specifics on America, but apparently only 83% (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_(language)) of their population speaks English.

Now you're really starting to take this America thing to a new level when you compare Canada with America.... :inquisitive:

[Lemur]

Porn Sting Goes To The Dogs (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0318091dog1.html)

Attempt to ensnare boyfriend comes back to bite Indiana woman

MARCH 18--Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober.


https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/0318091dog1.jpg

Confirmed dog-lover.

[Gregoshi]

Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography...
She's a Snoopy girl apparently.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Now you're really starting to take this America thing to a new level when you compare Canada with America.... :inquisitive:

Please elaborate.

[seireikhaan]

She's a Snoopy girl apparently.
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:

That was a good one, Greg.

[Husar]

Please elaborate.

Canada is a country in America. ~;)

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Canada is a country in America. ~;)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:CanadiansForAnnexation2001.png

[Lemur]

She's a Snoopy girl apparently.
I think there was a severe misunderstanding when she said, "Fido, come!"

[Husar]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:CanadiansForAnnexation2001.png

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:LocationNorthAmerica.png

[Gregoshi]

I think there was a severe misunderstanding when she said, "Fido, come!"

:laugh4: Forget the petting, eh?

I wonder if Toby is a legal beagle? Ms Owen is obviously in need of a lawyer.

[KukriKhan]

Old joke: Australian fore-play = "Brace y'self Sheila."

[Lemur]

Rhode Island strip club to hold job fair (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Rhode-Island-strip-club-to-apf-14699380.html)

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Here's a job opportunity you won't need to buy a new wardrobe for.

Hoping to take advantage of Rhode Island's floundering economy, owners of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence plan to hold a job fair on Saturday.

They say they're looking to fill around 30 positions, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders, at that club and two others in Massachusetts.

"I need more managers, I need more competent staff, and I need more attractive waitresses to go along with the ones I have right now," said co-owner Tom Tsoumas.

[Gregoshi]

Rhode Island strip club to hold job fair (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Rhode-Island-strip-club-to-apf-14699380.html)
The perfect job - you can take off every day. New employees get a lap dance and work topless.

[Major Robert Dump]

We need more enteprenuers like that man right there so talented young women can work their way through college, or work their way through an 8ball of coke.

[Lemur]

Speaking of entrepreneurship, I just ran across the ads for a diet pill from the early '80s with the unfortunate name of "Ayds." Yes, it's pronounced "aids." No, I am not making this up (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfOQ3O4kD3I). "Why take diet pills when you can enjoy Ayds?" Why, indeed.

-edit-

Found another commercial (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUdpNbESqVI). And another (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBclzct3be0). And this one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9lnbMC0I5Y): "Ayds suppresses your appetite medically." I'll say.

[InsaneApache]

Aye I remember Ayds back in the day. They were a sort of biscuit if memory serves. I think they changed the name to Herpes. :laugh4:

As for AIDS, it reminds me of the old joke:

How did AIDS get into America?

Up the Hudson. :embarassed:

[Pannonian]

Spanish football club president arrested after shooting. (http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=629401)


The president of Xerez soccer club, Joaquin Bilbao, resigned on Thursday after he spent the night in a police cell following his suspected involvement in a shooting incident at a bar.

The Guardian podcast (http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/audio/2009/mar/23/football-weekly-podcast-liverpool-manchester-united), starting at 19:50, has an entertaining account of the incident, with some truly awe-inspiring puns that would make Gregoshi green with envy. Listen to the end for another fantastic pun about a Juventus player.

[Fragony]

http://www.gastongazette.com/sections/article/gallery/?pic=1&id=31917

:dies:

[InsaneApache]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm

:laugh4:

[Banquo's Ghost]

Some days, they really are out to get you (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/mar/24/nuclear-bomb-survivor-japan).


Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on 6 August 1945 when a US B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He suffered serious burns to his upper body and spent the night in the city. He then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki.

[The Spartan (Returns)]

Korean Pimp Sells Males To Japan's Sex Trade

The Seoul Metropolitan Police have arrested a 41-year-old homosexual pimp, only identified as Park, for arranging the transport of dozens of Korean homosexuals and transgendered individuals into Yokohama’s red-light district.

Park is suspected of having 30 Korean male prostitutes work at brothels in Japan since January 2007 and taking a total of 500 million won ($330,000) from them in “brokerage” fees.

The 30 men had sex with Japanese men for ¥15,000 to ¥20,000. Besides the brokerage, Park took ¥80,000 from each of them per month for protection money that was paid to the local Yakuza.

Park recruited the men through online gay communities, saying that they could make big money in a short time in Japan’s male sex trade. Many of the transgendered individuals accepted Park’s offer in order to amass money to have a sex change operation.

According to police, Park himself is gay with HIV, and had sex with some of the prostitutes for whom he arranged the sex trade.

Police are hunting other sex trade groups similar to the one used by Park, and are conducting a joint investigation with Japanese police and Interpol into the connection between such brokers and the Yakuza.

Via Korean Times.

For historical reasons, ethnic Koreans actually make up a significant proportion of the Yakuza’s ranks in Japan, so the connection is not unsurprising.

Additionally, both Japan and Korea have long histories of exporting their young ladies for the sake of prostitution, so in that sense this is nothing new…

Police Arrest Man for Not Paying Schoolgirl Prostitute $750

An unemployed man desperate for schoolgirl sex has been arrested after he pulled a fast one on a schoolgirl, passing her an envelope full of flyers instead of the $750 agreed.

Claiming “I was tricked!”, the young strumpet reported him to police for non-payment after having sex with him unawares of the deficient payment, and police threw the book at the cheeky man.

Meeting her in a park, the man (24) passed the young prostitute (17 – actually an unemployed school dropout), whom he became acquainted with on a mobile phone dating site, what she believed to be her exorbitant fee of ¥70,000 in an envelope, and the pair had sex there and then.

However, he had in fact stuffed the envelope not with bills but with worthless chirashi (flyers), outraging the girl, who then went to enlist police help, claiming “I was tricked”.

An arrest soon followed, with the hapless john being charged with child prostitution related offences. He mourned his arrest thus: “I wanted to get close to a younger girl. I didn’t have the money so I just stuffed paper in the envelope”.

The girl of course faces no charges, although it seems unlikely she will get her money.

Via Itai News.

Cases such as this certainly suggest that it is very naïve indeed to consider these young prostitutes as blameless victims; punishing them as well as their patron might go some way to actually curbing the practice, if that is indeed what is desired…

School Girl Threesome Arrest

Schoolgirl Threesome

A man (then 25) who had group sex with a pair of thirteen-year-old elementary schoolers, for the princely sum of ¥20,000 (for both), has been arrested on suspicion of a child prostitution offence.

Police found that the man, a dispatch worker, spent the night with the girls at a local love hotel, knowing that they were under eighteen, and promising them ¥20,000… We do not hear the details of this particular ménage a trois.

However, the offence took place in May of last year, which leaves open some interesting questions about either the speed of the investigation, or the quality of the evidence.

Via CTV.

There was an interesting comment made on the story: “What about these girls who have sex with guys for money and then turn round and report them to police?”

The response came: “Because they have no consciousness of being prostitutes.”

Seeing how so many of these cases seem to turn out, I can’t help but wonder whether treating these young ladies as universally being virginal innocents victimised by lolicon, even when they obviously sought out many customers, in some cases for the purposes of extortion or swindling, isn’t part of the problem.


Man Cuts Off Penis With Scissors After Break-up

A man took a pair of scissors and snipped off his own member after a falling out with his girlfriend. As he attempted to preserve it for posterity, doctors later managed to sew it back on.

After an argument with his girlfriend over her not moving in with him, he returned home and there cut off his manhood, apparently as he wished to be done with women entirely.

The man (37) was found bleeding on the floor, and was soon conveyed to hospital. Doctors, having discovered that, for some reason even he cannot explain, he had put his severed penis on ice, then managed to reattach the member. It is not clear whether the self-castrator will regain full use of the unwanted appendage, or indeed whether he is happy about still having it.

Police explain the failed eunuch’s situation: “He told us that apparently he did not need his penis since his girlfriend didn’t want to move in with him – after two broken marriages, he said he wanted to have nothing in common with women.”

Regarding his mysterious refrigeration of his lost manhood, police have this to say: “This was one wise thing that he did, if we can at all speak about wisdom in a situation like that.”

Via Heaven.

Russia actually has a long history of this sort of thing, thanks to the extensive activities of the Christian cult of the Skoptsy, whose members would cut off their genitals and breasts in order to rid themselves of temptation…

Sorry for not posting the link... Like I said, the site is not appropriate enough to link.

[rasoforos]

link (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/7963081.stm)


This is what happens when you replace the chap that checks attendance sheets once a month with an expensive and sophisticated computer system...

[Major Robert Dump]

link (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/7963081.stm)


This is what happens when you replace the chap that checks attendance sheets once a month with an expensive and sophisticated computer system...

So she is allowed at the prom now?

[InsaneApache]

So she is allowed at the prom now?

That's a grave question. Only if she's bury good.

[naut]

So she is allowed at the prom now?
Well, with a bit of make-up and a nice dress I'm sure she'd be drop-dead gorgeous.

[Lemur]

A word of unasked-for advice:

Newspapers and news sites don't necessarily host their stories forever. Things get moved, archived, etcetera. I know this because once a year I read back through the entire News of the Weird, just to savor how much awful goodness we've amassed in these hallowed halls.

Anyway, when you post nothing but a link and "hilarious!" it's 99% likely that the post will make no sense in a year or two. Do everyone a favor and pull out enough text or graphics to make the weirdness clear to someone who doesn't click the link.

This is not a command. This is a prophecy.

[Lemur]

Bad fish cause "sexual pain" (http://news.health.com/2009/03/26/cdc-sex-pain-food-poisoning/)

Food poisoning typically causes nausea, vomiting, and similar symptoms. However, in a small North Carolina outbreak linked to fish consumption, six out of seven people reported sexual pain along with other more common symptoms of food poisoning, according to a report released Thursday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). [...]

Unlike other types of food poisoning, CFP can cause neurological symptoms, such as the reversal of hot and cold sensations, fatigue, and itching and tingling, in addition to typical gastrointestinal symptoms like nausea, vomiting, cramps, and diarrhea. Sexual pain is generally not considered to be a symptom of CFP. [...]

Six out of seven people who were sexually active said they had painful intercourse as a symptom of CFP. Two men reported painful ejaculation, and four women described a burning sensation during and after intercourse.

[CountArach]

This art is really crappy (http://www.tribune.ie/news/article/2009/mar/22/cowen-hung-out-to-dry-in-national-gallery-hijack/):
GARDAí are on the hunt for an anonymous prankster who hung a nude portrait of Taoiseach Brian Cowen in the hallowed halls of the National Gallery.

The still unidentified renegade artist, (since identified as 35 year old Conor Casby) had painted Cowen as he was sitting on the loo with a roll of toilet paper in his hand. The painter's attempts at lifting the country's spirits certain#ly worked as dozens of visitors to the gallery last week were left chuckling at the unorthodox artwork.

One woman commented: "Well, at least that is one mess he has been able to clean up."

The bizarre prank began earlier this month when the artist calmly walked in the front entrance of the National Gallery carrying a shoulder bag.

He perused a number of rooms before making his way to the National Portrait Collection of the National Gallery, which features paintings of Ireland's most famous citizens.

The unidentified artist first stuck up a prepared caption for the artwork, which matched up exactly with the explanatory notes for the painting.

It read: "Brian Cowen, Politician, 1960-2008. This portrait, acquired uncommissioned by the National Gallery, celebrates one of the finest politicians produced by Ireland since the foundation of the state.

"Following a spell at the helm of the Department of Finance during a period of unprecedented prosperity, Brian Cowen inherited the office [of] Taoiseach in 2008.

"Balancing a public image that ranges from fantastically intelligent analytical thinker to big ignorant f**ker from Offaly, the Taoiseach proves to be a challenging subject to represent."

He then went on to hang the portrait of Cowen, sitting naked with a roll of toilet paper in his hand. The unflattering picture hung for over an hour and hundreds of patrons of the gallery passed it believing it to be a genuine part of the collection.

The National Portraits Collection consists of around 50 paintings of famous Irish people including modern celebrities such as Bono and Gay Byrne along with historical figures like Michael Collins and William Butler Yeats.

When the prank painting was spotted by security staff, they immediately took it down and brought it to the attention of gallery management. Gardaí from nearby Pearse Street station were called to the scene where they examined the portrait and CCTV footage.

Bemused officers told management, however, that it was unlikely the rogue artist had committed any type of criminal offence.

It later emerged that the mystery painter had hung a second nude portrait of Cowen holding only a pair of y-fronts in the nearby RHA Gallery on Saturday afternoon.

A National Gallery source said: "It wasn't a question of having vandalised or damaged any of the paint#ings, just adding another one to the collection.

"It was obviously something that had been planned for a long time as the frame of the painting and the caption had been matched closely to portraits already there."

A statement from the National Gallery said: "The gallery does not allow unauthorised displays. One can only surmise that it was an action by someone seeking to use the gallery for self-promotion or other reasons."

[Lemur]

So this bobcat walks into a bar ... (http://www.azfamily.com/news/local/stories/Cottonwood-animal-news-032509-bobcat-in-bar.6fc2b82c.html)

COTTONWOOD – A bobcat was on the loose inside an Arizona bar. The bobcat in the bar caused a panic Tuesday night in Cottonwood near Sedona. [...]

One patron tells 3TV, “I was sitting in the back and watched the bobcat run in.”

That bobcat caught patrons off guard, causing some to jump on pool tables and grab pool sticks before pulling their cell phone cameras out for pictures. Another patron explains, “My friend got down with his camera phone and the cat jumped up and hit him in the face.”

Kyle Hicks is now undergoing treatment for rabies. He tells 3TV the bobcat, “Scratched up my face and pretty good the back of my ears.”

Another patron had his leg scratched by the sick wild animal while trying to get out of its way.

[Major Robert Dump]

ShamWOW guy arrested for beating up a prostitute:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

[Marshal Murat]

ShamWOW guy arrested for beating up a prostitute:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

SHAMPOW!

[Marshal Murat]

So this bobcat walks into a bar ... (http://www.azfamily.com/news/local/stories/Cottonwood-animal-news-032509-bobcat-in-bar.6fc2b82c.html)

COTTONWOOD – A bobcat was on the loose inside an Arizona bar. The bobcat in the bar caused a panic Tuesday night in Cottonwood near Sedona. [...]

One patron tells 3TV, “I was sitting in the back and watched the bobcat run in.”

That bobcat caught patrons off guard, causing some to jump on pool tables and grab pool sticks before pulling their cell phone cameras out for pictures. Another patron explains, “My friend got down with his camera phone and the cat jumped up and hit him in the face.”

Kyle Hicks is now undergoing treatment for rabies. He tells 3TV the bobcat, “Scratched up my face and pretty good the back of my ears.”

Another patron had his leg scratched by the sick wild animal while trying to get out of its way.

Now if only one of the patrons had a gun, this wouldn't have happened.

[Lemur]

Hey now, guns don't kill rabid bobcats, people do. In support of this argument:


https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/fail-owned-meat-origin-fail.jpg

[Hooahguy]

Hey now, guns don't kill rabid bobcats, people do. In support of this argument:


https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/fail-owned-meat-origin-fail.jpg
some people make me ashamed of mankind... :shame:

[Crazed Rabbit]

Ah, idiots. Such a source for humor.

Speaking of idiots, (http://www.komonews.com/news/local/41995552.html) it looks like I'll have to smuggle my dish washing detergent from out of state after next July:

Dirt-weary Spokane turns to bootleg detergent
SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) - The quest for squeaky-clean dishes has turned some law-abiding people in Spokane into dishwater-detergent smugglers.

They are bringing Cascade or Electrasol in from out of state because the eco-friendly varieties required under Washington state law don't work as well.

Spokane County became the launch pad last July for the nation's strictest ban on dishwasher detergent made with phosphates, a measure aimed at reducing water pollution. The ban will be expanded statewide in July 2010, the same time similar laws take effect in several other states.

But it's not easy to get sparkling dishes when you go green.

Many people were shocked to find that products like Seventh Generation, Ecover and Trader Joe's left their dishes encrusted with food, smeared with grease and too gross to use without rewashing them by hand. The culprit was hard water, which is mineral-rich and resistant to soap.
...
For his part, Beck has taken to washing his dishes on his machine's pots-and-pans cycle, which takes longer and uses five gallons more water. Beck wonders if that isn't as tough on the environment as phosphates.

"How much is this really costing us?" Beck said. "Aren't we transferring the environmental consequences to something else?"

Corollary to the Law of Unintended Consequences; environmental groups will never, ever, consider it.

SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) - The quest for squeaky-clean dishes has turned some law-abiding people in Spokane into dishwater-detergent smugglers.

They are bringing Cascade or Electrasol in from out of state because the eco-friendly varieties required under Washington state law don't work as well.

Spokane County became the launch pad last July for the nation's strictest ban on dishwasher detergent made with phosphates, a measure aimed at reducing water pollution. The ban will be expanded statewide in July 2010, the same time similar laws take effect in several other states.

But it's not easy to get sparkling dishes when you go green.

Many people were shocked to find that products like Seventh Generation, Ecover and Trader Joe's left their dishes encrusted with food, smeared with grease and too gross to use without rewashing them by hand. The culprit was hard water, which is mineral-rich and resistant to soap.

As a result, there has been a quiet rush of Spokane-area shoppers heading east on Interstate 90 into Idaho in search of old-school suds.

Real estate agent Patti Marcotte of Spokane stocks up on detergent at a Costco in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, and doesn't care who knows it.

"Yes, I am a smuggler," she said. "I'm taking my chances because dirty dishes I cannot live with."

(In truth, the ban applies to the sale of phosphate detergent - not its use or possession - so Marcotte is not in any legal trouble.)

Marcotte said she tried every green brand in her dishwasher and found none would remove grease and pieces of food. Everybody she knows buys dishwasher detergent in Idaho, she said.

Supporters of the ban acknowledge it is not very popular.

"I'm not hearing a lot of positive feedback," conceded Shannon Brattebo of the Washington Lake Protection Association, a prime mover of the ban. "I think people are driving to Idaho."

Steve Marcy, manager of the Costco in Coeur d'Alene, about 10 miles east of the Washington state line, estimated that sales of dishwasher detergent in his store have increased 10 percent. He knows where the customers are coming from.

"I'll joke with them and ask if they are from Spokane," Marcy said. "They say, 'Oh yeah.'"

Shoppers can still buy phosphate detergents in Washington state by venturing outside Spokane County, but Idaho is more convenient to many Spokane residents.

Phosphates - the main cleaning agent in many detergents and household cleaners - break down grease and remove stains. However, the chemicals are difficult to remove in wastewater treatment plants and often wind up in rivers and lakes, where they promote the growth of algae. And algae gobble up oxygen in the water that fish need to survive.

While traditional detergents are up to 9 percent phosphate, those sold in Spokane County can contain no more than 0.5 percent.

The Washington Lake Protection Association has launched a campaign to encourage people to give the environmentally friendly brands a fair chance. The group suggests consumers experiment with different brands or install water softeners to help the green detergents work better.

"Clean lakes and clean dishes do not have to be mutually exclusive," said association president-elect Jacob McCann.

Phosphates have been banned in laundry detergent nationally since 1993. Washington was the first state where the Legislature passed a similar ban against dishwasher detergents, in 2006. The ban is being phased in, starting with Spokane County.

"It's nice to be on the cutting edge," Spokane resident Ken Beck, an opponent of the ban, said sarcastically.

Among other states that have banned or are banning phosphates in dishwasher detergent are Maryland, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Michigan, Vermont, Minnesota, Illinois, Massachusetts and New York. A bill on Capitol Hill would impose a nationwide ban.

The Soap and Detergent Association, which represents manufacturers, initially fought the bans. But as the movement gained strength across the country, the association asked legislatures to delay bans until July 2010 to allow for a uniform rollout of products.

The industry has been working to develop better low-phosphate detergents, said Dennis Griesing, vice president of the manufacturers group.

"This is an irrevocable, nationwide commitment on the industry's part," he said.

For his part, Beck has taken to washing his dishes on his machine's pots-and-pans cycle, which takes longer and uses five gallons more water. Beck wonders if that isn't as tough on the environment as phosphates.

"How much is this really costing us?" Beck said. "Aren't we transferring the environmental consequences to something else?"

CR

[Husar]

Now if only one of the patrons had a gun, this wouldn't have happened.


Do you remember what happened when Dick Cheney tried to shoot a duck? And he was probably even calm, the people there were a bit shocked and scared...

[Sasaki Kojiro]

Eh, I have no sympathy for those detergent people. Who doesn't scrub their dishes a bit before putting them in?

Love the guy who resorted to putting his machine on the "pots and pans" cycle :laugh4:

[seireikhaan]

ShamWOW guy arrested for beating up a prostitute:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html
I must say, I'm not sure which of the many facets to that story I find hardest to believe.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Eh, I have no sympathy for those detergent people. Who doesn't scrub their dishes a bit before putting them in?

Love the guy who resorted to putting his machine on the "pots and pans" cycle :laugh4:

When the statewide ban kicks I'll probably just buy trisodium phosphate (http://www.acehardware.com/sm-lundmark-trisodium-phosphate-tsp-6-pack-lundmark-trisodium-phosphate-tsp--pi-1274859.html) and through a bit in with my detergent. I think that's worse than the stuff in the none-eco friendly stuff right now. Meh.

And I usually do scrub my dishes. Better results.

CR

[Fragony]

IA should get a kick out of this

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6001447.ece

declarating porn, how incredibly stupid/confident can you be.

[InsaneApache]

Been following it all weekend. You couldn't make it up, could you? :laugh4:

[Fragony]

Been following it all weekend. You couldn't make it up, could you? :laugh4:

Well I don't really blame her husband for watching porn I would kick my dog of that hidious mass if I had one, but it's a rather disturbing look into labour's tax-mentality.

[rasoforos]

Woman called Nutt overrun by squirrels (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/northern_ireland/7963370.stm)


"Up close they are quite frightening - they look like puppy dogs with big hands, they growl and bark at you, they're vicious things. They'll go for you.

<--- Of course they will go for you! And when they do they always go for the nuts! :wall:

[Fragony]

Some things are just too funny

[Banquo's Ghost]

Irish boffins tackle cow-fart ecopocalypse. (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/03/30/cow_fart_armageddon_thwarted_by_fish_oil/)

Journalists have caught wind of a incredible breakthrough that may well save the planet. Ireland's dedication to farts great and small saves civilisation again, though some consider the conclusions to be fishy at best and have blown the findings off.


We at the Reg naturally called at the time for the immediate development of automated, in-pant flare stack technology. This would free humanity from the mindless and occasionally painful drudgery of burning off our farts in order to offset our compulsive Googling, leaving of TVs on standby etc. (One methane molecule, when burnt, yields one of CO2 and some water vapour, reducing its ecological burden by 95 per cent: failing to light your farts is incredibly environmentally irresponsible.)

[Major Robert Dump]

Man builds bong with a cat compartment, so he can stuff cat inside to calm it, police not happy.

http://www.policelink.com/news/articles/99380-man-stuffed-kitten-in-bong-smoked-marijuna-through-it

[Fragony]

So you thought your mother in law was bad. So did this Bosnian, and sorry no link dutch link saddens BG. But she wined to much, so he used an anti-tank weapon on her, which she survived. He tried again with a light machine-gun, but she survived that as well. He is now on trial.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Ooh, I've read that one.

Here's an english link: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3260168.html

CR

[Gregoshi]

Ooh, I've read that one.

Here's an english link: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3260168.html

He should have never used a mother-in-LAWS... :laugh4:

[Fragony]

Dear god do the multifundamentalists in england ever get tired of theirselves.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1165999/Now-service-introduces-hijab-headscarves-Muslim-workers.html

Fireproof hijab for islamic female firefighters. How many female firefighters are there, most of all islamic?

[Lemur]

Proof that the real estate meltdown has reached every corner of the economy (http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1202429482061):


Now that a lawyer has been arrested in connection with a bizarre real estate fraud that allegedly recruited straw buyers at a dominatrix club, he has standing to challenge the warrant that authorized a raid on his law office last month, his attorney said Thursday. [...]

According to Spota, the defendants used straw buyers, some of whom were solicited at Arena Studios, a Manhattan dominatrix club, to obtain fraudulent mortgages by filling out phony applications claiming substantial incomes.

I mean, if you can't trust the people who run your local S&M club, who is safe?

[Crazed Rabbit]

Contracts: Make sure you write them well (http://www.global-report.com/perth/?l=en&a=347624).
Seriously, this is the stuff you can't make up.
http://69.73.159.248/inline/perth/en/d/d32a2bfaa1dface25d7e4c399c6ce38f.jpg

CR

[InsaneApache]

I'd have done her for nowt. :2thumbsup: An ex beauty queen as well. :sweatdrop:

[Samurai Waki]

That is awesome! :laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:

[Hooahguy]

Village mob thwarts Google Street View car (http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article6022902.ece)
:laugh4:


Angry villagers formed a human chain to thwart the progress of a Google Street View car that was in the process of taking photographs of their homes.

Police were called to Broughton in Buckinghamshire yesterday, after furious villagers blocked one of the cars, complaining it was an invasion of their privacy and that the photographs would attract burglaries.

[Major Robert Dump]

Sterile woman who wants boyfriend to be baby daddy drugs her 13 year old daughter so he can impregnate here.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D97AEA2G2&show_article=1

[Lemur]

Not to overload NotW with chicken mcnugget stories, but ...

Pimp paid 'prostitute with chicken nuggets' (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,25264768-1702,00.html?from=public_rss)

A MAN who pimped a 16-year-old schoolgirl paid her with chicken nuggets for having sex with men, a court has been told. Ronald Vikash Gander, 27, and his 16-year-old girlfriend devised a plan to prostitute a teenage girl so they could afford the weekly $1050 rent on a serviced inner-Brisbane apartment, the Brisbane District Court was told today.

The court was told the girl made $4500 for having sex with five middle-aged men in June last year.
Gander and his girlfriend used the money for living expenses and paid the girl nothing except for the occasional box of chicken nuggets.

[Strike For The South]

I would accept payments in Nuggets. Little Morsels of God.

[Xiahou]

Reporters call Hillary Clinton, get phone sex line (http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/02/reporters-want-hillary-clinton-get-phone-sex-line/)
Journalists who dialed in to a White House conference call Thursday hoping for a media-friendly reception got a far friendlier response than they were counting on.

Instead of hearing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and National Security Advisor Jim Jones on the other end laying out foreign policy and security threats, reporters were greeted by a recording on a phone sex line.

"Do you have any hidden desires? If you feel like getting nasty, then you came to the right place," said a suggestive-sounding woman.Are they sure it wasn't Hillary? :sweatdrop:

[CountArach]

Are they sure it wasn't Hillary? :sweatdrop:
I think Bill would be more of a problem :laugh4:

[Oaty]

Reporters call Hillary Clinton, get phone sex line (http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/02/reporters-want-hillary-clinton-get-phone-sex-line/)Are they sure it wasn't Hillary? :sweatdrop:

happens all the time. Bill Clinton was traveling so they gave him a temporary landline people start calling good old Bill in the middle of the night asking for a tow.

They gave him a discontinued number but it was still listed in the yellow pages

[Lemur]

Reporters call Hillary Clinton, get phone sex line (http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/02/reporters-want-hillary-clinton-get-phone-sex-line/)
Point 1: It's customary to avoid political stuff in NotW.
Point 2: You're a day late (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpost.php?p=2196487&postcount=199) and a dollar short.
Point 3: You finally deign to post in NotW, and this is what you've got?

[Sasaki Kojiro]

Point 1: It's customary to avoid political stuff in NotW.
Point 2: You're a day late (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpost.php?p=2196487&postcount=199) and a dollar short.
Point 3: You finally deign to post in NotW, and this is what you've got?


Point 4: :driver:

[Lemur]

Looks like the phone-sex misprints are running rampant:

Cereal Box Typo Sends Callers To Phone Sex Line (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/04/02/ap/strange/main4914523.shtml?source=RSS&attr=_4914523)

An Oregon company has ordered new packaging for its Peace Cereal after a typo on the box sent callers to a phone sex line instead of the cereal maker's 800 number. Instead of reaching Golden Temple of Oregon, callers were greeted by a recorded voice asking, "Do you love sex? ... Isn't that why you called?"

Spokeswoman Elissa Brown said Eugene, Ore.-based Golden Temple ordered new packaging when the mistake was discovered in December and new boxes have been shipping out for weeks.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Here's one unionizing effort (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090403/od_afp/russiasocietyunionoffbeat_20090403120951) I'm not going to speak out against:


Russian wizards seek trade union

MOSCOW (AFP) – Wizards and psychics accustomed to working in the world beyond want to conjure up a trade union in Russia to manage their earthly employment worries, the daily Nezavisimaya Gazeta reported Friday.

The report, quoting unnamed sources in the Russian parliament, said a group of "psychics, witches and other specialists in contact with supernatural forces" wanted formal status with the main independent trade union federation.

Russia's Federation of Independent Trade Unions would not comment on the reported move, the paper said.

But Vladimir Yegorov, head of Russia's folk medicine association, voiced scepticism that Russia would see an official wizards' union anytime soon.

"Trade unions are necessary where there are employers. But here we have no plants, no faith-healer factories. We have only individual entrepreneurs," Yegorov told the daily.

The report added that Russia's "extrasensory" practitioners -- psychics, faith-healers, witches, magicians and so on -- had reported an increase in their workload in connection with the global economic crisis.

Which is worse; (http://www.kktv.com/home/headlines/42277492.html) not knowing it was there for 30 years, or not being able to remember how it could have gotten there in the first place?

Man Coughs Up Nail Stuck In His Nose

Going to the doctor doesn't get any weirder than this.

Prax Sanchez went to a hospital for an MRI. "When I went to lay down on the MRI machine, I had a real pain on my right side under my eye," said Sanchez.

Doctors asked him if he had any kind of metal in his face, perhaps from past procedures, but Sanchez said he wasn't aware of anything. A short time later, Sanchez coughed up the unimaginable, a nail over an inch long.

"I never had any idea there was any metal in my face," said Sanchez.

It turns out, Sanchez had an X-Ray done prior to the MRI. When doctors took another look at those X-Rays, they found that a nail was indeed stuck up his nasal cavity. According to doctors, the magnetic force from the MRI dislodged the nail causing Sanchez to cough it up later.

Sanchez' family doctor, Jamieson Kennedy, determined the nail was up his nose for 30 years. "Once it's in the nasal cavity like that, a little membrane forms around it," said Kennedy

To this day, Sanchez has no idea how that nail made it up his nose.

CR

[rasoforos]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7982146.stm


Two ultra-Orthodox Jewish newspapers have altered a photo of Israel's new cabinet, removing two female ministers.

Limor Livnat and Sofa Landver were grouped with the rest of the 30-member cabinet for their inaugural photo.

But Yated Neeman newspaper digitally changed the picture by replacing them with two men. The Shaa Tova newspaper blacked the women out.

Publishing pictures of women is viewed by many ultra-orthodox Jews as a violation of female modesty.

Other Israeli papers reprinted the altered images next to the original photos, with one headlining it "Find the lady".

The ultra-Orthodox community separates itself from mainstream society through its traditional religious practices and distinctive attire of black hats, coats and sidelocks for the men and long skirts and sleeves for the women.

Restrictions include using only Kosher telephones, and not accessing websites with content deemed inappropriate.

A bit political but I love how they did not just deleted the women but added men in their place.

[seireikhaan]

Kosher Telephones? ~:confused:

[Banquo's Ghost]

Kosher Telephones? ~:confused:

Yes, I was bemused by that because I thought the kosher rules were dietary. However, a little research showed me that some Orthodox thought is concerned about animal fats used in metals production, for example.

I guess along the same lines as the concerns raised during the Indian Mutiny, but not quite so, erm, vocal.

[Major Robert Dump]

I recall seeing some tv show in my hotel where a reporter went to a little buisness in Israel, which consisted of a couple of old guys in a garage trying to invent things that didn't violate Orthodox rules, etc, such as telephones that dialed themselves and lawnmowers that were automated, presumably so these items could be used on the Sabbath.

This is the closest I could find, talk about working the loopholes:

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/936908.html

[Lemur]

Principals Australia calls for pre-school job prep (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25287675-2,00.html)

THE head of Principals Australia believes toddlers in daycare should be given early career counselling to help them work out what they want to be when they grow up. [...] The call was immediately rejected as "crazy stuff" by a leading childcare operator, while the state and territory children's commissioners warned against pushing academic-based teaching on children still in nappies.

But Ms Castine said research showed students as young as six could identify what they wanted to do when they grew up.

[Note: This must be why we have such an oversupply of cowboys, astronauts and princesses.]

[Fragony]

Kosher Telephones? ~:confused:

They have a hole to be curl-friendy

[Fragony]

http://www.spitsnieuws.nl/archives/images/leraresleerling01_gr.jpg

^-(yes that's hosted)

Teacher arrested for sending erotic pictures to one of her students!

http://blog.nj.com/southjersey_impact/2009/04/medium_Lauren2.jpg
http://blog.nj.com/southjersey_impact/2009/04/medium_Lauren1.jpg

Am I missing anything, isnt that like, totally acceptable by anyones standards?

[Strike For The South]

http://www.spitsnieuws.nl/archives/images/leraresleerling01_gr.jpg

^-(yes that's hosted)

Teacher arrested for sending erotic pictures to one of her students!

http://blog.nj.com/southjersey_impact/2009/04/medium_Lauren2.jpg
http://blog.nj.com/southjersey_impact/2009/04/medium_Lauren1.jpg

Am I missing anything, isnt that like, totally acceptable by anyones standards?

Why doesn't this stuff happen to me?

[Samurai Waki]

I would be only offended, simply because for one she isn't very attractive, and two... she's not nude either one of them.

[Lemur]

Australian women's breasts expanding at an alarming rate (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25290859-36398,00.html)

A defense against octosquids?

The bra market is expanding, literally. Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B — three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraph reports.

Experts blame the cleavage boost on obesity, contraceptive pills and artificial hormones.

[Pannonian]

Australian women's breasts expanding at an alarming rate (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25290859-36398,00.html)

A defense against octosquids?

The bra market is expanding, literally. Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B — three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraph reports.

Experts blame the cleavage boost on obesity, contraceptive pills and artificial hormones.
It just shows that inflation affects every part of society.

[Strike For The South]

Australian women's breasts expanding at an alarming rate (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25290859-36398,00.html)

A defense against octosquids?

The bra market is expanding, literally. Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B — three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraph reports.

Experts blame the cleavage boost on obesity, contraceptive pills and artificial hormones.

We all know natural and artificial are the same thing!

[Samurai Waki]

As we all know, this is a natural evolution of man's obsession with breasts.

[Gregoshi]

Their cups runneth over...ahhhh men. :laugh4:

[Lemur]

An Actual (Alleged) Dick-Measuring Contest Spawns Lawsuit (http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2009/04/an_actual_alleged_dick-measuri.php)

Allegations that the CEO of an energy company dropped his pants during a work dinner, tried to force his way into the hotel room of a woman colleague and stole the woman's cell phone in order to place sexual prank calls may be bunk, but at least they've got a bit of punch to them.

The former Chief Operating Officer of Glacial Energy Holdings, Amparo Gasca, is suing her former company in Houston federal court for allegedly creating such a poor and hostile work environment she felt forced to quit. [...]

Gasca claims that her boss, CEO Gary Mole, asked her to organize a dinner at Americas Restaurant on Post Oak with several work colleagues and their wives in August 2007. At the dinner, Gasca claims Mole got drunk and tried to kiss a male co-worker. When Mole's wife told her husband to stop it, Mole said he wanted to see who was "more of a man" and told the male co-worker to pull down his pants. When the man refused, Mole then pulled down his own pants and made lewd comments.

[asilv]

Footballer shown card for breaking wind



A referee showed a footballer the yellow card for conducting himself in an "ungentlemanly" manner by farting while a member of the opposition was taking a penalty.

The Chorlton Villa player was considered to have broken wind deliberately while the goal attempt took place, resulting in a successful retake.

The Villa goalkeeper then branded the referee the "worst he had seen in years" and was promptly sent off, the Manchester Evening News reports. A third player was close on his heels after questioning the earlier decision and being showed the red card.

Despite the row, Villa beat International Manchester 6-4 in the amateur match held in Stretford. The referee described the game as "just a normal day at the office", adding: "No one physically assaulted me and they took the sendings off."

Villa's manager Ian Treadwell said the club had an "exemplary record" before the game. "It was a mistake for any of my team to get involved. The referee has applied the letter of the law to the absolute button. What you would hope for is that there can be room for some common sense as well," he said.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/odd/a151884/footballer-shown-card-for-breaking-wind.html

[Hooahguy]

Kosher Telephones? ~:confused:
those are phones that screen the outgoing/incoming calls so that phone sex lines arent reached. :shrug:

[Fragony]

I would be only offended, simply because for one she isn't very attractive

Mwah, I'd do her. http://blog.nj.com/southjersey_impact/2009/04/medium_Lauren2.jpg

Had worse.

[Lemur]

Man attempts to rape raccoon, gets penis bitten off (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2172612.ece)

A feisty raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s penis as he was trying to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.

“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.

“He’s been told they can get things working again but they can’t sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal.

“That’s gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with."


https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/raccoon.jpg

No means no!

[Strike For The South]

Mwah, I'd do her. http://blog.nj.com/southjersey_impact/2009/04/medium_Lauren2.jpg

Had worse.

Ditto

[Lemur]

Mwah, I'd do her. http://blog.nj.com/southjersey_impact/2009/04/medium_Lauren2.jpg

Had worse.
When you were twelve?

Anyway, like the song says, it's not unusual to be loved by anyone ... (http://earlytoday.wordpress.com/2008/09/18/the-big-list-female-teachers-with-students/)

[Fragony]

When you were twelve?

Don't get the sexually explicit part, she's just having a drink, and she's sitting on a boat. Have the feeling that nothing is going on here, could be holiday pictures of an outgoing person, just not that smart a move in the current climate. Wouldn't surprise me if she send it to her entire class.

[Rhyfelwyr]

For all the camel fans out there:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7987720.stm

[The Spartan (Returns)]

Man bites off friend's penis & swallows it:

A friendship between two men turned to tragedy when one bit off and swallowed the penis of the other, resulting in likley loss of liberty for one and the unrecoverable loss of manhood for the other.

Marian Milczarek (53) became embroiled in a fight with his best friend, Wojciech Sowinski,who suffered the loss of his penis, having it bitten off and apparently gulped down by Sowinski in the course of their altercation.

The two men began fighting when an argument over a borrowed trailer escalated into physical violence. According to Milczarek: “[Sowinki] began hitting me with a chain and then pulled down my trousers and started biting. It was agony.”

Medical technology has advanced to the degree that a severed penis can be reattached upon successful recovery of the organ and timely surgery.

However, a subsequent search by police and emergency medical staff failed to yield up the missing male member. Police suspect that Sowinski may have eaten it, having probably consumed it during their fight.

“If we’d had the other bit of his penis we could have sewn it back on,” said Dr Adam Domanasiewicz from the hospital in nearby Trzebnica, where Milczarek is recovering.

Sowinski is now facing a 10 year prison sentence for the assault.

Via Metro.

I see there's a lot of penis news posted above as well.

[InsaneApache]

Oh yea, we like a 'man loses penis' story. At least once a week. :laugh4:

[Vladimir]

Please give me a head's up next time.

[Lemur]

Please give me a head's up next time.
Why, do you feel like you've been getting the shaft?

[InsaneApache]

It's Rory, it's got to be. :laugh4:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/amjamjazz/3406353191/

[InsaneApache]

Are you tired of wondering if she’s cheating on you? Do you love to leave the toilet seat up? Want to enjoy freedom on the weekend and watch a little football with your buddies, rather than work on your “honey do” list? Well, now you don’t have to worry any of that with the latest craze in adult dating, dating and marrying inmates for conjugal visits. With a conjugal marriage, you will finally have a wife with the perfect amount of freedoms and rights, and more importantly, you will finally start enjoying your own.

http://www.conjugalharmony.com/

Sheer class. :laugh4:

[Gregoshi]

http://www.conjugalharmony.com/

Sheer class. :laugh4:
Want a wife with a body to die for - and mental instability enough to make that desire come true? A woman who could not only steal your heart, but your car and your TV too? Visit conjugalharmony.conm today. At conjugalharmony.com we've redefined the "old ball and chain". Now you can hold the key to her heart and her cell.

[Lemur]

http://www.conjugalharmony.com/

Sheer class. :laugh4:
I love this guy, read an interview with him a year ago or so. Sadly, this is a prank. He also created this one, where families auction off their daughters: Marry Our Daughter (http://marryourdaughter.com/).

[InsaneApache]

Oh I know it had to be a spoof, but what a good one. Brilliant.

[Gregoshi]

Yeah, the profiles were a little too tongue-in-cheek "honest" to be legit. But it was a fun read.

[Crazed Rabbit]

I bet the Swedish tax authority (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7993694.stm)doesn't suffer for applicants...


Sweden targets strippers for tax

Webcam stripping is proving lucrative for some Swedish women

Sweden's tax authorities are seeking the bare facts about webcam strippers' income, estimating that hundreds of Swedish women are dodging the law.

The search involves tax officials examining websites that feature Swedish strippers, in an effort to identify them and chase them for tax returns.

The tax loss is estimated at about 40m Swedish kronor (£3.3m) annually.

Project leader Dag Hardyson said 200 Swedish strippers had been investigated so far. He said the total could be 500.

"They are young girls, we can see from the photos. We think that perhaps they are not well informed about the rules," said Mr Hardyson, head of the tax authority's national project on internet trade.

The investigation into strippers is part of a wider tax project that includes online poker and fake trader locations.

Detective work

Mr Hardyson told BBC News that the strippers could be liable to pay about half of their earnings in tax. Striptease via webcam is quite legal in Sweden, unlike prostitution, he added.

"I don't think they have any costs really - almost 100% of what they earn is pocketed. Many have regular work and this is extra income. We want them to register their activity as a business - it's still taxable, even if it's a hobby," he said.

He stressed the difficulty of identifying strippers, saying the contact information on the websites was often "not obvious".

"We have to visit the companies behind the websites to get the information, then we have to work with the electronic wallets where the money is going in."

He said the Swedish tax authorities had been tipped off about Swedish internet strippers by the Dutch authorities, who had started a similar investigation earlier.

Web search tools like spiders had failed to detect the Swedish strippers.

"When we investigated the sites manually it worked better," he added.

I'll bet it did

CR

[Caius]

Australian women's breasts expanding at an alarming rate (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25290859-36398,00.html)

A defense against octosquids?

The bra market is expanding, literally. Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B — three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraph reports.

Experts blame the cleavage boost on obesity, contraceptive pills and artificial hormones.
Best idea to repleace airbags.

[Lemur]

Taiwanese man arrested for giving away money (http://www.news.com.au/story/0%2C23599%2C25327730-1702%2C00.html)

Taiwan police have arrested a 55-year-old man for lobbing bank notes worth about T$1 million ($41,000) from vehicles, causing disorder in the streets. The man tossed the bills from a taxi in a crowded part of Taichung city yesetrday as people stopped to pick up the cash, Changhua police official Lin Shih-ming said.

"He might have had a nervous condition, as his state of mind wasn't normal," Mr Lin said. He is believed to have thrown heaps more money on an earlier road trip starting in the capital Taipei. [...]

The suspect would be charged with public endangerment and destruction of currency, Mr Lin said.

[Lemur]

I married the Eiffel Tower (http://www.independent.co.uk/extras/sunday-review/living/i-married-the-eiffel-tower-832519.html)

Imagine a world in which people seem hostile while inanimate objects appear friendly—even affectionate. Imagine dreading the touch of another human but longing for a passionate encounter with a large public structure. This is the strange world of the "objectum sexual"—a group of people, mainly women, whose intimate lives revolve around objects with which they say they share romantic and sexual love. [...]

Amy Wolfe is a confident 32-year-old American who also lives in New York State. She too has been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, and has been in relationships with models of spaceships, the Twin Towers, a church organ and a banister, though her main lover—since OS people believe in polygamy—is a fairground ride called 1001 Nacht, located at Knoebels, an amusement park in New York State.

When we filmed her at Knoebels visiting 1001 Nacht, we witnessed Wolfe kissing, caressing and talking to the austere, crane-like machine, and I began to feel both uncomfortable and a little frightened. Wolfe truly believes the machine talks back to her. As I watched, I wondered not for the first time whether I was crossing the line from a documentary film-maker to a voyeur. Should I have left her alone? "No, no—show our love for the objects," Wolfe insisted. "Give us our voice. People must understand we are not fetishists."

[Gregoshi]

I married the Eiffel Tower (http://www.independent.co.uk/extras/sunday-review/living/i-married-the-eiffel-tower-832519.html)

Amy Wolfe is a confident 32-year-old American who also lives in New York State...located at Knoebels, an amusement park in New York State.
Shoddy reporting. Knoebels is in Pennsylvania and not even really close to the New York border.

Weird condition though. It takes the phrase "being the object of her affections" a bit too literal.

[Marshal Murat]

Ibsens "Master Builder" makes so much more sense now...

[Lemur]

Man goes to hospital for cancer, finds out he has a fir tree growing in one lung (http://www.russiatoday.com/Top_News/2009-04-13/Fir_tree_man_shocks_doctors.html)

A young man from the capital of Russia’s Udmurtian Republic was diagnosed with cancer, and had to undergo an operation which revealed the shocking truth – he had no cancer but… a tree growing in his lung. [...]An X-Ray showed a new growth in his lung, and doctors were certain it was a cancerous one.

Fortunately, when they dissected Artyom’s chest, it was decided to cut out a small piece first, and to carry out an express biopsy test. The doctor made an incision in the lung and saw… a fir tree.

[InsaneApache]

Fir enough, that should spruce him up somewhat, otherwise he might pine. I bet his name is Douglas as well. That's enough for now, I wouldn't want him to get the needle. I imagine he thinks there's no place like cone. Evergreen that he is.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Man bites snake in epic struggle (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7999909.stm)
A Kenyan man bit a python which wrapped him in its coils and dragged him up a tree during a fierce three-hour struggle, police have told the BBC. The serpent seized farm worker Ben Nyaumbe in the Malindi area of Kenya's Indian Ocean coast at the weekend. Mr Nyaumbe bit the snake on the tip of the tail during the exhausting battle in the village of Sabaki. Mr Nyaumbe used his shirt to smother the snake's head and prevent it from swallowing him.



Peter Katam, superintendent of police in Malindi district, told the BBC News website: "Two officers on patrol were called and they found this man was struggling with a snake on a tree. The snake had coiled his hands and was trying to swallow him but he struggled very hard. The officers and villagers managed to rescue him and he was freed.

Police rescued Mr Nyaumbe and captured the 13ft (4m) reptile, before taking it to a sanctuary, but it later escaped. "We are still seriously looking for the snake," said Supt Katam. "We want to arrest the snake because any one of us could fall a victim."

[Conqueror]

I find that story kind of hard to swallow.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Weirdest Robbery Ever: (http://www.themoscowtimes.com/article/1292/42/376242.htm)
According to Life.ru, the events unfolded on the evening of March 14 as the stylist was wrapping up her shift at the salon in the Kaluga region town of Meshchovsk.

The robber, a 32-year-old man identified by Life.ru as "Viktor," burst into the salon at around 5 p.m. waving a pistol and ordered all of the stylists and clients to hit the floor and toss him their money.

At this point, 28-year-old Olga, whom Life.ru describes as a "delicate" girl trained in martial arts, was apparently still standing when she offered to hand over her cash. But when Viktor tried to accept her contribution, Olga surprised him with a quick punch to the chest, knocking the wind out of him before she flipped him to the ground.

Olga proceeded to tie Viktor up with a hair-dryer cord, gagged him and dragged him into a storage room.

Curiously, Life.ru reports, Olga instructed the others to keep working, telling them that the police would soon arrive.

But this feel-good moment for the good guy proved ephemeral. Things soon turned ugly, according to Life.ru.

The police did not come. And after the other stylists and clients went home for the evening, Olga told Viktor to "take off his underwear" and, with apologies to John Cougar Mellencamp, let her do as she pleases, lest she call the cops, Life.ru said.

She tied him to the radiator with handcuffs covered in frilly pink fabric, gave him some Viagra and had her way with him several times over the next 48 hours. When she finally let him go on the evening of March 16, Viktor had been "squeezed like a lemon," Life.ru reported.

First, he went to the hospital to have his injured genitals treated; then he went to police and filed a complaint asking that Olga be brought up on criminal charges for committing "actions of a sexual nature" that left him with injured sexual organs, according to a copy of the complaint posted on Life.ru.

Olga was apparently incensed when she learned of the complaint. She had, after all, even tried to be nice to her purported captive.

"What a jerk," Life.ru quoted her as saying. "Yeah, there were a few times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and drink, and gave him 1,000 rubles when he left."

The following day, Olga filed a complaint with police, asking that Viktor be charged in the salon robbery. Life.ru posted a copy of her statement as well.

"I don't know what's going to happen now," the web site quoted a local police officer as saying. "We could put both of them behind bars: him for robbery, her for rape and assault."

:dizzy2::inquisitive::dizzy2::laugh4:

CR

[Husar]

No picture of Olga? I was considering to rob her... :sweatdrop:

[Lemur]

From the "Oh, Now They Tell Us" Department:

All Octopuses Are Venomous (http://www.livescience.com/animals/090415-octopus-venom.html)

Researchers knew that the blue-ringed octopus packed venom. Now they say all octopuses and cuttlefish, and some squid are venomous. In fact they all share a common, ancient venomous ancestor, the study indicates, and the work suggests new avenues for drug discovery.

While the blue-ringed octopus species remain the only group that are dangerous to humans, the other species have been quietly using their venom for predation, such as paralyzing a clam into opening its shell.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Whilst it is clear from recent postings that the Dark Side has taken over law enforcement, there is a New Hope... (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/8003067.stm)


Jane's Police Review editor Chris Herbert, who requested the information, said: "The Force appears to be strong in Strathclyde Police with their Jedi police officers and staff.
"Far from living a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, some members of the noble Jedi order have now chosen Glasgow and its surrounding streets as their home."

[Gregoshi]

They are Jedi because they worship Guinness. ~:cheers:

[shlin28]

How to Stop Somalian Pirates (http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2009-04/14/content_11184581.htm)Thousands of dolphins blocked the suspected Somali pirate ships when they were trying to attack Chinese merchant ships passing the Gulf of Aden, the China Radio International reported on Monday.

The Chinese merchant ships escorted by a China's fleet sailed on the Gulf of Aden when they met some suspected pirate ships. Thousands of dolphins suddenly leaped out of water between pirates and merchants when the pirate ships headed for the China's.

The suspected pirates ships stopped and then turned away. The pirates could only lament their littleness befor the vast number of dolphins. The spectacular scene continued for a while.
The key to stopping piracy is... dolphins?

[Lemur]

Man bites off tip of his own penis (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30226391/)

Damiene Iriarte was found naked and bleeding behind a building in the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn after having bitten the tip off his own penis, police told a local newspaper.

It goes without saying that he was subsequently hospitalized.

"How he did it? Limber, I guess. Not the work of a sane mind," a police official told The Daily News.

[InsaneApache]

Is it me or is man loses/bitten/sawed/hacked/chewed penis getting more frequent?

[Crazed Rabbit]

Maybe it has to do with the shrinking economy. The whole situation is a bit hairy right now, after all.

CR

[Strike For The South]

Man bites off tip of his own penis (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30226391/)

Damiene Iriarte was found naked and bleeding behind a building in the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn after having bitten the tip off his own penis, police told a local newspaper.

It goes without saying that he was subsequently hospitalized.

"How he did it? Limber, I guess. Not the work of a sane mind," a police official told The Daily News.

He just blew a gift I would kill for.

We say no teeth for a reason.

Seriously....How many can do this? It's like finding out your Iq is 200 and then blowing your brains.

IS THERE NO GOD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[Fragony]

Weirdest Robbery Ever: (http://www.themoscowtimes.com/article/1292/42/376242.htm)
According to Life.ru, the events unfolded on the evening of March 14 as the stylist was wrapping up her shift at the salon in the Kaluga region town of Meshchovsk.

The robber, a 32-year-old man identified by Life.ru as "Viktor," burst into the salon at around 5 p.m. waving a pistol and ordered all of the stylists and clients to hit the floor and toss him their money.

At this point, 28-year-old Olga, whom Life.ru describes as a "delicate" girl trained in martial arts, was apparently still standing when she offered to hand over her cash. But when Viktor tried to accept her contribution, Olga surprised him with a quick punch to the chest, knocking the wind out of him before she flipped him to the ground.

Olga proceeded to tie Viktor up with a hair-dryer cord, gagged him and dragged him into a storage room.

Curiously, Life.ru reports, Olga instructed the others to keep working, telling them that the police would soon arrive.

But this feel-good moment for the good guy proved ephemeral. Things soon turned ugly, according to Life.ru.

The police did not come. And after the other stylists and clients went home for the evening, Olga told Viktor to "take off his underwear" and, with apologies to John Cougar Mellencamp, let her do as she pleases, lest she call the cops, Life.ru said.

She tied him to the radiator with handcuffs covered in frilly pink fabric, gave him some Viagra and had her way with him several times over the next 48 hours. When she finally let him go on the evening of March 16, Viktor had been "squeezed like a lemon," Life.ru reported.

First, he went to the hospital to have his injured genitals treated; then he went to police and filed a complaint asking that Olga be brought up on criminal charges for committing "actions of a sexual nature" that left him with injured sexual organs, according to a copy of the complaint posted on Life.ru.

Olga was apparently incensed when she learned of the complaint. She had, after all, even tried to be nice to her purported captive.

"What a jerk," Life.ru quoted her as saying. "Yeah, there were a few times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and drink, and gave him 1,000 rubles when he left."

The following day, Olga filed a complaint with police, asking that Viktor be charged in the salon robbery. Life.ru posted a copy of her statement as well.

"I don't know what's going to happen now," the web site quoted a local police officer as saying. "We could put both of them behind bars: him for robbery, her for rape and assault."

:dizzy2::inquisitive::dizzy2::laugh4:

CR

Olga just became my ultimate sexual fantasy

[Pannonian]

No picture of Olga? I was considering to rob her... :sweatdrop:
Here (http://russiatoday.ru/Top_News/2009-04-14/Hairdresser_turns_robber_into_sex-slave.html?fullstory) you go.

[InsaneApache]

She looks like she's been repeatedly jabbed in the face by a potato masher.

[Pannonian]

She looks like she's been repeatedly jabbed in the face by a potato masher.
Rather harsh description of pixellation.

[Crazed Rabbit]

There's a new gateway 'drug': candy. (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123750945477390601.html)
For this recipe, begin with kids being kids and doing odd stuff:

But when a lunchtime crew of sixth-graders last fall started "smoking" Smarties, the tart, chalky candy discs wrapped in cellophane, lunchroom monitors and the school nurse were flummoxed.

The children didn't light the candy. They crushed it into a fine powder in its wrapper, tore off one end, poured the powder into their mouths and blew out fine Smarties dust, mimicking a smoker's exhale.

"It was freaky," says Corinne McGrew, a nurse for Summit School District. "My biggest concern was that they would aspirate the wrapper or a whole Smarties and it would be a choking hazard."

The fad at Summit Middle School died down after a few days and some harsh words from the lunchroom staff. But at other schools and across the Internet, "smoking Smarties," as the activity has been labeled, is gaining popularity. Some children have even taken to snorting it, all to the horror of parents, teachers and the 60-year-old company that manufactures the candy.
...
Cue the overreactions of various clueless people:

School officials aren't amused. "It has come to our attention that some of our students are involved in something that is known as 'smoking Smarties,'" principal Phyllis Faust said in an email sent last year to parents of Hewitt-Trussville Middle School in Trussville, Ala. It called the practice "hazardous to your son or daughter's health."

"I have made it clear to our students that possession of Smarties (or similar candy) will result in a Class II offense," which usually means detention, the note said.

Jody Puryear, whose son Grant attends the school, says smoking Smarties could be a gateway leading "to smoking cigarettes or pot or anything else like that."

And you've got another classic knee jerking action!

CR

[InsaneApache]

You agree then? :laugh4:

[Crazed Rabbit]

Okay, here's another. We've posted stories of people getting shot in the head and the bullet not entering the skull, bouncing off or breaking up or some other lucky break.

Here's a woman (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090418/ap_on_fe_st/odd_head_shot_survivor) who got shot in the head by her angry husband, had the bullet enter her skull, pass between the two halves of her brain, and go out the back of her head.

She made the cop who responded some tea.
:dizzy2::dizzy2::dizzy2:
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. – A Mississippi woman who was shot in the head not only survived but made herself tea and offered an astonished deputy something to drink, authorities said Friday. Tammy Sexton, 47, remained hospitalized three days after being wounded by her husband, who killed himself after he shot his wife. A bullet struck her squarely in the forehead, passed through her skull and exited through the back of her head, authorities said. She is expected to fully recover.

"There's no way she should be alive other than a miracle from God," said Sheriff Mike Byrd of Jackson County, Miss.

Byrd said deputies were looking for Sexton's husband, Donald Ray Sexton, earlier in the week to give him a document ordering him to stay away from his wife. Court records show he was put on probation for six months on April 9 for domestic violence.

He showed up at their home in rural Jackson County in Southeast Mississippi about 12:10 a.m. Tuesday and confronted his wife as a relative ran next door to call police, the sheriff said.

"She was at her bed, and he shot her right in the head," Byrd said. "Then he went out on the back porch and shot himself."

A deputy was greeted by the woman when he arrived minutes after she was shot with the slug from a .380-caliber handgun.

"When the officer got there she said, `What's going on?' She was holding a rag on her head and talking. She was conscious, but she was confused about what had happened," he said. "She had made herself some tea and offered the officer something to drink."

Byrd said the bullet apparently passed through the lobes of the woman's brain without causing major damage. She was rushed to a Mobile hospital by a helicopter.

While such cases may be rare, a neurosurgeon who wasn't involved in Sexton's case said such an outcome is possible. Medical journals also confirm people have been shot in the head with little or no lasting injury.

"There is a space in the brain where a missile could pass without doing any major damage. Is it possible? Yes. It would be rare," said Dr. Patrick Pritchard, an assistant professor of surgery at the University of Alabama-Birmingham.

The sheriff called the case bizarre.

"You just don't hear of something like this. Somebody gets shot in the head and they're dead," Byrd said.

CR

[Pannonian]

Wouldn't the exit wound leave a sizeable hole in her skull?

[Husar]

Wouldn't the exit wound leave a sizeable hole in her skull?

Depends on caliber and type of the bullet IIRC. If it's a "normal" bullet and doesn't get too deformed I guess it can leave about the same as it entered.

[naut]

Jody Puryear, whose son Grant attends the school, says smoking Smarties could be a gateway leading "to smoking cigarettes or pot or anything else like that."
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:

Oh, they're serious...

[Lemur]

Why does Strike for the South hate Ohio, anyway?

Ohio Teacher Took Students To Strip Club (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/04/17/ap/strange/main4952825.shtml)

A school spokesman said a southwest Ohio teacher has resigned after acknowledging she accompanied four female students to a male strip club. Butler Tech school district spokesman Bill Solazzo said the 47-year-old teacher resigned Thursday.

He said the teacher told Edgewood High School administrators that the students, all cheerleaders, asked her to take them to the bar in February.

The teacher told school officials in an e-mail that she got permission from the parents of the 17- and 18-year-olds to bring them to the club.

The teacher taught marketing at the school and previously served as a coach for the district's eighth-grade cheerleaders.

[Fragony]

Inflation at it's worst

http://failblog.org/2009/04/20/beach-relaxation-fail/

[InsaneApache]

I'm disapointed that he didn't end up having them hacked/chewed/sawn/bitten/shot off. :laugh4:

[Lemur]

Important Information: How to Remove a Leech from an Eyeball (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25361409-13762,00.html)

The 66-year-old woman was gardening in the backyard of her suburban Sydney home in March last year, when she accidentally flicked some moist soil and the leech into her left eye. Her husband then watched in alarm as the leech wriggled its way over her cornea, headed for safety and a feed via the eye's mass of delicate blood vessels. [...]

"It was tucked up underneath her upper eyelid,'' says emergency doctor Toby Fogg who helped to remove the blood-sucking critter.

"Our little fellow started off at about half a centimetre and by the time we removed it it was about 2cm long - it had quite a good lunch.''

Dr Fogg says tweezers were not an option as simply pulling the leech off could leave its head lodged in the eyeball, leading to infection. [...]

Salt crystals also posed some risk of being "abrasive to the eyeball'' and so doctors turned to a hospital staple - saline solution which has many uses, including being used in intravenous drips for people who lack enough salt in their blood.

"We thought 'well why don't we try this`, it's just thinking outside the box,'' Dr Fogg says.

"It is available, cheap, and safe as far as using it on the eye is concerned and it worked beautifully, with just a few drops.

"The leech rolled straight off, it just fell on to her cheek so we put it in a pot and gave it to her.''

Saline solution was now recommended for the treatment of people with leeches on their eyeballs.

[InsaneApache]

My dad told me that when he was in the marines they used to get rid of leechs by burning it off with a cigarette. That said, if it was my eyeball I think I'd prefer the salt water method. :laugh4:

[Lemur]

File this one under ewwwwwww (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/04/21/ap/strange/main4960107.shtml?source=RSS&attr=_4960107) ...

Woman Faked Miscarriage With 'Animal Tissue'

Deputies said a woman in South Florida has faked a miscarriage. The Broward county Sheriff's Office responded an emergency call of a possible miscarriage just before 8 a.m. Tuesday at an Oakland Park apartment. Upon arrival, they learned a woman staged the incident using what authorities described only as "animal tissue."

[FactionHeir]

Bra saves lives (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/22/20090422/tod-oukoe-uk-bra-bfe916c.html)

[FactionHeir]

Fear the invasion of the Super-Squirrels! (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20090423/tuk-nuts-at-dawn-britain-s-squirrels-fig-a7ad41d.html)

[Uesugi Kenshin]

Fear the invasion of the Super-Squirrels! (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20090423/tuk-nuts-at-dawn-britain-s-squirrels-fig-a7ad41d.html)

Once you go black...

[Lemur]

Looks like the octosquids are sending a message to the press ...

Shark 'dumped' on Australia paper (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8015205.stm)

Police in south-west Australia say they are "dumbfounded" by the dumping of a live shark on the doorstep of a newspaper in Victoria state. The two-foot (60cm) creature was found lying at the front door of The Standard in Warrnambool city under cover of darkness after midnight on Wednesday.

[Marshal Murat]

"We arrived and poured some water on it just to see if it was still breathing and it kicked around for a little while," Constable Jarrod Dwyer told state radio.


"We've had some strange things in the van before, but never a shark," he said.

:computer:

[Lemur]

Pregnant woman OK after being hit by car while fleeing bear (http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_BEAR_CHASE?SITE=PAREA&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT)

DENVER — A pregnant woman who was fleeing a bear when she was struck by a slow-moving car said she would honor the euthanized animal by giving her baby the middle name "Bear." [...]

Swendsen managed to scramble up an embankment and was crossing the street when she was hit by a slow-moving car. Although she was not seriously injured, she was taken to a hospital as a precaution because she was pregnant.

Police said they're looking for the driver of the car that hit Swendsen. The driver stopped and spoke to her but left before police arrived.

Swendsen said she first spotted the bear as it was coming out of a creek.

"I didn't know what to do, so I just kept walking," she said. "I wasn't going to start sprinting."

But she started running when the bear moved toward her.

The Colorado Division of Wildlife said the chase happened in an area where bears are common. Division spokesman Michael Seraphin said the brown-colored North American black bear was tranquilized and later euthanized after Swendsen identified it.

Swendsen said she was sad to hear about the bear's death.

[Marshal Murat]

Iowa shocker (http://www.gazetteonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090426/NEWS/704269944/1001/NEWS)


Jesse L. Fierstein, 32, of rural Manchester, was arrested Saturday for attempted murder after he allegedly struck his father, Charles Fierstine, 63, in the head with a flashlight and a piece of firewood. He then proceeded to cut a pacemaker from his father's chest using a pocketknife.

~:dizzy:

[Crazed Rabbit]

Just sad... (http://www.todaystmj4.com/news/local/43648262.html)


KENOSHA - It was hard enough for Danelle Eckert to bury her son Colin Byars a few months back.

"This has been the hardest two months of my life and it will never be the same," said Eckert.

But now the heartache continues.

"I was like what? You have to be kidding," she said.

Her son was killed in February, but recently Eckert received a letter in the mail addressed to the estate of Colin Byars and Byars’ roommate, Robert Macedo.

In it, CCRT Properties demanded rent from March and April, late fees, and a charge for terminating the lease with out proper notice.

The total: more than $2,000.

"It’s unbelievable people can be so ruthless and heartless," she said.

CR